He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!
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Any man who is embarrassed of you while carrying his child is nothing more than an a-hole. I'm sorry. You were carrying HIS child - of which HE was partially creating. A man like this does not deserve to have the capability to pro-create. In fact, men like this do not deserve to even possess a penis! Sorry, but I believe he does not deserve you! You are worth far more than this a-hole What a j-a for even making you feel this way!!!!
He should have been proud that you were carrying HIS child!. A-Hole!!!! Lose the f-ing loser! He's not worth your time!0 -
I just read through the first few pages of comments…
I got more than a little choked up.
Yes, get some therapy. If nothing else, it will get you to talk and release what you are holding on to.
He is not going to change. Again, it took me two relationships to figure that *kitten* out.
You deserve soooo much more than what you are getting.
Ok…shutting up now.0 -
Whenever i've been faced with the question to break up or not, I make two lists: pros and cons of being with that person.
If the cons list is longer, then to me that made the choice clearer, and I agree with what many have said so far... that the pain he has caused by his words will stay with you.
If he is that bothered by your body changing for the sake of having a baby, then I question the depth of his feelings he might have ever had for *you* meaning your insides, who you are, regardless of what your body presents... makes me wonder if you had an accident or got sick, would he stay or go? How would you react to the situation if the roles were reversed?
It is my opinion that you should not stay with a person who is not willing to give the same immaterial things, (like care, trust, faith) that you are willing to give, especially if you feel you give those things freely, and without even considering what state he might be in if he needed any of those things.
You cannot get your time back, this is your life.
Good luck.0 -
I know you have lots of replies.
He sounds immature.
If he's giving lots of attention to 'his child', that may affect your other child. I have seen lots of this where the older child ends up growing up with low self-esteem. If it affects your children, you should leave.
If it's something you are OK with but doesn't impact your children, then I would say for the most part that is what a lot of marriages used to be like anyways. You'll meet women in their fifties that stay with their husband for economic reasons. It's something women do.
I think you should think of a line he crosses and when he's done that, he's toast.
Good luck with your weight loss journey. My husband likewise has never made body image comments. He's a good man.0 -
Thats really intense, I know you said your staying in the relationship for the kids, but you should know that there are always doors and windows of opportunity.0
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This is horrendous. You would rather stay with an abuser? Is this what you want to teach your children about relationships? That you're obligated to stay with someone who treats you like garbage? He's an abuser and you AND your children deserve better. Do you have family nearby you and the kids can stay with for a weekend, so you can put things into perspective?
Please don't stay with him just because you have a kid together. That's not healthy for you nor is it healthy for your kids.0 -
Honey, when you've lost the weight and you're looking ultra hot YOU won't want HIM!!
THIS!!
I have been through a change for the better and realized the person I was with was what I settled for because I thought I could not do any better at the time and they were someone I would not have looked at twice if I was feeling good about myself.
I found later that they actually had interest in keeping me 'down' because it served them to have in a place of low self esteem, it meant they didn't have to do much, and I was happy with love "crumbs".0 -
The pain would stay with me forever. I don't think I could be with someone who spoke to me that way or treated me like a peice of meat; I am more than the sum of my parts. I am happy to know that my husband would continue to love me and be attracted to me as a person whether I looked like a model, manatee, martian, or my current self.
I hope that you at least value yourself enough to suggest counseling with your boyfriend. And if he refuses, know that it is YOU who can do better.0 -
So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.
Okay, I get staying together for the kids, if he is a good father. I do. BUT...it is NOT good for children to see their father treat their mother disrespectfully. So he can feel however he wants but you must insist on polite interactions.
If you are going to stay in this relationship and preserve your self-worth you must write him out of your equation except as a co-parent. You are roommates and co-parents. This can be a civil relationship. But you must NOT let it affect your self worth. His opinion about you should count about as much as, well, that of whatever troll says something spiteful to you in this thread (and they will).
You need to treat yourself with the same gentleness with which you treat your children. And you need to be your own best advocate, just as you would be for your children. Do not let anyone treat you in a way that you would be outraged to see your children treated.
From now on, YOU get to decide who you are. His opinion no longer matters.0 -
I grew up watching this exact same thing as a kid..the verbal insults my father threw at my mother for her weight. He ended up sleeping with others, she would not leave for the sake of the kids, so endured his abuse and so did we. He ended up having another child, same time mom was pregnant with my brother. Dad stayed with my mother for the kids, but I watched my mother's emotional health be kicked to the curb to the point when I was old enough I begged her to leave. She did when the youngest was 17, they did counseling, she lost weight, she gained weight, she lost weight, she gained it back. Food became an emotional crutch for her all her life. In my opinion she wasted the best years of her life with him and it was tragic to watch it.
