Fiancé accused me of cheating :/
Replies
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In my personal experience, the guys that accuse you of cheating are cheating themselves.0
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It boils down to who is more important to you: your fiancee or your trainer.
GIVE UP THE F#CKING TRAINER! CHANGE GYMS!
Doing this will reassure your finance that he is the most important man in your life. It will not escalate his insecurity - the people who think this are idiots, really.
I take it you're the idiot who hasn't been in an abusive relationship. I have, and she is describing a situation that goes further than just the trainer, it extends to what she is wearing when the two of them are out together, when men look at her when she goes out, etc. So this idiot has some experience with it, experience with someone who regularly kicked the **** out of me emotionally in this way, threatened my life after I left him, and the statistics of women who are beaten and eventually killed by men like this are sobering.
Thank you. This man needs counselling and I hope he is able to overcome it without experiencing the hell that other women have had to endure.0 -
Dump him.
An accusation is serious and clearly shows that he does not trust you.
Once that line is crossed, it is impossible to go back.
yeah, this is the sensible and not at all over reactionary thing to do:huh:
haha. awesome.0 -
Just break up. Then date me.0
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Ok. Hi all.
I normally don't post things that are this serious or personal but I don't really have anywhere else to bounce this around.
My partner accused me of cheating on him. With my trainer.
My trainer and I are friends and nothing more. We don't see each other outside of the gym and he is also (happily!) coupled. We share quite a few non fitness related hobbies and will often spend some time chatting about them in the gym.
Part of me wants to feel bad for my fiancé because if he honestly thinks I've cheated he must be hurting a lot.
But mostly I'm just really insulted and very angry that he doesn't believe that I respect the commitment I made by saying 'Yes' when he proposed.
Has anyone else had a similar experience/ can give a girl some advice?
Fiance? RUN! While you still can...0 -
I agree with you......He owns these feelings not you.0
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My approach to these things is to think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed, and go from there. In this case, how would you feel if your fiance was working out with a cute female trainer? (Although you seem like a confident and level-headed chick, so this probably wouldn't bother you much.
) But it can be a good starting point before you have a conversation with him. 0 -
In my personal experience, the guys that accuse you of cheating are cheating themselves.
I totally agree0 -
Just break up. Then date me.
Not at all seriously considered for a few seconds...0 -
Just break up. Then date me.
/grabs tripod, camera, drill, popcorn and coconut oil0 -
you gotta jump on that...come on now!!! \m/Just break up. Then date me.
Not at all seriously considered for a few seconds...0 -
In a relationship you have to give and take. Have you thought about changing trainers to a female? Maybe start paying more attention to your man. He probably feels like your distant right now. Good luck.0
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Just break up. Then date me.
FR sent!0 -
Just break up. Then date me.
/grabs tripod, camera, drill, popcorn and coconut oil
...drill?0 -
Has your fiancé met your trainer? Maybe invite him to one of your sessions and then he can see for himself that you are just friends
That is what I was going to say! When I 1st started working out my husband was convinced I had a "boyfriend" at the gym - he tried to make it sound like he was kidding but he wasn't. Finally I told him that if he was really worried about it he was welcome to join me - that ended that conversation.0 -
I see you will make a great wife for someone.I agree with you......He owns these feelings not you.
If you are committeed to the relationship you both own the feelings. You need to talk it out. It is not unthinkable that he might not want either of you to have relationships with other single people once married. It is important to discuss expactations and determine if you both can live up to those expectations.
It is not unreasonable to try and understand his views, now is the time, before you start a family.
Good luck!0 -
Crazy...
This shouldn't be a surprise: If you marry him, this is going to be a pattern for the rest of your life. You must love him (why else would you be engaged). If you don't work out his insecurities, he's going to be a mess.
Why is he insecure? Has he been cheated on in the past? Has it happened someone close to him?
I'm hopeful that you two can work this out.0 -
Just break up. Then date me.
/grabs tripod, camera, drill, popcorn and coconut oil
...drill?
y'all wouldn't let me openly set up the camera I presume?...0 -
Just break up. Then date me.
/grabs tripod, camera, drill, popcorn and coconut oil
...drill?
I like where this is going!0 -
Who is more important to you, your fiance, or PT? If your answer is the first, I would seriously consider getting a new trainer. I would be uber stressed if my husband was seeing a female trainer vs a male; maybe that makes me insecure, but whatever.Obviously he feels threatened by your trainer, I would suggest getting a female trainer and get him involved as well as work on communication, counselling would also work.
I considered this, but I feel like it would be catering to his insecurities, not to mention giving up a good trainer and friend0 -
Bull**** and i for one can understand the guy.In my personal experience, the guys that accuse you of cheating are cheating themselves.
Does he had some cheating girls in the past?
When your in a relationship i dont trust men with my gf also, if they known eachother for years than it is a different story for me.
Besides that i don't see the poin of such a " friendship" doesn't matter that your trainer has a partner, alot of men are sneaky *kitten* and dont care that you are in a relationshop and that they are in a relationship. THat is the great world we live in these days. despicable0 -
I normally don't post things that are this serious or personal...
