He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!
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In my experience, you can't lose the weight for anyone else, you have to want it for YOU... for YOUR health. Not so that your bf will stop bullying you. Because that's what he is... a bully. I'm sorry, but leaving is ALWAYS an option. Liquid diets are so bad for you and you will gain the weight back once you start to eat again. Please for you AND for your two babies, PLEASE get help. You cannot stay with that abuser.0
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What inside of you made you chose this awful person to have children with? Is he going to treat your children the same way. Why don't you show your children that a woman does not need a man that treats their mother this way. You will never change him or make him see you differently. You need to see yourself differently.0
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So basically you think it's ok to teach your children that it's ok to abuse people as well as be abused, you are setting your children up for failure in life. Your children should be your priority in life, rather than your weight.0
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i think the question should be "when you have lost the weight would you want to be with a man like that." i get where you are coming from on the kids front but id rather struggle alone forever and know my children love me and i respect and love myself than wake up every morning knowing my relationship is a lie, if he cant love you as you are, he cant love you thin, and he doesnt deserve you.
x stay strong x0 -
sounds much like my ex mother in law. she tried to say the same about me. her son could do no wrong. I understand you more than you think. its like seeing my own story right back at me.
I left him back in oct of 2012. I went to the court house and was going to fill out papers for custody. I walked in and saw his mother there. She had gone to court the morning after I had thrown her son out of the house. She told the court that I was a unstable mother due to the fact I was on post pardom meds and that I work 40 hrs a week and she could take better care of my children because she was a stay at home mom. She then told the courts that my home was unfit for children and that I ABUSED AND NEGLECTED MY CHILDREN. None of this was true but it later came out that she had told the court all of those things to make me "wake up" and that my children deserved better and that they deserved two parents in a household. DCYF has been involved and has done a investigation and all of her alligations have been proven false. Because she filled for a emergency petition for guardianship the courts granted her not only temp custody of my 3 mo old at the time but of my three yr old wich is no blood relation to her. I had to go to court 4 days later and I was granted custody of my children back due to the fact that she had no proof of any of her allegations. Every time I think Im going to leave his mother gets involved somehow and Im always in fear. She later admitted what she did wasnt right but she didnt want my kids growning up without her son. SOME GRANDMOTHER SHE IS. Ive been in and out of court several times and they have granted mostly in my favor. But it still comes down to the fact that every time I leave him she reports that Im either neglecting my children or that Im not doing something right. She accidentaly sent me a text which she was sending to everyone she knew apparently.. That I was ****ed in the head for switching bottle nipples and then made fun of my breasts and wrote " Is this what her tits look like? No wonder why he wasnt happy with her" Simply because she had bought all of the bottles and nipples and I chose not to use them due to My sons bad gas.. I was trying a different bottle. If he sneezes or coughs once around her she says " Im not his mother but I think he should be seen" Then she tells the dcyf investigator that Im neglecting him... Ive worked at a daycare for 8 yrs.. Ive brought him to the doctor 8 times in 2 and a half months. His mother is crazy.... As long as I stay with her son she doesnt do anything. I cant afford another $1300 lawyered up court date. I own my own home and car.. I pay all the bills.. Leaving him isnt the problem. Leaving him and not having his mother lie to take my children away is the problem. Im trying to save a relationship.. a family... trying to avoid court and more undeserved pain. WHY DOES HE HATE ME SINCE IVE GOTN PREGNANT and Had his child?0 -
If you stay with him, you are basically saying that you have no respect for yourself. I wouldn't want to touch someone who treated me like that, and sure as hell wouldn't let him touch me. It's obvious in the few lines that you wrote that he only sees you as a sex object that, according to his expectations, doesn't add up.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE IS A DOUCHE! But if you don't stand up for yourself, you might as well be telling him that you love to be treated like s***. You were not put on this earth to please him, don't you know? You can leave him, and probably will once you decide you have had enough abuse. And I bet when you do, you will wish that you had done it a lot sooner!0 -
Your boyfriend may be an idiot but you're not much better by staying. Have a little respect for YOURSELF and your KIDS and leave. You're teaching them a dangerous cycle. It's your job as a mother to protect them.
