Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

tyraun_b
tyraun_b Posts: 65
in Chit-Chat
I don't care what anyone says....keeping yourself together plays a BIIIGGGG role when it comes to keeping a spark in a relationship, sex and intimacy. if a person gets so complacent with themselves that they just let themselves go, and they don't want to change it, do you think that you would last in that relationship? Mind you....you are very supportive, as well as a avid believer in staying in shape and wanting to look good not just for you, but for them too!!! What would you do?
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Replies

  • AntWrig
    AntWrig Posts: 2,273 Member
    You should be physically appealing to your partner.
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
    Sensitive one, this.

    I'm lucky enough to be with a man who has loved me at all sizes. But I started losing weight pretty early on in our relationship, and despite the loss being slow he appreciated and supported the efforts I was making.

    Not a plug, honest - but I did write about this recently (http://russianweightsandsmallerplates.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/sports-bras-partners-and-back-braces/) and I maintain that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy or attractive for your partner, or indeed their support and guidance about it.

    I feel like if I let myself go now, to me it feels like I don't care about what he thinks about my appearance; or whether he finds me attractive or not is unimportant. It'll also say more about my relationship with myself, and if that crumbles then my relationship with my partner ultimately will do.

    I'm all for partners being accepting of bodily changes and unconditional love. But I don't understand blind blanket support, or feeling like you can't address the issue with each other.

    On a more crass level - I want to be the slinkiest mofo my partner has ever laid eyes on. Nothing wrong with that!
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
    If you don't respect yourself enough to keep yourself in shape then you really have to hope that person loves you. I personally feel like with the issues I've had it has affected my relationship but because I have pushed him away.. I was never making time for myself and when I started to he had problems with it. So yes, letting yourself go can ruin a relationship, but it's not always the letting go part.
  • Boolietta
    Boolietta Posts: 12 Member
    Both my partner & I have changed physically since our relationship began; initially both gaining some weight and, more recently, getting healthy and losing it again (& then some). Our relationship has been good throughout, being based on years of friendship & trust and not just physical attraction. Having said that, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find my partner most attractive now, nearer a healthy weight & vice versa. More important through, is that we’re both feeling pretty good about ourselves at the moment. Feeling attractive and confident makes you more sexy – fact - and so being in better shape is beneficial in that sense, plus we’re doing stuff together while we try and get in shape & having fun together. So, letting ourselves go a bit wouldn’t, and didn’t, ruin our relationship – not even close – but getting healthy & looking & feeling better has given us a bit more of a spark.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Bump

    I just began a new relationship and we are both interesting in getting in better shape TOGETHER
    It's so exciting, I've never had a motivated partner :D
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    I was thinish when I met my husband, I "let myself go" and put on 25kg. 16 years later we are still married & now that I've lost 30+kg I'm loving ME more so he's happy with that. He don't care how big I got, as long as I am happy....I wasnt but he was still there loving me just as much.
  • SquidgySquidge
    SquidgySquidge Posts: 239 Member
    My husband seems to find me attractive whatever weight I am, I'm a lot bigger now then when we met but that doesn't seem to bother him.

    However, I feel very low in confidence with my weight and that would affect our relatinship sometimes.
    It's all me though, not him!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    I would hate to think that because I was lazy and let myself go that I would just expect my gf to have to put up with me because she loves me.

    Sure, it's nice if someone does love you no matter what, but why would you want to force the 'no matter what'?
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Self and mutual respect are important to a relationship as is physical attraction. If you let yourself go, it shows a distinct lack of self respect and can lead to a loss of physical attraction. By the same token, we all tend to go through cycles of one sort or another so we should be there for our spouses. There is a balance of love, support, encouragement and the occasional nudge.
  • 50sBeachWalking
    50sBeachWalking Posts: 63 Member
    I think that if one person is taking care of themselves and the other one isn't can cause some relationship issues. There can be conficting priorities of taking care of yourself for yourself and your partner. It your partner doesn't have that, it can bring frustration and strains to a relationship. That doesn't mean that it can't be over come, but brings a fundimental difference that adds to any other issues that strain a relationship.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Both my partner & I have changed physically since our relationship began; initially both gaining some weight and, more recently, getting healthy and losing it again (& then some). Our relationship has been good throughout, being based on years of friendship & trust and not just physical attraction. Having said that, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find my partner most attractive now, nearer a healthy weight & vice versa. More important through, is that we’re both feeling pretty good about ourselves at the moment. Feeling attractive and confident makes you more sexy – fact - and so being in better shape is beneficial in that sense, plus we’re doing stuff together while we try and get in shape & having fun together. So, letting ourselves go a bit wouldn’t, and didn’t, ruin our relationship – not even close – but getting healthy & looking & feeling better has given us a bit more of a spark.

