MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

Well in my experience there are SOME rude people however, most 'rude' people are simply giving advice that the op doesn't want to hear or doesn't agree with and magically those people then become 'rude'.

When I start recognizing a screen name as being a rude responder, I put them on ignore. It's easy; just click the drop-down arrow beside the screen name, then click on ignore user. My forum life is becoming much more peaceful.

The nicest place is on my home page with my friends.

^^^ I was just about to post about the 'ignore' option. But, to be fair, as so many others have said-- this is the internet and there will always be someone ready to show their bravado. Take it in stride, take what works for you and just shake your head at the trolls.

And definitely load your friends list with supportive folks who can maybe answer your questions before hitting the forums. Makes MFP life so much more pleasant!

If you're this upset already, I'd advise you to stay out of the forums. I'm not being rude - I'm just saying they're not going to change. You either have to learn to love them, learn to ignore what you don't like or ignore the forums altogether. Or keep at them and keep writing "Mean people are mean" threads. Really, it doesn't matter.

Agreed. Stick to your friends list if you can't stomach these sort of things.

People's definition of "mean" and "support" vary.

I would consider telling someone who's starving themselves at 600 calories a day "Great job hun. Now just try and a teeny weeny bit more OK?" being "mean" and "unsupportive" as I think he/she needs a reality check and needs to eat cheeseburger pronto.

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of research, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

^^This

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.

I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

^^^^^ this ^^^^^^^

Sadly, just like in life, not everyone is going to be nice. It's true of the place you work, your own family, etc. It's no different here.

I'd say focus on what people are saying, and not on how you might perceive their tone to be. It's the internet, sarcasm is hard to read, sometimes people "sound" a lot meaner than they intend to be, etc...

Like you said, we're all here for success. Sometimes success can mean tough love. Weight loss is a hard fight and it's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.

You just keep at it, no matter what. That's the important part. You can't control everyone else, but you can control you.

Best of luck to you.

I agree to an extent. I think most people are genuinely supportive and want to help. However over the last few weeks of lurking around on the forums, it seems the same questions come up almost on a daily basis. The "I'm eating 1200cals and working out and not eating back calories and I'm not losing!!!!" type of posts seem frequent, and I think even the most helpful people can get tired of repeating themselves. There's a great search function, and stickied threads for newbies to read, so these sorts of questions shouldn't really be posted in the first place.

The one thing that does annoy me is the "what annoys you at the gym" threads. There are a lot of people (myself included) who can feel very intimidated by going to a gym, especially if they fear they will be judged by current members. The standard response when voicing those fears is "don't worry, no-one's bothered, they're all concentrating on their own workout". To then log on to MFP and see these threads which are judging people is very offputting.

Overall though, I find MFP to be a supportive and friendly place.

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

I don't understand any rudeness either. Even if the question has been asked a million times, there is no reason to be rude. Just ignore it and decide you won't answer. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to be rude or disrespectful.

On the other hand, you have to ignore foolishness and remember why you got on MFP in the first place. Personally ,I haven't seen much rudeness on here myself. People have been very supportive.

People on this site, and in the world at large, can certainly stand to be a bit nicer and more polite.

However...

This is a free site and the information presented in these forums is shared freely. You can learn all you need to know by simply reading and never asking a single question. Not that I'm trying to dissuade you or anyone else from asking questions, but I don't think we get to ask people to help us and demand that they do it with a smile.

Best of luck to you.

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

Yeah, really the worst I see is when someone asks a question, not to get an answer, but to have the decision they've already made be validated. When that doesn't happen they get defensive and it goes south from there.

That and the same questions being asked over and over

If people are being rude, then just like in real life, ignore them. This is actually and "ignore" feature of the forums, if you click the little arrow next to the person's name.

To be honest, I keep reading about all these rude people on the forums, but I haven't seen many of them. People will disagree, again just like in real life. Some people are a bit sarcastic or jokey, and not everyone appreciates that kind of humour. A lot of the time though, people give really great, sincere advice, trying to be helpful, but the way that they deliver that advice is in a no-nonsense, blunt way. That doesn't mean it's rude. Some people stick to the "each to their own/if you can't say anything nice don't say anything" approach, but when people are asking for support for things that are unhealthy or even dangerous, it's actually kinder to try to discourage that person, rather than just giving unconditional "support". It's also not just about the person who posts the thread, but about correcting misinformation to save other people from going down an unhealthy/dangerous path.

I'm not saying any of that applies to anything you've posted, but that's often at the root of the "MFP people are so rude" threads.

MFP is not just a support site (although there is a board specifically for support). People are also here to learn & share information, and some people are here basically just to hang out - as on the multitude of other forums on the web. It is also a site with quite a varied demographic, so there are bound to be disagreements. So, ignore the ones who are genuinely mean or hurtful; surround yourself with like-minded folk, and maybe just don't dismiss out of hand the advice of those who are a bit blunt or abrasive. It might be really great advice.

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Agreed. I get really pissed off when people are rude to newbies asking honest questions. Being blunt is acceptable, being condescending is just being an *kitten*.