When do you let your FWB go?

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Replies

  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    You clearly feel uncomfortable enough with the dilema to ask about it here so I would refrain from any FWB action until you have a clearer picture of where the new guy is going.

    That's just my take. Your gut is telling you something, listen to it.
  • xMissy6x
    xMissy6x Posts: 347 Member
    Been there done that. It never ends well. Generally one person is left hurt. Go with the relationship! It's so much better when it's meaningful anyway!!!
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
    Reverse the roles. Would you feel betrayed?
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Look, as much as it's popular to claim 'power over one's sex life' the truth of the matter is, there is no such animal as casual sex. Having regular sex with somebody is a - SHOULD be a very special part of one's life. If you're having sex for just physical benefit, you're not having great sex.

    Pick somebody. One person. F-their-Brains out until that relationship cannot continue.

    So - put on your big-girl panties and make a f'ing decision. While you sit there trying to figure it out, you could be hurting two other concerned people.

    Good luck.
  • CandaceHoweth91
    CandaceHoweth91 Posts: 288
    Personally, when I start talking to someone-I don't and can't "talk" to anyone else (I am a guilty person by nature). Obviously I am interested in that person and wouldn't be dating them if I thought it might not go somewhere. You know?However, I have never had a FWB. So, I can't really say what to do with him. I know that if I were dating, I would want to know he was just talking to me and not sleeping with his FWB and talking to me. Even if we have only been on one date. It would feel like betrayal to me. IMO, I would probably quit the FWB and focus on the guy your talking to. Just think if the roles were switched...what would you want him to do? Talk to only you or mess around with his FWB while talking to you? That's your answer. (:
  • graham_l
    graham_l Posts: 23 Member
    hmm ask yourself this..

    if your new relationship takes off there is an almost inevitable that he might find out that you had a FWB. Now his next question is more than likely when did you last see him so he can work out the dates in his head ? Would you like to answer to that second question truthfully .. and what would you like the answer to be at that time ?
  • JohnMessmer
    JohnMessmer Posts: 536

    It is sad to see that there are so many people who don't value what commitment truly is, no wonder the divorce rate is so high. If you are concerned that there may be an issue "if" someone finds out down the road; then don't do it. If the person is a "friend", they will understand. What happens in the dark always comes to light.


    Wow. I just now saw this. Did you not understand from my original description that no commitment has been made?
    This is the part that you seem to be confused on, you see a commitment was made. The commitment was made the moment you accepted the date.
    I'm not worried about him finding out down the road as we have not made anything official. I am just wondering where you draw the line that makes it official.
    He officially asked you out on a date, you officially said yes, you went. If there is any belief that a future date will occur then you have already crossed the "line" you are looking for.
    So maybe you should take your self-righteous judgement somewhere else, or here's an even better though, keep it to yourself.
    I apologize if my opinion upset or offended you. Sometimes when we ask for others opinions they actually offer theirs instead of what will be conceived as a popular point of view; it is called honesty.

    In any event, if you have done as you have stated then you appear to be putting the FWB on hold to determine the path the new friend goes. I applaud your choice.

    Have a Great Day.
  • PhoenixFitLife
    PhoenixFitLife Posts: 229 Member

    It is sad to see that there are so many people who don't value what commitment truly is, no wonder the divorce rate is so high. If you are concerned that there may be an issue "if" someone finds out down the road; then don't do it. If the person is a "friend", they will understand. What happens in the dark always comes to light.


    Wow. I just now saw this. Did you not understand from my original description that no commitment has been made?
    This is the part that you seem to be confused on, you see a commitment was made. The commitment was made the moment you accepted the date.
    I'm not worried about him finding out down the road as we have not made anything official. I am just wondering where you draw the line that makes it official.
    He officially asked you out on a date, you officially said yes, you went. If there is any belief that a future date will occur then you have already crossed the "line" you are looking for.
    So maybe you should take your self-righteous judgement somewhere else, or here's an even better though, keep it to yourself.
    I apologize if my opinion upset or offended you. Sometimes when we ask for others opinions they actually offer theirs instead of what will be conceived as a popular point of view; it is called honesty.

    In any event, if you have done as you have stated then you appear to be putting the FWB on hold to determine the path the new friend goes. I applaud your choice.

    Have a Great Day.

    TUSHAY!.... lol he makes a good point. You asked for opinions and all he did was give you his perspective and interpretation.... Can't be mad at that........ well, i guess you can.... but you probably shouldn't be :)
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506

    It is sad to see that there are so many people who don't value what commitment truly is, no wonder the divorce rate is so high. If you are concerned that there may be an issue "if" someone finds out down the road; then don't do it. If the person is a "friend", they will understand. What happens in the dark always comes to light.


