Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • sleepawakemolly
    sleepawakemolly Posts: 1
    Sounds to me like you would be better off single. You can feel miserable about yourself all BY yourself! I understand the value of marriage vows however, those vows do not include being mentally and emotionally abused. If your husband is calling you a fat *kitten*, it is in my opinion that he is miserable with himself and needs to make you feel bad to make himself feel better. If your marriage means that much to you, then I suggest that you speak one-on-one with your husband and let him know exactly how his words make you feel. If he won't listen, or doesn't understand what you are explaining then find a way to make him understand. Perhaps a night spent at the hotel all by yourself (without telling him where you're going) will wake him up a little!
  • aortiz1112
    aortiz1112 Posts: 9
    @joanfudala Wow did we have the same ex and not know it? :laugh:
  • BranMuffin947
    BranMuffin947 Posts: 104 Member
    =/ I get the same crap & I'm not married.
  • wonderwoman1974
    wonderwoman1974 Posts: 66 Member
    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    My ex husband used to treat me that way. Unfortunately, my depression got the best of me and it took a serious wake up call for me to take control of my life. I went from 242 to 165 in a 7 month span out of sheer will and determination. I finally realized that I MATTERED and what he said had no control over my life. You have to do the same. I also valued my marriage, I stayed in a physically and verbally abusive marriage for 13. 5 years and had 2 children with him before I walked away...less than a year after that wake up call.

    I'm not saying walk away or not. I am saying find your strength within yourself and DO IT FOR YOU. Don't let him control you. HE doesn't deserve that power, take it back.

    Feel free to add me if you would like. I wish the best of luck in your journey! Know that YOU CAN DO THIS!!
  • Iceman420
    Iceman420 Posts: 195
    Wow, that guy is a real jerk. I can't tell you what to do, but I can say marriage vows are worthless if you are being abused like that. Don't let him drive you deeper into depression.
  • Sul3i
    Sul3i Posts: 553 Member
    I didn't even realize this post was still going. Just to catch everyone up... we did talk. He apologized for calling me these names. Yes, it did start when I started to make a lifestyle change. He admitted that he's insecure about me making changes. He also figured that since he has lost 40 lbs, I would want to do the same things he did to lose weight. I explained that those words hurt and do nothing to motivate me. That he has to understand that I am fighting against medications, depression, bipolar disorder, hypothyroidism, and sciatica that he never had to deal with. Losing weight is going to be different for me. It helped that I took him to my doctor's appointment yesterday and had the doctor explain to him that I'm not lazy, but that medically speaking, my metabolism isn't working the same as a "normal" person's does. Also, he is a wonderful husband and father in every aspect except harsh words when it comes to my weight loss. He is not abusive to me in any other way, and I'm not even sure I would count an argument where he said hurtful words as being "abusive". I was looking for some encouragement when he said hurtful words, not to hear that I should divorce him over an argument. Good grief.


    Its great to hear u guys talked about it and resolved n seem to be on a better path!! Best wishes. :flowerforyou:
  • bkind2nmals
    bkind2nmals Posts: 27 Member
    I feel so sad reading your story!! :sad: My husband is the opposite. He actually likes me at this bigger size which doesn't give me much motivation to want to change. But I will take that over what you are experiencing any day. As far as divorce, I had a horrible first marriage and gained a ton of weght bc of depression and feeling alone and, even though I resisted the divorce (he wanted it), I called it the easiest diet I ever went on. I lost 170 pounds the first day after the divorce and then another 40 on my own just by loving myself again and starting an exercise program. I agree emotional deprivation can cause weight gain and low self esteem and it is abusive. We support you in your efforts to change your lifestyle and don't let your spouse's comments bring you down!!
  • jdanjos
    jdanjos Posts: 5
    Those words are not motivation, I don't care which way you stir it. You might want to talk to him and tell him 1. That is verbal abuse 2. You will not tolerate it.

    Verbal abuse ended my marriage. I let it go on and it got to the point where it was embarrassing, my x would say things in public.

    I'd say tell him to stop it now before he feels he can say anything at anytime. No need for name calling in a good healthy loving relationship.
  • anna_1991
    anna_1991 Posts: 6
    I am sorry but your husband sounds very immature. These are comments I would expect from kids and not a grown up man. I believe in marriage vows too but it's so terrible to put your spouse down. Your only answer is to show him results not by talking but by your body.

    I can imagine it would have upset you. Big hugs !!!
    :flowerforyou:
  • betteringmyselfeachday
    betteringmyselfeachday Posts: 99
    First off, how rude of him. We all have our flaws whether it be weight, tobacco uses, alcohol, etc.

    Sit down and explain to him that this really hurts you emotionally when he says this stuff. Help him see where you are coming from. Give him some examples of things he can do/say to be more of a support system.

    I know you believe in your marriage, you have to also believe in what you are worth. Forget how you feel, remember what you deserve. To be loved and supported, unconditionally. If stuff like this is ongoing, then it could be emotional abuse. Seek couples counseling.

    You can do this. DO this for you, not him. Stay positive. It is one step at a time...
  • Bigora
    Bigora Posts: 20 Member
    That is verbal abuse! He has already broken wedding vows to honor and respect you. Call him out on this terrible behavior!

    This.

    And I would ask him what he would do, if somebody would say that to your daughters..... puts it into a little perspective.
    At least in my opinion.
  • mike5802
    mike5802 Posts: 20 Member
    I've read that Willie Nelson's first wife tied him up in a sheet and beat the hell out of him with a broom when she got sick of his drinking. She did this just before she left him.

    Too subtle? OK, simply ignore him. NOBODY likes to be ignored. Maybe, he'll take the hint.
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    You teach people how to treat you. Teach him that he can't treat you that way. He needs to honor his vows to love, honor and cherish.

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