Those of you who have or have had a B**chy teenage girl
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She screamed at you?Does it ever get better? Mine is going to be 17 on Dec. 21st. I can't talk to her about anything without feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. She screamed at me last night on the phone and when I talked to her this morning about it and really expected an apology she just kept up the b**ch act and acted like she was better than that. This is the type of relationship that if it wasn't my daughter, I would be walking away from it.
So I want to know, does it get better? Will she wake up one day and realize that she should be nicer to me? I feel like crying right now. She is my only child. My Mom and I have a great relationship and one day I want to have that with her, but right now I just want to have time away from her. I feel bad for even writing that.
Once she got how she should have gotten popped in the mouth.
Plain and simple.
You are her Mother, not her boyfriend.
We have 3 teenage daughters and a son and none of them would ever do that to their mother. They have all been brought up knowing that it is unacceptable and that the consequences will be swift and severe. I am not sure what you do about it once you let it get to this point, but I think that this guy has the right idea.
I agree. I was a crazy, hormonal, emotional wreck as a teenager. If I ever back-talked either one of my parents I got popped in the mouth. It just wasn't acceptable, and I knew what was going to happen as soon as I said something disrespectful to either of them.
Like someone else said, I am terrified of having a teenage daughter. My little girl is 4 going on 16. She was crying this morning after I told her for the umpteenth time to get her socks and shoes on for school. When I asked her why she was crying, she said, "Because you're telling me what to do, and you're not the boss." Baaahahahaha. God help me!0 -
Smart lady! I think way too many people want to be friends with their kids instead of being parents first. I will treat them with respect, but some lines are not to be crossed. Yelling at or getting physical with mom is one of them. We have only had a problem with it once and it was with our son getting physical and trying to use his much larger size to intimidate mom. He did not like the results . . .
Okay, you absolutely do not have to look at teenagers as adults, because they are not adults. Yes, you must treat ALL PEOPLE with respect, but let's not get out of hand. Teenagers are not adults. Their brains are wired to believe they are adults, yet they still very much need REAL ADULT guidance.Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.
As a teenager that's all I can say.
Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:
This is the problem. You have to look at them as adults. Treat them with respect.
The good news is the girls all saw or heard it and his one mistake corrected all four of them, permanently so far.0 -
My sisters a *****y teenage girl, well all 3 are/were and I have smacked my fair share of faces and put them many times in their place.I respect them and they respect me, its different when it comes to family, but thanks to them I have skill in this area. Girlfriends don't back talk me and they've taught me to take no **** from any woman. Women can say boohoo men are jerky but I think women can definitely be 100% as evil, if not evil-er.
'smacking girls in the face' can result in your butt going to jail. Just so you know. That is no way to show the respect you claim to have.0 -
my best advice....... as a teen who acted out like this (dealing with a lot of personal issues I didnt know how to handle at the time). As a teen who cussed my mom out on a regular basis even after getting back handed against the wall. As a teen who did what I wanted because my mom "walked away".......
please do not do that. walking away from her how ever difficult it is to talk to her or have a relationship with her please learn to just listen and not walk away from frustration; because it can lead to much worse things (in my case I turned to drugs and alcohol at 16/17 because my mom couldnt just listen and be a mom when I needed her *yes poor excuse i know but I was immature**)
Best thing to do is just continue being the loving, caring, understanding mom. Don't give input unless asked, don't pass judgement, don't remind her of consequences, don't make threats, etc. Just listen say you understand and you love her, Keep your distance for her to make own choics and learn consequences but pay attention and stay one step ahead. good luck.0 -
I was terrible as a teenager. My mom has this theory that nature makes us that way as teenagers, that way when we move out, it will be a relief and won't hurt so much.
One of my friends said this is God's way of making it easier on us mom's when we drop them off in the dorms.
LOL, Oh so true!0 -
There's a GREAT book called... something like, "Help, my teenager is crazy" and it explains the biological reasons why they get rebellious, crazy, and... well... stupid. It really gives great advice on how to handle the difficult teens and what to do to keep your relationship strong.
I have a 16 year old and frankly, she's my best friend (although I'm her mother first, then her friend). I try to choose my battles very carefully and be her advocate as well as her sounding board. There was a time a year ago when all of a sudden, she hated me and wouldn't talk about why. She hated living in the house, hated me, wouldn't talk to me, and was crying all the time. I, very matter of factly said that i was sorry she was so unhappy and that unfortunately, her living with someone else was not an option, but I would be happy to take her to talk to a professional of her choice and that she didn't have to talk to me about whatever was wrong and that i was very sad that she no longer enjoyed spending time with me but I hoped that one day that would change again. Then I left it at that.
