Ex Got Daughter a Python. Freaking Out!! Advice Please!!

HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.

Guilt-tripping is never a good thing. Your daughter will resent you for it if you do, because 1) we see through that crap and 2) it is just a more underhanded way of controlling someone.

Don't do it.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A frekking snake? I dont care how big it gets or doesnt get!! Tell him that hes an idiot and that now hes bought it for her he can keep it at his house!! He shouldve consulted with you first after all its always us mums who end up looking after it, I would give him hell for that how dare he? Your a better woman than me Id have jumped in my car and tore round there to have it out with him after all if he can make a descission like that without consulting then what will he do next?? Thats so irresponsible of him. Damn Im so angry at him!

It is at his house and planned to stay at his house. She won't be looking after it, or probably ever even see it.

The snake must stay in one place, not be shipped back and forth. Don't worry, my partner has a snake and I'm fasinated by him, if he's in his tank, i wont hold him, how about just trying to watch him for a while, from a distance, you never have to hold him, you make sure it's your daughters responsibilty to feed the snake once a month or so and clean him out and handle him... that the tank is secure at all times and well who meets the vet fees? Find a decent reptile vet. You'll be okay, the snake won't bother you. xx

I have 5 1/2 foot ball python, I also have a 5 pound dog and other pets. I have had 3 years olds hold her, I would suggest reading up on them to make yourself feel more secure.

They are very timid, kind and nice pets, a dog is more likely to hurt then a python. I have had mine for 10 years and have had her since she was tiny tiny tiny. Never has bitten anyone, or harmed anything.

How many mice has it harmed??? LOL

How many mice lol......... welll... urgh...... lets just say she eats those every week lol
How many chickens have you harmed! lol

I was really enjoying all the rational replies. And then

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

Did you ever think that the husband getting a snake for his daughter MAYBE had nothing to do with the ex wife?

Yes. Hire a lawyer to sue your husband for getting a snake. The children will be thrilled and the courts have nothing better to do.

if you read the rest of my post you will see I sugjested she do somthing eles

FACT is she is the mother and has a right to what happens with her daughter, I work at my mothers paralegal beusness and see this every day, and yes a judge will listen to this and take into account all the facts. I belive I said the father MAY be acting like that to spit her,, given he knew her fear of snakes, I have a husband who deal with an ex who controls his kids, so I am not bais agains the dads at all, but she needs to know and feel that she has the right to what heppens in her daughters life

So you work at your mother's paralegal business, and you decided to start commenting on what the law is and what judges will consider in family court cases? I could be wrong here, but it seems to me that you need about 3 more years of education and bar exam.

Hey I didn't say what would happen in court, I just said she could go that way, and I brought up I work at a paralegal office to show I see this everyday, no need to get snippy mr

I'm simply stating a fact that you should be familiar with. If your state's bar rules are unfamiliar to you, then I suggest you start by reading them. And "working at your mom's paralegal business" hardly qualifies you as a subject matter expert. The type of behavior you are advocating gets attorneys in trouble with judges, and puts the legal profession in bad light to the general public.

OP (and anyone else reading this) - please speak to a qualified and reputable attorney if you have any questions about getting into a petty back and forth with your ex.

calm down! I never said I was an expert, I said I see this stuff cause I work in a parelegal office, I never even gave advice I said you CAN do this, a lot of why I know this also is cause my husband deal with this

I am calm. And qualified. I've said what I have to say.

I was really enjoying all the rational replies. And then

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

Did you ever think that the husband getting a snake for his daughter MAYBE had nothing to do with the ex wife?

Yes. Hire a lawyer to sue your husband for getting a snake. The children will be thrilled and the courts have nothing better to do.

if you read the rest of my post you will see I sugjested she do somthing eles

FACT is she is the mother and has a right to what happens with her daughter, I work at my mothers paralegal beusness and see this every day, and yes a judge will listen to this and take into account all the facts. I belive I said the father MAY be acting like that to spit her,, given he knew her fear of snakes, I have a husband who deal with an ex who controls his kids, so I am not bais agains the dads at all, but she needs to know and feel that she has the right to what heppens in her daughters life

So you work at your mother's paralegal business, and you decided to start commenting on what the law is and what judges will consider in family court cases? I could be wrong here, but it seems to me that you need about 3 more years of education and bar exam.

Hey I didn't say what would happen in court, I just said she could go that way, and I brought up I work at a paralegal office to show I see this everyday, no need to get snippy mr

I'm simply stating a fact that you should be familiar with. If your state's bar rules are unfamiliar to you, then I suggest you start by reading them. And "working at your mom's paralegal business" hardly qualifies you as a subject matter expert. The type of behavior you are advocating gets attorneys in trouble with judges, and puts the legal profession in bad light to the general public.

