Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • brittaney0625
    brittaney0625 Posts: 268 Member
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    Wow :( That is below the belt and never okay in a marriage. I am so sorry!
  • Jerrawuff
    Jerrawuff Posts: 58
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    I wouldsay counceling or therapy.. What he is doing is abuse. Mental abuse is a real thing and no person deserves that. You should lose to make YOU happy not him! If yu don't wanna leave I understand, my *kitten* would already be out the door but I do get it but you can't live like that and the more you are upset the mosre your children will catch it. If he meant in sickness and health, better or worse he should shut it and make you feel great about trying and it's his issue not yours dear!I hope you figure it out.
  • Priincess_Natalie
    Priincess_Natalie Posts: 367 Member
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    I believe in my vows but bet your *kitten* if my husband spoke to me the way yours has to you, I would be a widow.
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
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    It's great that you believe in your marriage vows, but it doesn't sound like he does. How is he honoring and loving you by calling you a fatass? Doesn't sound like he's living up to whatever he vowed, regardless.

    Also, that's pretty much mental abuse. Just putting that out there.
  • LadyOfOceanBreeze
    LadyOfOceanBreeze Posts: 762 Member
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    Makes me so sad to hear that someone you love would say something like that.


    me too:flowerforyou:
  • amills1152
    amills1152 Posts: 63 Member
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    It's fine to believe in vows, but you've got to believe in how you deserve to be treated, too. We teach people how to treat us, let it motivate you and eventually empower you - when you feel your are worth better treatment, you'll demand it! Don't let the BS getcha down <3
  • Cherry_blossom73
    Cherry_blossom73 Posts: 51 Member
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    I was called a fat *kitten* my an ex boyfriend. It was not healthy and I was messed up for years from hearing it, from throwing up after eating to low self esteem.

    I know you believe in your vows, but there is no vow to put your spouse down! Big hugs to you, I hope you can find your voice and stand up to him. And I hope to God he isn't saying this crap in front of your children.
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
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    I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.

    ^love it! :drinker: :laugh:
  • dianalee9
    dianalee9 Posts: 134 Member
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    I don't doubt that you believe in your vows; but it sounds like he doesn't feel the same about his. Either that, or this is his weird way of trying to motivate you. Some men (and some women too) think that insulting someone will motivate them. That is based on my personal experience, growing up with a father who thought insults and negativity were good motivators. I was overweight in highschool and I remember him coming in the house one day after I got home from school and looking at me with a disgusted look on his face and said, "Why don't you go out and get some exercise before you get even fatter...God." And then walked away. I cried so hard that day...I'll never forget that. I also thought that I would never forgive him, but I realized later that he was trying to motivate me. I did talk to him about it years later, and he had no idea how he made me feel nor was it his intention to make me feel bad.

    I would try talking to him and explaining how he makes you feel when he says those things. If that doesn't work, then maybe counselling for the two of you would help. If that doesn't work, or he refuses to go...well...something's gotta give honey...you can't live unhappily for the rest of your life. Good luck!
  • gypsyrose64
    gypsyrose64 Posts: 271 Member
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    Marriage vows are not a blanket free pass to tear the other person down!

    It took me 15 yrs of that crap to realize I'd rather quit breathing than listen to another word. Divorced in 2003 and he remarried soon after. Still an *kitten* sometimes, but one thing I know for sure.... #2 wife don't take his stink for one second and he kisses her behind.

    It's a given that some people will spoon feed you as much *kitten* as you're willing to swallow. Unfortunately, some spouses only treat you right when you keep one foot planted in the door.

    It doesn't take divorce to wake up someone. It takes growing a pair and standing tall. It takes looking them dead in the eye and saying "that's NOT going to happen again" and mean it. It might even take packing bags and sleeping somewhere else until some new ground rules are implemented. FEAR of losing everything can give someone a reality check real quick.

    Get some counseling for yourself. When you get right with yourself, then others will learn to treat you right.
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
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    Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!

    I love this post! This is the way it is intended to be between husbands and wives!
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I believe in my vows but bet your *kitten* if my husband spoke to me the way yours has to you, I would be a widow.

    :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • japicerni
    japicerni Posts: 5
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    You are a beautiful woman. Being a mother is top priority. Your husband needs to go therapy!!!!!!!!!! You are the mother of his children, wife, and needs to learn that is not okay to put you down like that. I give you alot of credit for attempting to diet, take care of children and a household -- you are working overtime ++ and I am sure you are getting enough excercise just caring for the beautiful children . Dont let him bring you down. Keep up the good work.
  • Jackileigh66
    Jackileigh66 Posts: 1
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    totally was just gonna say that is emotional abuse! Been there!
  • sfic1
    sfic1 Posts: 31
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    No one should b subject to hurtful words. What he says is def not appropriate and uncalled for. Sorry to hear the u need to put up with it. But u should try to turn all those negative words he says into a positive motivation to prove him wrong... u will reach ur goals just stay focused on urself and do ur best and don't let him beat u down. U got this girl.
  • bethygirlie
    bethygirlie Posts: 311 Member
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    You don't believe in divorce, but perhaps you should separate for a while so he can see what he's missing. You are beautiful, don't ever put up with this verbal harassment. He obviously didn't take his marriage vows seriously, to love and honor you. Seriously it isn't honor when you call someone a fat *kitten* and degrade them. He needs a wake up call.
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
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    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    I believe in marriage vows to but I DON"T believe a husband should verbally abuse his wife. I have been married many years (18.5) and if my husband called me those names he would have only ONE chance to change. If it happened again I would be leaving his *kitten*. I think vows are important and they are said for a purpose but I think he may have forgotten what he vowed, so maybe she is the "stupid" one!

    I meant *HE
  • ODonna58
    ODonna58 Posts: 5
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    You know what I would call mu husband the first (and last) time he ever called me a "fat *kitten*"? :mad: :mad: AN AMBULANCE!!
  • Scootie
    Scootie Posts: 5
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    Be your own best friend and prove him wrong! I would suggest counseling too.
  • ljamkane1
    ljamkane1 Posts: 3
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    As a "normal" husband, I can attest that there is no need for lack of compassion and straight out meanness. I am sure there are more values to you than just the physical appearance. If he cannot appreciate the fact that you are the mother of his children, the keeper of his household, etc., etc., you should get rid of his egotistical materialistic *kitten* and let him go find a brainless, Bardie doll somewhere else. You are obviously trying hard and raising children to boot. You deserve better.

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