Ladies, how do u feel about your man having female friends?

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  • XxBrightsidexX
    XxBrightsidexX Posts: 60
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    i'm in a long distance relationship to right now. So i can see were your coming from being worried. My boyfriend has female friends, And knows i have male friends. And neither of us have a problem with it. The key i think is honesty and communication. I tell him everything, he tells me everything. I trust him 100 percent. I havent had a chance to meet the girls hes friends with becuase of the distance, But the fact we can talk about stuff thats bothering us , or worrying us helps. I feel like if this guy is worth keeping around you should be able to tell him that you feel this way, I know you already kind of did, but telling him youd feel better after meeting that other girl;, or at least her knowing about you would help. I'm not a jealous girlfriend , and i completley trust my boyfriend so i personnaly think you shouldnt be worried. It's a fairly new relationship, So i feel like if he didnt want it to work, He would have said something to you. I know not worrying is hard to do though :) Stay strong and have that convorsation with him though :)
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    We have/had a long distance relationship for three years. He has many many close female friends who he has spent a lot of time with in those three years, and it doesn't worry me at all.

    In two days he's driving 14 hours to move here forever and leaving them all to be long distance friends.


    I trust him, he trusts me.


    OMGsh, this totally made me smile, congrats to you both and I know you will be happy. Trust will take you a long way they say :)
    There is always a bit of worry in a long distance relationship. But what you have to realize is a lot of men worry just as much. If you REALLY worry rather than just the normal average long distance "what if he found somebody more convenient" then you ought to look elsewhere.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    i'm in a long distance relationship to right now. So i can see were your coming from being worried. My boyfriend has female friends, And knows i have male friends. And neither of us have a problem with it. The key i think is honesty and communication. I tell him everything, he tells me everything. I trust him 100 percent. I havent had a chance to meet the girls hes friends with becuase of the distance, But the fact we can talk about stuff thats bothering us , or worrying us helps. I feel like if this guy is worth keeping around you should be able to tell him that you feel this way, I know you already kind of did, but telling him youd feel better after meeting that other girl;, or at least her knowing about you would help. I'm not a jealous girlfriend , and i completley trust my boyfriend so i personnaly think you shouldnt be worried. It's a fairly new relationship, So i feel like if he didnt want it to work, He would have said something to you. I know not worrying is hard to do though :) Stay strong and have that convorsation with him though :)


    Someone partially in my shoes, thanks for the advice!!
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
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    Hubby and I have been together since we were teenagers (23+ years). He has female friends, I have male friends, there are no concerns. However, there are no secrets. When we started dating, an ex called constantly but he would talk to her in front of me. He was always friendly but if a get together was mentioned he would clearly say "Roni and I would love to". She eventually got the hint and stopped calling. If he had of been secretive about it I would have had a problem with it. So I agree with the others, it's not female friends that are a problem, it's the secret phone calls he doesn't want you to overhear. Maybe make it clear to him that you're ok with him having friends and he can take the calls when he's with you. If he continues being secretive then there's a problem.
  • Sick_Beard
    Sick_Beard Posts: 407 Member
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    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. I really care about him and I am excited to see where our relationship will go. I don't have really any complaints, the only thing that I have noticed is that whenever we are together he turns his phone off. (we live about 2 hours away from each other so don't get to see each other often).

    Although I appreciate him wanting to give me all of his attention I kinda quesitoned "why". Well last weekend we spent it together and I told him he could leave his phone on, that he did not have to do that for me and I found that his phone was ringing all day, all night, massive amounts of texts coming in... maybe about something happening every 20 minutes. Come to find out they were his "female friends" who he talks to often. No problem right? Well, when I would go to the bathroom or shower etc, he would go outside and call them back. I feel like if they are just friends, why hide the conversation?

    Maybe I am over thinking it but I did ask him about it and he did reassure me nothing was going on and they really were just his friends. He did tell me that one in particular has told him she wants to be more than friends, but why continue to lead her on by conversating with her knowing that he's with me... but she does not know that I exist for some reason. hmmmmmm

    I have zero men calling or texting my phone outside of my family. I mean should I find myself some male friends or something?. How do you ladies feel about your man having female friends? .... men you are more than welcome to add your opinion also!

    In all honesty and this comes from a guy who has more female friends, if we are truly happy in a relationship and all our needs are met we tend to neglect our friends and spend all our time with our significant others. Generally when something is lacking I might go look for it elsewhere, whether it is support or a heart to heart conversation it doesn't matter.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    What he said. Thats a warning bell, and the very next question out of my mouth would have been "why not?".

    My husband doesn't have many friends to begin with, he's sort of an introvert; he did have an ex who emailed him out of the blue after thinking she saw him at Target, but she hasn't made any further attempts since she responded, politely making it known he's married now. He's persuing his doctorate right now, so he has peers of the opposite sex he works with and sometimes they (mixed group) get together to work on projects and homework. But, I trust him, and anyway- I know where he is every moment of the day, because we only have one car, and he's either in class, at the lab, or at home.