    Wow. I just now saw this. Did you not understand from my original description that no commitment has been made?
    This is the part that you seem to be confused on, you see a commitment was made. The commitment was made the moment you accepted the date.
    I'm not worried about him finding out down the road as we have not made anything official. I am just wondering where you draw the line that makes it official.
    He officially asked you out on a date, you officially said yes, you went. If there is any belief that a future date will occur then you have already crossed the "line" you are looking for.
    So maybe you should take your self-righteous judgement somewhere else, or here's an even better though, keep it to yourself.
    I apologize if my opinion upset or offended you. Sometimes when we ask for others opinions they actually offer theirs instead of what will be conceived as a popular point of view; it is called honesty.

    In any event, if you have done as you have stated then you appear to be putting the FWB on hold to determine the path the new friend goes. I applaud your choice.

    Have a Great Day.

    First of all, you inserted those quotes in a very different order than I actually posted them. I only called out the people who called me a "bithc" for no reason at all and the one who told me to "stop spreading my legs" for every guy that comes along when he doesn't know anything about me. There were plenty of very nice people who offered both sides of the argument and I listened very gratefully to them. What is self-righteous is people who troll these boards just to offend people and show how much "better" they are than them. They usually just end up proving the opposite.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 497 Member
    I did this once and the guy I was starting to date found out about it later and lost his mind. We didn't break up over it but I should have--it ended up being a major issue and he brought it up every time he got insecure or mad. The casual sex absolutely wasn't worth it. However, I was a lot younger then and neither of us were that great at it, either ...
  • saintspoon
    saintspoon Posts: 242 Member
    When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

    That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

    If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

    If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.

    So what if you told FWB about new guy...... & FWB said "NOOOOOOO I couldn't stand to not see you/touch you anymore..... be with me!!!!" ........ then what?

    I have a lil feeling you secretly really wanna be with your FWB but don't think he wants to be with you. Obviously if he doesn't want to be serious with you you're gonna try to find somebody who does. When possible serious guy comes along you don't wanna lose what you have with FWB but at the same time can't just have a play-pal relationship that isn't going anywhere & not look for anybody else. I think.... "perfect situation" would to be mutually in love with your FWB? Am i right? I know it's really hard to admit to yourself!

    Nope. That isn't the case at all but thanks for playing.


    I wasn't "playing"... was actually trying to help because I've been in what seems like a very similar situation. I was in FWB-love denial, once I was able to admit it to myself I had a lil more control over the situation. That's all :ohwell:

    Regardless I wish you the very best in health & relationships!
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

    That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

    If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

    If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.

    So what if you told FWB about new guy...... & FWB said "NOOOOOOO I couldn't stand to not see you/touch you anymore..... be with me!!!!" ........ then what?

    I have a lil feeling you secretly really wanna be with your FWB but don't think he wants to be with you. Obviously if he doesn't want to be serious with you you're gonna try to find somebody who does. When possible serious guy comes along you don't wanna lose what you have with FWB but at the same time can't just have a play-pal relationship that isn't going anywhere & not look for anybody else. I think.... "perfect situation" would to be mutually in love with your FWB? Am i right? I know it's really hard to admit to yourself!

    Nope. That isn't the case at all but thanks for playing.


    I wasn't "playing"... was actually trying to help because I've been in what seems like a very similar situation. I was in FWB-love denial, once I was able to admit it to myself I had a lil more control over the situation. That's all :ohwell:

    Regardless I wish you the very best in health & relationships!

    I'm sorry. I just thought the part about me wanting to be with my fwb and him not wanting to be with me was a weird conclusion to jump to. Not all women fall in love with their fwb. Sometimes it is the guy who develops feelings. In this case, we both know it is going nowhere further than fwbs.
  • ritoosh
    ritoosh Posts: 190
    well just wait until u know where u stand with the guy then break it off. but what helps is to slowly distance urself from the fwb (like not see each other as much) that what i always do with mine lol

    We honestly very rarely get together as we both have extremely busy schedules. That's one of the reasons I kind of hate to turn him away, but I kind of think new guy might be worth it. I'm not worried about it being a problem in the future. I just need to decide for tonight.

    well if u think hes worth it, then stop with the fwb and try it out with the relationship guy :D lol
  • tallgirlshelley
    tallgirlshelley Posts: 108 Member
    Any time I've had a FWB situation (only a couple times), it was made clear from the beginning that if either of us found someone we were interested in, it was either over or "on call" until a decision was made. A FWB should still care about you and your ultimate happiness, whether they are a part of it or not.

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