Relocating for Love

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  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
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    Think about it CAREFULLY. Do NOT put yourself in a position where you lose out in terms of income or career prospects. Do NOT permit yourself to become financially dependent on him in any way (< this can happen so easily in this economy & especially if you have visa restrictions!!)

    In those situations, especially if you have limited social support, it's much harder to leave if things go bad. And you stay longer than you think you will (because you've given all kinds of things up! You must love him! And you've invested 1 or 3 or 5 years already!). As above, marriage will be a forced question, not a natural progression. Everything is shaped by paperwork. If it doesn't work out, you'll have lost all kinds of opportunities in your prime earning and reproductive years. And have to start again, maybe back home, and you'll be older.

    This kind of risk can be very expensive for the woman.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    Have any one of you done it?
    Would any of you consider it?
    Is long Distance a deal breaker?

    Yep, moved to France.
    Yep, would do it, life is about making win win compromises.
    No.

    Edit: you have not met him yet? Umm, ok. :noway:
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
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    .
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    When you meet "the one" you'll do whatever it takes to give it a chance. For love, anything is worth a chance.

    This thread should be called "The Notebook"

    QFT
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    I've done it. Would approach with caution.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    When I was living in Japan I moved a few stops down the train line to live with my fiancé, changing employee in the process. We also had to marry to be together, or we might have dated far longer.

    Long distance with my HS boyfriend didn't work out at uni. He cheated on me and I threatened to kill myself, so he pretended he hadn't, so we stayed together until I met someone I didn't want to have to turn down. But that was uni, a time and place seething with sexual opportunities, so I imagine the risks are less in the 'real' world.
  • Alex_Wilken
    Alex_Wilken Posts: 59
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    For you I would move mountains!
  • talamer
    talamer Posts: 516 Member
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    For you I would move mountains!

    I agree!! :)

    Just do what ever will make u happy :) !! if the guy deserve it! then u should never regret :)
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    Have any one of you done it?
    Would any of you consider it?
    Is long Distance a deal breaker?

    yes. i've done it, once. horrible experience. like, really bad.

    would not consider doing it again. Nope.

    Long distance isn't an immediate deal breaker, no. i guess it all depends on the individual details, and on the people involved. and the amount of miles separating the two people. for me personally, i'm very hesitant to get involved in an LDR - but most likely that's due to my previous personal experiences.
  • Weighinginwithmy02
    Weighinginwithmy02 Posts: 369 Member
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    Have any one of you done it? Yes. About 9 years ago I moved from small town Illinois to do a study abroad program in Swansea, Wales in the UK. While I was there, the university planned a weekend away in Amsterdam. I ended up needing a light for my cigarette and met my (now) husband, on Valentines day evening actually. I went back to Swansea the next day but we exchanged emails and phone numbers. When I got back to my flat I had an email waiting for me from him. Within two weeks we had fallen in love. We kept in touch daily and he flew me back to Amsterdam that April during Spring break and he asked me to marry him on April 15th, so two months from the day we met. When my semester was over, instead of moving back to the US I moved my stuff to Amsterdam and have been here ever since. We got married that same November back in 2004 and now have a 4.5 year old daughter, an 8 year old Welsh Corgi and a very happy life together. It wasn't easy and my first two years in the netherlands were extremely difficult but now I find it hard to ever see myself living in the U.S. again.


    Is long Distance a deal breaker? Shouldn't be.


    edit: I wanted to say I was 27 at the time I did my study abroad program, so not an 18 year old who hadn't had very many life/work experiences yet. My brother and Dad were still very against my moving to the NL, but my Mom and sisters all felt it was very romantic. I just knew that in my heart it felt unexplainably right. When I was with him I felt so relaxed. It was uncomplicated and just fit. I had a job back "home" waiting for me, and an apartment, the works, so it totally wasn't something I had planned on but when it is right, it's right.
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    My theory is that who knows where my Mr Right lives....there is no guarantee that he lives in my home town so I have to be open to the possibility to a long distance relationship. But I would not consider moving unless he would also consider it..and we both looked into pro's and cons. I also doubt I would move for JUST a man...because if it didn't work out I'd need to have a job and a life to fall back on when I was there.

