Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

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  • yummy_
    yummy_ Posts: 248 Member
    This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:


    It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.

    I don't get how quoting a Charles Manson passage has any relevance to being proud of someone....

    :indifferent:
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    My sons grandmother (my exhusbands mom who NEVER had ANYTHING to do with my kids after the divorce) told me that she was SO PROUD of my son because he was in the Navy....This is what I said to her....

    "How can you be proud of anything you have absolutely NOTHING invested in?"

    It's like being proud that your neighbor bought a new car. Really???
  • 1213shell
    1213shell Posts: 37 Member
    I understand/respect the comments and opinions made about my backhanded compliment post. However, I think one should give a compliment with just as much grace as one should accept a compliment (I was very gracious and appreciative). I do not think one should give a compliment and in the next breath, pull the emergency brake. Just sayin'......

    I've been told "I'm proud of you" (in a different situation) by people who truly meant it because they know personally of what the situation was. I've also been told "I'm proud of you" by people who just said the words only to do a brain dump later on down the road. There are reasons people feel the need to vent and, unfortunately, these boards cannot truly convey the breadth of the conversation that actually took place -- which I think will prevent me from posting much in the future...not that I posted much in the past.

    Having said all this, I do appreciate how hard all you MFP'ers work and think your progresses are outstanding. Congrats to everyone!
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    My sons grandmother (my exhusbands mom who NEVER had ANYTHING to do with my kids after the divorce) told me that she was SO PROUD of my son because he was in the Navy....This is what I said to her....

    "How can you be proud of anything you have absolutely NOTHING invested in?"

    It's like being proud that your neighbor bought a new car. Really???

    Maybe because he is still her grandson. You're not in her head, you don't know how she feels about him. And you don't need to invest in something to be proud OF them. Sigh.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Okay, so it's an idiomatic use of the word "proud," but any English teacher who doesn't recognize that the story of the English language is a story of evolution should probably have their credentials reexamined. If someone came up to you and said "You look terrific!" would you accept the compliment? Or would you nastily remind them that the origin of the word "terrific" is the Latin "terrificus," meaning frightening, therefore what they just said was actually an insult? If so, you could probably benefit from some therapy.

    Hahaha, love this!

    To the OP, I loved your response ;)
  • kimdarren
    kimdarren Posts: 76 Member
    I completely agree with you, except for the calling them up on it. I'm afraid I wouldn't be that polite. It would either be my foot meeting their backend, or my for fingers and a thumb introducing themselves to their face!
  • opus649
    opus649 Posts: 633 Member
    So it has come to this.
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....

    Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!

    (end vent/thanks for listening....)

    I am confident that this is meant as a compliment. Kind of like when my bro in law told me I didn't have "pregnant fingers" anymore. You should just take it for what it is meant to be since they are too ignorant to come up with a better way of telling you they are happy for you.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    I have a respectful request for people who are offended by compliments if they are not worded the way you want. Can you please do one of the two following things?

    1. Wear a sign that specifies the exact nature and wording of the compliment you want to receive should I be in the mood to offer one. Tattooing on the forehead is ideal so I don't break eye contact by attempting to read printed matter that is located in the area of your chest for ladies, and at least not on a belt buckle for guys. That way I don't offend you with inappropriate-looking eye positioning.

    2. Warn me that you're not the type of person I want to interact with. Ever. I promise I won't.
  • tolkienlady
    tolkienlady Posts: 23 Member
    Hey, I know what you mean. I truly hate it when someone says, "I'm proud of you" for ANY reason. I too, want to say to them, "Really? Shut the @#% up!" It feels condescending to me, always has. The only people I want proud of me are my parents. I had a dear close friend who truly cared for me, and every life struggle I had she was right there in the middle of it regardless of whether I wanted her to be or not. She had her ideas about how I should handle things, and frankly some were wrong. But whenever I accomplished something SHE thought I should do...she would say, "I'm so proud of you." I had to tell her to NEVER EVER say that to me again...and I rarely speak to her anymore, and if I do I NEVER tell her anything personal. But I do love her dearly!!!

    Here's the thing...when someone else says they're proud of you, it has the undertones of an insult. When someone says "I'm proud of you," it kinda means that I was "someone not to be proud of BEFORE" I accomplished "this or that" thing that they are proud I did. Being proud of someone implies "a judgement" of some kind...a comparison of "how you were before to how you are now." AND I HATE THAT. I was FINE before!!! And I'm FINE NOW!!! I actually asked my friend once..."Soooo you weren't proud of me two weeks ago BEFORE I accomplished this?" And she was speechless and said, "I'm always proud of you." I wanted to reply..."Then why do you say it only after I've done something? Why not say it all the time? Why just say it now? AFTER I'm thin...or AFTER I've finished my degree...or AFTER I played that piano concert? Why can't you say you're proud of me when I'm fat? or when I fail an exam? or if I decide to forgo a concert b/c of nerves? or when I make a huge mistake? or continue talking to that guy you can't stand??"

    "I'm proud of you," means that I've accomplished something that someone thinks was "the right thing to do," and that "right thing," is usually based on some societal view of "right." Why do accolades only seem to come when "I've done something society approves of?" And THAT's why I don't like people being "proud" of me. It implies a "before and after" judgement of bad then vs good now, and...it also implies that I am responsible for the other person's feelings. The comment I like most is what someone actually asked me, "So, are you glad you lost the weight?" I was baffled...and I knew why her comment was so different than the cliche "I'm so proud of you" comment. She didn't claim to own my weight loss. She asked me how I FELT about MY OWN weight loss, whereas "I'm proud of you," in addition to implying bad before vs good now, implies also that my behavior somehow affects how THEY feel. And that just doesn't jive with me. Anyway... I'm insulted by it too, you're not the only one.
  • tpt1950
    tpt1950 Posts: 292 Member
    I don't know why this bugs me...

    If this is how you feel when someone is trying to be complimentary and positive I wonder how you handle constructive criticism.... your post says more about you than the person trying to be nice....

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