Marriage values in our society....

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  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

    Yeah, so have I and my circle of friends. Big difference, though, is that we don't get all judgmental and superior about it. Different strokes for different folks and we don't know what they have going on in their lives.
  • LetsMakeupXtina
    LetsMakeupXtina Posts: 627 Member
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    neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

    A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

    That does sound scary. and I'm married. LOL.
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

    A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

    It should only be scary if it's with the wrong person, or a person isn't ready to make that kind of commitment. In the right circumstances it can be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to you! :flowerforyou:
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
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    Just because somebody doesn't conform to your values doesn't make them anything less than you.

    I never want to get married.

    I don't think that was the OP's point or intent. I think most people are open-minded enough in this day and age to realize and accept that not everyone lives a "traditional" lifestyle. Some marry, some don't; some have open relationships… but the point the OP was discussing was cheating, and cheating, in whatever form it takes, is really just another form of dishonesty. It's an extremely hurtful dishonesty, but that's what it is.

    Perhaps "for better or worse" doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, and I get that. But be honest. If you're not happy, if you want out, if you want to have sex with other people, just be honest. Don't sneak, lie or cheat. I would be alarmed if those of you who are dismissing the OP's post wouldn't agree with that.
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    marriage is a committment that it seems most people don't honor
    It is their own problem but it's natural to be dissapointed or upset when you hear bad news about people you care for.

    yeah just be glad you entered into a marriage with someone like minded. I feel so grateful I married someone who shares the same values on the marriage arrangement too.

    This. I also wanted to add that I don't think having traditional values for a marriage (committment, trust, honesty, etc...) is exclusive to a person's religious beliefs.
  • Phat_Bottom_Girl
    Phat_Bottom_Girl Posts: 110
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    OMG *head desk *
  • LetsMakeupXtina
    LetsMakeupXtina Posts: 627 Member
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    neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

    A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

    It should only be scary if it's with the wrong person, or a person isn't ready to make that kind of commitment. In the right circumstances it can be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to you! :flowerforyou:

    I agree marriage is a beautiful thing.. but a binding contract... I personally don't like that label. and everyone's marriage is beautiful in it's own way.
  • FuzzyDicePHL
    FuzzyDicePHL Posts: 51 Member
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    This response is AWESOME and so are you!!!

    ----Oops. Forgot to copy FirstSip's excellent post:
    "I don't think that's very fair. Being outside of a norm (read: Christianity, majority religion of much of the western world) and noting that you are isn't always an attempt to derail a discussion. It's valuable to bring in the perspective when the OP has said words "blessed" and "sacred," two words with religious connotation, thus specifically linking religion and marriage... when obviously, that could be a whole other debate about that can of worms. Which, I would also say to the OP of this little thread chain... marriage does not equal religion. I'm not sure how being an atheist means you wouldn't view marriage the same way; that's more of a personal feeling towards marriage, I'd say, not necessarily an informed belief because of being an atheist. "
  • LetsMakeupXtina
    LetsMakeupXtina Posts: 627 Member
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    OMG *head desk *

    seriously
  • michelejoann
    michelejoann Posts: 295 Member
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    I was once accused by the wife of one of my former friends (who I was friends with long before they met, had a kid and were married) of being the "other woman". It really sucked. I was forced to cut him completely out of my life because he "had needs" that weren't met due to a condition she had, and so he went out somewhere else to fulfill those needs.

    She threatened to ruin MY relationship because she was so angry at him. And I was only a friend who hadn't seen him in oh...6 years!
  • tpittsley77
    tpittsley77 Posts: 607 Member
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    Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

    I agree, but to some point I disagree. I am a single mother, not married and my son's father isn't in the picture. But yet, I believe in marriage. I believe that when you make your vows, you hold them dear to your heart. So not everyone looks past their own faults to jump on the "mind your own business" wagon. Just wanted to clarify, some of us own up to what we have done.

    I am just pointing out the difference in society from our parents generation to ours. My children are now the minority. To have one set of married parents, still living together, happy together, etc. They are in the minority now. It used to be taboo to be a single parent, unwed parent, underage parent, etc. But it's not anymore. Society HAS changed. As have the morals and values of people today.
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
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    These are all considered Affairs....whether physical and/or emotional....they are still affairs.

    That is your opinion.
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
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    We are not called to judge the people, but the fruit that they produce. If their marriage is the pits, then it is.. but they are the reason for the marriage they have produced.
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
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    We need a "***** slap" smiley.
  • hmanley66
    hmanley66 Posts: 57
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    WOW what a bunch of cynics! I also hold dear to more old fashion values. Although infidelity has been historically documented, there was much more of a stigma, which is what the initial post was about.
  • Still_Fluffy
    Still_Fluffy Posts: 341 Member
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    Yes, people have cheated throughout history. That does not excuse it. I think the issue the OP is really having is society no longer stigmatizes the act like they used to. As a society we no longer hold each other for crappy behavior. Many of the responses are "if it doesn't affect you why do you care?" True infidelity may not affect us on a daily basis. That does not mean we have to agree with it or ignore it. Think about your political hot button abortion, gun control, gay marriage, or the death penalty, If it doesn't affect you why do you care about these issues. We do care and have a right to express an opinion without being mocked or ridiculed. (I know everyone is a tough guy on the internet)

    I believe marriage is sacred because I made promise to my wife and God. I always find it interesting that many atheists make statements about people of faith being stupid because we believe in a high power. I disagree with your beliefs, but I don't mock you for having the courage to express your beliefs. Have some basic human decency and show some respect for others.

    Emotional cheating is a real thing and until you’re in a loving a committed relationship it cannot be fully understood. In the end if I am more emotionally connected to someone than my wife, I am not respecting her and am cheating.
    People have a right to express their beliefs, but can you do it without a—hole?
  • tj1376
    tj1376 Posts: 1,402 Member
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    neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

    A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

    That does sound scary. and I'm married. LOL.

    I have read my marriage contract (filed with a government, not a church as ALLLLL of them today are) and no where on it does it say- honor, lifetime commitment, obey, til death do us part or any other words thrown around in a religious ceremony. All a marriage certificate entitles you to is sharing taxes, possessions and bills. YOU determine how that marriage will operate, whether its exclusive or not.
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    1. I live in Massachusetts, proud to be the first state in the USA to honor gay marriage.
    2. I married my high school sweatheart we've been together 18+ years.
    3. I have friends that are bisexual and also poly. They are married and have children and they also have partners they are with for long term (love). They are wonderful people. They have not lost the value of marriage.
    4. It turns out that gay marriage is done right. They have lower divorce rates than us straight couples. Also, MA has lower divorce rates in general, so we're doing something right.
    5. Did I mention already I've been with my husband more than 18 years?
    6. For all you know you also have married friends that are poly. They are in every city and you would not be able to pick them out of a crowd. Again, this is about love not swingers or other lifestyles.
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
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    Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.
    Is this the collective "we?" If so, I very much appreciate that you have all the answers. What will the winning mega millions' numbers be so "we" will know.
  • goron59
    goron59 Posts: 890 Member
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    When you say "our" society, which one do you mean?
This discussion has been closed.

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