Those of you who have or have had a B**chy teenage girl
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Mine got over it the minute I put her sorry *kitten* out the door, soon as she turned of age she was someone else's problem. We have a hate relationship, kinda like I had with my mom. Sounds harsh but her Father spoiled her, then he went and died and left me to try and clean up his mess. NOT!0
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I wasn't allowed to act nasty as a teen though I know it can be "normal". I was raised by a Marine(vietnam vet) who didn't tolerate that crap.
My ex had a teen daughter and he allowed her to act like a brat and never gave her consequences for her actions. She grew up that way and thought she could treat everyone like crap because dad wasn't phased by it. As a result she alienated many of her peers. I don't know what to tell you. If she is an overall good kid and just has some bad moments then that seems pretty normal. If she is nasty 90% of the time then that should be dealt with regardless of age.0 -
Yes it will get better! And there is no magic age it could be 25 even but it will. I get glimpses of better, I try to minimize my acts of stooping down to their level and arguing back. I focus on what is going well and remind myself of all their virtues Letting go a little is very hard but it helps me to stick to my guns especially regarding how I let other people treat me, including family! Remember back when she was two? She is just going through the same egocentric fighting for independence stage she was back then. Only difference is that now you can't scoop her up and control how you help her out and this time it'll probably last longer too. Find some honest friends who are in your shoes to share with. Take care of you:)0
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Teenagers- God's punishment for enjoying sex . . . .0
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i was a b*tchy teenage girl and i grew up to be a b*tchy woman, but i learned to use my powers for good :laugh:
my suggestions would be
- help your jerky teen learn some empathy. some of how i acted back then was because i really didnt take other people's feelings into account and my manner of delivery had unintentional consequences
- help your jerky teen learn that b*tchiness has consequences. some of how i acted was because i knew good and damn well it was hurtful :smokin: a good way i learned to keep this in check is encountering who'd be a million times b*tchier right back
be glad it's not drugs or sex with strange men in weird locations :laugh: honestly i think this "it could be worse scenario) is mainly how my mom kept from smothering me in my sleep :laugh:0 -
Lol, classic.My sisters a *****y teenage girl, well all 3 are/were and I have smacked my fair share of faces and put them many times in their place.I respect them and they respect me, its different when it comes to family, but thanks to them I have skill in this area. Girlfriends don't back talk me and they've taught me to take no **** from any woman. Women can say boohoo men are jerky but I think women can definitely be 100% as evil, if not evil-er.
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Does it ever get better? Mine is going to be 17 on Dec. 21st. I can't talk to her about anything without feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. She screamed at me last night on the phone and when I talked to her this morning about it and really expected an apology she just kept up the b**ch act and acted like she was better than that. This is the type of relationship that if it wasn't my daughter, I would be walking away from it.
So I want to know, does it get better? Will she wake up one day and realize that she should be nicer to me? I feel like crying right now. She is my only child. My Mom and I have a great relationship and one day I want to have that with her, but right now I just want to have time away from her. I feel bad for even writing that.
My mother wasn't exactly the easiest person to live with. Having said that, we had an allocated day in the week where it was family meeting day. Every member was on equal footing and every member has the floor for 10 minutes before anything needed to be addressed for the family at large. The meeting was held where the ranks are deposited at the door and any grievances up or down the ladder will be vocalised and received.
Years later now, we still use the same premise when speaking to our mum, even if it's on the phone. "Mum, I have the floor." And she knows, give me my time or I'll hang up.
Talk to her. Listen to her. You are her mother. Wean yourself away from labeling your only child as a *b!tchy teen. That hurts. Trust me. I did not forgive my mum for years and if she had only talked to me first before my older sister mooted the idea of 'the family meeting,' she would have discovered that I was mislabeled by a slip of the tongue and in your case@title "Those of you who have or have had a B**chy teenage girl" - a slip on the keyboard. (Not judging - A mother can control the direction of the relationship).
