Guys that are a 3 trying to be with girls that are an 8...

Options
1…89111314…21

Replies

  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    Options
    What are the criteria that makes up this rating scale? How would I know what number someone is? And isnt it a bit biased if I were to rate myself?

    haha - all you have to do is go into the "Rate the person above you only if you can handle the trut" threads... everyone is an 8, 9 or 10!

    or eleventy.

    You are definitely eleventy.

    Am I allowed to say that I don't think the OP is an 8?

    OP: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because you don't find those men attractive doesn't mean that you're hotter than them.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    I would say many of these people don't go in those threads for the same reasons as said here. Perhaps OP should venture in there, though.

    I stay out of those threads because, despite my wish to think I wouldn't, I would probably get all butt-hurt. So I just stay out of them and don't have to deal with any funny feelings that may result.

    Problem solved.
  • desiv2
    desiv2 Posts: 651 Member
    Options


    But I feel like myself, and a lot of other single girls I know, all know that we aren't 10s and aren't under any false pre-tenses that we could get a guy that looks like Channing Tatum... we tend to be pretty realistic about the guys that we will 'go after' but continue to get NO RESPONSE from a lot of these guys either. But, yes I'm overweight... I keep full-length, current pics up on dating websites so that people 'know what they're getting'. (Profile pic was taken earlier this month... I know I'm not a Katherine Heigl... but didn't think I was 'make small children weep' ugly either?) I have been fully supporting myself financially since I graduated college at 22... I live on my own, I have been working a full time job that makes enough to pay all of my own bills, have a little 'fun money' and put some in savings since I graduated college. I know how to cook and clean for myself, am able to drive my own car etc, and I feel like I'm pretty reasonable about looks in general, as well as body types of guys that are 'in my league Yet it seem like even these guys are all holding out for only the beautiful girls.

    I think you should really give yourself more credit hun. For guys that aren't interested in you, just keep it moving. There are people out there that think you're MORE beautiful than Katherine Heigl! Beauty is 100% relative. You have to accept that.

    It makes me really sad to read that you don't look at yourself and think you're "a 10"....You refer to "the beautiful girls" as if you're not in that category. My biggest suggestion to you would be to put the dating aside and start doing some work on the inside to figure out why you think you're not beautiful.

    As cliche as it sounds, the saying is true. You really have to learn to love yourself before you can ever be successful in love with anyone else. You'll much much happier in long run...With or without a boyfriend. :flowerforyou:




    This.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Options
    I would say many of these people don't go in those threads for the same reasons as said here. Perhaps OP should venture in there, though.

    I stay out of those threads because, despite my wish to think I wouldn't, I would probably get all butt-hurt. So I just stay out of them and don't have to deal with any funny feelings that may result.

    Problem solved.

    You're a 10 in my book, quirky. :flowerforyou:
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
    Options
    I don't know what you're talking about. I refuse to date any of the little people whether they be a 3, or a 10. They're just all below me.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
    Options
    Some women find a man attractive if he is stable and able to support her financially. I dated cute jerks and they did nothing for me. I decided on a mature older guy who was college educated, motivated and treated me like a princess. I have no regrets. He has supported me emotionaly, financially and put me through college without me having to work. I say that overrates looks on every level, I am a big fan of security. If it was all about passion I would still be with my cheating ex. Also a great personality can bump your number ten fold in my opinion. That's not to say you don't have to be attracted to your significant other on some level, but good character just enhances appeal.

    Ditto!
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    Options
    I met my fiance online dating, and generally found what you described to be true. Until I went to a plus-size dating site. Once I did that, the game changed. Once the men who were looking for a thin gal were out of the running, the ones that were on that site could see the real me. I think it's possible to be on a plus-size site and be clear in your objective to get healthy and find a partner interested in the same.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Options
    Oh yay. Let's shame ALL OF THE BODIES.

    I prefer to whisper sweet nothings to mine
  • jr1985
    jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
    Options
    What are the criteria that makes up this rating scale? How would I know what number someone is? And isnt it a bit biased if I were to rate myself?

    haha - all you have to do is go into the "Rate the person above you only if you can handle the trut" threads... everyone is an 8, 9 or 10!

    or eleventy.

    You are definitely eleventy.

    Am I allowed to say that I don't think the OP is an 8?

    OP: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because you don't find those men attractive doesn't mean that you're hotter than them.

    Uh If you'll read the original post, I never said that I was an 8... Haven't you been paying attention to the posts? I clearly rank somewhere in the Troll category, with the personality of Adolph Hitler for being the only person on MFP who considers anyone else, within my league or not within my league. At least I have my cats to keep me company...
  • crazy4lulu
    crazy4lulu Posts: 822 Member
    Options
    have we ever heard of the saying " you cant judge a book by its cover"? Apparently... not!!!
  • MightyDomo
    MightyDomo Posts: 1,265 Member
    Options
    I definitely feel you! I have a number of guy friends who admit their crushes to me (I am not intersted because they have SO's and I hate losing good friends even if they didn't have SO's in case it never worked out) and they tell me how gorgeous I am yet guys that I am attracted to and we have a lot in common tilt their nose up at me when it comes to dating.

