Am I being unrealistic?

Get out of there as soon as you can, however you can. Seriously. See if there's a DV shelter/resource in your area that can help you and RUN.

Please call your nearest domestic violence shelter or the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Aside from being disgusting, this guy is a classic domestic violence perpetrator. Domestic violence is often not about being physically hurt, it is about him controlling your life and making you afraid to leave. Please call!

Just incase you missed it... THIS!!!! NOW!!!

My last boyfriend was exactly like this. Overweight, poor hygiene, spent all day on the computer. It got to a point where when he wasn't ignoring me he forced sex on me. This sounds like it's an emotionally abusive relationship and could be a ripe breeding ground for a future physical abusive relationship.

I had no car and worked a minimum wage job that he had to use his moms car to drive me to ( we were living in his crazy mothers house). I ended up leaving him after almost two years.
I gave my two weeks, broke up with him and moved back in with my parents all in the same day.

You said you don't really have family to go to, is there anyone else you could stay with while you get back on your feet? a friend or shelter maybe? Staying with someone because of a roof over your head isn't ideal.

You need to leave him. Experience has taught me that people like him don't change. If you are in a relationship with someone yes, it wont always be sunshine and roses, but they should enrich your life and inspire you to be the best you. They should support your goals and help you grow and thrive as a person. He isn't doing that. He's making you shrink and recess into a fearful dependent person. Have a get away set up and either leave or break up in a public place or with a friend on the premises. Don't answer his calls or messages or listen if he has any threats or pleas about getting back together. Have it be a clean break.

He TORTURES his ex-wife. It doesn't matter if he's depressed or not; he's trouble. Get out and get somewhere safe. Stay with a friend or at a women's shelter. You're in an abusive relationship, and the longer you stay just to get your degree, the more he'll "own" it and you. Don't give the *kitten* the satisfaction.

when i was first reading this and read that you didnt connect anymore and that he was depressed and thats why he didnt clean up after himself.. i thought okay, maybe they need a date night just the two of them.. then after reading that he is controlling and won't let you have friends and scares you.. that is NOT okay!! I really want you to know that is not a normal/healthy feeling to have in a relationship.. you need to get away from him! Get a restraining order and get out! Come up with a plan that will work to leave him, pack your bags and leave when hes not home and dont tell him where you are or contact him. Who cares if he puts any picture of you up or anything he sounds like a mean, crazy, scary loser! You can do much better and you don't deserve this at all. You get one life, ONE and you dont want to spend it with this guy.. my advice get away from him ASAP! You should never be scared in a relationship, you should feel safe, get away now while you have a chance and dont have any kids yet!

I used to work in a transition house for women who are abused. The house was in a secret location so they couldn't be found or harassed. I met many women with your story. I think it is easier to escape bruises than control sometimes. Big red flags are that you feel you can't leave, that he controls who you spend time with, the surveillance, and the way he treats his ex wife. I hope that there is somewhere that you can go to near by or a hotline you can phone to find out what resources are in your neighborhood. No one deserves to be treated like that.

him not cleaning up after himself is the least of your problems right now, the thing you need to worry about is that he is controlling and abusing you. i am almost wondering if him making you clean after him and being gross on purpose isnt depression but another way that he can hurt you more. you really should get away from him before he hurts you even more!! do you have a car? honestly if i were you i would pack up and drive away as far as possible and live out of my car for awhile if i had too..

Thank you for your replies. I am feeling lost most days. He plays video games and rarely connects with me. I think he is depressed and its depressing for me. I want him to get better and happier. I cant force anything though. I graduate in early 2015. Less than 2 years of college left.

He is using you and from the sounds of it you are putting in more work then he is with having to pick up after him. Cleaning up those type of messes takes alot of work and time. You need to get out of that situation and away from him, don't worry about his happiness but just yours, I know that sounds selfish but he is not caring for yours or even respecting you as a human so no need to waste any energy on him. Maybe see if you can get some school loans and live in a dorm or an apartment associated with the school so you don't have to be under his roof and his control. Even community colleges sometimes are able to help students in finding places to stay if thats the type of school you're going too.

