Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....
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Wow
That is below the belt and never okay in a marriage. I am so sorry! 0 -
I wouldsay counceling or therapy.. What he is doing is abuse. Mental abuse is a real thing and no person deserves that. You should lose to make YOU happy not him! If yu don't wanna leave I understand, my *kitten* would already be out the door but I do get it but you can't live like that and the more you are upset the mosre your children will catch it. If he meant in sickness and health, better or worse he should shut it and make you feel great about trying and it's his issue not yours dear!I hope you figure it out.0
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I believe in my vows but bet your *kitten* if my husband spoke to me the way yours has to you, I would be a widow.0
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It's great that you believe in your marriage vows, but it doesn't sound like he does. How is he honoring and loving you by calling you a fatass? Doesn't sound like he's living up to whatever he vowed, regardless.
Also, that's pretty much mental abuse. Just putting that out there.0 -
Makes me so sad to hear that someone you love would say something like that.
me too:flowerforyou:0 -
It's fine to believe in vows, but you've got to believe in how you deserve to be treated, too. We teach people how to treat us, let it motivate you and eventually empower you - when you feel your are worth better treatment, you'll demand it! Don't let the BS getcha down
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I was called a fat *kitten* my an ex boyfriend. It was not healthy and I was messed up for years from hearing it, from throwing up after eating to low self esteem.
I know you believe in your vows, but there is no vow to put your spouse down! Big hugs to you, I hope you can find your voice and stand up to him. And I hope to God he isn't saying this crap in front of your children.0 -
I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.
^love it! :drinker: :laugh:0 -
I don't doubt that you believe in your vows; but it sounds like he doesn't feel the same about his. Either that, or this is his weird way of trying to motivate you. Some men (and some women too) think that insulting someone will motivate them. That is based on my personal experience, growing up with a father who thought insults and negativity were good motivators. I was overweight in highschool and I remember him coming in the house one day after I got home from school and looking at me with a disgusted look on his face and said, "Why don't you go out and get some exercise before you get even fatter...God." And then walked away. I cried so hard that day...I'll never forget that. I also thought that I would never forgive him, but I realized later that he was trying to motivate me. I did talk to him about it years later, and he had no idea how he made me feel nor was it his intention to make me feel bad.
I would try talking to him and explaining how he makes you feel when he says those things. If that doesn't work, then maybe counselling for the two of you would help. If that doesn't work, or he refuses to go...well...something's gotta give honey...you can't live unhappily for the rest of your life. Good luck!0 -
Marriage vows are not a blanket free pass to tear the other person down!
It took me 15 yrs of that crap to realize I'd rather quit breathing than listen to another word. Divorced in 2003 and he remarried soon after. Still an *kitten* sometimes, but one thing I know for sure.... #2 wife don't take his stink for one second and he kisses her behind.
It's a given that some people will spoon feed you as much *kitten* as you're willing to swallow. Unfortunately, some spouses only treat you right when you keep one foot planted in the door.
It doesn't take divorce to wake up someone. It takes growing a pair and standing tall. It takes looking them dead in the eye and saying "that's NOT going to happen again" and mean it. It might even take packing bags and sleeping somewhere else until some new ground rules are implemented. FEAR of losing everything can give someone a reality check real quick.
Get some counseling for yourself. When you get right with yourself, then others will learn to treat you right.0 -
Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!
I love this post! This is the way it is intended to be between husbands and wives!0 -
I believe in my vows but bet your *kitten* if my husband spoke to me the way yours has to you, I would be a widow.
:flowerforyou: :drinker:0 -
You are a beautiful woman. Being a mother is top priority. Your husband needs to go therapy!!!!!!!!!! You are the mother of his children, wife, and needs to learn that is not okay to put you down like that. I give you alot of credit for attempting to diet, take care of children and a household -- you are working overtime ++ and I am sure you are getting enough excercise just caring for the beautiful children . Dont let him bring you down. Keep up the good work.0
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totally was just gonna say that is emotional abuse! Been there!0
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No one should b subject to hurtful words. What he says is def not appropriate and uncalled for. Sorry to hear the u need to put up with it. But u should try to turn all those negative words he says into a positive motivation to prove him wrong... u will reach ur goals just stay focused on urself and do ur best and don't let him beat u down. U got this girl.0
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You don't believe in divorce, but perhaps you should separate for a while so he can see what he's missing. You are beautiful, don't ever put up with this verbal harassment. He obviously didn't take his marriage vows seriously, to love and honor you. Seriously it isn't honor when you call someone a fat *kitten* and degrade them. He needs a wake up call.0
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doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
I believe in marriage vows to but I DON"T believe a husband should verbally abuse his wife. I have been married many years (18.5) and if my husband called me those names he would have only ONE chance to change. If it happened again I would be leaving his *kitten*. I think vows are important and they are said for a purpose but I think he may have forgotten what he vowed, so maybe she is the "stupid" one!
I meant *HE0 -
You know what I would call mu husband the first (and last) time he ever called me a "fat *kitten*"? :mad: :mad: AN AMBULANCE!!0
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Be your own best friend and prove him wrong! I would suggest counseling too.0
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As a "normal" husband, I can attest that there is no need for lack of compassion and straight out meanness. I am sure there are more values to you than just the physical appearance. If he cannot appreciate the fact that you are the mother of his children, the keeper of his household, etc., etc., you should get rid of his egotistical materialistic *kitten* and let him go find a brainless, Bardie doll somewhere else. You are obviously trying hard and raising children to boot. You deserve better.0
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Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.