Make a plan to leave when your able, but start planning or at least go to counseling to get ready for it. Don't put your kids thru this, they are not stupid, the hear things and pretend to ignore it but I can recall the words from when I was 5yrs old onwards, we don't forget.0 -
get a haircut. paint your nails. since he's more into his son than you, you don't even need to call a babysitter. go out. drink. flirt with a stranger. flirt with the bartender (regardless of gender). buy a balloon on your way home.
if he's embarrassed to be around you, then you two no longer need to spend time together. plain and simple. he want to go out to eat? you're on a diet and cannot bear to be seen with him. he wants to go to the movies? nope- you're going to the gym. he wants you to make him dinner? well that sucks, because you just heard about intermittent fasting and was going to try it.
you don't have to leave him to leave the relationship. it died when he decided you weren't worthy of him. just remember that he doesn't influence your behavior; he lost that privilege. you do what you want, when you want and if he says something snide ever again, look him in the eyes and softly say "Why are you embarrassing me?"0 -
Take a moment and think about what staying is teaching your kids. If you have a girl, she is learning that this is how men treat women, and women are worthless and should put up with it. If you have boys, they are learning that this is how men should treat women and that they are entitled to do so. Additionally, your children may both resent you because you are not protecting them from exposure to verbal abuse, and they may decide to treat others like this because it is obvious that he is the one with the power in the relationship. If he treats you, the mother of his son this way, how long do you think before he starts treating your other child this way also and what a time his boy will have in adolescence when the normal thing is to be ugly to your parents anyway! Think about it.0
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In the same situation as you except currently pregnant and going through it. On top of pregnancy I have an eating disorder so he knows that calling me fat does a lot of damage. That however doesn't stop him when he's angry and trying to hurt me, even though my doctors are trying to make me gain weight so it's obvious that at least by medical standards I'm not.
Will you be able to look at him the same? That depends on how damaging the words he said to you were. For me, I won't be able to. He took a major personal issue of mine and used it against me trying to destroy me just because he was angry. It doesn't matter how many times he says he's sorry, the fact is he said what he said and it's not going to be forgotten.
It's going to stay with you forever. Words cause more damage then anything. Honestly, I would rather be hit then deal with emotional abuse like that. It's something your not going to ever be able to forgive him for.
He's trying to wake you up? Funny that's what my grandfather said to me each and every time he called me fat before I developed Bulimia. Now, on top of the Bulimia I have Anorexic tendencies and know that it's only a matter of time and weight loss before I'm going to be diagnosed as an anorexic. My mother was an anorexic and that was caused by my father's emotional abuse calling her fat when she weighed 120 pounds. The only thing that he woke me up to was how much I hate myself and how much work my body needs.
Now, because of my grandfather and now him joining in on destroying my self image, the only thing I ever think about is my weight an appearance. I'm here 7 months pregnant with a total of an 8 pound weight gain with every intention of losing those 8 pounds before I go into labor. As selfish as it sounds, I'm more concerned about my weight then anything and that's because some people cannot help but call a pregnant woman fat and ugly just because they are angry.
Your not in this alone.
Please please please. Don't try to lose any more weight. You are putting your baby at great risk. Think about your future with this child what if it has a severe handicap? Cerebral palsy, autism, deafness, learning deficit. Can you live with that? Please learn to love yourself. Do you know what a miracle all women are? If it wasn't for us there would be NO HUMAN RACE. What grows in our bellies is a genuine miracle. A gift from God. Food was created to be fuel for our beautiful bodies so that we could lovingly nurture the future. You can learn to do this for yourself and your child. Find a good counselor and a support group. You are in a battered woman relationship. There are men on this earth who don't deserve us and definitely should never be allowed near any child!!!!0 -
Can't be much fun to have sex with this jerk.0
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i was in a relationship about the same except after my pregnancy i weighted 165 an was told how fat i was and he was embarrassed to take me anywhere and so on. the hurt will never go away. every time you look at him , all that stuff will pop back in your head. my advice is get where you are happy and leave him. you can find a better man. I did ! i know have 3 kids and unfortanetly weigh alot more than i did after my 1st but trying to loose it. but most importantly my husband and family love me and are supportive. We all deserve to be happy!0
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Wow, what a ****. Meet your goal, get all sexy, then dump him for someone that deserves you.
Dump him now, get all sexy and meet your goal
Boy, if any man dared speak to me like that...0 -
Once upon a time, a man I seeing made fun of my weight when I was already at a seriously low spot in my life. I haven't seen him in forever but, if I did I'd probably set him on fire... :explode: ... You don't get over **** like that.0
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So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.
There is an ugly person in your relationship and it's not you. Never judge your value by your looks...and gal, I promise you can do better than him. Your guy is not whole, he is missing something.0 -
Honey...I am not even going to address the weight thing...that is a personal decision and not one that someone can guilt/insult/hurt you into....but where this "man" is concerned (I use the term man LOSELY), if you cannot think about yourself, think about your boys. This is the male role model they are going to grow up to emulate. Is that what you want? I can tell you, children are MUCH MUCH MUCH better off in a single parent household than an abusive dual parent one. And make NO mistake verbal abuse to their mother is child abuse towards them.
Get out! If you have family, rely on them...if you don't I'm sure you have friends...find a way. It may not be easy...and it may seem impossible, but it's not...get out honey. You nor your babies deserve this.0 -
There is no reason to stay with this man. You have a son together - do you think he'll be a good example for your son as he grows older? Do you want your little boy to one day grow up to be a man that treats women the way your boyfriend treats you?0
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Those two babies are exactly why you need to leave someone that treats you like that. They need to see a mom that is happy, loved and supported by her SO, not verbally abused and belittled. They need a positive example of what a GOOD and healthy relationship is so that they can be that to their own future SO/spouse & children. They need to know that their mom was strong enough to walk away from someone who treated her like that to find a better place and happiness for her & her children.
