Strangest thing you have heard a kid say

I was trying on gym clothes at Sports Authorty (dressing rooms are very open to the whole store) with my 2 year old son (Whom we had taught all the anotomically correct body parts for HIS body) and as I was putting on some pants he yelled at the top of his lungs- "WAIT!! MOM!! I want to see your penis!" I heard a few people literally choke! I said very loudly, "Buddy, MOM'S DON'T HAVE PENISES!!!" I put my clothes back on and walked my son and my self right out of that store WITHOUT making eye contact with ANYONE!

The day we brought our new cat home from the shelter, my daughter (3 years old) was sitting on the bed watching him. When I walked into the room she said "Mommy, the cat told me in my head that he wants to poop on the floor, so I told him in his head that he's not allowed to." Maybe I have a Dr. Dolittle on my hands...

my son asked me if he was the antichrist :drinker:

Very disturbing but I was at a public pool in my late teens and my friends and I went into the locker room to get our things and this lady was showering naked with the curtain open not caring at all(kudos to her) then i heard a little girl (maybe 6-7) ask her mom "what's wrong with her cookie mommy?, Why does it hang so low?" And pointed to the lady in the showers private area. I couldn't help but laugh, I had to leave because I'm sure the lady felt embarrassed enough with everyone else there.

I've posted this before. .but It's so good!

So my kid sometimes requires me to squat in front of the toilet while he's on it and he lays his head down on my knees. . .don't ask. .

Anyway, he's laying down on my knees and he says "I like yours better, because when mommy does it, my head goes down there and I smell something weird. ."

Of course I almost choked to death at this point but I manage to say: "Oh really Russell, what does it smell like?". .

"I dunno. . Dead Squirrels?"

(don't worry, we're already divorced ) )

I shouldn't drink when reading your stories I have discovered..because now I have to clean my monitor...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Not something I've heard, but seen. It's a weird story, but here's what happened:

I always take my bus everyday at the same time and there's this blonde kid (maybe grade 7 or 8) who always takes the same bus too. And no matter where I sit on the bus, he always finds the seat beside me and sits there. Even if the whole bus is empty, he always picks that seat.. After the bus takes off, he starts touching my arm/ leg with his :indifferent: Not just in a casual kind of way, but REALLY touching. Like his whole thigh presses against me. He also wears these huge headphones so I can't talk to him.

My 6 year old:

"Mommy, I REALLY want a sister! But if you ever have another baby and it's a boy, you should just send it down the river..."

:noway: :huh:

lol. One of the kids in my class (3 years old) informed me that "the doctor stuck a q-tip up mommy's butt."

"Thats the man, officer"

Right before Christmas I walked by a Mom and her son and overheard her say "No honey, reindeers don't eat people". I laughed my butt off.

I think that was me.....lol

I get that all the time

"Miss what do i have to do to get suspended? What would it take for you to send me to ISS?"

Tell they that they have to behave well, be polite, do their homework and excel in exams ... for a whole term. Explain that this deviation from their usual behavior will so psyche out the school, their peers and their parents that they will be suspended for a month while the issue is investigated.

(Well, it's worth a shot

In high school I was the one who kept the Quote Book... I logged all sorts of things my peers would say. Later when they read them they would laugh and have to be told of the circumstances where they said certain things. A few of my favorites were

"Do you know who I am Mrs. Porter?! Ronald McDonald is my real father!" - the redhead kid whos family owns the local McDonalds
"I swear to God... if you don't back off I'm shoving my big toe in your nostril!"
"But do you like peanut butter more than you like penis?" - sweetest girl in the class
"I can't believe I'm pregnant again.. but I guess the first thing to do is figure out if it's mine..." - freshman moron that made me want to scream
"I am NOT an alcoholic! I am Skoltar... intergalactic HERO!' -.... I think that may have been me.

My daughter says some weird stuff. She's 4. The other day, I was relaxing in the tub and she came running into the bathroom, tore off a piece of toilet paper, dropped it in the toilet and closed the lid. Then she left. She came back a second later and did it again. I asked her to quit wasting toilet paper and she told me, "I'm sending a message to the toilet fairy!" When asked what kind of fairy lives in a toilet, she looked at me like I was stupid and said "a PEE fairy..."

Also, my friend's daughter had a crush on this boy in her kindergarten class, and she gushed to her mom one day about how "Gio is soooo cute. He has the BEST tan!" When Sara finally got a chance to meet Gio-of-the-glorious-tan, it turned out that he was black. I laughed so hard! She was right though. He was soooo cute. :P

One of the girl I have in my dayhome told me ''Melissa, you are as white as Eminem'' I was like WHAT?!? And she proceeds to rap a song....This is coming from a 4 years old....yikes, I didn't know Kids were listening to that kind of music....