Those of you who have or have had a B**chy teenage girl
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Girlfriends don't back talk me and they've taught me to take no **** from any woman.
Is that because you slap them across the face?
Seriously you might want to re-read what you write before you hit "post reply" because you sound like an *kitten*.0 -
Be consistant and stern. Layout punishments for actions and stay to those. She will either learn to respect you or play the game either way you are the adult and you are in charge. As I tild my ex step daughter when her and her mom were having issues and she was 18..her words were I am an adult now my repsonse was "age does not make you grown, being responsible for yourself does and until you get out of moms house and quit having her pay any of your bills you are not grown and you need to change your attitude! I love you but get over yourself"0
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Don't have kids, but when I was a teenager, I was not the nicest to my mom and really hurt her. But now we have a good relationship. I still get immature sometimes, but nothing like it was when I was in high school. And I didn't do anything bad, no drugs, sex, drinking, I was just not very nice to her. I do regret it and your daughter will too.0
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I was the B**chy teenage girl at that age. Thankfully, I grew out of it a little when I was 18, especially going to college and having some independence. By the time I was in my early 20s I felt horrible for the way I treated my mother, and now we are like best friends (I'm 27).
I hope your daughter grows out of that phase. Definitely don't try to be overprotective or ask too many questions. The more strict my mom was, the more I rebeled. When she tried too hard, it was annoying to me. Let her know that you care without being too overbearing. Give her some space, give her some independence, and let her make mistakes on her own. She'll learn from them.0 -
One of my daughters was terrible. It was such a relief when she graduated from high school. She moved out shortly after. She learned very quickly that life at home wasn't so bad and mom wasn't really that stupid. She is 21 now and doing wonderful with a great job. She is the most pleasant person. I love spending time with her.
I am sorry. I hope it gets better.
Karen0 -
I was a b!tchy teenager. I was always getting in fights, doing drugs, etc. I treated my mom like crap. It ended when I was about 18 and moved out of the house.0
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She's a teenager. She'll get over it.
The most important thing is not to crowd her, but also not to let her be the master of all she surveys. Sometimes you've got to be "mean mom" and kind of stop with the fluffy parenting and put on your hard hat. She needs to be reminded that she lives in your house and would not survive without your support.
When I went through my rude phase, my parents completely shut down their "fluffy" sides. Every time I was a b*tch, they'd remind me that I could move out and try to get along without them. That went a long way to bring me back to earth and restore some humility.
This. Except that we've told our soon to be 17yr old that we WANT her in our home. We know she can't make it alone at her age and we truely do want her in our home with us BUT we've made it perfectly clear to her that we EXPECT to be respected. She's allowed to tell us we're "stupid", "being unfair".....ect. but she has to respect us enough to NOT yell or be a ***** about it. We DO support her and we WILL take away the goodies that we provide... like cell phone, internet, taxi service to work and back....
We've also told her we EXPECT her to say "I love you" back to us if we tell her that we love her, OR "have a good day too" if we wish her a good day..... ect. She isn't allowed to wollow in her *****y'ness.0 -
Mine is going to be 17 in six months and w've got it going on here too. Also she is our only child. A few years ago we had some difficulties in the family and went through family counselling which helped immeasurably.
I don't bother correcting her on the phone, that's when she seems to think she can be at her worst. Like yesterday. A new low. When I got home my husband, her dad had been home and she was in a much better mood. I participated in the laughter then when she was good and relaxed, I told her I ws switching gears (you're in a much better mood now than you were on the phone earlier this afternoon. I think you need to recall that conversation and your comments, then give me an apology. It became a family discussion. My point was that nobody should talk to anybody like that. Asked her how she'd feel if she saw me or dad talking to the other one like that or to her..... she was sincere in her apology.
Guess my point is, bite your tongue for the short term, then when she is back to a sane mood again, address whatever the lates issue is.
Also, early this school year, I started keeping track of her moods/behavior in my calendar.... I note the behaviour and possible triggers. Starting to look hormonal.... with the stress of school stuff for the icing on the cake. Overall though more good days than bad. (helps that she's on the pill that reduces her periods to just one every three months..... heaven.
Last, when I start to see consistent backsliding on a given issue (example, taking out the garbage/recycling in a timely manner) I focus on that for a few days, but I warn her first (cause she hates nagging, "I know you hate nagging but be forewarned it's going to be happening cause you are slacking on your responsibilities.... keep up with it or XYZ consequence (revoke a priviledge. She *****es for sure, but steps back into line.0 -
I don't have a teenage girl, but I was a *****y one. I was horrible until I left for university at age 18, and quickly grew up and thanked my mom for dealing with me for so long!
It does get better. I like to think I "came back" to my mom after 4-5 years. And now she tears up whenever we talk about how happy I am, how I've figured my life out.0 -
My mother, were she still with us, would tell you that from the moment I turned 13, I was hell on wheels. When I turned 18, it was like a switch was flipped & I was "normal" again. For 5 years, we didn't talk, mostly we screamed & cried. Many a time, I got the "If you don't like it you can leave" speech. (She realized the folly of this when she came home to find me sprawled out on the floor, the newspaper before me with several red circled listings for apartments.)
