Who initiates in your house??

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  • SuffolkSally
    SuffolkSally Posts: 964 Member
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    I'll tell you my side of it.. I feel like I do EVERYTHING at home. My husband eats peanuts, and leaves the peanut dust and shells all over the counter.. I come home and the island counter is a huge mess.. the dogs get into a mess, and I have to clean it.. I get my son ready for bed, bath, story, bed.. I mostly make dinner..

    He has a hard time sleeping, so he comes home, sits at his computer and goes to bed early.. so by the time I have "ME" time, its 9pm, and I'm trying to eat my dinner and get to bed by 10ish.. that precious hour is all the time I have to myself.. so a lot of the time, I feel like having my hour. LOL. The rest of the day is stress; work, working out, cleaning up, making dinner, etc..

    If he did more of the house stuff, I'd feel like doing it more often, but it feels like another point on my checklist that I have to get done each day.. but I try to make an effort..

    So you guys need to look at that.. Is your wife busting her *kitten* with the house, bills, work??

    and do the girls who wear panties and heels when their hubby comes home have children?? I couldn't do that, I have a young son..

    The one thing I will say for my husband, who I love very much, is that he picks up our son, and enables me to make sure I get my work out every day.. he didn't used to do that.. and he's seen that if I can work out, I am more in the mood.. especially since losing some weight. I have more stamina, and I feel better about myself.

    Well, it sounds like you have all your excuses wrapped up with a nice little bow, doesn't it? Complaining is not likely to get help around the house. Take some of your "you" time and make it "us" time. Or, god forbid, go to bed a little later every now and then.

    And yes, I have a 6 year old daughter. I just make sure that I am prepared for the nights where she goes to sleepovers, or will not be home due to gymnastics until later. Plus, the heels and panties thing was not the ONLY thing mentioned, and I bet your kid has a bedtime, right? After he goes down, YOU go down.

    Perhaps he would be a bit more social toward you and helpful around the house if he felt like there was a reason to give a half a s#it! You would be AMAZED at how much more cooperative a man who doesn't feel cast aside so that you can live YOUR life.

    Put a bowl on the counter for the peanuts and ask him to use that. Get rid of the dogs if they negatively affect your relationship with your husband. Yes, I love my dogs, but if it was that much of a drain for me to take care of them that I pick them over intimacy, someone else will love them too.

    If a person wants something bad enough, they will find a way. The only thing standing between anyone and their goal is the bulls#it story they keep telling themselves as to why they can't achieve it.

    There is a lot of truth to what she said. Why should he do those things if you are not giving anything in return?

    I know.. but when you do try harder, and nothing changes.. then?
    But I will put forth more effort! It is definitely difficult for me.. I know why, and I try to move past it.
    So much more mental for women.

    Dear Lord!! If it came to a choice between the dog and the bloke, it would be the dog every time! There's most definitely such a thing as TMI but all I say is that I've found it varies a lot depending on who has the most stress/energy/interest/recent sleep and that it shouldn't be totally unimportant or to the point where someone feels rejected and turns off, but it shouldn't be a whole relationship deal breaker either.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
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    I've noticed many of the women who think its ridiculous that someone would leave over that...are also the women saying they never initiate.

    Food for thought....or fu**ing.

    It would be like a woman saying "My husband never tells me I'm beautiful, so I feel ugly and our marriage is falling apart...I want out!" and the men being like "Dafuq you talkin' bout woman???". I guess it's hard to see things from the other perspective.

    You win just for this quote...

    "Dafuq you talkin' bout woman???"

    Lmao.

    <takes a bow>

    Thank you, thank you...please hold your applause until the end of the show :laugh:

    Sorry after the show I'm going to be too busy railing my wife.

    I wish you great success in this endeavor :drinker:
  • simone4uandme
    simone4uandme Posts: 13
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    She says "Let's," I say "Go"
    LOVE IT!
  • holleysings
    holleysings Posts: 664 Member
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    My husband usually initiates because my sex drive is at least 10x higher than his and I used to get frustrated when he turned me down. I always hint that it's available if he wants it though. Which is kinda initiating but not really.