OP (and anyone else reading this) - please speak to a qualified and reputable attorney if you have any questions about getting into a petty back and forth with your ex.

calm down! I never said I was an expert, I said I see this stuff cause I work in a parelegal office, I never even gave advice I said you CAN do this, a lot of why I know this also is cause my husband deal with this

I can't taking anyone seriously when they can't spell their own profession correctly....It totally voids any point trying to be made

Ball pythons are fine. Only two possible problems, both easily avoided.
1. Salmonella. Keep the cage cleaned and wash the water dish often. Don't kiss the snake. Don't lick the snake. Wash hands after handling.
2. Bites. NOT venomous but they can cause a scratch. This generally happens when the snake is fed in its cage. So, don't feed the snake in the cage. Feed (thawed) frozen rodents in a separate container. A 5-gallon bucket works well. Drill a few tiny holes in the top for ventilation. The top snaps on tight so there's no worry about escape. Put a warmed rodent in the bucket, add snake, wait 30 minutes.

For the snake's safety and to avoid cruelty, feed frozen rodents. It's safer for the snake because the rodent can't bite back and internal parasites are killed by freezing. Snakes can and do die from rodent bites. If anyone tells you the the snake "enjoys the thrill of the hunt" you can tell them they are an idiot. Snakes want to eat, get warm and mate. That's it. And tossing a mouse into the cage is no more "hunting" than the pathetic losers who are into canned hunts (buy a large animal that has probably been raised as a pet, put it in a cage and go out to a field somewhere, open the cage and let your dogs attack the terrified animal, then shoot it. Very manly.).

Ball pythons are fine. Only two possible problems, both easily avoided.
1. Salmonella. Keep the cage cleaned and wash the water dish often. Don't kiss the snake. Don't lick the snake. Wash hands after handling.
2. Bites. NOT venomous but they can cause a scratch. This generally happens when the snake is fed in its cage. So, don't feed the snake in the cage. Feed (thawed) frozen rodents in a separate container. A 5-gallon bucket works well. Drill a few tiny holes in the top for ventilation. The top snaps on tight so there's no worry about escape. Put a warmed rodent in the bucket, add snake, wait 30 minutes.

For the snake's safety and to avoid cruelty, feed frozen rodents. It's safer for the snake because the rodent can't bite back and internal parasites are killed by freezing. Snakes can and do die from rodent bites. If anyone tells you the the snake "enjoys the thrill of the hunt" you can tell them they are an idiot. Snakes want to eat, get warm and mate. That's it. And tossing a mouse into the cage is no more "hunting" than the pathetic losers who are into canned hunts (buy a large animal that has probably been raised as a pet, put it in a cage and go out to a field somewhere, open the cage and let your dogs attack the terrified animal, then shoot it. Very manly.).

"Do NOT lick the snake"

is very good advice for life

your right a lot do that, I work in a paralegal office I see that a lot. but one thing you have to think about is that parents DO have rights over their children. how scary is it to feel like the safty of your kid is out of your control.

My sister used her joint legal to stop her ex from constently moving their son from school to school, she wanted his schooling to be more stable then that. so you see sometimes it is nessacary

my hubsand has three kids with his ex girl friend, we would never go out and get a pet she was terrified about and have thier kids play with it.

the kid wanting that pet is not more important then the mommas or the fathers feelings, you know?

its just not. I stated the frist part of my post letting her know she does have rights, cause that is important for parents to have that, then I told her its best to let her daughter make this choice so perhaps they will grow closer toghter

I disagree. I don't think the children should be deprived of enjoying a pet snake because her mother has an irrational fear. The snake is not dangerous to the children. At least no more so than a dog or cat.

I think she needs to grow up and let her children live their lives, not put her own fears on them.

A lot of people have irrational fears. Clowns, snakes, spiders, the dark... If a mother is afraid of clowns should an ex-husband be sued for taking his kids to the circus?

I think since you work in the legal field you have a bias that things should be settled by a judge. Myself, and many others, feel that the last thing a person should do is drag their ex and the kids into a courtroom every time they don't like something.

Quoted for truth!

HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.

Guilt-tripping is never a good thing. Your daughter will resent you for it if you do, because 1) we see through that crap and 2) it is just a more underhanded way of controlling someone.

Don't do it.

I didn't mean for her to like stress the issue and cry over it, but instead take the high road express her fears, you know we have guil for a reason, it serves to make us better people

IF the mother can do this in a non-dramatic way (which given her OP, I somewhat doubt, at least until she cools down) then yes, express your fears. ONCE. Make sure you don't badger her with them, and LISTEN at least as much as you talk, because your daughter might have some good reasons for wanting a snake, even if you hate/ are afraid of snakes.

And for the record, I don't think guilt always makes us better people. If someone uses guilt as a way of controlling you (example "If you loved me, you wouldn't get a snake /move away/ etc"), that is not good.