Amen to this.
What if your children become overweight, will he not love them anymore too?0 -
By the way, CONGRATS on your weight loss so far. That is AMAZING.0
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Ok, you're staying because you're afraid of what his mother may do? The courts and DYFS (or whatever the entity is called where you are) already know your situation, DYFS has already for the most part found the allegations untrue. So kick him out (you said you owned the home and paid the bills). Get an attorney, file harassment charges against her the very next time something happens, or inquire as to a restraining order based on the prior proven-unfounded allegations (maybe this isn't the lingo), but how can you possibly go on like this and not have an attorney handle this?
It seems the court and DYFS certainly are well aware of your situation so I'm just not understanding what is preventing you, other than fear of what his mother may do which you seem to have handled by the involvement of the authorities in the past.
I'd still get a consult with an attorney. Consultations are not free in my neck of the woods, but they're around $300.0 -
I don't get why leaving him is out of the question. I understand that you have a kid together, plus one from a previous relationship...but good Lord, leave this idiot!
I'm sure it's easier said than done. But remember, you are choosing to bring up your children in a household with verbal and emotional abuse. They should be growing up seeing love and happiness.
This.
I grew up with an emotionally abusive father. My mom finally divorced him when I was in college. I wish she had left him much sooner.0 -
Leave he is a pig!!!!! And you deserve so much more! Loosing weight won't please this man! He is just a nasty horrible man! I can assure you someone out there will treat you so much better and look after your children like they were his own because that person will love you so much x0
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i truly am sorry for the pain you are feeling. i am not here to tell you what to do...
but it sounds like this man is a detriment to your health--physically, mentally, spiritually/emotionally. i'm not sure how loving a father he can be if he doesn't seem to care for his partner. of course, you have to do this journey for yourself, NOT for him. please consider seeking out counsel from a therapist (i see a therapist so i know all about the benefits).
good luck to you....0 -
Honey, when you get down to where YOU wanna be, you will be not only stronger physically but mentally. You may not want to leave him and think it is out of the question but sooner or later you are going to wake up and realize that YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR HIM!
Stay with him if you want. Just know that sometimes it's better for your children if you were not together. I'm sorry but if my Husband spoke to me all the time like that...I would leave for the sake of our child. My child comes before all.0 -
I think pregnant people are the most beautiful people ever. What your body is doing is simply amazing and natural. There is nothing ugly about being pregnant.0
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Continue with the weight loss to regain your self esteem but you are worth more than this.
Be good to yourself , get counselling.
Verbal abuse can and often does get worse, his family are not supportive and have made him the way he is.
It will be a long journey but your children deserve a mum who loves and respects herself ,so, they can grow up and learn how to be happy in their own skin. Breaking cycles seems really hard at times because you are used to this at the moment......the future is really in your hands.
I stuck it out for a very long time, many years and things got very scary at the end. Your children are very young yet but you will get stronger....when you have a goal...to become more financially independent etc you start looking at the doors that will help.