    I am average pretty and I am not entirely overweight (definitely not right now at least) and I am a very confident person so I don't get it... I just don't
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    Options
    I had an attitude like this when I started this journey years ago. The only men I dated treated me poorly and I thought I deserved it because I believed that I was too ugly to get a good guy. Half way through my weight loss, my confidence and outlook on the world started to change and then I met my boyfriend and he says I am a 10 even though I am no supermodel. Change starts with yourself...
  • avababy05
    avababy05 Posts: 930 Member
    Options
    I would say one whom rates another human in my view are not worthwhile knowing I believe if you have learned to love yourself in your skin in a non vain way of course then you will learn you don't need the approval of a man or women or there rates in life to be happy and by doing so you will stop noticing the wasters of this life and will start to see others it's normal tho for ones self to aim higher and yes usually men are more vocal with there choice of women but women may not say it at the same level but still aim higher we live in a vain world there is more to someone then a number there is more to someone then just looks I say stop worrying about others and start to learn to love yourself then and only then will you be able to be loved by another

    This.And some advice from an older (44) woman.Stop sweating it.Love comes when it comes.And that's all there is to it.:smile:
  • TheUnthinkingMajority
    TheUnthinkingMajority Posts: 82 Member
    Options
    Why does it always have to be numbers, rates, and looks? Can't personality be entered into the equation?
    Never mind, I forgot that's not what relationships are about anymore.
  • Mcmilligen
    Mcmilligen Posts: 332 Member
    Options
    People have different perceptions of what makes someone a 3 vs a 10.

    Sometimes a person with great looks can be a 3 in the personality department. Know what I mean?

    I don't really believe in being in someone's "league". But a lot of people do.
    Unfortunately, a lot of people think they "deserve" a certain type.....in a shallow way. They'll hold out for "arm candy" and will miss out on some really great people.

    Of course being with someone that's physically in great shape is a bonus, but not a must IMO.
    Personality and humor over ride physical appearance by a big margin.

    Be patient. You'll find someone. : ) Good luck to you.

    I agree! Once I decided to stop looking for a cute guy and work on my relationship with myself, things started to naturally fall in to place. I now only base my opinion of a person after I've gotten to know them a little more. Believe me, there are a number of personality traits that can make or break a relationship no matter HOW hot this guy in question is. Perhaps the "3's" dating the "8's" are together because they actually have a true connection and the relationship isn't based on appearance alone. Something to think about ;)
  • dareacceptor
    dareacceptor Posts: 58 Member
    Options
    Uh If you'll read the original post, I never said that I was an 8... Haven't you been paying attention to the posts? I clearly rank somewhere in the Troll category, with the personality of Adolph Hitler for being the only person on MFP who considers anyone else, within my league or not within my league. At least I have my cats to keep me company...

    Nice to see you taking the responses so well - this thread has certainly entertained me!!

    (BTW - I totally get what you're saying!)
  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
    Options
    True beauty is in the HEART, MIND and SOUL. Honestly, everyone is beautiful in the eyes of God. Looks fade, but the impact you made in others and in the world leave a timeless, priceless legacy. Guys that are too superficial to see true beauty are not worth your time. Guys comparing you to females on Maxim or Sports Illustrated are a complete waste of time. A true good guy appreciates you for who you are and loves you for your heart.
  • UnderCoverShyGirl
    UnderCoverShyGirl Posts: 254 Member
    Options
    I'm sad that so many people concentrated on your remarks about rating people - i don't think you intended to mean exactly that - i think you were just trying to explain some things about why you are frustrated in the world of dating....though i do agree with their premise of rating is in the eye of the beholder and stupid to boot....

    That said, I think there are two things -
    1) you personally may have a dating issue because, as others have mentioned, your self esteem might not be where it needs to be (love yourself). Cliche as it sounds, it really is true, our thinking we are "less than" is often evident, even in an online profile - we disclaimer that we know we're "fat", or say things that really clue people into the fact that we are not confident...confidence is uber attractive. Ever notice that the days where you feel gorgeous, it seems like everyone is noticing you? It's true!

    2) For those confident women that still have a problem? I have found that women who are self assured, mature, have their crap together, etc...don't attract men the same way needy, fragile girls do (whether they are truly needy/fragile, or just "appear" a little helpless)....i might get flack for saying it, but i think that innately, many men, whether they realize it or not, often do want to "take care" of their significant other - and if you don't seem like you need taking care of, those men aren't necessarily attracted to you. I think that's just nature. My opinion, of course. I'm not saying that all men just want a needy woman, or that woman "act" needy...I'm saying that there are woman that have their stuff together and act super independent and those that while they may also have their stuff together, seem more approachable and willing to be "helped" and "advised", etc...i'm digging myself a hole i think, so I'll stop now, but as i look at all the woman in my life, many of whom are pretty and have their stuff together, i definitely notice a difference in datability based on demeanor, so to speak...

    I think it helps to realize that in our lifetime, we hopefully only "mate" or "marry" once, for some a couple/few times. That means that every other person you date/meet, will not be "the one". With that in mind, what does it matter if a zillion guys aren't dating you...eventually one will, and hopefully that one, will be the right one. Every other one won't be....
  • MrsSardone
    MrsSardone Posts: 194 Member
    Options
    Since there are so many people who aren't "rating" others, does this mean that all the research being done in biology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive science to explain our sexual psyches are all for nothing? Everyone is REALLY selecting sexual mates based on...?
  • runningfataway
    runningfataway Posts: 262
    Options
    You're single because your type, doesn't like you back. Maybe if you were more open minded, and let go of that list of requirements love would be a possibility.

Categories