EDIT: To add title.0 -
I was left on my own (widowed) with a twelve year old girl who had some "moments" between the ages of 17 and 20...mostly after she realized that I was moving on. We had some rough times. But now she's 28 and we just came back from a most wonderful vacation together. She has a career, is independent, and we are friends. They do grow up. Stay strong, don't compromise your values, and remember...she will grow up!0
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i WAS the *****y teenage girl.. but, not to my friends, mainly to my mom...i grew up and was like WTF, im not a disrespctful brat, i was tought better than that but, my mom could punish me cause either 1. i would make her laugh and she couldnt punish me. and 2. i already didnt have a phone or anything that she could take..i wish she woulda grounded me from school, that woulda showed me.lol. there was a few times she slapped some "act right" into me though.
they say it comes back 10 fold on you, so, my pimp hand is gettin stonger by the day and im sure not gunna be scared to put some "Act Right" in my kid. (especailly if my kid is gunna be anything like me)0 -
Teenage girls are nuts. And hormonal... and yep, pretty b*tchy. It will get better. They just think they know EVERYTHING. Good luck.0
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I'm sorry that your relationship with your child is not where you want it to be, but when I read this brought some things up for me. My mom often complained, just like you, that I was rude and nasty to her. She'd go on and on about how I had no respect, but always managed to leave out her own dirt. I'm not saying that you've done something evil to your daughter OP. I know lots of girls who are cruel to their mothers for no good reason and I sympathize with them. I just wanted to share my perspective.
My mother during my childhood/teenage years was always more concerned about having a husband than a child. I remember that when it was time to say our bedtime prayers she'd get down on her knees and pray that God would send her a husband. On her search she ended up with a married man, a PCP addict and finally the man who would become her husband, a pedophile (note: I, her 10 yr old daughter, was not invited to the wedding.). I finally, got the courage to tell someone that things weren't quite right, luckily before something more serious happened, and my mother called me Judas.
My mother basically ended up moving out of the house so she could be with her husband. I ended up living by myself from ages 11-15. I remember waiting up nights to see if she would come home and wondering if she was dead. Every month or so she would come back to check if I was still breathing and try to have some kind of 'authority' over me. Finally, I got tired and I let her know real quick that she didn't deserve my respect. She wouldn't even eat off the same dishes as me and yet till this day she still thinks that she did nothing wrong. She believe that I was just willful and angry for no good reason.
I feel no regrets for how I treated her. Even now, 7 years later, I still think that she deserved every bit of it. I just wanted to share this because every time a topic like this comes up, whether it be on this forum or out in the real would, people always seem to forget the other half of the story. The child gets labeled, but no one ever seems to take the time to stop and wonder about what's really going on in the home. People always say that a 'child must respect their parents', but not all parents deserve to be respected.0 -
I have 3 kids, aged 22, 21 and almost 20. The oldest, a girl, was quite bad for some time, the middle one, a boy, had quite bad phases too, and the youngest was ok until half a year ago. It happens with girls AND boys. They all have their moments at one time or another.
Stick with your rules, keep your limits, keep your line of education and behaviour. They will thank you later on. I already have my daughter thank me for being that "strict mum". She compares herself with her friends who had *"cool mums", and she notices the difference between the 2 of them. She can see that my way of bringing her and her brothers up was not the worst.
I'm happy though that I never had "bad" children, no drugs, no criminality, no pregnancy, just the usual stuff of being rude towards parents, not doing what they're supposed to, tasks that stay ignored etc. And it was all within our house. When we were away from home, vacation, visits etc, I could count on them for being good kids. The more they behave well, the more they can ask me to do for them, as I am not really nice when I'm mad, and once they can see "me" being mad, they know they are over the limit (dad is mad a lot more often than I am).
It get's better... usually :-)0 -
I had always heard that when you become a parent you get paid back for all the things you did teen to your parents. Not always true. My mom to this day says I have always been her best kid, I did what I was told untill I got married. My sister was a wild teen, snuck out , was unrully and even smacked our mom once (which she has always regretted). My sister and mom became close after she made many mistakes in her life.
As for my 13yr old, sometime I just want to give her to my mother. I love her so, but cant take the way she treats me and my husband. I met my husband when my daughter was 8, everything was great till my mother filled her head that he was gonna hurt us. Its been 5yrs wonderful years and my daughter hasnt gotten over that and that gramma isnt perfect. She has hurt us in so many ways. So everything my husband and I do is wrong. No matter how he spoils her, she dont like him. The fact that she is a teen is one thing, but now I know why she acts out so much against us. No matter how I try to listen and show her I care, she still tells me I am not listening and I dont care.