No wonder he thinks you will leave, he knows deep down how much of a Pig he is being and losing you might be the shock he needs to sort it out.
Don't do ultimatums or say you are just ona break to see if he sorts himself out, because then he will just act nicer for a bit.
Leave with no intention of running back (or if you do, don't let him know that)

Observe from afar if he can sort his life out, whilst you get on with yours.

Then you will either meet someone much nicer, realise how much you enjoy being just by yourself, or maybe (long shot) he will pull his **** together and you can start again slowly.

There's two sides to every relationship and I don't think you've shared everything about yourself.
Stop bashing him and worry about yourself.
Quit complaining and do something about it.
If you don't like him and he's not going to change then leave.
Unless you just want attention and people to feel sorry for you?

I guess the thing is that reading the posts on this thread by the OP I am not getting a '*****ing about a basically ok guy' vibe here. I am getting 'victim of abuse who is afraid to leave her abuser'. Lots of drama on the thread and lots of drama by the OP for sure - but giving someone the benefit of the doubt is probably better here than trying to empathize with the other side and be balanced - if for no other reason than to err on the side of caution and safety.

He TORTURES his ex-wife. It doesn't matter if he's depressed or not; he's trouble. Get out and get somewhere safe. Stay with a friend or at a women's shelter. You're in an abusive relationship, and the longer you stay just to get your degree, the more he'll "own" it and you. Don't give the *kitten* the satisfaction.

Thank you.......holy hell, it's about time someone else saw that part of the story.
Hygiene and healthcare aside, (read carefully) HE PURPOSEFULLY INFLICTS EMOTIONAL TORTURE ON HIS EX, and now he is doing it to the woman who puts up with him now.

I said it earlier in this post, THAT IS NOT DEPRESSION, THAT IS SOCIOPATHIC BEHAVIOR!!!

There's two sides to every relationship and I don't think you've shared everything about yourself.
Stop bashing him and worry about yourself.
Quit complaining and do something about it.
If you don't like him and he's not going to change then leave.
Unless you just want attention and people to feel sorry for you?

I guess the thing is that reading the posts on this thread by the OP I am not getting a '*****ing about a basically ok guy' vibe here. I am getting 'victim of abuse who is afraid to leave her abuser'. Lots of drama on the thread and lots of drama by the OP for sure - but giving someone the benefit of the doubt is probably better here than trying to empathize with the other side and be balanced - if for no other reason than to err on the side of caution and safety.

I'm all for her safety and well being.
I left an abuser.
I know all about that.
The choice is hers to make.
She needs to take the power out of this dysfunctional relationship.
Bashing him and complaining won't help her situation.
She needs to decide what she wants out of life and then do it.
But if she persists in complaining over and over here on mfp, nothing will change.
So, what does she REALLY want.
A better life for herself or to complain?

I guess we'll find out in a later post.
Will her next thread be another complaint thread, or will it be a thread describing how she left an abusive relationship?

Stay tuned.......if you wish.

Not only does he sound like a disgusting pig of a human being who is not worth a second of your time, he also sounds dangerous. You need to get out of that environment as soon as possible.

Just to counteract all of the 'EWWW OMGZIES WHAT A DISGUSTING PIG" comments.....a lot of the time this kind of behaviour (a complete lack of regard for personal hygiene/health) can be symptoms of depression. Especially if this behaviour has happened gradually and has not been there all along. Have you talked to him? No one wants to live that way. It's possible that this could be a lot more than someone just being a "lazy slob"

^ this. I can't offer too much advice because I've never been in that situation, but I know enough to understand that it's really difficult. I hope that you can get the help you need. Perhaps visit a GP with your concerns, to see what they think.