Can a marriage survive??

It happens every day and people survive it. Personally, I don't see how. I could never forgive that, regardless of the history. That's the BIGGEST betrayal of trust.

Sorry, I have to disagree. There are much bigger betrayals of trust, like spending all your savings on gambling or physical abuse. Those are things you can't look past, ever. Affairs are symptomatic of issues in a relationship - if he doesn't have a history of cheating in his past relationships, it may be very possible to overcome this. It takes a lot of work and dedication from both parties and a true commitment to better communication, but it can be done if you both really, really want it.

It's my experiance that once a cheater, always a cheater. I think some people can change once they've moved on to a new relationship, but if staying in a relationship with someone that cheated on you, they are very likely to cheat again.

Add to that, the stress of wondering, worrying and checking up on a person, I think it's best to move on. Having a child together complicates things. I know that if being a father didn't keep him from cheating, he will again.

I couldn't do it, if for no other reason, than I couldn't look into my daughter's eyes and having her know and then eventually questioning her own relationships.

I'm rambling now and I'm pretty sure you are going to try to make it work anyways. At least get some counseling.

Yes it can but it'll take a lot of hard work and even then it'll never be the same, but it might work

I think every aspect of your lives would have to be an open book to be able to trust. That being said can he handle that and do you want to live like that?

A marriage can survive an affair. It's not common. I have heard of several surviving, though.

I would suggest going to counseling, though. No matter what. If you love him, work at it if you can trust him... and if he is willing to work at it. But... he has to be willing. Just don't allow him to keep hurting you.

My marriages have survived, so yes. You should probably be in marriage counseling if you want it to happen to yours, though.

MarriageS???

That was my thought as well...

Me too, if you had marriages....doesn't that mean that at least one of them didn't survive, unless you're a sister wife maybe lol

My marriages have survived, so yes. You should probably be in marriage counseling if you want it to happen to yours, though.

MarriageS???

That was my thought as well...

Me too, if you had marriages....doesn't that mean that at least one of them didn't survive, unless you're a sister wife maybe lol

Not to show any support to that terrible show, but I want to add to this... If rlm were a part of a polygamous lifestyle, that would certainly contribute an interesting perspective to this discussion. It does work, yet infidelity is considered a breach of trust where a polyandrous arrangement does not exist. I would have to say that they are very different concepts.

It depends on 2 things:
1) Will he truly regret and turn his way around
2) Can you forgive

It takes time to rebuild the trust that has been lost and will not happen over period of short time, might take years for you fully trust him. I think it is worth it, But it has to start with him wanting to repent and change his way. If he continues cheating, it will not work. Before making decision to separate consider for both of you to go to counseling, it helps to have third person addressing issues that are hidden and guide. Even if you decide to stay together, you should seek counseling to address and deal with issues that are hidden.

Some people continue living together in situations like this for economical reasons, because they can't afford to separate. That is, in my opinion, damaging not only to children but to both spouses.

• Where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory. (Proverbs 11:14)

• The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel. (Proverbs 12:15)

You vowed to love him 'til death do you part. If there is no verbal/physical abuse and he's asked for forgiveness, lay down the conditions of what it will take for you to forgive him (counseling, having each other's passwords, not speaking to the other person again, etc). If he's serious about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, he'll agree to the conditions it will take to regain your trust and earn your forgiveness.

The problem is trust... Can you ever really trust him again and can you live with and love someone you don't trust?

^This. It can survive, but only if you can trust him again. Only you can decide if you can put it behind you completely and trust him fully again or not.

My marriages have survived, so yes. You should probably be in marriage counseling if you want it to happen to yours, though.

MarriageS???

That was my thought as well...

Me too, if you had marriages....doesn't that mean that at least one of them didn't survive, unless you're a sister wife maybe lol

Crap! I haven't been back to this thread until now. My keyboard at work is really old and overused and keeps skipping over letters. That is supposed to be "MANY marriages," not "my marriages."

I have never been married even once.

My marriages have survived, so yes. You should probably be in marriage counseling if you want it to happen to yours, though.

MarriageS???

That was my thought as well...

Me too, if you had marriages....doesn't that mean that at least one of them didn't survive, unless you're a sister wife maybe lol

Crap! I haven't been back to this thread until now. My keyboard at work is really old and overused and keeps skipping over letters. That is supposed to be "MANY marriages," not "my marriages."

I have never been married even once.

LOL! You made everyone's day.

I am in a situation... My husband had an affair... I caught him. He lied but then finally admitted it. I moved out in August. We have been together for 10 years and married for 8 with a 7 year old daughter. I recently moved back into the house. But in all honesty can a marriage really survive an affair?? I still love him with all my heart and things have changed for the better, but I'm not so sure we can live happy ever after. Advice or stories please!!

It's not about forgiveness and it's not about forgetting, but boils down to - "Do you love him? And how much do you love him? Could you live without him - in your life?" Not your daughter - you.

The mistake would be to return to him - for her and because of her. It has to be you - to him. Then again, you need to identify whether or not he is "present" with you - after the affair. You can't allow yourself to be in a loveless marriage, if he does not love you anymore, but merely finds you convenient. That would be toxic.

Edit: Yours is not an open marriage, nor is it a polyamorous one. He stepped out, you caught him - the how many times he'd engaged in copulation with other women who aren't you - is inconsequential - highly irrelevant. The substance of the situation is - can you live with yourself and him - under the same roof - forever after from this moment - knowing what you know, with the memory of what you'd witnessed? The sense memory, which has the ability to replay on automatic. If not - it might be best to let him go and you'll need to startover. If he wasn't a cheat to start off with, like many women know of their spouses when they choose to marry players, they know that they have to accommodate that - it is an expected faux pas. But in your case - you're stunned - that he did, so you have no choice but to deal and woman up.

I believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater". You said you caught him and then he lied about it, so if he is sorry it is because he got caught. You are worth a lot more than that, and staying with him for the sake of your children will not really benefit them. I am sorry you are going through this

You vowed to love him 'til death do you part. If there is no verbal/physical abuse and he's asked for forgiveness, lay down the conditions of what it will take for you to forgive him (counseling, having each other's passwords, not speaking to the other person again, etc). If he's serious about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, he'll agree to the conditions it will take to regain your trust and earn your forgiveness.

This.

Exactly.

I got involved in a non-physical affair - seriously, no touching of any kind. I refer to it as an emotional affair in that we both liked each other and talked about it, but neither of us pushed for anything more. It's a long story but the bottom line is my wife found out months after it was over, and she was devastated. She handed me a list and said, "If you love me and want this to workout, here's what you need to do." She only had one thing on the list: Set up marriage counseling.

I did. We both went.

It was not easy; you have to want the marriage to work, and be willing to put in the effort. We both had some changing to do.

It's been 15 years now and we are still married. I think our marriage is better now than it ever has been. I would never be fool enough to even risk doing something that might cause my wife to consider leaving me. I used up my one chance ... never again.