Relocating for Love

My friend did. He ended up being an *kitten* and they broke up shortly after and now she is trapped there.

I have two friends who are trapped here from different countries for the same reason. They struggle to make ends meet. Rely on the men for everything from financial to support the kids and they still cling to his family as they are thousands of miles away from theirs. They had everything in their countries and were professionals. Except one, she came very young. Another also but made her way here and is a hard working and high earning professional, who is nonetheless yearning for her home. Plus they have jobs to make ends meet and live in places they'd rather not. Kids they had together keeps them from returning and their lives they convey as a struggle and still centered around the men who brought them/invited them here.

And yes love was "valid" for them, and it is for me too (that "love not valid" was pretty much uncalled for and a stab in the dark). Unfortunately if circumstances change and the situation becomes different all the valid love in the world will not pay your rent or soothe you if he's in someone else's arms. It happens. These are just the experiences I'm familiar with by proximity and friendships. Not to take anything away from anyone else's experience. Just this is what I've seen and hear about on a regular basis. IRL i like to friend all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds and am especially drawn to adventuresome people and those who seem to need a support system and these girls fit both. I like to be there for them. Just wish they could follow their true desires and live the lives they want now, but can't. Just last week for example while lunching with a friend she asked me to accompany her to see a sick friend relative of her ex spouse because she would feel awkward if he was there with his new wife. He was. It was awkward. I am her only vent person as her families far away. Two days later same girl turned off her phone during coffee because family back home wants to talk too much for her comfort. It makes her sad and yearn for home when they call to chit chat or keep her in the loop. She struggles. Be careful. Just be strong and be careful.

OP I know you're looking to confirm your expectations, but I really hope you read this again. The stories described above are not 'unusual', at all.

And yeah of course it's possible to 'land on your feet' and 'survive'. That is not the same thing as thriving. As a foreigner, even in friendly Canada, you're literally handicapped in all kinds of legal ways until you get permanent residency. Not to mention the informal ways. And if your legal status depends on this relationship, well, that's one reason people find themselves in trouble and stay in ****ty situations.

Do you have a job offer in writing and a visa sponsorship agreement with the employer? 10,000 in the bank? You joked about airmiles - question: would you need them to travel? You talked about having a 'pad' to crash at - meaning you'll depend on your friends' generosity, instead of this guy you've never met?

All that would have been well and good 5-10 years ago, when jobs were plentiful and life was less scary for everyone. It's a different world now. Canada's more stable than most of the world, but there's still a highish unemployment rate. And if you're talking about living in Vancouver, it's the most expensive city in North America:
http://blogs.vancouversun.com/2012/02/14/vancouver-great-city-if-you-can-afford-it/

Risks like this sound fun (and can be, IF THINGS WORK OUT) when you're in your twenties. Let me tell you, it is not fun to just 'survive' with less time ahead of you.

You're going to hear what you want and shut out the rest, and probably accuse me of being 'negative', I suspect, but I hope at least some of this registers as a possibility.

It sounds like you're wanting escape, more than a relationship. If it were really about love, somebody would have at least visited somebody. So visit him, or invite him down, give it time.

As for the guy being amazing on Skype, and that guaranteeing his amazingness as a partner - I just don't even know what to say...

edit: also- no matter how entrepreneurial and energetic you are, most people have a limited number of times they have the juice to start over, and there's a bigger price to pay for it, the older you get. Especially if you're a woman.

I moved from Seattle to Atlanta for a guy who is now my husband 8 years ago and haven't regretted it. Everyone thought I was crazy when I told them and everyone assumed I would be back in 6 months. He was the one. So I guess I am one of the lucky few.

My wife relocated far away from me and I love it more every day! I'd highly recommend everyone try it

How do I contact her?

You'll need a copy of the Necromonacon and a blood sacrafice to summon her. Just sayin'.

It can work, but it is really tough. When I met my wife, we lived about 3,000 miles apart. It was two years before we were together. We've been together over 17 years now.

Have any one of you done it? No.

Would any of you consider it? Not unless there was a big commitment involved (marriage)

Is long Distance a deal breaker? IMHO, yes. At least it is for me.

I moved 1100 miles from So Cal to Portland , Oregon to marry. It didn't last, but.....I met the love of my life here and we have been together 23 years. Just celebrated our 20th Anniversary. Can't second guess your path.

when the woman who would become my wife had just moved in together, an offer came my way to move to Baltimore, MD. I talked to her about it. And it didn't even cross our minds that we would not be doing whatever we decided together. She knew if I ended up going, she would come with me, and I knew that if she didn't want to go, that I would happily stay with her.

We ended up going.

3-4 years later, we moved back.

I'm in the middle of trying to relocate to live with my boyfriend, but it all depends on what's happening on my side. If I can't move, then we need to keep it long distance for a little while longer. I don't mind, because it means I wouldn't have to wax my legs as often XD

Before we got serious about living together, I would stay round his for a couple of days - a week max - just to see if we can do it, and we can, but it might not happen now, who knows. I would love to live with him though