I understand your frustration. Trust me. My ex-husband has made HORRIBLE decisions while the kids were there..hence my current revision of our custody situation. He actually started dating a criminal with a huge record, and started pawning the kids off on random people just to have more time with her. There are a lot of bad decisions that can break your heart. I totally understand you. Some of the bad decisions he has made involved even the foods that they eat and things that they watch. I think a lot of people here probably don't understand (or care) about how worried a mother can get when their child is around something that is perceived as dangerous. In this case, it is sad that your ex husband did not care about your concern. The best thing to do is to educate yourself about ball pythons and try to come to terms with it. Maybe if you can learn that ball pythons are not dangerous, you will be okay. At this point, you have to realize that what's done is done, and that your daughter is excited about the decisions. It seems your ex husband is extremely immature. I feel it was wrong for your daughter to accept the ball python KNOWING That you don't like snakes. I suppose she is too old to have the custody revised, and even then, she may still like hanging out with your ex husband. Sadly, she is at an age where she can make her own decisions. I say 'sadly' because at 15 she is more than likely going to make horrible decisions. But she is almost an adult now. All you can do is educate yourself, comfort yourself, pray, and continue on with your life. It's hard to do, but it's the sad part about being divorced. I hate messed up, rude, inconsiderate people. But just know I completely understand where you're coming from. Been there, still there.....and the attorney I'm using started at 5,000 dollars. But I am tired of my ex husband's disgusting habits around the kids and the random , dangerous women he is bringing around his house. One of them tried to accuse him of rape unless he gave her several thousand dollars. He got another one pregnant and kicked her out after trying to make her get an abortion. He is still not paying child support. Awful.

I understand your frustration. Trust me. My ex-husband has made HORRIBLE decisions while the kids were there..hence my current revision of our custody situation. He actually started dating a criminal with a huge record, and started pawning the kids off on random people just to have more time with her. There are a lot of bad decisions that can break your heart. I totally understand you. Some of the bad decisions he has made involved even the foods that they eat and things that they watch. I think a lot of people here probably don't understand (or care) about how worried a mother can get when their child is around something that is perceived as dangerous. In this case, it is sad that your ex husband did not care about your concern. The best thing to do is to educate yourself about ball pythons and try to come to terms with it. Maybe if you can learn that ball pythons are not dangerous, you will be okay. At this point, you have to realize that what's done is done, and that your daughter is excited about the decisions. It seems your ex husband is extremely immature. I feel it was wrong for your daughter to accept the ball python KNOWING That you don't like snakes. I suppose she is too old to have the custody revised, and even then, she may still like hanging out with your ex husband. Sadly, she is at an age where she can make her own decisions. I say 'sadly' because at 15 she is more than likely going to make horrible decisions. But she is almost an adult now. All you can do is educate yourself, comfort yourself, pray, and continue on with your life. It's hard to do, but it's the sad part about being divorced. I hate messed up, rude, inconsiderate people. But just know I completely understand where you're coming from. Been there, still there.....and the attorney I'm using started at 5,000 dollars. But I am tired of my ex husband's disgusting habits around the kids and the random , dangerous women he is bringing around his house. One of them tried to accuse him of rape unless he gave her several thousand dollars. He got another one pregnant and kicked her out after trying to make her get an abortion. He is still not paying child support. Awful.

So, in three years when the daughter can move out on her own, if she gets a snake is she still inconsiderate and making poor decisions because her mother has an irrational fear? A snake is not a criminal or neglecting her, or putting her in real danger. The danger her mother feels is not real. See the difference?

I have a 14-year old daughter. Let me tell you, if you raise a stink about the snake, you risk pushing your daughter away. If it were something to be living in your house, I can see where there could be an issue. But it's going to stay at her dad's house, right? You don't even have to see it!

This is a critical age, teens are learning how and when to be independent from their parents. If you are overbearing and restrictive, you can often end up with a rebellious teen. It's important to pick your battles, so that when it's something that is crucial you can stick to your guns (for example, no tolerance for smoking or alcohol), and when it's something less important it is okay to let her have her choice (the snake, for example).

Whether or not he got the snaking thinking about your phobia (and maybe it was an underhanded way to get you to be the "bad guy" and let him shine as the "fun parent" or whatever), you can decide to deal with it in a mature way. It isn't really reasonable to say "I don't like snakes, so you can't have one at your dad's". Sorry, but it's not. She's old enough to care for it responsibly. And you don't have to contribute anything to cover the expense of her pet, either.

So yeah, in reality, I think this issue is far less about the snake and more about how you react to it in building a relationship with your daughter.

This is good advice as well.

...

I think a lot of people here probably don't understand (or care) about how worried a mother can get when their child is around something that is perceived as dangerous.

...

A lot of mothers don't know (or care) that they should encourage their children to "do dangerous things" and take risks, and not try to build a safe little cocoon to hold them for life.