Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

Mutant13

Even abusive husbands can be, "loving, sweet and treat you perfectly," most of the time.

now the guy is being compared to "abusive"?

are you people INSANE?

you have not even heard this guy's side of the story and the "abusive" word is already out there?

this is just madness

Haven't you learned Dave? All men are abusive unless they forego all of their emotions to keep their partners happy.

LOL! How true on the forums. Yea, we're guys. Some are real jerks. Others are just guys. Hard to tell on a thread which one this guy is. Seems its all or nothing with a few of these posters and many of them really need the senstive type.

I do hope Mutant figures it out though before she gets married - that one deserves to be happy!

Aww bro

Pixi_Rex

I didn't read all the posts so I appologize if these have been asked

Do you talk about your trainer a lot? Have you cheated in the past that may have given him this reaction? Have they met each other? Have you talked to your fiance about WHY he feels this way? Not in a pushy way but in a general "you know it hurts that you would think that but why do you feel I would do that?" kind of way.

Have you been blowing your man off to spend time in the gym with your trainer? does your trainer text/call you at night after you leave the gym?

There are always 3 sides to every story, yours, his and the truth which is the combination of the 2. I think the best idea is to actually talk to your fiance.

ACepero79

Being insecure is one thing, but accusing is another. We all have insecurities. And discussing them is the first step in resolving them. However, he skipped that and went straight to accusing you of cheating with your trainer. Use this as a way to help him discuss his insecurities before laying accusations. Make him comfortable with talking to you.

HyacintheAlcuin

If this is something that's really important to your fiance, you may need to make a choice between him and your trainer. Any man in their right mind would not try to ask you to make that decision, it's just one of those things that you do for the good of your relationship, even if it doesn't seem entirely fair at the time.

Personally, I would immediately find a female trainer and tell fiance that I'm doing so. Reassure him that there's nothing going on between you and your male trainer, and you wanted to make sure he knows that you realize how uncomfortable he was with the situation and you've decided to fix it. I would also get into counselling, though, because there's a fine line between doing something you don't want to do out of respect for your relationship, and doing something you don't want to do because you feel forced into it.

I don't know about that... i don't think it's fair that she has to give up a trainer who she works well with because her fiancee is having insecurity struggles due to her weightloss or whatever the reason my be. Its seems as if HE needs to do some compromising and evaluation to realize she said yes to him not to her trainer and so his accusations are stupid/immature/unfounded/ect. especially if the trainer has his own partner.

Mutant13

I didn't read all the posts so I appologize if these have been asked

Do you talk about your trainer a lot? Have you cheated in the past that may have given him this reaction? Have they met each other? Have you talked to your fiance about WHY he feels this way? Not in a pushy way but in a general "you know it hurts that you would think that but why do you feel I would do that?" kind of way.

Have you been blowing your man off to spend time in the gym with your trainer? does your trainer text/call you at night after you leave the gym?

There are always 3 sides to every story, yours, his and the truth which is the combination of the 2. I think the best idea is to actually talk to your fiance.

I talk to my trainer if he is working for up to ten minutes if I'm not in a hurry and he isn't busy, sometimes he will come and chat to me between sets.
I've never cheated on my partner
We've tried to talk about it but I think we are both very angry right now so it hasn't really gotten us far
I try to go to the gym as much as possible as I've really gotten into lifting, but if he isn't working he comes with me, If he is working I go after he has gone to work so I don't forsake time with him really

jujulamb

I have not read all the responses to this thread but let me just say, the accuser is usually the one doing the dirt! My ex accused me of cheating all the time. Come to find out he was cheating with my bff at the time. He knew how easy it was for him to cheat so it must be that easy for me.

Pedal_Pusher

did Dani already say "Just break up"? If not, just break up.

katiedid1226

Sorry to hear. Would be great for both of you to sit down with a mediator/counsellor to ensure you're both communicating effectively and understanding one another's feelings and concerns (it will cause more problems longterm if you let this fester). Then you can make a plan to work on the issues underlying those feelings. There will always be things both you and he can do to solidify the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work. Imagine if we never took a car to a mechanic? It would break down pretty fast. So sounds like it's time for you guys to have a little tune up and oil change.

Good luck!

x

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

Counselling is definitely the most sensible idea. "DUMP HIM" is just a hasty, immature response.. these issues CAN be resolved

I married one of these. 25 years later, same problem - his insecurities have compounded & he won't work on them - could be a game-changer for me. I definitely say counseling first, and end it if that doesn't work.

Lozze

QUOTE:

Even abusive husbands can be, "loving, sweet and treat you perfectly," most of the time.


now the guy is being compared to "abusive"?

are you people INSANE?

you have not even heard this guy's side of the story and the "abusive" word is already out there?

this is just madness

Really not. A guy who is telling his fiancée what to wear, doesn't like them going out and thinks they're cheating on them because they're spending time with a man that's not them is showing ALL the warning signs.

