Can letting yourself go ruin a relationship?

I think this plays a big role plus belly bumping is not cute. Working out together to help motivate your partner showing you care is a good way of working it in and not just saying "Babe your fat"

This happened to my best friend and her highschool sweetheart... she was always thin and fairly active. He got fat... I mean like gross fat. She wasn't attracted to him anymore and told him he needed to do something about it, but he refused. He constantly wanted intimacy and she told him no. She thought he was disgusting when he was naked. Eventually she had enough and ended their engagement. After they ended things, he started going to the gym and lost the weight and became even more attractive then he was when they met, haha.

She just had my godson last October and put on weight. Her husband is crazy fit and she was able to drop most of the weight in the past year, she put effort in and he helped.

I don't think I could be with someone who just stopped caring about themselves. I keep my butt in shape and work my butt off, therefore, my significant other should do the same... and he does! lol

Wow i guess the term "for better or worse" didnt apply to her huh? She must not have truly loved him for him but only for his body how sad.

She tried pushing him to go even go walk with her, he would refuse and argue with her... it was a bad situation. He was able, but he just refused to better himself. I can't say I blame her! She is MUCH happier now

I think she did the right thing. If he was letting himself go and getting that 'comfortable/uncaring' when they were engaged, imagine how bad it would have been if they'd gone through with the wedding. Only downhill from there. Everyone has to do the right thing to make themselves happy in life, better to end it sooner than later with a messy divorce.

I think it depends on the level of commitment in the relationship. Newly or casually dating? Sure, end it if you're no longer attracted to them. Commited/married? I think you owe it to the commitment you've made to love them regardless of appearance and (kindly) help them get healthy if it's reaching a level where it can infringe on their health.

I've gained weight since we got married (desk job, two pregnancies...no excuse, but that's what happened) and he hasn't. At my heaviest he still told me I was beautiful.

There are some amazing looking people with horrid personalities. I'll take my kind, hardworking, hilarious husband any day even if he did gain some weight. There's much more to a long lasting relationship than looks.

I think it depends on the level of commitment in the relationship. Newly or casually dating? Sure, end it if you're no longer attracted to them. Committed/married? I think you owe it to the commitment you've made to love them regardless of appearance and (kindly) help them get healthy if it's reaching a level where it can infringe on their health.

You don't owe anyone anything - you both should have the respect to love each and consider each others feelings. If he/she starts drinking/drugs/gambling etc etc would you just accept it? I personally don't want a partner shortening their life thro increased amounts of food. The fact that mortality rates have increased to 1 in 3 from heart related diseases and 1 in 5 diabetes related illnesses tells me looking for a healthy partner is the right thing to do. I don't want to be alone from 50-60 on because my other half has died due to diet.

I've gained weight since we got married (desk job, two pregnancies...no excuse, but that's what happened) and he hasn't. At my heaviest he still told me I was beautiful.

See my previous post, he'll never admit it.

There are some amazing looking people with horrid personalities. I'll take my kind, hardworking, hilarious husband any day even if he did gain some weight. There's much more to a long lasting relationship than looks.

There are some horrific overweight looking people too. I regularly get slagged off by others who are not in a healthy position. Correlation is not causation.

if it breaks you two, then the love never went very deep.

love is an outward motion, not a game of checks & balances.

See above...

I think it can. When I think of "letting yourself go", this does not include health or physical reasons there may be for gaining weight. I feel that letting yourself go is when you develop a lack of caring. That can cause a lot more problems than just weight gain. When I met my husband I was skinny and he was bigger. Then he started losing weight and I got pregnant. 2 years later, we are just now getting to the point where I can make a serious effort to workout and eat healthy. His weight has gone up and down this whole time. Through it all, he made it very clear that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Because of this, it was easy to keep the intimacy when I knew he truly meant it. However, I want to be healthier for my husband and myself. I am proud of him, and I want to be the best wife I can be for him. This includes taking care of myself. If either on of us had stopped caring about each other and ourselves, I do think that it couldve caused a rift. If there are other factors to cause the weight, I think true love is understanding and can work through it.

