Father brings his daughter into the men's locker room
Replies
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Ammon......NO! A good father will use the FAMILY LOCKER ROOM!
This
It is definitely possible that it didn't occur to him. He may just have been thinking about family boundaries. Four is definitely too old to ignore public boundries. Kids need to be taught how we behave in public. Even if he thinks it is no big deal, the societal norm is that opposite genders do not share locker rooms. Overreacting was not cool, but it happens. If he does it again, try apologizing if you sounded rude. It was unintentional, so he should understand. Then explain that it makes people uncomfortable and that there are family locker rooms for that purpose. If he is a normal, good guy, he'll get it. If not, you'll never win him over and you just need to check out your gym's rules. If iit's allowed, there's nothing you can do. If it's not and he doesn't listen to reason, go over his head and make a complaint.0 -
I had pizza for dinner tonight. I haven't been doing too well for the last couple of weeks, I hope I can get back on track soon.
Perfect timing! :laugh:
Okay, best post in this thread. :drinker:
Right on, man. Now I can leave this thread in peace... :flowerforyou:0 -
Here's my problem with it. You are desensitizing that child to seeing things of a private nature regarding random strangers. So what, the kid is then say 5 and the perv down the road wants to show her his junk, but hey she thinks it's okay because she's seen plenty of men's private parts before because she goes in the locker room with daddy all the time. It's normal to that child and thus the child won't raise the concern they probably should to a parent.0
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Ammon......NO! A good father will use the FAMILY LOCKER ROOM!
This
It is definitely possible that it didn't occur to him. He may just have been thinking about family boundaries. Four is definitely too old to ignore public boundries. Kids need to be taught how we behave in public. Even if he thinks it is no big deal, the societal norm is that opposite genders do not share locker rooms. Overreacting was not cool, but it happens. If he does it again, try apologizing if you sounded rude. It was unintentional, so he should understand. Then explain that it makes people uncomfortable and that there are family locker rooms for that purpose. If he is a normal, good guy, he'll get it. If not, you'll never win him over and you just need to check out your gym's rules. If iit's allowed, there's nothing you can do. If it's not and he doesn't listen to reason, go over his head and make a complaint.
My gym doesn't have a family locker room. Soooo... ?0 -
yea that's bad. I mean I gasp when women bring little boys into the women's locker room about that age or older when my girly parts are hanging out...0
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Here's my problem with it. You are desensitizing that child to seeing things of a private nature regarding random strangers. So what, the kid is then say 5 and the perv down the road wants to show her his junk, but hey she thinks it's okay because she's seen plenty of men's private parts before because she goes in the locker room with daddy all the time. It's normal to that child and thus the child won't raise the concern they probably should to a parent.
That's when parenting comes in to teach the children boundaries. I think one of the biggest things that are usually taught (I hope) is don't socialize with strangers.0 -
My dad used to take me into the men's locker room at the YMCA when I took swimming lessons. The story goes that I noticed a man with a long ponytail (it was the '70s) and said loudly "Daddy!! I never saw a girl with a penis before!!!"
At the Fitness Center where I work, children under 5 must be with their parent in the adult locker room, children over 5 must go to the children's locker rooms. Except for children with special needs.
I don't understand the problem really. Is it better to leave a little girl alone in the women's locker room and expect her to manage on her own and to trust that nobody shady is in there with her while she's uncared for? She's four. She can not go into a public locker room alone. She is much much safer being with her father where he can keep her safe and keep her with him.
Yup, this ^^^. 4 year old with her father practicing healty fitness habits. Shameful.
ETA it's called the human body and we all have one. Also shameful. SMH.0 -
mmm interesting topic for sure. Being a mom, anytime we go to the pool or water park or swim lessons etc the majority of the showers are moms and kids of different ages and sexes all showering. Granted most of the time i go out is during the day with stay at home moms and there is not another option at most places and most people do not think twice. those who do generally change in the bath room stall drape a towel or dress in the corner with minimal body parts facing out
but other just don"t care.
the last time we went to a public water park during the day someone elses kid was poping in and out of a locker, and crawling on the floor making duck noises. meh it happens My friend son is like 5 and he was in there he has special needs and is aware but not nearly as much that he can be left alone while she was changing and showering and getting her other kids ready. my boys are four and they go everwhere I go unless dad is availble to take them.
that being said if there was a family room available and open I would use that first...A) those rooms have doors and locks and I can keep the little buggers contained., and it is less stressful, and easier. And if there was daycare available I would leave them there until I was done in the shower cuase it is not very often mommy gets a shower or go to the bathroom with out someone comming in or banging on the damn door the whole time, so if someone else is going to watch them HOORAY
but I guess IMO and everyone has their own opinion... naked is naked naked does not automatically = sexual.