She did let me take her to a professional, who she hated. I met him and didn't like him either, and we ended up laughing about what an idiot he was. Then she didn't want to talk to anyone else and within a month, was back to her old self and we've never had an issue again.
I make sure she knows that I think she's brilliant and beautiful (i do), and tell her about all the things I admire about her, and I also make sure she feels important (she knows I suck at math, so when I have something to figure out, I call her. even though I could really have done it myself, but it makes her feel good).
She recently wanted to drop her french class and her guidance counselor wouldn't let her. I made an appointment and went in, and spoke on her behalf about her time management skills and how it's important to also realize when you have too much on your plate, and then remove something and that i was proud of her for doing that. Her counselor said, "ok, yes. You're right. I'll take care of it" and my daughter was very happy that I did that for her and was her advocate, not her enemy.
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I was your daughter and I infinitely feel awful for the way I treated my parents - my mother especially. It took having my own child (at 20 y/o & no, I am NOT recommending that as solution) for me to snap the fu(k out of it. Remember she has raging hormones right now but it will get better. I'm sorry you're having such an awful time right now.
My suggestion is to try writing her a letter so you can convey your feelings without it turning into a shouting match; encourage her to respond with a letter; you both deserve to be heard. Don't outrightly place any blame her - that won't help, i.e. No sentences that begin with "You *insert action word*" You'll have to get crafty with the verbiage and it might even be as simple as "I'm sorry I don't understand what you're going through. I'm here if you need me. Love, Mom"0 -
I discipline teenagers for a living. During each of my pregnancies, I was so hopeful that I would have boys. The more I have to deal with teenage girl drama in my office, the less I want to deal with it in my own home. Teenage girls will tell me that they say things to purposefully hurt their moms. And yes, it is usually the mother who is the target of their evil behavior. They also hold a grudge. Forever. Boys explode, make a bad decision, and get over it. Girls let things fester like an infected splinter. Also, social media has not been kind to them.
I am so pleased and fortunate to have two young sons.
Hang in there!0 -
My dad and I didn't get along AT ALL when I was a teenager. I was "grounded for life" more times that I can remember! lol I was angsty, he was a little overprotective and that led to a ton of disagreements. Things got a bit better once I turned 18 and graduated high school because my parents gave me a lot more freedom. But everything changed and got even better once I moved out on my own. My dad and I started to get along and actually enjoy each other's company. Anyway, it WILL get better but it will probably take some time to get to that point.0
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Here is an email I received from a very dear friend. She sent it at the time I was ready to move out of my own house:
"hi honey.
i've been meaning to respond to your last e-mail with an oh have i been there done that reply.
so yes. and no. william has never given me a moment of trouble. he's been fortunate enough to simply not get caught i am sure - but i remain grateful for that!
katie has been and still is a handfull. defiant. opinionated. independant. and oh so stupid all at the same time! i could not wait and i mean it seriously - could not wait for her to go to college far, far away. she was a royal pain in the *kitten* and i wanted to kill her. she tested me and fought me and irked me and it seemed relished reminding me that she was an adult now and could do what she wanted...like getting a tattoo right about her vagina that reads: love above all.
oh how she hates that tattoo now and oh how i love the fact that she wishes she had listened to me! but they never do.
the trick about raising extra-ordinary daughters like ours is that success is defined at times like these with simply keeping them out of jail and not pregnant. seriously for me those were the two things...everything else i could find a way to handle as long as she didn't have a criminal record or a child/abortion.
and now at 22 years old she is my biggest fan. she tells me she doesn't know how i did what i did to give her the room she needed to learn the lessons she learned. and perhaps i was simply lucky but it worked for her.
having said that tho - katie didn't have her own car, nor did she have a serious boyfriend so her freedom to get places was not as easy and she wasn't being tempted in the same way as becca with a "man" she loved.
but i've been thru the drunk driving deal, taken her to the e.r. to get her tummy pumped out, helped her file a restraining order gainst a crazy ex, talked her thru the morning after pill, driven to god only knows where to pick her up, defended her when she didn't really deserve it and prasied her when she did.
you'll get thru it. it is hell but becca is a remarkable kid and they are the most difficult to raise...but also the most fun to enjoy later on!
and one last thing i learned, but you most likely know - do not let anyone tell you your kid is bad - no matter if she is caught with a gun in her hand i was katies biggest defender. no one talked **** about my daughter and got away with it in my presence. she is who she is and i loved every bit of her - even when i wanted to kill her or she was once again breaking my heart. no one had the right or the room to question my love, my parenting,my actions or her hair color! it was and will always will be me and katie vs. the world. even when i wanted to kill her...did i mention that
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Each of our 4 kids has different things that they respon to.