Best wishes0 -
I am SO sorry you are going through this... Ive been in similar situations... abuse is abuse... I think that you should only lose weight for YOU... find someone who appreciates YOU there are plenty of men willing to date a single mom. And I think that if you do make it to your goal weight you will see that his a douche and be the one leaving HIM... Find someone to talk to hun. Power through it- You're worth more than this. xoxo0
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Do NOT stick around....You are worth so much more....Move on!! I was there once....My ex was abusive in many ways, but not physical....You deserve to be cherished! You need someone that will love you for you! Move on! It is hard, yes, but you can't do this....just leave him and find yourself.....0
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I meant you CAN do this...not Can't..oops0
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Leaving is always an option. You don't need to stay with someone like that when you could have someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated- with respect, love, support, and companionship. Being a single mother is a scary prospect, but do you want your son growing up hearing the things he says and thinking that that is the way to treat his future relationships? It seems very clear that you are unhappy with him. Do what will be best for your emotional health and the emotional health of your children. My mom was in a very similar boat when I was a child, and she stayed in an incredibly abusive and unhealthy marriage for 16 years "for the kids." She has finally left him and she is so much happier- her new husband loves her, considers her dreams and desires, and the two of them work as a team to raise my youngest brother (he's now 6.) He is so much happier now. I can tell you, as a child growing up in that situation, my mom should have left him the moment he started treating her badly. I have allowed men to treat me badly since because that was the example set for me. Now, finally, I have a husband who loves me and our daughter. You deserve that, too.0
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I really don't know what more to write than what has been written here but I am sure I will be able to write a book. You see, I work at a Domestic Violence center (have for over 5 years) and have seen and heard many stories of abuse- some with severe physical abuse and some like yours, where it is all emotional mind games and tearing someone down. I have heard stories from women who have had to deal with not only the shenanigans of their boyfriend/husband/baby's dad but with his family as well (women who dealt with mothers just like your bf's mom who would do anything to interfere and "make their son look good" or whatever need be to keep the girl with their son).
To be honest, you have MUCH MORE going for you than the majority of the women I work with on a daily basis. You have a house (which you stated you own, so it is your property), you have a job, you have a car- you have much more means to do something for yourself and your kids than many women in similar situations. I can't tell you to leave him because that is not my decision to make, but I can tell you that there is support out there to help you work through these tough decisions. There are people who do work just like I do and they can help you navigate the legal fields and other issues you might face if you separate from him.
I will tell you, though, that he won't stop. From what you have said about his mother, it sounds like this is something that has been perpetuated in his family. He probably grew up hearing these kind of things between his parents, perhaps his parents even abused and controlled him. Other posters are right- people who abuse their spouses/SO's often times go on to abuse the children in the relationships. I could find the statistic somewhere, but I know that a HIGH percentage of children in homes where the mother is abused are also abused themselves. And if your children are lucky enough to not be directly abused by him, they are STILL learning his behaviors. Even if you tell them "this behavior isn't right", actions speak louder than words. They WILL learn from what they see happening in their home.
I sent you a friend request earlier today and if you would like to accept it I will be more than happy to talk with you through private messages and maybe help you find some support in your area. I am sure right now you feel like you can't leave him, like that option is maybe too hard and there are too many obstacles. But hopefully over time you will see that you deserve better (and so do your kids) and when you do, know that there are people out there who would like to help you find yourself and make a better life for yourself and your kids.
Last, since this is a fitness/diet/health website, I do want to acknowledge how you said you have been basically living on juicing and trying to lose weight that way. PLEASE, if you really want to lose weight for yourself and your health, do it in a healthy way. Your body needs more than just juice and losing weight too rapidly is not good for your body either. Also, when you rapidly lose weight a lot of times you don't sustain that weight loss. If you are wanting to lose weight and get healthier, this needs to be a life change, not just a lose weight quick scheme. Find a weight loss method that can be something you will sustain the rest of your life (and be able to show your kids how to make healthy choices and have a healthy relationship with food as well). Eat balanced meals and smaller portions- the weight will still come off. My diary is open if you would like to look. I have started just cutting back on things and eating more fruits and vegs and making healthier choices and I am losing weight. And what I have been doing is something I think I can sustain for my life- not a fad or lose weight quick scheme.
Take care!0 -
So when he gets tired of being abusive to you, is he going to move on to the children?
I am very sorry for your situation, but do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Do you want to raise your children in this toxic environment?
It's hard to be single with kids, but lots of people do it. It can be done. Better to have your self respect and be single and poor than trying to hang on to this *kitten* who is nothing but an insecure bully. He will never change. This is as good as he will ever be.