I guess if I had a problem with the age of someone in the ladies room/locker room and I don"t feel 5-6 is weird unless they were being obviously inapropriate. I would just walk to another area in the locker room or find a stall. and If I was that uncomfortable I would say somthing to management or find a gym like mine where there are not kids allowed and they only have 1 bathroom for each sex.
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Here's my problem with it. You are desensitizing that child to seeing things of a private nature regarding random strangers. So what, the kid is then say 5 and the perv down the road wants to show her his junk, but hey she thinks it's okay because she's seen plenty of men's private parts before because she goes in the locker room with daddy all the time. It's normal to that child and thus the child won't raise the concern they probably should to a parent.
A responsible parent will have conversations with their child, from a young age, about what is and isn't appropriate. Changing your clothing in a locker room before and after being active: appropriate. Taking your clothes off in the playroom, or allowing someone to show you their genitals behind the shed: inappropriate.
Stop letting the teevee raise your children, take some active responsibility and be frucking rational about what the world is really like.0 -
IMO, he should have taken her to the family changing rooms, especially with that age child0
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I'm more upset about people sitting bare *kitten* in the sauna then a kid seeing another human nude, only in the home of the "free" would people make such a big deal about this, all over the world people walk around nude and the world hasn't stopped spinning yet.0
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I think he is saying you go ahead and teach your children to think that naked is creepy and yucky and he will go ahead and teach his children that it is perfectly normal. I also prefer to teach my child that it is ok to be naked and to see others naked. We can teach our children what we want, yay for that hey.No, no, no, no. A body isn't just a body to a 4 year old, especially a 4 year old girl seeing balls and penises swinging around. Just because YOU don't think it's a big deal doesn't mean you should put your kid in that situation not knowing if it will traumatize them or not. Maybe you should just plan ahead instead of finding yourself in a bad situation like that and acting out of desperation.
A child will only be traumatized if their parents shelter them from nudity or tell them that being naked is bad.......Maybe parents need to educate their children before such situations occur. I'm sure there are cutesy children's books that can do that.
As evidenced by the array of responses & reactions in this thread, each person is different, regardless of whether their parents told them nudity is icky or not. What I'm saying is that parents should not assume their 4 year olds can handle seeing dangling adult genitalia just because they think that their 4 year old selves could have. That's my opinion.
Your kids probably not. Mind are good. Thank you very much. And you and your type, stay away from my kids.
Why would you say this? What are you implying? That those of us who prefer privacy are somehow perverts? What a creepy response. :noway:0 -
I'm more upset about people sitting bare *kitten* in the sauna then a kid seeing another human nude, only in the home of the "free" would people make such a big deal about this, all over the world people walk around nude and the world hasn't stopped spinning yet.
hell ya!0 -
Here's my problem with it. You are desensitizing that child to seeing things of a private nature regarding random strangers. So what, the kid is then say 5 and the perv down the road wants to show her his junk, but hey she thinks it's okay because she's seen plenty of men's private parts before because she goes in the locker room with daddy all the time. It's normal to that child and thus the child won't raise the concern they probably should to a parent.
This is where, again, teaching your child what is appropriate and what isn't comes into play. My children know that only our family Dr may look at, or touch them, and even then, only if mommy or daddy is there. Same with others showing them. Its okay to see mommy, daddy, brother, or sister, but beyond that, they understand perfectly when it is appropriate and when it isn't. Give kids a little credit. They're smarter than ya think.0 -
Thank you, well said.Here's my problem with it. You are desensitizing that child to seeing things of a private nature regarding random strangers. So what, the kid is then say 5 and the perv down the road wants to show her his junk, but hey she thinks it's okay because she's seen plenty of men's private parts before because she goes in the locker room with daddy all the time. It's normal to that child and thus the child won't raise the concern they probably should to a parent.
A responsible parent will have conversations with their child, from a young age, about what is and isn't appropriate. Changing your clothing in a locker room before and after being active: appropriate. Taking your clothes off in the playroom, or allowing someone to show you their genitals behind the shed: inappropriate.