Oldest daughter- Only took verbal correction in most cases.
Youngest daughter- similar to the oldest but more of a boundary pusher. Bed time sneaks later and later, etc.
Middle daughter- nothing worked until her teenage years. She was going to do what she wanted, when she wanted to. Now her electronics and her after school activities have some influence.
Son- pain and only pain. It doesn't have to be much. I haven't truely had to spank him since he was little, though I did have to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I can stomp him if I want. Just a flick on the arm when you tell him something gets results. You can tell him the same thing 100 times and he keeps doing it. One flick with a stop and he stops. It is weird.0 -
I have to say our daughter never went through this phase thankfully. BUT i have gone through and am still going through the mouthy teenage boy thing. I'll gladly trade you a teenage girl for one of my mouthy know it all boys. They flip out, break things, cuss and carry on over the slightest things. My daughter could probably whip your teenage daughter into shape. She's tough on her friends if she sees them giving their parents a hard time.0
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Oh My Goodness- I remember those days so well. My daughter and I had a terrible few years, between the ages of 14 and 18 and If I am being honest, I really didn't like her. I was relieved when she left for College and ever since then, our relationship has gradually improved. She turned 20 on December 9th and just came home for Christmas Break last night-- and I am happy she's here and look forward to spending time with her! It does get better.. But, that doesn't make what is going on right now any easier. I shed many tears at how inconsiderate and unfeeling she was towards me and I really felt like a parenting failure. Try to keep things in perspective and make sure you do plenty of nice things for yourself. Its all going to be okay- but I am sorry you are in the midst of it right now.0
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YES.
I was a bithcy, wild, unruly, I dont give a **** teenager/young adult till about 20 years old.
Id say at about 20/21 when I realized everything my mom did was for me, to better me as a young adult. And I didnt mature to that young adult untill around 23 or 24. I now THANK HER daily for the rules, my up bringing, not spoiling me, making me work for what I wanted.
I see people who I was friends with when I was in my teens that had the "cool" mom. Now, they are still reliant on their parents. Have no clue how to live on their own, dont know how make enough money to support their life style, think everything should be handed to them, and cannot even act their age ( 27! )
Stick with it - and always let your daughter know she will thank you one day and it is LOVE.0 -
I was a ***** because my parents gave me EVERYTHING (as long as I worked for it, of course)... I'm 30, but I remember VERY clearly that I was awful to my mom because she nagged me all the time. I started to learn at the age of about 25 that I need my mom and her opinion does matter. Yeah 25, you got a ways to go! sorry
Either way, she will realize, but right now she's got raging hormones and guys that she wants to impress. What I found worked with my mom is if she ignored me. I'd be sad because I missed her. If she cried, I'd feel bad but think to myself "what the hell is she crying for? I'm the one with ALL THE DRAMA AND PROBLEMS!"
Unfortunately, she doesn't see it. So, ignore her. If she's being a little b*tch, don't put up with it. Tell her you have better things to do with your time and if she keeps it up, she'll be out by 18. Evil yes, but might work.0 -
Mine is going to be 17 in six months and w've got it going on here too. Also she is our only child. A few years ago we had some difficulties in the family and went through family counselling which helped immeasurably.
I don't bother correcting her on the phone, that's when she seems to think she can be at her worst. Like yesterday. A new low. When I got home my husband, her dad had been home and she was in a much better mood. I participated in the laughter then when she was good and relaxed, I told her I ws switching gears (you're in a much better mood now than you were on the phone earlier this afternoon. I think you need to recall that conversation and your comments, then give me an apology. It became a family discussion. My point was that nobody should talk to anybody like that. Asked her how she'd feel if she saw me or dad talking to the other one like that or to her..... she was sincere in her apology.
Guess my point is, bite your tongue for the short term, then when she is back to a sane mood again, address whatever the lates issue is.
Also, early this school year, I started keeping track of her moods/behavior in my calendar.... I note the behaviour and possible triggers. Starting to look hormonal.... with the stress of school stuff for the icing on the cake. Overall though more good days than bad. (helps that she's on the pill that reduces her periods to just one every three months..... heaven.
Last, when I start to see consistent backsliding on a given issue (example, taking out the garbage/recycling in a timely manner) I focus on that for a few days, but I warn her first (cause she hates nagging, "I know you hate nagging but be forewarned it's going to be happening cause you are slacking on your responsibilities.... keep up with it or XYZ consequence (revoke a priviledge. She *****es for sure, but steps back into line.