Maybe there is a reason your daughter is acting out so much, I dont know. I just hope you two can find peace. Im just starting with a teen and wanna rip my hair out. Hope to find some advice too.0 -
This was me and my mom. I was the awful teenager. Quite frankly, it didn't get better until I moved out on my own, made a ton of mistakes, and figured out that my mom actually knows her *kitten*. She and I could NEVER live together again. Our relationship is a thousand times better now that I live on my own. So you might just have to ride it out till she can live on her own...not the best advice, but it was my experience.0
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I was a b***y daughter and I swear I fear KARMA to death with my daughter lol :noway: :sad: :drinker: :drinker: but with that being said my mother was very difficult to deal with and never would listen to anything I had on my mind (didnt give me a right to be a *****) I think this is where I get my "I dont take $h*t" attitude from.0
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I don't have a daughter, but I've been a teenager ( obviously haha :laugh: ) And I've had my moments. To this day I don't really talk to my mum, it's not because I hate her, it's because I don't get along with her new boyfriend... So I stay in my room out of the way :grumble:
It's mainly my dad I haven't got along with, but now I've grown up I'm much closer to him and respect him way more. My mum, on the other hand, I'm waiting for her to respect me. She's all "boyfriend this boyfriend that" at the moment and us kiddies are getting left out and neglected...
But she'll get better with age, trust me, it's a teen thing haha :flowerforyou:0 -
Wait kids get away with this ****?
My mom would have buried me in the everglades if I had ever dared yell at her. Its about respect. Did I cry and have the hormonal teenager things going on sure. Did I disrespect my parent, only in my head where they couldn't see. I have a 9 yr old girl and a 6 yr old boy and let me tell you when they hit teenage years they will treat me with respect or suffer the consiquences. Remind your child that all you are legal required to provide them is food shelter and clothing and the first time they act out start taking the **** they love. Phone bye bye, computer bye bye, cool nonschool clothes oh those belong to me now. I remeber one time I came home and my mother had taken everything I owned out of my room besides my matress pj and school clothes and the encylopedia.. That was because I had gotten a C. Making my mom cry might have resulted in my death. You are not your childs friend you are there parent. If they dont hate you when they are a teenager your probably doing it wrong0 -
My oldest was the most challenging - I had to fend her off sometimes when she tried to get physical. I really thought we would never get through it. Then one day I realized that she was so desperately attached to me - single mom - that she needed to fight that hard with herself to detach and grow up. I remember telling her that I would always be there for her and would never leave her no matter what - then one day the aliens came and scooped her up and dropped her back on earth - she went to school got straight A's and a job - and one day when I was dealing with something in the family that was extremely difficult and was crying in my room - she came to me, sat down on the floor in front of the bed and said - It's hard isn't it? Can I make you a cup of tea?
She is my best friend.0 -
I had a few of those in High School0
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I think I need to call her now...
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Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.
As a teenager that's all I can say.
I've met my fair share of teenagers that thought THEY were always right.0 -
Wait kids get away with this ****?
My mom would have buried me in the everglades if I had ever dared yell at her. Its about respect. Did I cry and have the hormonal teenager things going on sure. Did I disrespect my parent, only in my head where they couldn't see. I have a 9 yr old girl and a 6 yr old boy and let me tell you when they hit teenage years they will treat me with respect or suffer the consiquences. Remind your child that all you are legal required to provide them is food shelter and clothing and the first time they act out start taking the **** they love. Phone bye bye, computer bye bye, cool nonschool clothes oh those belong to me now. I remeber one time I came home and my mother had taken everything I owned out of my room besides my matress pj and school clothes and the encylopedia.. That was because I had gotten a C. Making my mom cry might have resulted in my death. You are not your childs friend you are there parent. If they dont hate you when they are a teenager your probably doing it wrong
^^Amen!0 -
girls are evil *****es, i wish i had all boys.0
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Yes it gets better. My daughter was a horrible teenager but we have a good relationship now. It won't happen tomorrow but just love her and it will happen.0
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I only read the first post, so....take this with a grain of salt...BTW, you should always take all my posts with a grain of salt.
I would suggest you try to work this out with your daughter. If she is complaining about certain things, be willing to admit you may be wrong. Get some counseling for both of you - together. Any relationship that goes off the rails does so because of BOTH people. It's not all your daughter's fault.
I can't believe you would post this type of thing about your daughter on a public forum with your picture attached to it. Very sad that it has come to this. I have to suspect you talk about a lot of people behind their backs, since you have done this. Not cool.0 -
Wait kids get away with this ****?
