Fiancé accused me of cheating :/
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From my POV; there's very few instances whereby a male and female can be good friends without there being some kind of interest beyond friendship from one party or the other.
II have quite a few friends who are guys*. One has been a friend since we were 14, three since we were 18, and one since I was 45. These are long-term friends whom I love, who love me, and who are there when I need them. We're also all married to other people despite the fact that at one time we were all single at the same time.
Life is too short to think you can't truly be friends with half the people out there.
If your *only* reason to be a friend of an opposite sex person is to have a romantic relationship with them, then you don't know how to be a good friend, in my opinion. People are people regardless of their sexual orientation. Friendship does not rest on that.
*I also have friends who are girls, but this post is not about that.0 -
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This is a sign for you, to at least, pause in this relationship.
Have you done anything to make your fiance suspicious? Have you talked alot about your trainer to your fiance? How does your fiance know of the trainer? I mean, I can see if you were constantly saying, "Oh, my trainer (blah, blah)". That would give someone pause to wonder what was going on.
If you haven't been going on & on about your trainer (which you probably haven't), then you need to look carefully at your fiance. People are on their best behaviour when they are dating/engaged. Is he protective, jealous, controlling? This could be his test of you, to see if he can control you. People with control issues are not ideal mates. In fact, they can quickly become physically and mentally abusive.
I've been married, pretty happily, for almost 20 years. Both you and he are going to have alot of friends throughout your lives. A good marraige accepts these people as not a threat, but as an enhancement to the other spouse's life. If you think that now, either of you become controlling and jealous of the other's friendsets (especially if there is no indication of an affair going on), then your marraige is going to either end in divorce or be a lifetime of misery.0 -
That's a tricky situation. First of all please know that you've done nothing wrong. Your fiancee is probably just jealous of the common things you and your trainer share and the time you spend with him.
It might sound silly (but then again - human egos are silly alot of the time) but tell your fiancee how much you would rather you'd rather be spending the time with him than at the gym. You can also let him know how hard your working to look good for the your wedding and as his wife.
If that doesn't work, then maybe you should switch to a female trainer in order to keep peace in your relationship.
It may also be a good idea to seek couples counselling to make sure there aren't any other issues between you and your fiancee before you get hitched.
I hope this helps. And congratulations on your engagement!0 -
My husband has accused me of cheating on him since I started looking good. I work a lot of hours some days and since I never know when I'm getting off work, he has thought I was cheating. He has put on some weight while I have taken it off. He thinks and has thought for awhile I was going to leave him. I have never given him any reason to believe I have or would cheat on him. I would leave him before I ever cheated on him. I don't plan on doing either.
I believe it is his own insecurities, not much I can do about that but tell him how much I love him and show him every day that he has nothing to worry about.0 -
I bet money you are getting your guts sprayed by this personal trainer, which is why it's so hard for you to let him go. You want people on MFP to justify you keeping him, well congrats. I've seen quite a few just like you offering their support. Something tells me you already knew what you were going to do. I wish your fiancé luck.
You'd be losing money. What exactly are you basing this assumption on?0 -
Men and women can't be "just friends"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA 0 -
Women and men can be just friends. I have male friends and my husband has female friends.
My one friend & I worked for years at Deloitte, worked together at a company afterwards, he calls me for my birthday, and visited me in the hospital when I had a second baby. I know him and his wife and kids, and will help out that family if and when they need it. No one is jealous of the relationship, and there is nothing but friendship and respect between all of us.
My husband has female friends, one of whom owns a beautiful house in Italy; and has invited the entire family to see.
As you grow older and wiser, you will see that there are things as platonic friendships between men, women, different races, religions, sexual orientations, etc.0 -
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if i have learned anything in life its that the one accusing is the one doing.i use to think that wasnt true but i learned the hard way.0
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I really have nothing to base it off of other than the fact you won't let the PT go. To be honest though, I'm trolling and just making things up. But you do seen kind of nervous that I'm on to youI bet money you are getting your guts sprayed by this personal trainer, which is why it's so hard for you to let him go. You want people on MFP to justify you keeping him, well congrats. I've seen quite a few just like you offering their support. Something tells me you already knew what you were going to do. I wish your fiancé luck.
You'd be losing money. What exactly are you basing this assumption on?
Yikes really? If I had a good PT I wouldn't let him go because my husband was jealous, that is his problem that he needs to work through.0 -
I thought the comment was very offensive, and I reported it to the mods.
As did I. I guess it gets lonely out there on planet jabroni
In response to your earlier comment, partner knows trainer because we attend the same gym (often together) so they have regular contact.
