Couples- separate or combined finances?

135

Replies

  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    We've been 100% joint since we first bought a house together a year before we got married (we were engaged). I control all the finances, pay all the bills, etc. Any spending over $100 or so is discussed.
  • JessXOVanity
    JessXOVanity Posts: 33
    combined and separate... we have our own seperate accounts as well as a joint account that we can both access
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
    My husband and I were together 5 years before we got married. We have learned what works for us financially.

    We have both checking and savings jointly. He used to make more, but now I do.

    But as I see it for us, we are a team. It not mine, it's not his, it's ours. We have a budget and we stick to it. But I don't babysit the finances, if he wants to play a round of golf or go buy something for himself...he does. If I want something I go buy it. But I am always mindful and considerate as to his feelings (as he is mine). I guess we're pretty boring, we budget, are putting money into retirement, saving for a trip to Paris for our 10 year anniversary and squirting money for a nice down payment for a new car.

    But normal for us, may not be right for another couple.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    One family, one marriage, one bank account.

    We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

    For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.
    I'm with you. I just don't get it. I wouldn't marry a person I wasn't comfortable sharing my finances with.

    Ditto.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Both. We have a joint account for all household expenses. He makes way more money than I do, so he puts in 2/3 of the $ and I cover the other 1/3. Then we keep all the other money we make as our own. He is free to spend his excess however he wants, as am I with mine. Money is not something we have EVER fought over.
  • ashlbubba
    ashlbubba Posts: 224 Member
    We added each other to our accounts... when I log into my account I see both checking accounts (and vice versa)... one is mine one is his... bill day I transfer a specific amount into his account so he can pay all our bills... I work for tips, so they're my spending money-- his checking account balance grows (extra money) ... which we decide what to spend it on...

    ..It takes a little trust on my end that he's not spending more than he should.. I don't stress over what little things he buys walmart, fast food etc.. it works for us!

    ETA: We are married homeowners... before we had household bills everything was 100% seperate.
  • LizV32
    LizV32 Posts: 127 Member
    My husband and I have a joint savings account. We have individual checking accounts, we pay our own bills that we have, since I have more bills then him. If I need extra money he will give me some! works for us!
  • Angie_Fritts
    Angie_Fritts Posts: 263 Member
    One family, one marriage, one bank account.

    We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

    For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.


    Pretty much this^^

    We talk about everything. I don't ask permission if I want to buy something. But if it is large purchase say over a few hundred $s then we discuss it before making the purchase. I have a friend who she and her husband kept everything separate and when she had some health problems she had to ask her husband to borrow money to cover the expenses. I didn't get it. I don't have a problem with us each having our 'mad" money. It keeps us sane.
  • bonjour24
    bonjour24 Posts: 1,119 Member
    we have separate accounts, but my hubby is a stay home dad and so i earn the money anyway. i pay the mortgage and bills. we usually don't have anything leftover! we're at that point in life where we have a young family and mortgage. he works the odd shift on my days off. what money he earns, he's allowed to keep a bit of it but then i get the rest. if i don't get any fun money, then neither does he!
    when the time comes that he does work, we'll keep separate accounts. i'll always earn more than him, but we will share the bills (not as in a 50/50 split because the percentage would be unfair, but more like i'll get the mortgage and pay food, he will pay electricity and phone, etc).
    i don't want a shared bank account. i don't see the point. i like having something separate. that way, in the future when we actually have some disposable income, i can do what i like with my cash without having to justify it. and the same for him. however, if we're saving for something we'll each put in whatever we can. it will always definitely be 'our' money if there's something either of us want or need.
  • BAFilek
    BAFilek Posts: 139 Member
    The wife should give the husband all her money and she in turn gets a roof, food, and MAYBE a small allowance. I'm shocked that is isn't common practice. No wonder the economy collapsed.
    No no no no no..
    My money is my money and his money is my money, so therefore we have a joint account!
  • DKWaggoner
    DKWaggoner Posts: 185
    My wife and I have separate accounts.She adds up the bills each month, lets me know what my portion is and i transfer the amount to her account..We use to have a joint account but I didnt like it because then at christmas/birthdays etc..I couldnt never surprise her because she could see the bank activity. Our set up works great for us:smile:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    My husband and I are combined and have no arguments about money. Most of our expenses are joint expenses anyway: Food, rent, kids, etc. And we are both pretty reasonable about how we spend our money. And we communicate well. We both care about our finances and do not spend recklessly. It is what works best for us. We have been together for 14 years.
  • angmarie28
    angmarie28 Posts: 2,895 Member
    combine, I have control of 100% of it, I have a budget and if theres extra money then I give him some to do with as he likes. he has some money issues and thats why its this way
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    Joint accounts here. We're a team. We have a rule that if we want to buy anything over $X we need to talk about it first. It works out well for us but I can definitely understand those that choose to keep separate accounts.
  • xXxHBICxXx
    xXxHBICxXx Posts: 370 Member
    When your married your sharing you life and everything in it with the person your married to, that includes money so I say joined but I can understand why non married couples would do things the other way.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    We have separate accounts but work together to make it work. We NEVER fight about money either.......
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    Some of each. We have combined retirement and savings somewhat, but also each have a checking account that we keep track of on our own. Like most things, the moderate approach is best.
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    Has always been one combined account, has not ever been an issue. Bills always get paid first.
  • cococa
    cococa Posts: 122 Member
    My boyfriend and I met 7 years ago, started dating 5 years, and moved in together 3 years ago. I always thought that I would want everything separate, but I have absolutely changed my mind.