    Exactly! If your life partner is also your best friend, your relationship will only grow over the years. Eventually, we all get gray hairs and wrinkles and liver spots, etc. Realize that fact and choose a partner that will provide you a lifetime of good conversation. If you are blessed with a long life, sex and physical attraction eventually become meaningless.
  • WIChelle
    WIChelle Posts: 471 Member
    I don't think so. My hubby has always been hotter than heck even when he gets some belly, wrinkles a few grays, is sick as a dog etc. . I have ranged over the last 22 years from a size 3 to a size 18 and I have never had one self conscious moment with my hubby EVER in any department. Obviously I am too fat and not in good shape but there has never been any lack of spark or fun in any part of the relationship. I guess that means I am very blessed to have found " the one" who loves me and finds me hot regardless of weight etc. I also feel very confident about myself regardless of my weight. I can honestly say would find my hubby smoking hot regardless of any flaws he may ever have physically. Granted his gorgeous physical packaging first caught my eye but that is not what I fell in love with.

    I think letting yourself go as far as refusing to take care of your appearance ( bathing, shaving, dressing in dirty yucky, shabby clothes etc) would be a HUGE turn off. To me that is letting your self go. Gaining some weight would not.
  • leeanneowens
    leeanneowens Posts: 319 Member
    All I can say after reading some of these posts is that I am glad I chose to marry the man that I did. I "let myself go" as you put it. I weighed 123 lbs. 18 years ago when we got married and and with working full time, keeping house and doing whatever needed to be done for our 3 children, I found myself weighing 196 lbs. before I realized what I had done. During my fat time, I always knew my husband was attracted to me and loved me. He never made me feel any other way. He has treated me the same at 196 lbs as he did at 123 lbs. And it is no different at my current weight of 158. He loves me and I love him. It is that simple.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

    This.
  • jennaworksout
    jennaworksout Posts: 1,739 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

    This.

    agreed
  • Bumbeen
    Bumbeen Posts: 263 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

    This is a fantasy.
  • trojanbb
    trojanbb Posts: 1,297 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

    This is a fantasy.

    Exactly.

    If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    Absolutely!
    Your SO might still find you attractive sure. But what about your own mental and physical health. I know when I hit my heaviest - I was miserable. I stayed in. I felt ugly. Zero confidence. I wasn't interested in doing anything and nothing was satisfying to ME because I was sad and depressed. That's the part that does the devastation.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Exactly.

    If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.

    Some men and some women will disagree, yes. Maybe even many of them. Those are not the people I would or will date.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    When in a relationship that is based on the complete persons involved, no. But if one allows to "let themselves go" beyond the health factor, absolutely.

    As I always say...take care of yourself, and everything else falls into place.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Yes.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.
    This is so right on, in my opinion.
  • WIChelle
    WIChelle Posts: 471 Member
    All I can say after reading some of these posts is that I am glad I chose to marry the man that I did. I "let myself go" as you put it. I weighed 123 lbs. 18 years ago when we got married and and with working full time, keeping house and doing whatever needed to be done for our 3 children, I found myself weighing 196 lbs. before I realized what I had done. During my fat time, I always knew my husband was attracted to me and loved me. He never made me feel any other way. He has treated me the same at 196 lbs as he did at 123 lbs. And it is no different at my current weight of 158. He loves me and I love him. It is that simple.
    I agree.
  • Unique_ways
    Unique_ways Posts: 26 Member
    I want to be the sexiest thing to my husband and in order to do that I have to keep it tight...
    not sayin he wouldn't love me if I was obese but he would def have a wandering eye and thats where it all starts...
    Gotta keep his eyes focused on this right here...lol
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    Yes. It happened to a girl I had a previous relationship with in high school/college. She gained 100+ pounds and went crazy....talk about a deadly combo. Feel free to call me shallow. I have to be physically attracted to someone and that just wasn't happening.

    #sorryimnotsorry
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Yes. It happened to a girl I had a previous relationship with in high school/college. She gained 100+ pounds and went crazy....talk about a deadly combo. Feel free to call me shallow. I have to be physically attracted to someone and that just wasn't happening.

    #sorryimnotsorry

    Can't talk to the weight thing, but also can't blame a guy for not being attracted to crazy. I totally get that.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

    This is a fantasy.

    Exactly.

    If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.
    So women are the only ones who "let themselves go"?

    Men or women can either chose to love somebody enough to look past the sometimes inevitable aging of their partner, or chose to look for greener pastures. That's just the way it goes.
  • ang3h
    ang3h Posts: 185 Member
    My weight has yo-yo'ed in a 30 lb range over the 10 years I've been with my husband and he's never treated me any differently. Any bumps in the road as far as intimacy goes have been because I've felt too fat to be looked at or even touched. My husband has gained some weight over the years but I honestly don't see him as any less attractive, actually I find him more attractive.. he's getting better with age :)
  • nenacakesxo
    nenacakesxo Posts: 118 Member
    Sorry to say, but men do care what a woman looks like... Its the first thing they see!

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