Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

Sorry to hear. Would be great for both of you to sit down with a mediator/counsellor to ensure you're both communicating effectively and understanding one another's feelings and concerns (it will cause more problems longterm if you let this fester). Then you can make a plan to work on the issues underlying those feelings. There will always be things both you and he can do to solidify the relationship. Relationships take a lot of work. Imagine if we never took a car to a mechanic? It would break down pretty fast. So sounds like it's time for you guys to have a little tune up and oil change.

Good luck!

x

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

If he's already this insecure, it wont ease off after you say I do. Trust me. You really need to evaluate the situation. Hope counceling helps. If not... well. Fingers crossed for you!

This, exactly. This is the time when he is on his best behavior! To be so insecure, about so many things, AND to put it on you, as though it is your problem shows a serious lack of maturity and inability to hold a stable MUTUAL relationship. He might be able to pull it off if you are willing to succumb to his terms/whims on a regular basis, but you should seriously evaluate this situation NOW, before you are tied together with children and property, etc. etc.

From my POV; there's very few instances whereby a male and female can be good friends without there being some kind of interest beyond friendship from one party or the other. Being concerned/jealous could be an entirely rational reaction if you guys have argued or anything at all recently, though flat accusing you of cheating is a little extreme.

Just this guy's perspective.

I don't agree with this. I have a handful of guys that I am very close friends with and nothing more. They are also friends with my husband.

Sometimes when one person makes changes in their life and their partner doesn't, they feel abandoned.

I am going to use this. GOOD STUFF, true story!!

Men have a thing about other men especially stuff like trainers. My fiance would probably go ballistic if I told him if I got a male PT. And he trusts me.
A lot of time I think it's them not trusting the other man, more than us.

And as much as he probably does trust you, for every good and faithful woman there are horror stories.
If you really want to, go see a therapist. It very well could be beneficial, especially before a marriage.

I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

Ok, this is bad. It sounds controlling and possessive and certainly not a good foundation for a relationship. Not saying your fiancé is abusive but many abusive partners start off this way, using jealousy as justification for stopping you from socialising, eventually isolating you from friends and family. Be wary.

Oh my goodness. Until I read this I was willing to give your fiance the benefit of doubt, but if he's already insecure about other men/what you wear/you going out then NO WAY cut him loose. This is never going to change, ever ever ever. If you guys were just dating maybe I could see putting up with it for a minute but you are engaged! Can you imagine after you marry, putting up with this for decades?! For the rest of your life living with an insecure man. Who hassles you and accuses you. Please think long and carefully about taking such a serious step. You can't go into it thinking and hoping that he will change. He probably won't. If anything it will get worse after you marry and have children.

Since you've said this isn't a one-time thing...this is where my concern lies. I'd be willing to say the trainer accusation was insecurity and jealousy only (since I'm sure the trainer is *quite* fit) but if this happens often there may be more underlying problems that you need to get to the bottom of before you make a lifetime commitment. I agree that some sort of counseling may be in order. My best friend got accused of cheating by her husband consistently to the point where he lashed out not only at her but at her family members and me. It did end up escalating. I don't want that for you!

I think he's obviously jealous of the relationship you and your trainer are having and feeling a little insecure. I feel for him really because he mustn't think you're paying much attention to him.

Me and my partner are quite the jealous types, but if he had a female trainer and spent a lot of time with her I'd be curious sometimes. Do you never think about it in his shoes? It's not that you can't have male friends, maybe your spending too much time together?

I don't really know the situation so I can't judge much, but all relationships go through this. I hate the fact my boyfriend works with all women... It's just natural I think if you love someone, you get jealous..... Jealousy is a curse tho!

Men and women have very different views on this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

^ That is perfect.

My wife and I just watched this together, laughing, and nodding our heads. There are instances of true male/female friendship but they are rare and difficult.

before all you counselors and psychiatrists take this guy out back and shoot him, don't you think you might want to hear his side of the story?

Could not agree more!

You haven't really given us enough information on how he treats you for any of us to know if he is controlling and possessive or just insecure. That's ok, we're not professionals involved in your lives, we don't need to know everything. There are some warning signs, but what we know is limited. Like others, I'm more worried by the comments about you going out, but without context, it's hard to say. Is he aware that this bothers you? Does he agree that his insecurity is a problem in the relationship? (You said it's starting to get annoying. Does he know that?)