Stop letting the teevee raise your children, take some active responsibility and be frucking rational about what the world is really like.0 -
When I was about 4 or 5 my dad took me into a men's bathroom because I was at a county fair only with him and I had to pee. What was he supposed to do? Send me into the bathroom on my own? No, he did what any good parent would do and chaperoned his young child into the bathroom. He got me into a stall, I did my business, washed my hands, and left. I was not traumatized by the male penises peeing into the urinals. Situations like this are not traumatic unless there's a reason for them to be traumatic. This little girl's experience probably WILL be traumatic, because you came yelling at her dad and made a big deal out of something that didn't need to be confrontational at all.
I get that he should have used the family facilities if they existed. The better and more appropriate thing for you to do was just suggest to him nicely that in the future he should use the family facilities - that maybe it would be more comfortable since he had his child with him. If he made a big deal after that then you could have spoken with the staff. Instead you made yourself look like an *kitten* and probably really did traumatize this girl.0 -
Here's where I get confused. Were you angry about the situation for your sake or the child's? Meaning, are you upset a child could see you naked or that a child could see men naked? If it’s the former, you just projected your insecurities on a small child teaching her that there is something wrong with a man's body. If it’s the latter, why would you assume that seeing men naked would scar the child for life, but seeing a half naked man yelling at her father ABOUT HER wouldn't?
And to the post about the men in the locker room being charged with indecency in front of a child. That's ridiculous. Indecency requires an intent to derive sexual pleasure for yourself or incite sexual pleasure in another person. Where I live, my husband could stand at the end of our driveway (private property) naked as a jaybird and pee into the yard in front of other people and the police couldn't do anything. It's not indecency without sexual intent. It's not child abuse. It's naked bodies. And the sooner you start teaching your children about it, the less-confusing life is later. A point -- it seems -- many of your parents missed out on.
There were better ways to handle the situation. Next time, try the grown up way.0 -
Ammon......NO! A good father will use the FAMILY LOCKER ROOM!
This
It is definitely possible that it didn't occur to him. He may just have been thinking about family boundaries. Four is definitely too old to ignore public boundries. Kids need to be taught how we behave in public. Even if he thinks it is no big deal, the societal norm is that opposite genders do not share locker rooms. Overreacting was not cool, but it happens. If he does it again, try apologizing if you sounded rude. It was unintentional, so he should understand. Then explain that it makes people uncomfortable and that there are family locker rooms for that purpose. If he is a normal, good guy, he'll get it. If not, you'll never win him over and you just need to check out your gym's rules. If iit's allowed, there's nothing you can do. If it's not and he doesn't listen to reason, go over his head and make a complaint.
My gym doesn't have a family locker room. Soooo... ?
OP said his does. As I said, if the gym allows it, there's nothing he can do. In yours he couldn't do anything0 -
Really? This nimrod brings his 4 year old daughter into the men's locker room at the gym. I saw him do it a few weeks ago but couldn't catch him (I was too busy diving for a towel). What would you do? I lost it and confronted him. Probably didn't handle it too well. There's naked men walking around without towels. Am I insane or was this guy completely clueless?
I will be honest and say I have not read most of the responses in this thread. What I will say, as a response to this, is if you ever confronted me about bringing my daughter into a locker room and my choices as a parent, you would not stay on your feet for very long.0 -
Why is it any less appropriate for that father to not just head home with his daughter and err on the side of caution and take his shower when he returns home? I have talks with my children about strangers, dangers in public, and all of that jazz. Also FYI we live overseas we don't even have cable so no the "teevee" isn't raising my children. They may get a family movie in the evening with us but that's hard from a tv raising my children. That being said it simply comes down to being a responsible parent, not expecting my child to be a responsible adult. For instance my four year old sometimes "forgets" things like rules such as don't cross the street without an adult and other no no's like most young children, I am not going to simply count on my childs awareness when I could take additional measures myself and not subject my children to things above their current understanding.0
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I'm more upset about people sitting bare *kitten* in the sauna then a kid seeing another human nude, only in the home of the "free" would people make such a big deal about this, all over the world people walk around nude and the world hasn't stopped spinning yet.
Right, but different societies have different norms. That's not a bad thing. We teach our children what is normal in our own culture. It's fine to teach them that it is normal elsewhere or that you don't like that rule very much, but they do need to learn what is normal for where they live.0 -
Sorry, why is this inappropriate (other than the family room thing)? What the hell happens in the locker rooms? I assume people are mostly civilized.
These people must think that the men's locker room is one big orgy......