My mom would have buried me in the everglades if I had ever dared yell at her. Its about respect. Did I cry and have the hormonal teenager things going on sure. Did I disrespect my parent, only in my head where they couldn't see. I have a 9 yr old girl and a 6 yr old boy and let me tell you when they hit teenage years they will treat me with respect or suffer the consiquences. Remind your child that all you are legal required to provide them is food shelter and clothing and the first time they act out start taking the **** they love. Phone bye bye, computer bye bye, cool nonschool clothes oh those belong to me now. I remeber one time I came home and my mother had taken everything I owned out of my room besides my matress pj and school clothes and the encylopedia.. That was because I had gotten a C. Making my mom cry might have resulted in my death. You are not your childs friend you are there parent. If they dont hate you when they are a teenager your probably doing it wrong
Thank you!!!
I saw a quote the other day that reminded me of my mom, "Don't let your tongue get your teeth knocked out!!!"
We as parents have to be the first ones to teach our children about rules, consequences and a tad bit of fear. If a child doesn't fear and respect their parent's to some degree, they will not fear and respect anything else, such as the rules of society, etc. Be a parent first and a friend last. If she has no problem yelling at you, she probably has no problem yelling at teachers as well which can affect her education. She would probably have no problem yelling at a boss too which would affect her employment, making her a bum of a daughter, living with you, still being disrespectful. If you don't nip it in the bud, then no, you will never get past it. It'll be the person she is.0 -
I am not blessed with children of my own, but my sister and I weren't always easy to deal with. I was a goodie goodie, but I had a sharp tongue just like most of my family. My mom & sister have such similar personalities, there were days I was more a referee than anything. She came from a family where you didn't talk back to your parents, and you could disagree without being a disrespectful brat. If you acted like a brat, you got whooped. I got grounded for my smart mouth more than once. So did my sister.
Being a single mom, she feels like she didn't do everything "right," but she did the best she could with what she knew. She stood toe to toe with us and wouldn't let us get away with being disrepectful little demons. What worked for me? She let me know that she got it-she was once a teenaged girl too, but that she wasn't going to take my crap without dishing some out. Now? We have a great relationship, and I respect the fact that she was willing to draw that line in the sand.
That said, it worked for me, but may not work for everyone. Truth be told, I think even the "best" kids have their moments (this comes from the straight-A, science club president, honor roll overachieving, showchoir/theatre nerd). Let her know you love her, you want what's best for her, and while you know you're going to disgree on lots of things at this stage, you aren't going to take her attitude problems without consequences. She can't act like that in the "real world," so don't let her do it with you.
Best of luck to you!0 -
We as parents have to be the first ones to teach our children about rules, consequences and a tad bit of fear. If a child doesn't fear and respect their parent's to some degree, they will not fear and respect anything else, such as the rules of society, etc. Be a parent first and a friend last. If she has no problem yelling at you, she probably has no problem yelling at teachers as well which can affect her education. She would probably have no problem yelling at a boss too which would affect her employment, making her a bum of a daughter, living with you, still being disrespectful. If you don't nip it in the bud, then no, you will never get past it. It'll be the person she is.
Yes, you did.
Wow. I have no words.0 -
Though it's no always the case, am I wrong when I say that $%^*# teenage girls are reflections of what they are observing? I thought at one time I was "perfect" at talking to my young daughter. Then I watched a video of myself and the way I talked to her. I thought "what an *kitten*".
I believe how we talk/engage with our kids, who they hang out with, and personality will all mold the kid into what you see now. Take time to reassess yourself as well because enforcement of just what you may think is right, may push them away further. Kids like to be talked to, not talked at.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I was b****y during my teen years; not quite as bad by age 17, but still did my fair share. My biggest complaint while I was growing up was that I felt like my feelings did not matter at all. I was also angry about the way they let my out-of-control older brother get away with everything, but were incredibly strict with me. I am sure my hormones did not help during that time, not to mention my mother was menopausal as well. It was very rough. For years, I don't think a day went by that we did not have a fight.
Now at age 32, things are much better. I don't live with them, so that helps. They have lightened up a bit as well, and I have decided to make the best of our time together now that they are older (in their 70s). I figure if we have enough good memories now, it will hopefully overwrite most of the bad ones from my adolescence.
I do believe it does get better. I guess my advice would be to make sure you do value her feelings and make sure she knows that you do. I think if my parents had been better communicators and my anger had been addressed more properly, things would have been much better. Not perfect, but better.0
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