OP counseling is definitely something that needs to happen. I also strongly disagree with giving up your trainer. First it's you giving up your trainer, then it's wearing clothes that are to his standards, then the female friends start to be winnowed out. A lot of the times the guys themselves don't even realize when they're starting down that track but this is starting down that track. You need to nip it in the bud now and see if its worth saving.

katiedid1226

QUOTE:

OP counseling is definitely something that needs to happen. I also strongly disagree with giving up your trainer. First it's you giving up your trainer, then it's wearing clothes that are to his standards, then the female friends start to be winnowed out. A lot of the times the guys themselves don't even realize when they're starting down that track but this is starting down that track. You need to nip it in the bud now and see if its worth saving.

Agree with you - I'm sure mine isn't doing it intentionally - it's just kinda natural. But yes, nip it in the bud.

ebrown30

Are you sure he is not cheating on you. I heard some where that if they are accusing then they could be cheating.

needles85365

He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though
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I would say this is a little more than being threatened by your trainer. Think long and hard about your relationship, get counseling. These relationship sometimes (not always) end up with you getting physically hurt.

sunsnstatheart

I didn't read all the posts so I appologize if these have been asked

Do you talk about your trainer a lot? Have you cheated in the past that may have given him this reaction? Have they met each other? Have you talked to your fiance about WHY he feels this way? Not in a pushy way but in a general "you know it hurts that you would think that but why do you feel I would do that?" kind of way.

Have you been blowing your man off to spend time in the gym with your trainer? does your trainer text/call you at night after you leave the gym?

There are always 3 sides to every story, yours, his and the truth which is the combination of the 2. I think the best idea is to actually talk to your fiance.

I talk to my trainer if he is working for up to ten minutes if I'm not in a hurry and he isn't busy, sometimes he will come and chat to me between sets.
I've never cheated on my partner
We've tried to talk about it but I think we are both very angry right now so it hasn't really gotten us far
I try to go to the gym as much as possible as I've really gotten into lifting, but if he isn't working he comes with me, If he is working I go after he has gone to work so I don't forsake time with him really

Give it time to simmer down a bit then talk to your fiance. The fact that he's starting to control what you wear does bother me. I've certainly made comments along those lines (years ago) to my wife but it could also be the start of a problem. On the other hand, how is your trainer acting around your fiance? There is a certain type of guy that loves being a trainer, coach, etc. because they like being around women and tend to get cocky around women's husbands and boyfriends. Watch the interaction between your fiance and trainer and look out for this. Its a warning sign on the trainer's side that maybe you should find another one.

None of us really know what's going on there and if you did then you wouldn't be asking. Sit down and think about everything then talk to your fiance and try to work it out. You got engaged to him for a reason, but the engagement period is also a reflection period to make sure this is really going to work.

:-)

Mutant13

My trainer treats my fiancé pretty normally. He's friendly enough to him etc. F has been fairly standoffish toward him though so he kind if keeps his distance. I can't recall trainer ever saying inappropriate to him, so if something has happened there I didn't witness it and it has been mentioned

Jerrypeoples

maybe he has been cheated on in the past and the same warning signs he ignored then are being seen now. thats not to say you are cheating, but the same situations are popping up.

vanguardfitness

Dump him.

An accusation is serious and clearly shows that he does not trust you.
Once that line is crossed, it is impossible to go back.

A little overboard IMO. One of the reasons why marriage sucks in this country. Too many people with the mentality of dropping a relationship on a dime when things become "unhappy".

The best thing is to talk and communicate. If you don't communicate properly whatever tension that exists in the relationship will just get worse.

Maidofmer

im sorry that's happened to you, but usually when someone accuses someone of cheating, the accuser is usually the one with something to hide, especially if this is sudden and out of typical behavior. only way I see it being resolved is a lie detector from each side. You so you can prove that you wouldn't hurt him, him because he accused you.

whatever happens, I hope you are ok

JoshuaL86

Dump him.

An accusation is serious and clearly shows that he does not trust you.
Once that line is crossed, it is impossible to go back.

Obviously, this person should never be any kind of marriage/relationship counselor. Insecurities can be a big part of a relationship, and unless those insecurities get out of hand (abuse, controlling attitude, etc), a measure this drastic should not be taken.

secretlobster

Obviously, your fiancé is cheating on you with your trainer.

tkjuggler

If you really love him, do not see and/or work with your trainer anymore.
It is not nice if you are ever in his shoes...

It is not worth it when you make your intimate other upset...

There is only one fiance...but thousands of good trainers around...