    And as another commenter said, perhaps you should be going to his place to visit, and meeting these friends :)
  • i_love_nature
    i_love_nature Posts: 4
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    You are going out with him 5 months and you all ready see " Red Flags " save yourself the hurt he sounds like a player .. There is an old saying if you can't do something in front of your partner then you should not be doing it privately .
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    The fact that he's given you all this information (the other girl likes him, she doesnt know about you) makes my instincts say that there is nothing to worry about. Otherwise, why bother telling you? Cheats don't usually reveal they have a potential to cheat, they just do it!! :flowerforyou:
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    Hubby and I have been together since we were teenagers (23+ years). He has female friends, I have male friends, there are no concerns. However, there are no secrets. When we started dating, an ex called constantly but he would talk to her in front of me. He was always friendly but if a get together was mentioned he would clearly say "Roni and I would love to". She eventually got the hint and stopped calling. If he had of been secretive about it I would have had a problem with it. So I agree with the others, it's not female friends that are a problem, it's the secret phone calls he doesn't want you to overhear. Maybe make it clear to him that you're ok with him having friends and he can take the calls when he's with you. If he continues being secretive then there's a problem.


    Thank you. I think that I need to just talk to him about it and see what his point of view of it is.
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    The fact that he's given you all this information (the other girl likes him, she doesnt know about you) makes my instincts say that there is nothing to worry about. Otherwise, why bother telling you? Cheats don't usually reveal they have a potential to cheat, they just do it!! :flowerforyou:


    I did not look at it that way, thanks!
  • PurpleKisses85
    PurpleKisses85 Posts: 45
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    You are going out with him 5 months and you all ready see " Red Flags " save yourself the hurt he sounds like a player .. There is an old saying if you can't do something in front of your partner then you should not be doing it privately .

    definitely something to think about!!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I don't know what to say about your situation because my husband does not text or make frequent phone calls. However, I am completely fine about him having female friends. I met him in college when I was 18 and was good friends with him for a while before we dated, so I know he is a good friend. I also know that he has stayed friends with all the women he ever dated (as far back as age 15). I like that about him. He's such a nice guy and never had any crazy bad relationships and he was never hurtful to women. Some of my closest friends dated him before I met him (it's college). And we even lived with one of his ex girlfriends at one point. I get along really well with all the women he dated, and they have become some of my dearest friends. He has good taste (hehe). And we are often friends with other couples. And when I make female friends they become friends with him as well. I am also friends with men and get along well with his male friends. I fully trust my husband, so I know I have nothing to worry about. I also know that he is seriously 100% attracted to me, and absolutely adores me.

    Edit: I'm reading more of the thread now and your situation sounds very different.
  • jeffn9
    jeffn9 Posts: 21 Member
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    As a reformed schmoo guy who was in his 20s one of 'those guys', I'll tell you that is how the game is played. The true test (that I would have failed) would be to ask him to answer his phone and talk for a couple of minutes so that you could wedge in there that you're the girlfriend.

    That would have blown the game, like i_love_nature was alluding to above.

    5 months is a short time but either he's going to let you in and not keep secrets, or he's not. if he's not going to let you in, move on, or you'll be wasting your time and heart.
  • nascarted10
    nascarted10 Posts: 300 Member
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    From a guys perspective, if I have to give up friends male or female, I'll say goodbye to you. Not trying to be nasty, but I would not give up me to have a relationship.
  • grawrrrr
    grawrrrr Posts: 336
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    I trust him wholeheartedly and he trusts me. *shrug*
  • ritoosh
    ritoosh Posts: 190
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    in my opinion, if they were friends before me and him got together i have no place to say anything unless i feel uncomfortable. just talk to him and let him know how you feel about that but honestly i dont care if my man has female friends or not.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    I see a lot of people posting about "trust" Well, to me, trust is earned. As someone that has been in both sides of a cheating relationship, I see red flags too.

    Men that have nothing to hide do not turn of their phone, period. They also do not wait until GF is not around to talk or text them, they pick up and say, hey can I call you back, I am with my girl.

    Nothing about this situation says trust to me, what so ever. If you are in a committed sexual relationship, I think a "surprise" visit to see him is in order. Better to know now rather than later. If nothing is going on, then that is a step in the direction of learning to trust one another.

    Like it or not, people cheat. They also spend a great deal of time on the down low getting attention from others, and about 50% of the people on this site can attest to that. :wink:
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
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    I find it hard to believe these women are only interested in platonic relationships. People do not put that much effort into keeping in touch with opposite sex friends who they're not interested in. Sure, platonic friends keep in touch. But if the feeling is mutual its not going to be on an hourly or even daily basis.

    I have a lot of female friends and many of them text me daily. While I may not be interested in anything beyond friends, there is no question in my mind that at least a few of them are. Its just the way it is. Men and women are not cut out to be platonic with each other. It happens, but its rare.
  • redredy9
    redredy9 Posts: 706 Member
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.

    ^^^^ THIS ^^^

    If his rationale for not telling her is that he doesn't want to "hurt her" DOUBLE RED FLAG!! RUN!!!
  • jehuster
    jehuster Posts: 168
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    I was on board with him possibly just having female friends until you said the one friend doesn't even know you exist. Huge red flag.


    Agree with this ^^^^^ If she was a real "Female Friend" he would have told her about you...he would be talking about you to everyone if you were his "Exclusive". Also, if they were just "Female Friends" he wouldn't feel the need to go outside and talk to
    them privately. I would take time to step back and really look at what is going on here. My opinion take it or leave it. Best of luck to
    you.

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