^^This is GREAT stuff!!0 -
Here is an email I received from a very dear friend. She sent it at the time I was ready to move out of my own house:
"hi honey.
i've been meaning to respond to your last e-mail with an oh have i been there done that reply.
so yes. and no. william has never given me a moment of trouble. he's been fortunate enough to simply not get caught i am sure - but i remain grateful for that!
katie has been and still is a handfull. defiant. opinionated. independant. and oh so stupid all at the same time! i could not wait and i mean it seriously - could not wait for her to go to college far, far away. she was a royal pain in the *kitten* and i wanted to kill her. she tested me and fought me and irked me and it seemed relished reminding me that she was an adult now and could do what she wanted...like getting a tattoo right about her vagina that reads: love above all.
oh how she hates that tattoo now and oh how i love the fact that she wishes she had listened to me! but they never do.
the trick about raising extra-ordinary daughters like ours is that success is defined at times like these with simply keeping them out of jail and not pregnant. seriously for me those were the two things...everything else i could find a way to handle as long as she didn't have a criminal record or a child/abortion.
and now at 22 years old she is my biggest fan. she tells me she doesn't know how i did what i did to give her the room she needed to learn the lessons she learned. and perhaps i was simply lucky but it worked for her.
having said that tho - katie didn't have her own car, nor did she have a serious boyfriend so her freedom to get places was not as easy and she wasn't being tempted in the same way as becca with a "man" she loved.
but i've been thru the drunk driving deal, taken her to the e.r. to get her tummy pumped out, helped her file a restraining order gainst a crazy ex, talked her thru the morning after pill, driven to god only knows where to pick her up, defended her when she didn't really deserve it and prasied her when she did.
you'll get thru it. it is hell but becca is a remarkable kid and they are the most difficult to raise...but also the most fun to enjoy later on!
and one last thing i learned, but you most likely know - do not let anyone tell you your kid is bad - no matter if she is caught with a gun in her hand i was katies biggest defender. no one talked **** about my daughter and got away with it in my presence. she is who she is and i loved every bit of her - even when i wanted to kill her or she was once again breaking my heart. no one had the right or the room to question my love, my parenting,my actions or her hair color! it was and will always will be me and katie vs. the world. even when i wanted to kill her...did i mention that"
You have great taste in friends-- I wish someone would have sent this to me when I was in the midst of it all!0 -
Yes, it will get better. A good friend, who had a teenage daughter at the same time I did, and I used to joke that God made teenagers act like they do to lessen the pain when they move out. :laugh:
My girls are both long gone, and now we are good friends. And they regularly call the mom they used to roll their eyes at as if she was a complete moron for advice.0 -
Does she have her own cell phone/laptop/car that you pay for? Threaten to take those privileges away unless she starts speaking to you in a more civil manner. No teenager would rather screech at her mom than keep her phone. You'll be amazed at how effective it is, as long as you're firm and consistent about it.
Good luck! And yes, she will eventually grow out of it. 0 -
My daughter is 19 now and she didn't ever really outgrow it until she was 18 and on her own. I raised her by myself, her dad never even really saw her but for maybe a handful of times until she was 10, then it was hit and miss. Anyway, she was one who wanted to do her own thing, regardless of what I said and the rules I set. She really wasn't "bad" until her freshman year in HS, when she started skipping school all the time, getting into trouble with the losers she hung out with, etc. I threatened that if she didn't straighten up, we would move to the neighboring town, where the school was out in the boonies, surrounded by corn fields. She didn't get it together, I kept my word, which she later told my mom that she never thought I would actually do it. Hahaha I'm a woman of my word, don't mess with me. So, after taht she didn't skip school as much, but she still found losers to hang out with. She began running away because she didn't like my rules. We spent a lot of time in court, she had a lot of ankle monitors, house arrest, probation, and time spent in juvy... All because she didn't like my rules. She managed to still graduate with her class in 2011, even walking and receiving her diploma, which is probably one of my proudest moments as a parent. We made it through hell and she got her diploma. She now has a great boyfriend who treats her right. She enjoys spending time with her brother, me, and the rest of our extended family. I think that, for her, she just needed to actually experience what the world is *really* like to appreciate the things she had and thought she didn't want.
I say all of this to tell you that it will likely get better... But it might not be until she's 18 or more. It felt like an eternity when I was going through it. We had some awful holidays when she was missing and/or spending them in detention. But I never gave up on her.0
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