I think a large part of it, at least until I was 16, was that I blamed her for my father leaving. In my eyes, she kicked him out of my life. Sadly, at the time, I was too young to understand how much of a *CENSORED* he really is. Now, I know much better.
Point is, I did grow out of it & we became best friends afterwards. For the next 10 years, we were mostly ok. We still had the occassional argument, we were very close, but still clashed from time to time.0 -
It gets better... I have two daughters (22 & 19).
I never engaged in a "screaming match" with them. I always stated the reasons behind the rules (not just a "because I said"). The rules where clear, the punishments for breaking them were clearer. If they choose to break them they got the punishment every single time (and generally I would tell them I was sorry they were upset by the punishment and I wished they had of made different decisions).
If they approached me in a respectful way and asked to have a curfew extended or a change in the rules I would discuss it and if their reasons were good, I would allow it (with provisions). When they were nasty to me I told them exactly how it made me feel (little guilt never hurt no one! LOL). Generally it was always followed by a "cooling off" period and then they would apologize (on their own).
Ultimately, my husband (who generally leaves discipline up to me) would put them in their place if they were rude to me. He's a big believer in never disrespecting your mother (so awesome backup!). I didn't have a problem saying "I'm not discussing this right now because I'm so mad I might say something hurtful". We butted heads many times (it wasn't perfect by any means) but I always tried to remember I was the adult and conduct myself as such. Now that they are older, the relationships are much better. We are close and they come to me for advise. Teen girls are hard because they are so moody and they are out for blood when they are mad. It's hard to not react in the same way.
They both still live home so still have rules. My oldest pretty much does what she wants but has to let us know if she's staying out all night. My youngest still has to ask for permission to stay out all night or go away for the weekend (although she seldom gets told no). They are both expected to pick up after themselves, do chores when asked and be respectful of each other and us. They are pretty well adjusted young ladies. My oldest is an RN and saving to buy a house. My youngest is still "figuring it out" and can be a little flakey (I always call her out on it though).
Hang in there, it will get better!!0 -
You might want to consider not calling her *****y. Maybe she would respect you more if you didn't call her names.0
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Mine was awful at 17 and yes they come around. We have a very loving relationship now and she is 21. Everyone is different.0
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A good book for persepctive on teens: "Yes your Teen IS Crazy". Library will probably have it or spring for it on Amazon.0
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Drink a cup of patience every morning, give her space, don't react to her tantrums, but be firm when she is out of line. Be tough when you need to be and turn the other cheek when it is trivial. She will eventually grow out of it. And...it is perfectly normal to not want to be around her when she acts out. Stay strong and good luck.0
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You might want to consider not calling her *****y. Maybe she would respect you more if you didn't call her names.
She isn't calling it to her face. Read her post.0 -
As the father of a nearly 14 year old girl... if muzzles were legal on kids I'd use one. While I love my daughter with all my heart, sometimes she's a real PITA. I know a lot of it is puberty/hormones/etc, but what I do not tolerate is disrespect and defiance. I encourage a healthy expression of emotion and feelings, but I am also quick and consistent with punishments.
It WILL pass and she will grow out of it, but for girls it takes a few years more than boys. As long as you are steadfast in your position as a parent and guide her through it, she will hopefully come out the other side with a deeper love and respect for you as she enters her 20's.
That being said, at 13 put her in a barrel and feed her through the hole. When she turns 16, plug the hole. :laugh:0 -
Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.
As a teenager that's all I can say.
Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:0 -
You might want to consider not calling her *****y. Maybe she would respect you more if you didn't call her names.
It is perfectly okay for her to call her b!tchy teenager, b!tchy.0 -
take a look at http://connectedparenting.com/
Her name is Jennifer Kolari and I've heard her speak a number of times, and believe it or not everything she talks about is true and her techniques really work.
you might be able to get her book at the library. it was worth every penny.0 -
At the guy who said that your daughter should have grown out of that phase by now, clearly has not had a teenager. I'm dealing with my sister who is 18 now. She yells at my mom and dad and they have gotten a lot softer in their old age.
I'm to the point where I'm so angry with her I can't even look at her.
Do not let her talk to you like you're a dog.
I used to be horrible to my mother, and it was a huge wake up call when my mom just straight up slapped me across my face and said, "You ever talk to me like that again, I'll kick your little a**."
LOL, lesson learned. Never did I ever talk to her like that again.
ALSO, if she has not had a job yet, tell her to get one. Getting a job often teaches teenagers humility.0 -
My mom started dating someone 5 years ago who had two daughters, 15 and 17, who were really bratty, would scream and swear at their parents all the time, and their parents would let them get away with it because they were afraid that the kids would stop talking to them forever. Now they are 20 and 22, and exactly the same. I was your daughters age 11 years ago, and let me tell you, my mom didn't let me get away with ANYTHING and there is no way that I would ever yell at her. It was taught in my house to me and my brothers that we treat our parents with respect and there will be consequences for anything less (no hitting or anything like that, just losing privileges, etc). Of course I had my b**chy moments but I knew where the lines were and I never crossed them. My mom is still so shocked at the way her boyfriend's daughters treat him, but we all know why.
