Guys that are a 3 trying to be with girls that are an 8...

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  • mmarlow61
    mmarlow61 Posts: 112 Member
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    Beauty is only skin deep. TRUE beauty goes to the core. You don't know what you might be missing by ranking guys on their looks.
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
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    Are these ratings based on looks only? If so, that's your problem. We all get old and 'ugly' at some point in our lives. If there is no 'personality' under that skin, ya'll are doomed.
    How can you rate a guy a 3 when you don't know him? To me, that's rating him because he wont date you and like another guy said, maybe that guy thinks he's a ten, kind of like you don't think you are a 3.
    Change your attitude, act like you're happy if you're not and be someone you'd like to be around. You'll find someone. Good luck!
  • witchy_wife
    witchy_wife Posts: 792 Member
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    I love Steve Buscemi

    Yeah this!! I don't really get the whole rating thing.
  • stephanielindsey
    stephanielindsey Posts: 67
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    Can a person really control what they are attracted to? Personally, even though I am overweight, I am absolutely not attracted to heavier men. I've tried to date a few cause they were nice guys but the attraction is just not there. Does that mean I try to date out of my league? No, I don't think so. I think I deserve to be with someone I am attracted to and can have an active sex life with.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    I remember when I was in middle school. I was one of the taller girls (pretty average now, just grew a bit early)
    All the TALL guys were 'dating' all the short girls. It upset me, that all us 'taller girls' were gonna be stuck with 'short guys'

    It was a middle school mindset.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I would stay off dating sites. They are set up to be very visual. The first thing you see is the photo of the other person, so you make a judgement immediately based on looks.

    Looks are temporary. We all end up gray and wrinkled eventually. Personalities and character last forever. And those are hard to find on dating sites.

    And also, we all have a tendency to think we are a higher number than we really are. Years ago I set up two friends that had so many things in common and I thought they would be perfect for each other. After the meeting, they both were mad at me for introducing them to someone who was so far beneath them! Had to laugh.
  • 1newcat
    1newcat Posts: 75 Member
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    I'm not sure you can judge someone because you're not their type regardless of whatever imaginary scale you think they're rating you on. I've dated all types of people and the one thing i have found to be consistent is people like confidence, laughter and realness... outer packaging is important to some, but different wrappers turn on different people. I mean are you attracted to EVERY guy that might be rated an 8-10 by other women's standards? I hate sounding mean, butbi think you need to worry a bit more about your inner beauty and confidence than blame others for preference.
  • Leigh012976
    Leigh012976 Posts: 71
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    First, I think your problem is that you are "rating" these people. Second, it sounds like you have very low self esteem, and trust me, that comes across whether you try to mask it or not. Third, it could be the age. It seems alot of men are settling down much later in life (think late 30s). Or, it could be where you are seeing/meeting them. Hate to tell ya, but you are not going to find your soulmate in a bar or club.

    Be comfortable with who you are and the rest will follow. The guys you say are ugly and trying to date out of their league as you think, could be they don't think they are beneath the barbie girls. Maybe they think they are human and have no number associated with them.

    PS: I think Steve Buscemi is adorable. There is something about a man with a sense of humor :happy:
  • rockangel8907
    rockangel8907 Posts: 429 Member
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    I know I am okay looking, nothing special....I haven't been out on many dates, really don't get hit on, but I also don't put myself out there, maybe I would get more dates if I went out more... I don't know but I do know I would be horrified if I knew that a guy wasn't going to even consider dating me because I'm a 4 and he won't settle for anything less than a 8. I've dated different types of guys, I like different types. I have a particular type but there is a huge range of guys I am interested in in that "type".
    If a guy approaches me that I am not attracted to am I horribly offended? No, I'm flattered but politely decline.
  • Bumdrahp
    Bumdrahp Posts: 1,314 Member
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    I should add to the Steve Buscemi discussion that my sister is drop dead gorgeous and has the weirdest celebrity crush ever -

    video_gilbert_gottfried_talks_ball_sort_of.jpg

    I asked her if she was serious when I found out and she said, "He's just so cute!" Lol...

    HAHAH this is great!!

    I also have a mini crush on Zack Galifianakis.. short chubby guy with a beard, from the Hangover.
  • lenniebus
    lenniebus Posts: 321 Member
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    Now, I'm an old married woman, but when I was dating, there were lots of guys who passed me by, some of whom I thought were attractive/smart/nice, etc. The same happened to my husband--some girls apparently even laughed at him when he asked them out--how rude!). Neither of us is "all that" --but he certainly is to me, and I hope I am to him!!! I think it really is a case of finding the right mix of everything that makes you go "Phaw" on a regular, consistent basis. Not easy to find by any means--but something to treasure if you've found it.
  • prudism
    prudism Posts: 149 Member
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    I do not do numbers I am confident in myself and I aim high but for me the biggest factor has to be character
    if he is so handsome but has no character the throw him back .
    Thankfully I have a real hunk I love him to bits and he has a nice gentle character btw all the girls stare at him when we are out and about. Makes me smile
  • DeathIsMyGift
    DeathIsMyGift Posts: 434 Member
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    I completely understand what you are saying. I will not climb up on the high horse and say crap like, "You shouldn't judge on looks...give someone a number...blahblahblahblah" because I believe at the heart of this post you aren't being judgemental. You are merely curious as to why an unattractive guy only wants to date a Barbie doll. I completely get what you are saying. I really don't have an answer for you. I have a friend, he is almost 40, not bad looking but hasn't had a job in nearly 6 years, lives in a house owned by his mother, takes money from his mother for gas,food,etc and expects to find a girl who is financially well off, has a house, a nice car AND is a super model. It's just not happening. Being a "3" doesn't necessarily mean "looks", it's the overall package. A "10" without a job, car, etc can easily become a "5".

    It's not just guys though. A lot of chicks do this too. But if a female "3" is willing to put out, most "hot" guys will go for it. Not all, but most.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
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    Yeah leave us 3s alone jeez!
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
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    I have never thought about myself in terms of a number.

    ever.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
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    The key to success in all things is often what others may see as a delusional level of self-confidence.
    For years I wondered "How the hell did that guy get her?" or "How did he get the balls to ask her out?"

    The answer was in the question, he had the balls I didn't have.

    I understand some women rate those qualities quite high.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I have never thought about myself in terms of a number.

    ever.

    9.99/10

    I'm a 9.87. Do I have a chance??
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    In all seriousness, OP, though I know you're sort of a "Drop divisive topic and skeedaddle" person:

    People that place external blame on things ("Ugh, I just have bad luck!"; "Ugh, I'm not ugly and self-supporting! It's those guys!") generally fall into the "attribution bias" pitfall. If a "10" in your books messaged you on the site, you'd probably feel pretty good about yourself, right? But when a "3" doesn't happen to message you, it's instantly because he's looking for a "10" himself? You're sort of assigning this principle on other people, and granted, as others have said, some guys do have very lofty expectations for their future mate... but they're falling into this self-serving bias, too.

    And it looks ugly on them, right?

    People can pick up on things, even over the internet. You are exuding this sort of mentality on MFP; I can only imagine what you're exuding on the dating sites you're on.

    Stop placing blame on the guys; start putting confidence in yourself and *not caring* what another guy might rate or think about, if he's even thinking that. I imagine you'll have a much easier time.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    My husband is seriously smoking hot. I am seriously average.. We must be weird. Or maybe I'm just really charming.
  • azzyness
    azzyness Posts: 3
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    I think you can get any guy if you're willing to try hard enough.
    I'm pretty sure looks-wise my boyfriend is totally out of my league. He's athletic and cute, whereas I'm short and chubby.

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