    I think you need to try initiating once in a while! Or just hinting that you might be interested. Maybe write it on your calendar or set a phone reminder? I know that's not very sexy, but at least it will remind you of sex!
  • Micheetah
    Micheetah Posts: 184 Member
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    me the majority, in every relationship I've had. Its a sickness I tell u. But I can say for the times I have been shot down, it def hurts my feelings. If it was like that always, I personally couldn't stay in the relationship, and I've been there done that with my sons dad for years, it gave me a really low self esteem (more issues in that relationship but that was a big deal). I couldn't be happier that I left. Harsh maybe, but true. When I love someone I love them physically, mentally, emotionally. AND I do have a kid, a full time job, work out, make dinner, clean, and have a social life, there is ALWAYS time. You should make the person you love feel wanted, desired and sexy. You dont have to initiate all the time but shoot for making an effort to do it.
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
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    50 shades of grey!!!! READ IT!!!

    A couple other options - Something Blue, Something Borrowed(short story collections), the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood (vampires) and lots more!

    Don't read the Sleeping Beauty trilogy and then do 30 Day Shred, though...because when you're doing the high knees, you'll be thinking about a certain scene from the book and it'll ruin your concentration :laugh:

    LMBO!!! I will keep that in mind!!!!
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
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    me...always...:cry:
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Seriously? WAKE UP! This is your husband straight telling you what he needs in your relationship.

    Just hearing the words "give in" from you screams for help in the sack and your relationship as a whole. You have to remember there needs to be a balance. He Needs more from you than being a turtle on your back.
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
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    50 shades of grey!!!! READ IT!!!

    A couple other options - Something Blue, Something Borrowed(short story collections), the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood (vampires) and lots more!

    Havent heard of those..are they just as "bad"????

    Actually - reading those you will see what a crapload 50 shades really is! Also Robera Latow (if you can find her books)for an interesting love triangle, for light fun reads the Sookie Stackhouse(Charlaine Harris) series, for variety Lisa Lawrence. Ann Rice did the Sleeping Beauty books under a pen name A.N. Roquelare (sp?). I have some Agent Provocateur as well.
    Any decent used book store is a treasure trove!!
  • Micheetah
    Micheetah Posts: 184 Member
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    50 shades of grey!!!! READ IT!!!

    A couple other options - Something Blue, Something Borrowed(short story collections), the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood (vampires) and lots more!

    Don't read the Sleeping Beauty trilogy and then do 30 Day Shred, though...because when you're doing the high knees, you'll be thinking about a certain scene from the book and it'll ruin your concentration :laugh:

    LMBO!!! I will keep that in mind!!!!

    LOL i just finished the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy already read of the Sookie Stackhouse books and moving on to 50 shades of Grey necy. Im a dirty girl living in a dirty world.. of literature! haha :bigsmile:
  • melb2003
    melb2003 Posts: 198
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    During the day, me wayyyy more than him, like if we just got home from work or the gym, me all the way. But at night like right before bed, or first thing in the morning, him all the way.

    I kind of agree with some others, if after 16 years, that is something he feels he needs to leave you because, I think there might be something else going on in his spectrum of things. Especially if you don't turn him down a lot, there is no reason to get upset. I mean then you know that almost all the time when you ask, you get.

    I will say this, if I feel like I haven't been initiating a lot, or haven't been feeling spontaneous, I'll surprise him with going down on him for a WHILE and I'll wear a favorite piece of lingerie for him too. And I make sure to get SUPER into it. He loves it and so do I! I think he especially likes the surprise of it just coming out of no where. No reason at all, just a wife who likes to surprise her hubby.
  • Maryaly40
    Maryaly40 Posts: 551 Member
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    I would be worried too if thats all he is worried about! Maybe taking turns would help?

    I initate a little more them him. In fact, just a little big ago I called him at work to see if he would ever be willing to tie me up..and he said "ya know...I own a grey tie"!!!!

    Oh, and we have been married almost 13 years and 3 kids later its still going strong!!!

    50 Shades Baby!!!!!!!
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
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    And I get that. Let him know that you'll make more of an effort and ask him to help you a bit more. Trust me, from someone who's lived this for 10 years, resentment can make you do some pretty dumb things.