Lay down the law! Let her know her behavior is unacceptable, and don't be afraid of her not liking you or not talking to you for a while, because you know they allllllllllways come around and she will for sure thank you for it when she's older and understands. My mom and I have always had a great relationship because it was built on respect. She respected me and I respected her. I am 28 and on my own now but we still talk almost every day, and I visit her every weekend.0 -
When I was about 16 years old, my mom wished for me "a daughter just like you one day".... She got her wish! LOL0
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I was that child at one time. It will get better, at least in my case it did. I chalk it up to raging hormones and the belief that we know it all. It took me till I moved away to college, left that college, and came home to have to do it all on my own, to realize that my mother wasnt the bad guy (age 19-20ish). Until then just keep trying to be the mom she needs. Right now she doesnt need a friend, she needs someone to tell her no and to try to help her get her priorities straight. She will most likely thank you later.0
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She screamed at you?Does it ever get better? Mine is going to be 17 on Dec. 21st. I can't talk to her about anything without feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. She screamed at me last night on the phone and when I talked to her this morning about it and really expected an apology she just kept up the b**ch act and acted like she was better than that. This is the type of relationship that if it wasn't my daughter, I would be walking away from it.
So I want to know, does it get better? Will she wake up one day and realize that she should be nicer to me? I feel like crying right now. She is my only child. My Mom and I have a great relationship and one day I want to have that with her, but right now I just want to have time away from her. I feel bad for even writing that.
Once she got how she should have gotten popped in the mouth.
Plain and simple.
You are her Mother, not her boyfriend.0 -
When I was about 16 years old, my mom wished for me "a daughter just like you one day".... She got her wish! LOL
^ This!
My daughter will be 12 next month and is just starting with the MAJOR attitude. She's sweet as pie sometimes, but she's like Jekyll and Hyde. Then I remember how I was as a teenager and I feel sorry for myself. Haha.
I'm pretty sure my mom cursed me when she told me that she hopes I have a daughter just like me someday. :grumble:0 -
Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.
As a teenager that's all I can say.
Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:
This is the problem. You have to look at them as adults. Treat them with respect.0 -
It won't get any better if you don't stand up for yourself. Why should it?
When people treat you that way - confront it. Otherwise they don't respect you, why should they? *you* don't respect you.
You both would probably benefit with some counselling. My son is 18 and he will tell you I am a mean mom, I was hard and tough and there were days he didn't like me if he didn't hate me. But when he said that to me at 16 he added: "But I think I needed it."
Reward your kids when deserved
Punish them when deserved
Explain the difference over and over if you have to until they get it from age 1-41 if you must.0 -
hahaha
I'm one of 7 kids..... And the youngest is turning 19 on Dec. 21.
I was the oldest and I thought I was the worst of the girls during the teen years, but my youngest sister was pretty bad as well. Although, she didn't have just my parents to yell at her, like I did. She had parents, 4 brothers, and 2 sisters to yell at her. hahahaha Poor kid...
Anyways, we all go through the crazy *****y teen years... And yes, it gets better. Like others have said, lay down the law. Be understanding, listen when she needs it, but don't let her get away with stuff just because she's being a crazy b**ch. haha
A lot of times, teen girls are going through craziness in their life and take it ALL out on mom. Mainly because they feel that mom will love them regardless.
Stick it out. A lot of times, they usually get over it by the time high school is over and college starts. My youngest sister couldn't wait to start college and get out of the house. Now, she is finishing finals and she can't wait to come home and be with her family! haha
Although... somehow, my 21 year old sister never went through the crazy b**ch phase... Not sure how that happened. We think she is a late bloomer and will hit that phase in her mid 20s or something. hahaha Either that, or she will just be sweet forever. Maybe between my other sister and me, she wasn't left with any b**ch genes... hahahaha
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At 17 she really should have grown out of that phase by now. Could be she's just a jerk. All the adult jerks in the world were children once too, you know.
My daughter was the sweetest, kindest person you could ever meet...until she turned 17. At that time, she quickly morphed into a barely recognizable, beastly version of her former self.
I attributed some of it to the need to seperate from me. We were always very close and now she was looking at the prospect of moving three states away from me for college.
I attributed some of it to her boyfriend. She resented the fact that we were "poor." Yup. We've so poor that by the time she turned 18, she had spent a month in Europe, had been on a few cruises, vacationed in Cozumel, made many trips to Florids, California, NYC, and several other fun places. However she was comparing us to her boyfriends family - huge house, condo in Aspen, vacation home in a resort community. And she resented it.
And entitled! I bought her a car when she got her license. As a single mom, this was done as a convenience TO ME. Somewhere she decided I should be responsible for all the maintenance, repairs, and even gas for this car because it's registered in my name. And she should have use of my car while her's is in the shop.
She is 19 now and moved out last month. She's certain I should be paying her rent because I'm "still financially responsible for her while she's in college." Uhm...NO!
So...if it gets better, I'll let you know when.0
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