If he is aware of his insecurity issues, he might agree to his own counseling. If he's not, it may be a tougher road if he won't work on the problems.

Beyond being insecure and getting jealous he is a wonderful, sweet and living man who respects me and treats me perfectly. He just can't seem to stop being jealous.

He has admitted to being insecure before. It has never gone this far though

With that being said, I reitterate, he sounds controlling. Even abusive husbands can be, "loving, sweet and treat you perfectly," most of the time.

Even abusive husbands can be, "loving, sweet and treat you perfectly," most of the time.

now the guy is being compared to "abusive"?

are you people INSANE?

you have not even heard this guy's side of the story and the "abusive" word is already out there?

this is just madness

Even abusive husbands can be, "loving, sweet and treat you perfectly," most of the time.

now the guy is being compared to "abusive"?

are you people INSANE?

you have not even heard this guy's side of the story and the "abusive" word is already out there?

this is just madness

Haven't you learned Dave? All men are abusive unless they forego all of their emotions to keep their partners happy.

My suggestion is sit down and talk with him for so many reasons.
First, you accepted to be this man's wife in the future by saying yes when he proposed. I know when I said yes to my now husband - was when my vows of forsaking all others began. Not only were my vows the words I spoke on my wedding day by my vows consisted of 1 Corinthians. Print a copy and use them as part of your vows. Let him know that he needs to realize what the vows are and he has to mean them as well - 1 Corinthians 13:4 - it does not envy, 1 Corinthians 13:5 - it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, 1 Corinthians 13:7 - it always trusts 1 Corinthians 13:11 - when I was a child I thought like a child, i reasoned like a child. When I become a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Second, in order to start a life together, there has to be total trust and communication. I feel that once the trust is gone, there can no longer be a free communication between two parties without worrying about whether you will be judged by the other for what you say. If you can't communicate then life becomes a guessing game on what the other thinks or how they feel. There is not one person that is capable of reading another's mind wiht 100% accuracy. You must have trust (and with trust comes honesty) and communication (which is both talking and listening to each other).
My ex used to accuse me all the time. When I took on a 2nd job - I was cheating. I wanted to further my education - I was cheating. I wanted to hang out with my girlfriends - I was cheating. I started to lose weight - I was cheating. It became a tiring and troubling way of life. I began to dislike him as a person. I couldn't talk to him about anything and eventually I couldn't stand to be around him. I wasn't allowed to go out, I wasn't allowed to have friends and who wants to be friends with someone who's other half is going to accuse them as well as the one they are with. My ex used to accuse my girlfriends with trying to set me up with their friends. I loved him (past tense) and I didn't want anyone else.
To this day I only have 2 friends, one who stuck with me through it all. She has been there since high school and I graduated in 1991. The other is my husband. I met him while working the 2nd job. We didn't talk much but so many times I came into work upset and he would ask me what was wrong. I always said teh same thing....nothing or Im ok. I worked with him for almost a year until he took a job somewhere else and it was nothin more than us being co-workers. I didn't talk to him about my home life or my problems. I left 2 months later and 2 months after that, I left my ex.
I got a facebook friend request from my now husband asking how I was. I told him I was much better off and asked how he enjoyed his new job. We talked occasionally on FB and one day he asked if he could take me out. We took a motorcycle ride to the mall, had pizza, rode through the country side and he brought me back home. We went on several other dates, several times a week and within 3 weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend, six omnth later he asked me to marry him and one year, one month, and one day from the day he asked me to be his girlfriend we were married. He is the sweetest man I have ever met.
Your man has got to trust you 100% though or it is never going to work out. you will find yo have to prove everything, explain everything and eventually you will get sick and tired of it - no matter how much you love him.
Good luck!

I don't really know the situation so I can't judge much, but all relationships go through this.

No...no they don't. Not all. I've been with my husband 17 years and he and I are not jealous people. We're both very secure in ourselves and our relationship. Never been through this with him.

I have been through this in other relationships though, and I know from experience that it never gets better. Guys who hassle you about what you wear, when/how/if you go out, acting jealous if/when other men notice you, etc...are insecure and emotionally immature. It's draining and confusing to have someone constantly hassling you about this. It escalates. Why bother? Why put up with it if you don't have to? Guys like my husband are not an anomaly; there are plenty of men who trust and are trust-worthy. You should have peace and trust in your home and in your relationship.