    Until recently my boyfriend and I split everything 50/50 - bills, food, restaurants, vacations, etc. There have been times in our relationship where I made more than him, and times where he made more than me, but what we contributed never changed. As time went on, our financial goals became more and more entwined - we planned vacations together, we bought furniture and appliances for the apartment together, we even started planning for retirement together. With the intent of saving for shared goals, we opened a joint account. Unfortunately, it never really functioned in the way we intended. He still had his own savings and I mine and we still both wanted to contribute to everything equally. If I needed to borrow from savings, I only took from the joint what I put in. I knew exactly who had contributed what.

    After buying a condo together, my boyfriend mentioned that he wanted to take the extra payments we were going to make towards the mortgage each month and put it towards my school loans. Numbers-wise it made sense, but with everything split down the middle it felt like a hand out. I had to start thinking about money and debt as OURS instead of his and mine. We sat down, discussed our goals for the next year, five years, ten years, and twenty years. There were no surprises. We then agreed on some ground rules (e.g. run any purchase over 100 by the other first - not for permission but for discussion), and decided to combine our finances. As a first step/trial run we added all of our accounts to one Mint account. With this we get to see the big picture and work together as a team toward our goals. We get to see what it would be like to have combined finances without the possible legal repercussions. Now instead of itemizing everything and splitting it down the middle, we each put what we feel we can into the joint account for savings at the end of the month, and since everything is transparent there's no concern that someone is overstepping what they can afford. I now have absolutely no worries or concerns about taking any further steps.
  • atamrowski
    atamrowski Posts: 417 Member
    Joint and seperate We've been together nine years, married one.

    I make more than hubby so I pay all the house bills, mortgage and my credit card bills (including student loan). He pays for daycare (which is the cost of our mortgage) and his credit card bills. I also keep a seperate bank for my Ebay selling.

    We don't hide anything from each other and whoever has money "leftover" to spend on shopping or such, pays.

    Pretty simple.
  • MelBristol
    MelBristol Posts: 63
    Of course it's combined! My husband is useless with money LOL We have a joint bank account where our incomes go in and all the expenses are paid and there is a savings account attached to it where all the rest of the money goes. Mind you it will be nearly empty now because we are exchanging contracts on another property very soon.

    I like knowing where our money goes. Sadly it's mostly tesco, sainsbury's and tesco garage LOL I log online to look at the statements every few days. It's all simple and clear, no secret spending, my husband is my best friend. If one of us wants something badly and we can afford it, we buy it! If we can't .. we keep on dreaming and trying lol. I know he wants a maserati one day but right know we better get a few buy to let properties for pension :)
  • IslandDreamer64
    IslandDreamer64 Posts: 258 Member
    We keep it all separate and it works fine for us. We split the bills--he pays for cable TV, heating oil, anything that needs to be fixed, our major BJs (warehouse club) shopping trips, and half of the property taxes. I pay for the phone, electric, internet (he doesn't use the computer at all), day to day grocery shopping, and half the property taxes.