My advice would be: Then Don't!0 -
From my POV; there's very few instances whereby a male and female can be good friends without there being some kind of interest beyond friendship from one party or the other. Being concerned/jealous could be an entirely rational reaction if you guys have argued or anything at all recently, though flat accusing you of cheating is a little extreme.
Just this guy's perspective.
seconded.0 -
It boils down to who is more important to you: your fiancee or your trainer.
GIVE UP THE F#CKING TRAINER! CHANGE GYMS!
Doing this will reassure your finance that he is the most important man in your life. It will not escalate his insecurity - the people who think this are idiots, really.
I take it you're the idiot who hasn't been in an abusive relationship. I have, and she is describing a situation that goes further than just the trainer, it extends to what she is wearing when the two of them are out together, when men look at her when she goes out, etc. So this idiot has some experience with it, experience with someone who regularly kicked the **** out of me emotionally in this way, threatened my life after I left him, and the statistics of women who are beaten and eventually killed by men like this are sobering.
Ha! If I'm the IDIOT, then why am I the one that hasn't been in an abusive relationship? Any person with two brain cells can tell the difference between a person who is rightfully cautious about their SO's other relationships passing into the 'affair' territory and someone who is abusive. It's easy enough to call someone names when you're hiding behind a keyboard, isn't it?
This woman has added information during the thread to JUSTIFY her wanting to keep her relationship with her trainer, not with her fiance. Her original post has to do with her fiance's reaction to her relationship with her trainer. If the other behaviors were so bad in the first place she should have included the information in the OP.
She should do them both a favor and break it off with her fiance if it's too hard to consider changing gyms. Otherwise she is likely to slide into a relationship with her trainer and break up his relationship too!
People ~ who is more important in your life, someone who you are thinking of spending your life with or some casual 'hired friend', which is all a personal trainer really is?
SHEESH! You can give people good advice, but they'll still make bad choices.
Not everyone is your ex-whomever that you had such a bad time with.0 -
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He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though.
[/quote]
I find the fact that he is concerned about you going out by yourself, and what you choose to wear, and other men in general even MORE worrisome than the accusation of infidelity. These are very serious signs of controlling behaviour which can manifest in all sorts of different ways -- all of them negative.
In my experience, if a man has a controlling and suspicious nature you may be in for a very rough road ahead and it often gets worse over time. He will start by trying to control your friendships, then he may limit your access to your own family members, he'll try to 'keep tabs' on you every minute of the day, will criticize you and make you doubt yourself, and eventually this behaviour sometimes even leads to abuse. PLEASE, PLEASE consider going for counselling and get to the root of his insecurities before it gets that far. Only then will you be able to make an intelligent and informed decision about whether you really *want* a future with this man. Best of luck my dear girl.0 -
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"He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll."
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This is a very serious sign of what could turn into an abusive relationship, so tread carefully. Some people might think it's a ridiculous thing to say, but the signs happen gradually.
Anyway, it seems that somehow seeing this trainer somehow fueled his insecurity. I think, as you already indicated you were interested in doing, counseling might be a good first step. However, if he continues to try and control what you wear and accuse you of cheating, you might want to consider whether or not the relationship is really worth it. In other words, ask yourself if you can handle a lifetime of accusations and controlling behavior.0 -
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It boils down to who is more important to you: your fiancee or your trainer.
GIVE UP THE F#CKING TRAINER! CHANGE GYMS!
Doing this will reassure your finance that he is the most important man in your life. It will not escalate his insecurity - the people who think this are idiots, really.
I take it you're the idiot who hasn't been in an abusive relationship. I have, and she is describing a situation that goes further than just the trainer, it extends to what she is wearing when the two of them are out together, when men look at her when she goes out, etc. So this idiot has some experience with it, experience with someone who regularly kicked the **** out of me emotionally in this way, threatened my life after I left him, and the statistics of women who are beaten and eventually killed by men like this are sobering.
Ha! If I'm the IDIOT, then why am I the one that hasn't been in an abusive relationship? Any person with two brain cells can tell the difference between a person who is rightfully cautious about their SO's other relationships passing into the 'affair' territory and someone who is abusive. It's easy enough to call someone names when you're hiding behind a keyboard, isn't it?
This woman has added information during the thread to JUSTIFY her wanting to keep her relationship with her trainer, not with her fiance. Her original post has to do with her fiance's reaction to her relationship with her trainer. If the other behaviors were so bad in the first place she should have included the information in the OP.
She should do them both a favor and break it off with her fiance if it's too hard to consider changing gyms. Otherwise she is likely to slide into a relationship with her trainer and break up his relationship too!
People ~ who is more important in your life, someone who you are thinking of spending your life with or some casual 'hired friend', which is all a personal trainer really is?
SHEESH! You can give people good advice, but they'll still make bad choices.
Not everyone is your ex-whomever that you had such a bad time with.
Regardless of your opinion on wether I should keep my trainer I actually find it quite offensive that you imply I would pursue a relationship with someone who has a girlfriend. For the record I am not that sort of person.0 -
Must say, judging from your profile photo, you do have that cheating look ^_^ maybe your trainer thinks so too0
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