Take care of yourself.0 -
If you stay with him, lose weight, have reconstructive surgery, become a supermodel... he'll still find something about you he doesn't like. I just have one question I'd like you to consider. What are you teaching your children by staying with him? That it's ok to be mean to mommy? That it's ok to be mean to a partner? That it's ok if your partner is cruel and abusive to you - you're just not good enough and have to take it? If you can't find the strength to leave for you, leave for them.0
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If all gos well once your 150 hopefully you will be so confident in what you have accomplished and what you have done you will realize you deserve better. Then and only then hopefully you will kick his *kitten* to the curb for treating you so badly. Keep in mind that with the way he treats you, ultimately your son will get old enough to see it , (chances are he wont stop after you have made it to your goal) and children learn what they see and your son will grow up to be like him... DO you want that?
Just my opinion but if you left with your other child there must have been a reason and staying with some one who treats you badly should not be a option Good luck to you and your son
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Verbal abuse is not acceptable. Ever! It is not only hurting you. It is hurting those precious babies. Get help from someone...a counselor, a pastor, a women's crisis center. Please don't allow this to continue. You were created as a beautiful, unique individual and that doesn't change regardless of your weight. You deserve to be loved by someone who can see your beauty. You deserve to have the opportunity to love someone who treats you right. Please be strong for your children. They deserve better. Ask for help. Writing here was the first step so you should feel really good about that. Wishing you all the best.0
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It will stay with you. I stayed in a bad relationship/marriage for 7 years, and it never got better. After someone insults you like that, especially when you expect to have their support...that is something that I don't think anyone can get out of the back of their mind.0
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This really saddens me. You should NEVER stay together because you have a child in common. Once verbally abusive, always that way. So say you do lose the weight (for yourself and healthfully), who is to say he won't find something else to talk crap about. Either you both try to work on it and go get some therapy or stay together and let your children see him verbal abuse you. I grew up with a verbally abusive father, he always cussed out my mother. I still resent him in certain ways and my mom stayed with him just for us kids, but meanwhile us kids had to witness the negativity, arguments, etc. I didn't ever see them huh or koss or anyyhing. Bottom line, your kids and you deserve positive feelings and strength in love. I hope you find your path, you deserve happiness.0
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I have been there. Leave him now and save yourself and your children the extreme heartbreak that is coming for all of you.0
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Leaving him is NEVER out of the question. If he is abusive to you, than it is only a matter of time before he is abusive to the children.
Get.
Out.
Now.0 -
Okay….
I know this is over nine pages long and I didn’t read all the comments, so bear with me if this is a repeat.
My boys’ dad smacked me around occasionally. And it wasn’t a regular thing, so I overlooked it. He told me he’d leave me if I ever got to 140 (mind you I weigh 177 now). He was caught sucking face with a “friend” at a party who weighed well over 140, and was about 4 inches shorter than I am.
I didn’t call foul until I found him in bed with another “friend.”
Kicked him out.
Hooked up with a friend of mine. I didn’t know it until well into the relationship that he was verbally abusive. He’d literally drool over the waitresses at the restaurants we’d go to and ask me why my rack wasn’t like that. Mind you, at the time I was wearing a size 5 jeans. REALLY, dude? OMG.
Honey, THEY DO NOT CHANGE. They don’t.
You say you aren’t going to leave him. How long do you want to take this *kitten*? You are better than that, more deserving, and I don’t care how many children you bear for this guy, you deserve more than what you are getting.
I remarried. We just celebrated our 9th anniversary last December. He doesn’t give a fat rat’s@$$ how much I weigh. Yes, he’s supportive of my weight loss. He was supportive of my weight gain. He’s one of those rare finds that doesn’t so much see what’s on the outside, but who I am on the inside.
(ETA that when you find that you stand on your own two feet? You can pretty much call the shots, and you are worth that feeling and more. Please friend me if you need a sounding board or broad shoulders, huh?)0 -
The pain will never go away. That is the simple answer. Even if you forgive him it will always stick with you. The fact that you have made it clear you are refusing to ever leave him makes me question why you even posted this. Lose the weight for you and ONLY you and while you're at it lose the boyfriend.0
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