Am I being unrealistic?

This is everything a girl doesn't want her boyfriend to be. For God's sake, leave him! I can't think of anyone who deserves that kind of guy.

What was the question? Not to be snarky, but honestly... I can't recall what you asked.

There is no mixed signal, even if he SAYS one thing he clearly demonstrates a lack of caring for himself, and for you. As RuPaul would say, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?" I think he has clearly demonstrated he doesn't care. You don't need parents or friends to move on. You don't deserve this - no one does. You mentioned you hope he finds this - it sounds very much like you already know what you want to do, what is in your best interest, you're just looking for motivation and confirmation?

Go with your gut. It's clear to me you already know what to do. Now do it...

My best to you.


And for those that wonder, In Internet slang, a "troll" is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. The noun troll may also refer to the provocative message itself, as in: "That was an excellent troll you posted."

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

WTFFFF

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

Witch hunt no. Helping, yes. The thing with the internet is that everything is something you read. You can't tell tone of anything else based on a few words written.

She could of been in a much more positive place last month... I'll give you that. But posts like two years ago the father of her son didn't want anything to do with them but saying she has been with her boyfriend for 3/4 years? There has been something going on for a very long time.

Regardless of past posts, ultimately the OP needs to leave. She had said if it was her daughter she would first tell the daughter to move home (which, she can't which sure does make things a bit harder but not impossible). THe second thing she would tell her daughter is to leave. There is no excuse for not getting out of a relationship like that especially with all the support that is out there with various shelters and programs (and since the other poster apparently lives just outside of a very large city there should be great options available to her to help her).

I don't normally comment on message boards, but hun GET YOUR BUTT OUT NOW!!!!!!!! He is abusive--Mentally and emotionally. Please don't wait for him to get to physical! There are many places to get out and get help. No one should ever put up with being treated like that. You are worth far more!!!!

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

I agree with the witch hunt. This person has nothing better to do than try an bring me down more. How nice of them. Is my life miserable? Yes. Jeff has very fleeting moments of kindness but its usually once a month or less. Yes, I post about the once a month or less that he is nice to me because im excited he is being nice. Do others like people who post all the time about negative boyfriends? Would people friend me if I had something nasty to say every day? I try to keep positive. Its more than I can say about the first poster. . .

Seriously?

If you read all the posts you would see that I did try to help out. I am not trying to bring you down more so please don't accuse me of doing so or being a troll. I was simply attempting to get more background information to see what may of caused such a sudden switch as things just didn't add up.

If your life is miserable, than you need to decide to either take control of YOUR life and leave what is making you miserable or stick around and live like you are. If there are more bad moments than good... you need re-evaluate things. Which, you have now and there has been a ton of great advice which I really hope you follow. I had friended you to try and be of support as contrary to what you have said or what you may think, my goal is not to bring you down. You don't know someone's tone or meaning via a few words on the internet.

I am not a negative person. If you are at a point in life where everyday is negative, you need to do something to change.

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

I agree with the witch hunt. This person has nothing better to do than try an bring me down more. How nice of them. Is my life miserable? Yes. Jeff has very fleeting moments of kindness but its usually once a month or less. Yes, I post about the once a month or less that he is nice to me because im excited he is being nice. Do others like people who post all the time about negative boyfriends? Would people friend me if I had something nasty to say every day? I try to keep positive. Its more than I can say about the first poster. . .

Having been in an eerily similar relationship, I'll offer this explanation to Sherlock Holmes here: when you get THIS miserable you latch on so desperately to the nice things that happen every once in a while because there's no other way to cope with your situation. That's why abused women often say things like, "Oh, he's not that bad, just last week he did x, y, z! What a great guy..." and they perpetuate the delusion because they have to in order to carry on. So even if she did post that stuff in the past, it was probably helping herself perpetuate a good mood she was in because her boyfriend had a really on day and acted like a normal human being to her for once.

remember people, we are only getting 1 side of the story

for all we know shes a neat freak...

susan, get out of my head

and those magazines were in there were for research...

susan, get out of my head

and those magazines were in there were for research...

Get off the phone Jerry

I don't think fear is a reason to stay in a relationship. I also don't think you are entirely ready to leave him...maybe because you are still attached. I would say PRAY about what to do and when God supplies the answer take it.

He is going to drag u down with him!!! Leave now your only dating.... If u cant see a happy future there wont be one.
U dont need his depression/ lazyness rubbin off on u. Your still young enough to go out and have a happy life with someone else who cares about u

You cant live someone if you cant love yourself first! Trust me

You are worth more than you think you are. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve you or any other woman.

Run far, far, far, far away. Even if it means leaving the state (if you're allowed to) and getting rid of this controlling pig. The only unrealistic thing here is any hope for happiness. And I've BEEN where you are. The best thing I ever did was leave and I did it while he was at work. Since you don't have parents to rely on, Whitney, or someone. Just have her come pick you up, pack what you can, and leave and don't take the cellphone with you. If you're super afraid, there are places that help women in that situation too.