    Who ever it is better be pretty special because my friends and family are here..and I have a solid stable career...who wants to start over for jo shmo.
  • susheetush
    susheetush Posts: 621 Member
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    I didn't relocate for him, but he was a bonus. I was already planning to move anyway and I think that's why I was open to developing a relationship with him.

    We did the whole LDR for 6 months but I visited as part of job searching every 6 weeks or so. Those were LOOOONG 6 weeks. I can't imagine doing a LDR for months at a time without seeing each other.
  • dakitten2
    dakitten2 Posts: 888 Member
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    I met my SO online. We talked online for months via internet and phone. Then we decided to meet up halfway between where we lived. Turned out great. We continued to do that for a few months and then in January 2001, we both relocated and moved in together. Just celebrated our 12th anniversary and would be married if the USA would legalize same-sex marriage!
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    I have thought of meeting in person, obviously..Im not that nieve, but if he's great on Skype he must be great in person, right?. He treats me like a lady and has respect for me. No, we havent sat in a movie together and shared a bucket of popcorn or slept in the same bed, but Im sure he'd buy me candy from the vendor and fluff my pillow. lol
    I brought this to the attention of MFP because I was curious your experiences, strength and hope on the subject. Obviously I wouldn't move if I didn't have employment lined up, and a pad to rest my head. I also have several close buds that live in the same area, I heart my Canadian friends. Im sure they'd be there for me as well.
    Thanks all for your opinions..
  • Jade1964
    Jade1964 Posts: 111 Member
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    Met online - Dated long distance - I lived in the United States, he lives in Canada. Moved to Canada from the United States 7 years ago and have no regrets.

    wait..you moved from the States to Canada and you don't regret it?

    No...I don't regret it. I am better off financially. Have a much better paying job doing the same thing I was doing in the states. And I have free health care. The free health care system may not be perfect but I don't have to claim bankruptcy when I get sick!!!!! And on top of all that I actually met the man of my dreams that I live with here. So no, nooooo regrets. Now I can actually afford to shop in the states when I couldn't when I actually lived there ;o)
  • juliekins64
    juliekins64 Posts: 125 Member
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    My husband moved to be with me because I was offered a better job. We lived where we had moved 5 years and then I asked him to move again and he did. He sometimes thinks about "what-ifs" however now that we are a family he has benefited big time from the increases to my career. I am a lucky lady.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    I want to board the "Lucky Lady" train. I want to think anything is possible. I want my dreams to become reality. I cant stand pessimistic ppl. I believe in following my heart, after all this bow and arrow Im playing with is in need of retirement.
  • Shausil82
    Shausil82 Posts: 218 Member
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    When my boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago, we lived 1 hour apart from each other. In November of last year, I moved in with him. It's a big commitment to relocate for love. You have to be absolutely sure that the person you're moving for is 'the one' for you. I realized my boyfriend is 'the one' last fall. He and I have gotten along great the past 5+ months we've lived together.
    Like I said before. You have to be 100% sure of the person you're wanting to move in with. If you have any kind of doubt about it, you aren't ready.
    In my eyes, living with someone you're dating is one step below marriage. Living together is a big commitment.
    Good luck! :-)
  • hwood247
    hwood247 Posts: 2
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    I moved from England to California to marry my husband, we lived there for 4 years and then he came back to England with me we have been here for 10 years now. Long distance and across the ocoean moving worked for us.
    I was 38 with 3 kids, he was 40 with 1 son, we now have 3 sons together!
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    I've relocated for my husband when he was in the Navy. I knew before we got married I would have to move a few times and didn't mind one bit. I love moving and exploring a new town/state etc. For me its an exciting adventure.

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