    I used to be so much more romantic to my wife, cards, letters, jewelry, flowers, you name it, i did it. but I don't do it much anymore because it's not reciprocated. I know that you shouldn't have ulterior motives when you do something nice for your spouse, but when resentment sets in, it makes it much more difficult to do.

    I wish you well and hope it works out.

    Well, at least it seems you made an effort in other ways.
  • wilmnoca
    wilmnoca Posts: 416 Member
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    Normally my husband usually. I'll try to send signals, but when it really comes down to it, he does more than I do. I think mostly because I'm not really sure HOW. Sounds sad, doesn't it? But he's the only one I've been with and didn't really have a whole lot of experience in that area when we got together (12 yrs ago). Trying to get better at it though...


    Thank you for saying this. I have learned in my 8 year marriage that if you don't know what to do, waking him up in the morning with some lovin' takes the pressure off in a major way. The initiation begins while he's still snoozing. So, everyone leaves for work happy:)
  • CherokeeTopaz
    CherokeeTopaz Posts: 299 Member
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    Me!! lol And now that I'm pregnant hubby doesn't want it at all.. and I don't know how much longer I'm gonna put up with it. I mean I'd be fine with it if he didn't want it during the first pregnancy either.. but we still did it then. :/ I'd say make a date night once a week or once or twice a month for you to be the agressor. I understand how it can feel. :/
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
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    50 shades of grey!!!! READ IT!!!

    A couple other options - Something Blue, Something Borrowed(short story collections), the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood (vampires) and lots more!

    Don't read the Sleeping Beauty trilogy and then do 30 Day Shred, though...because when you're doing the high knees, you'll be thinking about a certain scene from the book and it'll ruin your concentration :laugh:

    LMBO!!! I will keep that in mind!!!!

    LOL i just finished the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy already read of the Sookie Stackhouse books and moving on to 50 shades of Grey necy. Im a dirty girl living in a dirty world.. of literature! haha :bigsmile:

    Yes, but the literature provides some FANTASTIC ideas :wink:
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
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    Most men don't express their feelings well. Consider yourself lucky he said something to you rather then just go somewhere else to get what he needs. What you do with that information is up to you. :)



    On a semi related note... dating services should just throw all the rules away and match couples based on libido. Couples would probably be happier.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    Options
    50 shades of grey!!!! READ IT!!!

    A couple other options - Something Blue, Something Borrowed(short story collections), the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood (vampires) and lots more!

    Don't read the Sleeping Beauty trilogy and then do 30 Day Shred, though...because when you're doing the high knees, you'll be thinking about a certain scene from the book and it'll ruin your concentration :laugh:

    LMBO!!! I will keep that in mind!!!!

    LOL i just finished the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy already read of the Sookie Stackhouse books and moving on to 50 shades of Grey necy. Im a dirty girl living in a dirty world.. of literature! haha :bigsmile:

    Yes, but the literature provides some FANTASTIC ideas :wink:

    Yes......yes it does.....

    I hate you all right now :laugh:
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
    Options
    50 shades of grey!!!! READ IT!!!

    A couple other options - Something Blue, Something Borrowed(short story collections), the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, the Black Dagger Brotherhood (vampires) and lots more!

    Don't read the Sleeping Beauty trilogy and then do 30 Day Shred, though...because when you're doing the high knees, you'll be thinking about a certain scene from the book and it'll ruin your concentration :laugh:

    LMBO!!! I will keep that in mind!!!!

    LOL i just finished the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy already read of the Sookie Stackhouse books and moving on to 50 shades of Grey necy. Im a dirty girl living in a dirty world.. of literature! haha :bigsmile:

    Yes, but the literature provides some FANTASTIC ideas :wink:

    Yes......yes it does.....

    I hate you all right now :laugh:

    Batteries girl - batteries!
    Or - left or right - just sayin. . . .
  • Braymoor1976
    Braymoor1976 Posts: 27
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    Thats so sad! I was in relationship early on in our marriage where I would initiate to stop him from being mad at me for little things. I would do just about anything to make him happy--years later we are 'happier' but I find myself not so much wanting the sex but wanting him to want me--lack of self esteem i guess. Now our trouble is he works nights--so when he gets home from work he is tired--endless cycle. I hope you will be happy again!

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