They must, the pervs.0 -
When I was about 4 or 5 my dad took me into a men's bathroom because I was at a county fair only with him and I had to pee. What was he supposed to do? Send me into the bathroom on my own? No, he did what any good parent would do and chaperoned his young child into the bathroom. He got me into a stall, I did my business, washed my hands, and left. I was not traumatized by the male penises peeing into the urinals. Situations like this are not traumatic unless there's a reason for them to be traumatic. This little girl's experience probably WILL be traumatic, because you came yelling at her dad and made a big deal out of something that didn't need to be confrontational at all.
I get that he should have used the family facilities if they existed. The better and more appropriate thing for you to do was just suggest to him nicely that in the future he should use the family facilities - that maybe it would be more comfortable since he had his child with him. If he made a big deal after that then you could have spoken with the staff. Instead you made yourself look like an *kitten* and probably really did traumatize this girl.
^^Totally agree with this. If we weren't conditioned by society or upbringing to jump to the conclusion that every stranger is a predator and look at it from a human perspective, he may have felt intimidated to use the "family facilities" since they are predominantly used by women (I know they are in my gym), therefore he chose the option that he felt most comfortable with as a mature, adult looking out for the safety of his child. I've been through way worse "trauma" as a child but as a mature adult, I recognize what was appropriate and what was not.0 -
I'm more upset about people sitting bare *kitten* in the sauna then a kid seeing another human nude, only in the home of the "free" would people make such a big deal about this, all over the world people walk around nude and the world hasn't stopped spinning yet.
Right, but different societies have different norms. That's not a bad thing. We teach our children what is normal in our own culture. It's fine to teach them that it is normal elsewhere or that you don't like that rule very much, but they do need to learn what is normal for where they live.
You and I live in two different societies and cultures then. In mine its perfectly normal to take my daughters into the bathroom with me and in the occasional locker room. There certainly are regional differences in these United States (assuming you are speaking of the United States).0 -
I'm more upset about people sitting bare *kitten* in the sauna then a kid seeing another human nude, only in the home of the "free" would people make such a big deal about this, all over the world people walk around nude and the world hasn't stopped spinning yet.
Right, but different societies have different norms. That's not a bad thing. We teach our children what is normal in our own culture. It's fine to teach them that it is normal elsewhere or that you don't like that rule very much, but they do need to learn what is normal for where they live.
You and I live in two different societies and cultures then. In mine its perfectly normal to take my daughters into the bathroom with me and in the occasional locker room. There certainly are regional differences in these United States (assuming you are speaking of the United States).
Exactly :-) There can be a different culture in different gyms even. His gym has family locker rooms, so I'm assuming they have created a culture where the family locker room is the norm for mixed gender family members changing together0 -
I don't think people realize that children develop long term memory at around the age of 2 or 3. At 4 - this girl will remember this. Its like moms who breast feed past 5,6,7years of age. They don't realize that there kid is going to grow up remembering that..."experience".0
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I'm more upset about people sitting bare *kitten* in the sauna then a kid seeing another human nude, only in the home of the "free" would people make such a big deal about this, all over the world people walk around nude and the world hasn't stopped spinning yet.
Right, but different societies have different norms. That's not a bad thing. We teach our children what is normal in our own culture. It's fine to teach them that it is normal elsewhere or that you don't like that rule very much, but they do need to learn what is normal for where they live.
You and I live in two different societies and cultures then. In mine its perfectly normal to take my daughters into the bathroom with me and in the occasional locker room. There certainly are regional differences in these United States (assuming you are speaking of the United States).
Exactly :-) There can be a different culture in different gyms even. His gym has family locker rooms, so I'm assuming they have created a culture where the family locker room is the norm for mixed gender family members changing together
Oh my. Really? Small town, correct?0 -
In my experience, those moms want their kids to remember that.I don't think people realize that children develop long term memory at around the age of 2 or 3. At 4 - this girl will remember this. Its like moms who breast feed past 5,6,7years of age. They don't realize that there kid is going to grow up remembering that..."experience".0 -
I don't think people realize that children develop long term memory at around the age of 2 or 3. At 4 - this girl will remember this. Its like moms who breast feed past 5,6,7years of age. They don't realize that there kid is going to grow up remembering that..."experience".
There is nothing horrifying about this experience except that some man yelled at her dad in the locker room. I'm sure she'll remember THAT forever. There's nothing wrong with a child seeing nudity in a non-sexual setting. Even if she remembered that forever, so what?
But really, the original poster really created an unforgettable situation.0 -
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