What's wrong with her husband?

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  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    It makes me laugh that out of this situation most people are saying "this marriage is not normal" one of my best friend is in a polyamourous relationship with the girl that he is living with, he just bought an engagement ring for her. They're tha hppiest couple I've ever seen in my life, whos to say what marriage is normal?
    Just a little side note there ;)


    THIS! there is NOTHING wrong with a polyamourous relationship, as long as all parties involved are aware of the rules.

    the problem with OP, that i can see, is that he walked in thinking that he was cheating... and he was OK with that. the problem is not with her husband. it's not - from what i can see - with her marriage. the problem is that the OP started something NOT KNOWING that she was in an open marriage.

    OP, you need to sit down with everyone involved and talk this out like rational adults.
    Yes^
    So cheating is a-okay but an open marriage/poly/swingers where all parties involved are open and honest isn't? That is so messed up. I 100% support whatever kind of marriage/relationship people want to have -it's their business. But I don't encourage deception.

    While I'm in a long-term mono relationship I know a fair number of poly/swingers and otherwise unconventional partnerships. In support of them I also want to add that a "successful" marriage/relationship is not necessarily granted to the couple who manages to stay together the longest (they could be miserable --it may even be abusive). Successful relationships are made from exceptional shared moments strung together over time. If you are lucky enough to have a junk-load of those great moments strung together over the long term awesome then your long relationship is also successful. But your most successful relationship might simply be the best month of your life spent with someone you once cared for. I think a lot of people are looking at this through some messed up out-dated conventional idea of what marriage/relationships are. Just because it doesn't look like yours doesn't mean it is not good or successful.

    ETA: thanks BinaryPulsar
  • Tannedtiffers
    Tannedtiffers Posts: 558 Member
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    bumping out of curiosity
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
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    Normal means common or typical, not "good".
  • RainbowBrite86
    RainbowBrite86 Posts: 245 Member
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    Man, I so thought this was gonna be like a lesbian story, but you ended out being a man...I hate you.

    I thought so, too. sadksldk
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    Man, I so thought this was gonna be like a lesbian story, but you ended out being a man...I hate you.

    I thought so, too. sadksldk
    Ha I hate to admit it, but I thought the same thing!
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    This is a good way for the OP to end up dead.
    Very few things are as dangerous as a pissed off husband.
  • mltdown
    mltdown Posts: 311 Member
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    Can someone tell me where I can find a life sized care bear?
  • Carfoodel
    Carfoodel Posts: 481 Member
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    What I don't understand is why you have posted so many details of the other people concerned? job titles of their family etc that would make it fairly easy to identify who you are talking about. No matter how open you are about your own preferences, why would you give so much information about other people on something that is deeply personal to them? I am sure this is not something any of them would wish to be debated on an internet forum.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    I would try to find an opportunity to talk to the husband and get some answers straight from the horse's mouth. How do you know hes really ok with everything? He might know less than you think. She could be lying to both of you. Also, he could be with another woman (or man) and not care so much about her extra-marital activities. Find out from him. How can you know if this is what you wanna be involved in if you dont know what it is?
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    Please purchase and read IMMEDIATELY "The Ethical Slut"
  • Iron_warrior33
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    This is a good way for the OP to end up dead.
    Very few things are as dangerous as a pissed off husband.
    Yes, well the fact that they both came over on Thanksgiving, and when she took me towhere he works, he paid my way. . He took us on a "car" tour first, and let us walk around the shops and what not while he just waited in the car for us to come out. While here at Thanksgiving, actually invited me to go play disc golf with him, I don't think he's too pissed. The fact that they invited me over for Christmas dinner with BOTH of their families also doesn't make sense. BUT, again that's why I'm here asking for advice.
  • underwater77
    underwater77 Posts: 331 Member
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    asheville, huh? that explains it.


    um he pays for your meds and your phone? do you feel comfortable with that?
  • Iron_warrior33
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    Can someone tell me where I can find a life sized care bear?
    ask him.
    230606_17523676856_4848_nETA, how do I post a pik?
  • jus_in_bello
    jus_in_bello Posts: 326 Member
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    I love Poly relationships. She didn't do a great job of explaining it to you though...or maybe she gave you too much credit.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    What I don't understand is why you have posted so many details of the other people concerned? job titles of their family etc that would make it fairly easy to identify who you are talking about. No matter how open you are about your own preferences, why would you give so much information about other people on something that is deeply personal to them? I am sure this is not something any of them would wish to be debated on an internet forum.
    Yes! ^ wow please stop posting personal information about this couple on the Internet!
  • kaylalryan
    kaylalryan Posts: 136 Member
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    Either this is some weird prank, the OP is trying to "out the wife" OR he wants to be shot...

    This whole thing seems odd.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
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    Whats wrong with her husband?

    What I find curious is the fact that her husband seems to be going out of his way to give the two of you some personal time together, as you've presented here. The possible reasons are numerous:

    He may have discovered after their marriage that he is gay.

    He might in fact be straight, only that his wife no longer appeals to him sexually.

    He/she may be searching for a possible third person in the bedroom.

    He/she might be polyamorous or swingers or are into pluralism.

    He might be a man who derives pleasure from seeing his wife 'in the act' with another man.

    He probably has a medical condition that has affected his ability to satisfy his wife in bed or is unable to deliver. (It is not as irregular as some might think). Some wives/husbands do interview the prospects together where they try to make the third person feel as comfortable and as part of the family as possible. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and whilst she was undergoing treatment, she allowed her husband to take on a bed mate. I don't and will never understand her reasoning, but to each their own.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    Bump- I need to make some popcorn! (JK) This has mfp massacre written all over it. Posting this almost made him as much of a target as saying the word Journey would.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
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    Care+Bears+Surprise+No+one+cares.jpg
  • Iron_warrior33
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    Whats wrong with her husband?

    What I find curious is the fact that her husband seems to be going out of his way to give the two of you some personal time together, as you've presented here. The possible reasons are numerous:

    He may have discovered after their marriage that he is gay.

    He might in fact be straight, only that his wife no longer appeals to him sexually.

    He/she may be searching for a possible third person in the bedroom.

    He/she might be polyamorous or swingers or are into pluralism.

    He might be a man who derives pleasure from seeing his wife 'in the act' with another man.

    He probably has a medical condition that has affected his ability to satisfy his wife in bed or is unable to deliver. (It is not as irregular as some might think). Some wives/husbands do interview the prospects together where they try to make the third person feel as comfortable and as part of the family as possible. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and whilst she was undergoing treatment, she allowed her husband to take on a bed mate. I don't and will never understand her reasoning, but to each their own.
    Well, he will never see us "in the act" I never thought about the "not finding her sexually attractive" part. Very good points. I notice she does have very low self esteem issues and is quite self-depricating. Finally an answer worth pondering. Thank you.

    ETA: The fact the one time we did hang out with him, he talked about other women like she wasn't even there. Which A. he's over compensating for being gay, or B. He does no longer find her sexually attractive. And on another note, this isn't his first marriage, and he lied to her about it.