I do not talk much about my trainer, but I do talk to him about my routine/gym sessions often, out of passion for lifting0 -
I really have nothing to base it off of other than the fact you won't let the PT go. To be honest though, I'm trolling and just making things up. But you do seen kind of nervous that I'm on to youI bet money you are getting your guts sprayed by this personal trainer, which is why it's so hard for you to let him go. You want people on MFP to justify you keeping him, well congrats. I've seen quite a few just like you offering their support. Something tells me you already knew what you were going to do. I wish your fiancé luck.
You'd be losing money. What exactly are you basing this assumption on?
Yikes really? If I had a good PT I wouldn't let him go because my husband was jealous, that is his problem that he needs to work through.
Yeah. I couldn't be those silly 'principles' or 'need for personal freedom'
I'm just totally getting my "guts sprayed"0 -
Not to make matters worse, but I remember an article once online about "Top 10 Signs He is Cheating" and one of the signs was if he starts accusing you of cheating. Just sayin'...0
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It's not a matter of saying something she didn't want to hear, it is a matter of saying something vulger. It's not what you say, it's how you said it.0
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I really have nothing to base it off of other than the fact you won't let the PT go. To be honest though, I'm trolling and just making things up. But you do seen kind of nervous that I'm on to youI bet money you are getting your guts sprayed by this personal trainer, which is why it's so hard for you to let him go. You want people on MFP to justify you keeping him, well congrats. I've seen quite a few just like you offering their support. Something tells me you already knew what you were going to do. I wish your fiancé luck.
You'd be losing money. What exactly are you basing this assumption on?
Yikes really? If I had a good PT I wouldn't let him go because my husband was jealous, that is his problem that he needs to work through.
Yeah. I couldn't be those silly 'principles' or 'need for personal freedom'
I'm just totally getting my "guts sprayed"
You put your personal problems out there for complete strangers on the interweb. People are not always going to say what you want to hear. I guess my opinion isnt good enough
Not at all.
You are free to make whatever baseless assumptions you like about me.
As long as you are okay with me assuming that you eat puppies and listen to Nickleback.0 -
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Indeed we are.
Ill even fistbump on it0 -
I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though
Good luck, and be careful, because that's a red flag. Sounds like he has jealousy issues, and you may not be able to solve them.0 -
Sorry to hear. Would be great for both of you to sit down with a mediator/counsellor to ensure you're both communicating effectively and understanding one another's feelings and concerns (it will cause more problems longterm if you let this fester). Then you can make a plan to work on the issues underlying those feelings. There will always be things both you and he can do to solidify the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work. Imagine if we never took a car to a mechanic? It would break down pretty fast. So sounds like it's time for you guys to have a little tune up and oil change.
Good luck!
x
I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though
OP, I think that without the counseling it is only going to get worse when you're married. Trust is necessary for a functional marriage, and any problems you bring into a marriage are only going to get popping up and possibly snowballing if they don't get addressed. Have you told him how his accusation has affected you?0 -
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maybe he is just temporarily intimidated that you are getting in shape..i say let them meet once..is your trainer gay ?? you said coupled..if he is, invite both of them so that could show he isnt into you for sure :laugh:
good luck 0 -
Haha! Nice! (_|_|_|_) ()Indeed we are.
Ill even fistbump on it
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I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though
Good luck, and be careful, because that's a red flag. Sounds like he has jealousy issues, and you may not be able to solve them.
i just saw this and i agree. When they give you crap for what you wear, they are taking it too far. I'm sorry girl. He has some issues he needs to address. I still think if you are engaged and you love him, it's probably salvagable. But i also think things need to change.0 -
maybe he is just temporarily intimidated that you are getting in shape..i say let them meet once..is your trainer gay ?? you said coupled..if he is, invite both of them so that could show he isnt into you for sure :laugh: good luck
Sigh... Things would be much simpler if he were.
I have not met his gf, but this might be an idea.0 -
I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though
Good luck, and be careful, because that's a red flag. Sounds like he has jealousy issues, and you may not be able to solve them.
i just saw this and i agree. When they give you crap for what you wear, they are taking it too far. I'm sorry girl. He has some issues he needs to address. I still think if you are engaged and you love him, it's probably salvagable. But i also think things need to change.
I agree that changes need to be made. I think he would be willing to try. Despite this drama, he really does have a heart of gold, and he loves me.0 -
I have a personal trainer that I have been working with for years! He's a very attractive man and my husband has never had a problem with him. In fact he's become a great friend to both of us. I've heard this from people at my gym who have personal trainers too, their significant other accuses them of cheating. I think your fiance sees you changing and equating your change with leaving him behind. Insecurity and jealousy are natural when change is taking place. Good luck on helping him see that he's your fiance for a reason and that no matter the physical changes in your body, your heart is still with him.0
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