    I think it works for us because we met and married later in life and were both used to paying all the bills.
  • body_in_progress
    body_in_progress Posts: 49 Member
    My partner and I have just joined accounts. We still have our own private account that we can buy what we want with the amount we have decided we get each week, the rest of the money goes into a joint account for bills, food and rent etc. It is working well because we are saving for our own house and the savings is jumping up a whole lot more than what it was in our own private accounts. I don't think I could marry someone who doesn't want to join lives completely. If you have a set amount each week, you can still buy what beer/shoes you like and it doesn't make any difference to the joint money.
  • MelBristol
    MelBristol Posts: 63
    The wife should give the husband all her money and she in turn gets a roof, food, and MAYBE a small allowance. I'm shocked that is isn't common practice. No wonder the economy collapsed.

    It's the other way round! In our household hubby puts all the money into the joint account. He gets a roof, food and don't even need an allowance. It works great!
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
    I think a bit of both is best. But it depends very much on the couple and your individual spending styles.

    Thankfully my husband and I are not keen on using credit cards and live within our means.

    The household bills are budgeted for/added up and we split that amount.
    We have our own pay go into our own bank accounts and the agreed amount gets paid into a third account - the 'joint' account (that can be either under both names or under one person's name, but both have access).

    Recently got a mortgage and part of the mortgage arrangement was that both our incomes are paid into a joint account so after figuring out how much is to go towards bills and what is left to spend, we now siphon off agreed 'pin money' into our seperate bank accounts. That is our money to spend how we like.

    We don't fight about money or have problems with the other purchasing stuff.

    Friends of mine have gone so far as to have total control of all income and giving a stipend to their partners once a week/month, which I think is a little strange. Some combine absolutely everything. I think a little of both works best.
  • Jongfaith
    Jongfaith Posts: 195
    my ex and I combined everything but my current is totally irresponsible soo its all seperate! Everything is in my name and I demand his portion of the bills every month.... relationship by relationship basis I would say
  • 2hobbit1
    2hobbit1 Posts: 820 Member
    We kept the accounts separate and had one joint credit card. We decided who was responsible for which bill and had that bill in the respective name. Personal savings, investment and retirement accounts were kept separate. We both had college funds set up for our son. We bought our own toys with our own monies - expenses for the house were split.

    We lived within the lowest income - any extra monies on either side was saved or invested. Glad we did it that way - once Sponge Bob decided he did not want to go to work anymore, I could still keep the house hold together until my son was ready to move on. Then I moved on with him! No concern for Sponge Bob cleaning me out. I currently am well set for retirment, and am able to finance my sons college expenses as needed.

    Would not do it any other way!
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    For bills, combined. For personal things that I just want because I want them, separate.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
    One family, one marriage, one bank account.

    We have done it this way since we got married. When we first were married, we both worked, and all the money went into one account. We had discussions about what to spend money on, but never arguments. There are no "wants" that one of us has above the common good of our family.

    For the past 12 years, since our son was born, my wife has not worked outside the home, and we still have one bank account. I contribute 100% of the household money because I have the salaried job, but I have never thought of the money as mine. It is ours. And we still don't argue about money.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I have problems with statements such as "we each contribute an equal amount to a joint account to pay the bills, and whatever is left is mine to spend on my toys". I had a co-worker that was heading south for a winter vacation. I asked if her husband was going, and she said "no, he didn't have enough money to pay for his half, so I'm going with some other friends". Didn't get it then, don't get it now.

    You are old fashioned.

    These days women have salary paying jobs outside the home before getting married so they are quite used to being financially independent.
  • heatherselway
    heatherselway Posts: 18
    I am in the military and currently physically separated from my husband (he's in Korea) currently we have nothing jointly but when he gets back (In March, yay!) we will have one joint account for our basic allowance for housing checks which will cover everything from rent/mortgage plus utilities and our base paychecks will each go into our respective bank accounts as we both have credit cards, car payments ect..

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