You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.
THIS^^^^^^0 -
I didn't even realize this post was still going. Just to catch everyone up... we did talk. He apologized for calling me these names. Yes, it did start when I started to make a lifestyle change. He admitted that he's insecure about me making changes. He also figured that since he has lost 40 lbs, I would want to do the same things he did to lose weight. I explained that those words hurt and do nothing to motivate me. That he has to understand that I am fighting against medications, depression, bipolar disorder, hypothyroidism, and sciatica that he never had to deal with. Losing weight is going to be different for me. It helped that I took him to my doctor's appointment yesterday and had the doctor explain to him that I'm not lazy, but that medically speaking, my metabolism isn't working the same as a "normal" person's does. Also, he is a wonderful husband and father in every aspect except harsh words when it comes to my weight loss. He is not abusive to me in any other way, and I'm not even sure I would count an argument where he said hurtful words as being "abusive". I was looking for some encouragement when he said hurtful words, not to hear that I should divorce him over an argument. Good grief.
I was glad to see this - I am glad you sat and spoke to your husband. What he said was very nasty but sounds like you managed the communication afterwards very well. Take care, be strong, eat well. Posting in this public forum can be quite dangerous as people don't know you, the back story, the tone of your problem etc. Maybe next time just ring and talk to a real person. :flowerforyou:0 -
Have you tried talking to him about how he speaks to you?0
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It sounds like your husband is a very frustrated man but that doesn't make it right for him to emotionally blast you in order to vent his frustration. Just gently put down everything, get the kids ready, and go walk gently till your stomach settles... but leave him behind if he's not ready. When the kids are whiny, ask him to carry one or more if he's with you.
When you're done the walk, put the kids down for that nap and explain nicely to him that emotional abuse is not only destructive to your relationship but is destroying your respect for him as a human being. Ask him what it would take both of you to treat each other with dignity and respect instead of tearing one another down. If there's no good answer, he might get to like sleeping on the couch.0 -
I'd be turning around and asking why he is even saying something like that. Obviously he has issues of his own if he thinks that's appropriate. If he says anything again ask him why he feels its necessary to react that way and maybe he should see someone.0
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its hard when one person in the marriage is motivated at differnt times then there spouse but i started out by everytime a commerical is on i get up and walk and so on0
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Got a confession for you hon. My hubby has been doing that to me for YEARS. We have been married 15.5 years and he has said that until just recently. I was getting ready to go on a photo shoot and he said the darndest thing. "Gosh, you HAVE lost a bit. When did that happen and how much?" So I told him what I had lost but I also told him I had been working on it for a while. This was December 1st, 2012. He hasn't called me fat *kitten* since. I once told him that until I stopped saying "I love you" or started drastic changes, he didn't have to worry about looking over his shoulder (he saw my modeling pictures from a while ago). BUT if he noticed a difference in the way I looked, acted or any other changes, he better realize that I have been unhappy for a while and I may be changing more then just me. I think he saw the wake up sign. He has been really nice for the past weeks. And I still have a bit to go in the loss. Just hang in there honey, Use the comment as fuel for your determination. Talk to me if you want, I have been and I am sure, still am in the place you are in right now. Just remember you are doing this for YOU not him. If you have little ones, do this for THEM. My motivation is my son, who just turned 8. My hubby didn't want him and until recently, told me so on a regular basis to the point my son told his father 13 months ago that he KNEW his daddy would never love him they way mommy, Noni and Baba do. He also informed him that he KNEW his daddy didn't want him and that Mommy had been telling him that daddy DID want him and loved him.
My son is my biggest support and cheering squad. Believe in yourself. I do.0 -
I understand that you believe in your marriage vows and don't believe in divorce. And in most circumstances I do think people should try and work things out. But, there is only one thing I believe in most strongly of all and above everything else and that is that it's not ok to abuse people, especially not children or the mother of your children. If he is not willing to get help, I would not stay in that or keep my children in that.0
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Calling you names makes him feel better.... Abuse comes in all shapes and forms. If this is your normal self confidence will be your savour! You will lose weight, you will be awesome and maybe you will get what you deserve....it's all about choices,0
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My very overweight sister told me just a few days ago... "if you do not change, it is because it hasn't hurt you enough or it hasn't cost you enough." In other words, if you want to change your weight and you have wanted it for a long time, but haven't changed it, well, either you haven't been hurt bad enough or it hasn't cost you enough yet to truly change your eating or exercise habits... Well, I thought about that for a long time, feeling convicted, my sisters and I have struggled with our weight for a long time. Thankfully, we all married wonderful men who would not speak rudely or disrespectfully to us. Sometimes I try to imagine what being called a rude name would be like, would it motivate me to lose weight? Of course, I would not wish that on myself or anyone, but I believe that putting your husband's thoughtlessness aside for a minute, USE IT, Use it as motivation, use the hurt to CHANGE. I hope you receive this in the spirit it is intended... sometimes HURT is exactly the kind of motivation you will need to lose the weight. Then you can choose to forgive your husband and enjoy the new you together or you can leave his sorry self looking mighty hot while you walk away.
One other thought, your husband said what I imagine my brothers in law and husband have thought to themselves, but would never voice. At least he was honestly sharing his thoughts. My brothers in law and husband may be enabling our fattening habits by their "keeping their thoughts to themselves." A marriage is about speaking the truth in love. Perhaps our husbands have both missed this ideal, yours told the truth but not in love, mine by not saying what he's thinking. Either way, you can use the hurt to change. God bless!0
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