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This is a fantasy.

It really is. Not everyone is the same (of course) but a lot of people also severely kid themselves when it comes to themselves and their relationships. Just because your other half is quiet about it, does not mean it's not important. Come on now. I very strongly believe that taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your relationship. People tend to disagree with that, but there's also a general pattern among people who do very strongly disagree with that and like to tear my internet head off about it...... people who don't care very much.

I agree with the original poster. keeping a spark in a marriage is important, and physical attraction plays a HUGE part in a relationship. if my husband just let himself go and stopped trying to eat well, take care of himself physically and/or mentally and ultimately became obese - I'd have a problem with that.

i can't say that we'd separate or get a divorce, but I can say that it would affect my feelings toward him. I think it's important to feel good about yourself and be happy with who you are - both inside and out. I know he wouldn't be happy with himself if he didn't take care of himself and that would ruin the spark...

I think that letting yourself go can ruin your relationship.

If it does, then it was not a healthy relationship. True love has nothing to do with the size of your girth. Yes, some sexual position are difficult, or impossible, if you are obese, but some positions can work no matter your size.

This is a fantasy.

Exactly.

If you want to believe it go ahead. Just realize most men will disagree and you are likely setting yourself up for eventual disappointment.

Agreed - You can love someone and not be physically attracted to them. One thing I have found out is how I feel about myself makes a big difference in how attractive I am at any weight. My husband loves me dearly, we have an awesome relationship but I let myself go and he eventually told me very gently that he was not as attracted to me as when we first met. I have not lost a lot but I feel so much better about myself that he says I can be heavier and be hot if I exude the confidence I have lately. I carry myself better, smile more and have so much more confidence. We have a healthy relationship because we are able to talk about these things.

I think it can hurt it. My husband and I have been married for over 13 years, but 5-6 years ago when I was at my heighest weight he didn't find me attracticve. He didn't want to be intimate with me. He actually thought he had an erectile disfuction. He said it wasn't my weight at first but then told me if I lost weight and cleaned the house more he would find me more attractive. Then when I did lose a few pounds he starting coming onto me again, but said it's not because I was losing weight (yeah right!). He also said once when we found out I was pregnant with child #3 that that was the reason I hadn't lost the weight...so I could have another kid but after this one I could lose the weight. Yes we are still married, yes we have talked about this in length. He can't believe some of the things that have come out of his mouth and says he feels bad for it. He tries...for a few days at least be better and then it's back to the same old thing. He is a great dad and he doesn't say stupid comments like this all the time, I have grown quit the backbone about it. But I remind him especially when other guys look my way. But he always comes on to me when I start to lose weight or workout more. He says he still loves me at any weight, but his actions speak otherwise. I just can't seem to get rid of that nagging feeling that if I really let myself go he would change his tune and leave me. Guess it's a good thing I'm not going to!

You should be physically appealing to your partner.

THIS!

Letting yourself go can absolutely ruin a relationship. If they aren't attracted to you anymore, they're more likely to become attracted to someone else!

I do agree that staying in shape and losing weight can help a relationship and maybe be a little more towards your favor, but it won't last long. At the end of the day, theres more to a relationship than your appearance.

If someone can love me at this size then I owe it to them as much as I do to myself to do what is necessary to give me a good chance of longevity (and that's outside the sheets as well as between them!). I know a couple where one half is diabetic and literally eating himself to death (candy, ice cream etc. etc. etc.). It is killing her to see it happen as she is utterly in love with him and it breaks my heart to see it all.

if it breaks you two, then the love never went very deep.

love is an outward motion, not a game of checks & balances.

I like this

Part of loving a partner is taking care of yourself so that you are able to take care of them. If that notion is not reciprocatd than the other person is simply being selfish. If we are a team I expect you to give me your best and I will give you my best. If you are not taking care of yourself you are putting your selfishness first. Deal breaker. Good bye.