partner is sabotageing

it's a "possession" thing. if you're "fat" no other man would want you. if you're skinny and gorgeous lots of men will want you.

it's all about his insecurity

*facepalm*

You probably will not like what I am about to say, but there are two ways to look at the situation.

If you have a problem with willpower, then reason to lose weight and get healthy is not strong enough. You need to find your own "why" and stick to it no matter what. Putting the blame on someone else because you chose to eat what is put in front of you is ridiculous. It is only another excuse.

Supposing some guy on the street gave me gun and told me there was millions for the taking inside the bank vault? Do you think the police would care that "I had no willpower" to say NO to robbing the bank? Just as I would tell the guy to go fly a kite, you need to take control of yourself and accept the consequences of the choices you make.

Just after 9/11, I went through a personal transformation, went to weight watchers and by 2004 had lost 110 pounds. It was not easy because I did have sabotage from a *kitten*. It wasn't the man bringing food into the house, but actually going into the kitchen and tampering with my portioned food. This is a man who I caught taking regular salad dressing and putting it in Fat Free salad dressing bottles, swapping the splenda with sugar, and other extreme methods to break my will. What does this say about the man?

The guy had a real problem with me becoming my own person and he could not accept my own personal transformation.

Weight loss is more than shedding pounds when you have more than 50 pounds to shed. It is about why you gained the weight and what was the food replacing in your life. As you lose weight, you build new confidence and control. When I lost weight, I was promoted in my company, started believing in my own capabilities, and opportunities I never dreamed of started happening. People that do not approach weight loss to diagnose the reason (medical or psychological) are not necessarily positioned for long term success.

The problem in my case was the guy was a complete loser who hid the fact he lost his cushy Wall Street job and his life was tanking while I was gaining control and having tremendous success. I confronted his lies and called him out until the day I threw him out because I was tired of being disrespected and I found out he was involved with a group of hackers committing identity theft and I wanted no part of it. The problem is, the guy needed the control and I took it away from him and it wasn't pretty. I had to go through restraining orders and eventually he fled the state to avoid prosecution. So please, I hear sabotage and I expect lots of drama not someone deciding to bring home a pizza.

If you have a partner that truly is committing sabotage, speaking disrespectful, or taking actions that are abusive.. leave or throw them out on their backside. Save yourself a headache down the road. You can not expect them to change, you can not fix them and you are wasting time if you think you can. You can be supportive and encouraging, but ultimately everyone acts they way they want to act. This includes a partner that chooses to be disrespectful, or the food choices a person makes or the choice to exercise or not.

The world has too much to offer to be tied to someone who does not respect you. If the problem lies with you and you are unable to stand your ground, I would consider counseling to find your voice and to grow your confidence. A disinterested third party can often put things in perspective that family and those close to you just can not do.

1) you cannot blame him for you eating the food. He merely brings the food home, that doesn't mean he forces you to eat it - you make the decision, you're a grown woman.
2) you cannot say that you don't lack will power, you do. Just because pizza etc. is there it does not mean you have to eat it.

yup. maybe, if he truly understood what you are trying to do, he wouldn't bring them home. spell it out for him.

if he does bring it home, still? don't eat it. if you do? well, at that point and time, losing weight isn't as important to you as eating. and you know, that's OK now and then I think. it's good. healthy, even. but if it happens as a rule? then you aren't really ready to lose/get healthy yet. and that's no one's fault but yours.

... Of course I eat it, just because it's there,...

Stop blaming others. You do not have to eat anything just because it's there.

I, too, am addicted to food. Without it, I would surely die.

He's not sabotaging you. He's learned what you like and brings you what you like. You eat it. If he brought home Pizza and Pepsi and you made a conscience choice to NOT eat it he would eventually see that he could downsize what he brings home and he can eat it and you will fend for yourself.

If he brings home 2 burgers for you, why do you have to eat both? Di you have to eat the bun? If you know he is bringing food home can't you make a choice in what he brings for YOU?

Accountability, responsibility, choice. You have a choice in your health. Choosing to eat what he brings you is your responsibility.

As for him eating like a 12 yr old at a sleepover and staying small, it isn't about the weight. If he is eating unhealthy constantly he may be small but eventually he could end up with health problems.

Lastly, my husband eats HORRIBLY. It's his choice. However, I take the lead to cook healthy food, he eats it. If he brings home a pizza I eat it. I won't restrict myself. If he is bringing home burgers, well he knows I'm stripping it almost bare and adding a salad to the side.

Choices. No blame. Choices.

Be strong. You've made a decision because it is important to you to take care of your body with nutrition. Protect your integrity and stay firm. Some people feel personally threatened when you make a decision like that as if you're telling them they're making mistakes by not joining you. Don't judge him negatively, and don't try to force your way on him (not implying that you are), just don't do anything to make his way of life feel threatened.

If he brings home pizza for you or burgers, tell him it's great that he has left overs for tomorrow. Don't make an argument about it. Eventually he'll realize he's just wasting his money and not making anyone happy.

Saturated fats, sugar, and salt do have a more more more effect on the body. If you muscle through not eating them for two weeks you will no longer have much interest in them. If you want to call that an addiction go right ahead. It does take will power to get over an addiction. You can't blame your eating on the addiction. Blaming won't get you anywhere. It won't even make you feel better. It only gains you some sympathy and understanding, and what good is that to your health?

Hold strong. Women so often put the wants of their family ahead of their own. Keep your integrity and do this for you. Refuse to enter into argument about it and eventually he'll get used to this new environment.

Good luck.

First of all, everyone here needs to agree that it's clear, deliberate sabotage. He's not only tossing greasy fast food in her face, but I guarantee he's making her feel guilty if she doesn't eat it. This isn't about willpower to avoid greasy fast food being shoved in your face in your own home, which should be your sanctuary; if she doesn't eat it, his probably sulks and gets back at her in another way. OP said they don't have money to waste on this food, hubby knows she's dieting, he routinely makes negative comments about "fat chicks being gross," by which he's implying that if OP gains weight he's not going to love her anymore. When a husband does something to a wife, knowing its causing her stress, that's actually abuse; this is not something that's going to be stopped by talking about it. OP and her husband have already talked this to death. He's not changing. He's enjoying the power he has over her.

Abuse is defined by how it affects the receiver of it it. Not by how you think it would affect you. Because there is a 360 atmosphere around emotional abuse which is hard to describe in a short MFP posting.

I recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" you can buy it at half.com, amazon, any place that books are sold, or borrow it from your library. It is AWESOME on sabotage.

Just like you can't make him eat brussle sprouts he can't make you eat pizza.

First of all, everyone here needs to agree that it's clear, deliberate sabotage.

No we don't.