My grandmother had the strength to walk away from her first husband in 1956 with her three daughters. He had always been verbally abusive and had started to hit her and she decided no matter what anyone thought or said, she was NOT going to let her daughters see any of that. Her parents took them in but voiced strong objections to it all and even objected when she married my grandfather about a year after the divorce because she was expected to "live her life for her kids now". My grandfather adopted those three daughters and to this day calls them "his girls", meanwhile their dad faded in and out of their lives and eventually disappeared. My grandmother has never been shy about telling her kids & grandkids that story because she wanted them all, especially the girls to know that you need to walk away when someone abuses you because everyone deserves love, not abuse.
Thats it. There will be tough moments, your children might not understand till they are older but in the end it is the best thing to do. Someone who loves you doesn't treat you like that or say those things to you. He respects the mother of his children even if the love isn't there anymore. Goodluck and I hope you take all of this advice from everyone that you & those kids deserve better.0 -
Even if you look him different or not, he will not see you as the woman he fell inlove anymore, he lost is repect for you and you can t gain that back again...... It s not your fault, he is like that!!!!! Remember everythings leaves a big scar, it depens from you if you hide it or how you treat it or if you are showing it out!0
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Move to Alaska and save yourself and your children from this jerk and his evil mother.0
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I think it's time to slap a *****. Him, I mean...because that is exactly what he is.
With the Alaska comment...that is a great state to live in as a single woman. They PAY you! Just to live there, because you are a single woman.0 -
Why are you with this *kitten*?
Why can't you leave? Pack up your stuff, grab your children and go. As long as you don't leave the area you are fine.
Why do you want to stay? Why do you want to change yourself for someone who is like that? Why do you want to put up with that and teach your children this kind of a relationship and abuse is ok?
Get out... don't look back.. just leave.0 -
The only thing you need to wake up to, is that he is an *kitten*&^%$. There are ways to support someone, or help them. I wonder what weight he would be after carrying a human around for 9 months. I hope your child is not a girl if he is the father. Good luck.0
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Wow, did we have a baby with the same man? I went through this with my ex who left me when I was six months pregnant. He told me constantly how fat I was. You will never forget the hurtful things he has said to you. I have two children from two previous relationships and am now married to the love of my life. There are good men out there. Right now you need to focus on yourself. It may not seem like you will ever be able to do it without him, but you can't afford not to. Focus on what is right for you and your children. He is not only hurting you, but also your kids.0
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An alarming percentage of abusive partners start intensifying their abuse when their partner becomes pregnant. It's a sign of a power and control issue on the part of your man - he is losing some of his control over you (he gets a smaller percentage of your attention and effort, for example) so he starts to escalate his attempts to control you in other ways. I don't know if this person will ever hit you; but I know for a fact that psychological abuse can destroy someone just as thoroughly.
And for the record? Allowing your children to be exposed to his abusive words - his treatment of you - is considered child abuse. And even if child protective services never gets a call and never takes them away, your children will learn that this is how men and women behave toward one another. And that's if he doesn't treat them like his property, and abuse them directly when they start to get old enough to show independence of their own.
Get therapy. Build your self esteem. Protect your children as best you can. Either he will adapt to a you that cares about yourself, or he won't, and you will have learned to care about yourself and your children too much to stay.0 -
So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.
Are you serious? The verbal insults will NOT stop. If he couldn't stand you while you were pregnant, what makes you think he is going to find a new leaf to turn over? Sorry to say this, but I see a duck and have to say it's a duck. People that are verbally scathing are abusers, your bruises are on the inside.
If you started the juicing diet, I hope you are not nursing. The juice detox is fine for a few days, it is not a way to lose weight and keep it off. Exercise and good diet choices are.
When you are down to the ideal weight it will be something else, the house, the child rearing, the clothes you wear, the way you looked at him...etc. Especially since he is letting you in on the way it is before it is too late. If he is not willing to change, get out, get a good lawyer, get child support and save your children.
I am speaking from experience...0 -
I see you have decided to stay in this dysfunctional relationship and raise two innocent children in a dysfunctional household (sad). :explode: Raising children in a healthy enviroment starts at home and if you and your mate refuse to provide that then what do you expect your children's behavior would be? I am not trying to be mean or put you down because you are getting enough of that in your household but if you don't think more of yourself to feel you deserve better, please think about your children. Yeah, Yeah he may be a good father but what good is it when the children can see a male figure (their father) disrespect their mother? How would these children treat others and/or their significant others when they get married? Better yet, how would they let others treat them? Get some self esteem, demand respect (since you are not leaving) and raise your children in a household where they see their parents loving each other. It is sad that some women (and men) will stay in a dysfunctional relationship or let someone mistreat them just to say they have someone. Seek counseling for yourself.
#LOVEYOURSELF!!!!!0
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