Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

From my POV; there's very few instances whereby a male and female can be good friends without there being some kind of interest beyond friendship from one party or the other. Being concerned/jealous could be an entirely rational reaction if you guys have argued or anything at all recently, though flat accusing you of cheating is a little extreme.

Just this guy's perspective.

Sorry to say...but, this is right on.

That's bull.. I work with all guys, have for the past 9 years. I've made some good friends, they're like brothers to me. men shouldn't be so insecure. if she said "yes" she obviously meant it.

I wish my experiences had taught me differently. Unfortunately, my experience is that my initial statement is correct. There have been a couple of friends broken up from long term relationships in the last year; one was engaged and had been with his partner for 8 years before she cheated on him with a mutual friend; who she was spending a lot of time with when they were having issues (him working too much, her being frustrated about paying a mortgage).

Have you lost weight recently? I didn't check your profile, but I know three couples who have had serious issues because the woman lost weight and suddenly their husbands were insecure, because they noticed all of the male attention their wives were now getting.

In that situation, counselling is probably a good idea. And it's something you want to be sure you get properly sorted out before the wedding. You want your time as newly weds to be as happy and peaceful as possible, so best to make sure that this stuff is cleared up and put away before you get married.

If this is something that's really important to your fiance, you may need to make a choice between him and your trainer. Any man in their right mind would not try to ask you to make that decision, it's just one of those things that you do for the good of your relationship, even if it doesn't seem entirely fair at the time.

Personally, I would immediately find a female trainer and tell fiance that I'm doing so. Reassure him that there's nothing going on between you and your male trainer, and you wanted to make sure he knows that you realize how uncomfortable he was with the situation and you've decided to fix it. I would also get into counselling, though, because there's a fine line between doing something you don't want to do out of respect for your relationship, and doing something you don't want to do because you feel forced into it.

^^^^This! ^^^^ Here's why. As a person married almost 30 years to the same man, I can say compromise is crucial, but so is communication. Counseling will help you 2 to understand yourselves and each other. Also, I saw that you posted:
"I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though"
What jumped out at me is that he is insecure about many of your behaviors, not just one. That's a lot of blind compromise, and can cross over into control.

But where do you stop? This doesn't appear to be a one off issue. Does she need to stop going out, stop speaking to men?

Not saying this is the case, but something to think about:

A lot of times when someone acts jealous or accuses cheating, they are deflecting, because they themselves have feelings toward someone else, or have cheated. The psychology behind it is "if she is too then I don't feel so bad".

This is exactly what I was thinking.

x
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I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though
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Counselling sounds like the best solution at this stage, I had an obssesive boyfriend and the damage he did to my self esteem took me ages to sort out. Obsession starts out nice "he's possessive of me" but turns violent and restrictive pretty fast. You deserve to be loved by a secure/ supportive man. If the counselling doesn't work- walk away (fast!) good luck:flowerforyou:

And you have every reason to be annoyed and worried. This needs to be sorted asap - and its down to him. I have been here before. It doesn't change. It just gets worse.

Sorry to hear. Would be great for both of you to sit down with a mediator/counsellor to ensure you're both communicating effectively and understanding one another's feelings and concerns (it will cause more problems longterm if you let this fester). Then you can make a plan to work on the issues underlying those feelings. There will always be things both you and he can do to solidify the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work. Imagine if we never took a car to a mechanic? It would break down pretty fast. So sounds like it's time for you guys to have a little tune up and oil change.

Good luck!

x

Obviously , you will do what is best for you, but it seems his true colors are coming out, he is very, very insecure.
I can sometimes see jealousy of another person, but when someone is upset about what u are wearing , unless you look like a streetwalker, then he has some issues.
These issues need to be resolved before you tie the knot. I hope they work out for you. If you love each other and want to make it work then you need counseling and he needs to know you love him.

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

I always felt that men and women could have platonic relationships, I've always preferred male friends as a result of my interests.

To those asking I haven't dropped a ton of weight as I was fairly slim to begin with, I've mostly built muscle. My partner has been working out regularly also. I've probably been a little more intense about it then he has.

The issue is a difficult one and you and your fiance do need to talk this through together. My wife and I have never had marriage counseling so I'm not going to recommend it, but talking with each other is key. I can only speak from the man's perspective. I think you should look at two things (1) recent change in the relationship and (2) recent change in the amount of time you're spending with each other. Becoming engaged, getting married and having your first child are major relationship changes and we men can get a bit territorial during those times. Add to that, the fact that you prefer male friends and I can see how your fiance can get a bit jealous. I'm not saying he's right but I can understand the feelings. I guess the real question is really how jealous is he? A little is expected, accusing you of cheating is pretty serious, but was it said in anger or is he really serious? To be frank, my wife is similar - fit, loves activities that attract men, has always had male friends, and has definitely had some jacked trainers. I've had my moments. I'd suggest talking through it and showing him he has nothing to worry about. Tell him you got engaged to him for a reason, that you're committed to getting married and that you love him.

I'd also check and see if for some reason you're not spending as much time with each other, or whether something about the quality of that time has changed. Don't answer this here but has your sex life changed? If that has changed, he's going to be looking for a why.

In the end, maybe he is a jealous jerk and will never change. Or maybe he's just a guy being a guy and a little freaked out by a few things that can easily be worked out. There's also quite a range in between, but in the end, only you can tell.

Good luck!