My husband won't diet with me

pippywillow
pippywillow Posts: 253 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
That sounds like a really whiny topic title, doesn't it?
Let me explain, I don't want to force my husband to diet with me. I believe in wifely submission, it's not my job to tell him what to do, or make him feel guilty. But it seems like since I've been eating less he's started eating more. He's gotten in the habit of just eating whatever's left after I dish out mine and the kid's plates. But with me eating less there's more left, but he still just piles it all on to his plate. The other night I had a scoop of ice cream and I asked him what he wanted and he say asked for 2 scoops with cool whip and hot fudge, he would normally just have the 2 scoops. It's like he's going out of his way to fatten himself up. He already weighs 370 and I'm pretty worried about his health. How do I get him to see how bad his choices are without nagging?
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Replies

  • GracefulDancer4Christ
    GracefulDancer4Christ Posts: 419 Member
    there really isn't an easy answer for that. lead by example once he sees the results of your weight loss and feeling really good and energetic he might decide to jump into eating less with you. a lot of times that is the only thing that can make him see and not nag.
  • emileesgram
    emileesgram Posts: 141 Member
    some men are intimidated when their wives start to lose weight, I say ignore this behavior as much as possible. You cannot make someone 'diet' if they don't want to. cook healthy family meals, eat what you need to eat to be healty and lose weight. So many times we ignore what is best for us as women (and sorry I don't believe in wifely submission but in equality but that is another subject)
    good luck
  • johnnylufc
    johnnylufc Posts: 39 Member
    well its easy just make less food that way he will eat less
  • AmandaReimer1
    AmandaReimer1 Posts: 235 Member
    You can't force someone to diet, and it should be a lifestyle change, permanent. If you do the cooking, you can at least control that much.

    Be an example, but at that weight you may want to talk about wanting him to be healthy so he'll be around a lot longer.

    I only cook enough servings we need, it saves on ingredients for future meals. So, if your portion size is smaller, don't cook it.
  • 999peanut
    999peanut Posts: 14
    One way to help would be to cook less, check and cook enough for the family without the large or left over portion... I do this and works well.

    as to the ice cream etc, I only keep in one topping at a time and will not buy more when it is gone until a set time... other items I too buy set amounts for the week. and when gone that is it..

    suppose this will only really work if you do the food shopping each week... works for me, he is losing now too, slowly,,, as I am eating less of the items he is too, but does ask for some items which I buy in moderation.
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
    I am still trying to figure out what "wifely submission" means. Does he cook or shop? Portion the meals out and put the rest in a tupperware for lunch the next day so it's not available to get seconds.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Divorce the *kitten*. You deserve better.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Lose weight.

    Have an affair.

    That'll motivate him.
  • hdlb
    hdlb Posts: 333 Member
    Cook less since you're eating less, then you're all still getting a propery sized portion. And who does the grocery shopping? If you're doing it, don't buy the hot fudge, then he can't eat it.

    Have you told him that you're worried about his health? Maybe sit down and talk to him about it, but in the end he has to make the choice. You can't force him to lose weight.
  • katy_trail
    katy_trail Posts: 1,992 Member
    mine won't either, then again, he really has to try to gain weight......

    another vote for making less, or you cold make the same amount and have leftovers already in the freezer when you're sitting down to dinner.
  • kaycepo
    kaycepo Posts: 42 Member
    Ok so I get that you are worried about his health but you can't care more about his health than he does it doesn't work that way. You have to focus on your health and just encourage him to go get a physical. Have the doctor tell him he needs to lose weight and then you can tell him you are not ready to live without him! And wifely submission WTF!!!!! I'm just saying there is only submission if that's what I am in the mood for that night!
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    You had me at "wifely submission."


    ...No wait. Sorry, you LOST me at "wifely submission."
  • krhn
    krhn Posts: 781 Member
    Simple solution to the point where you mentioned he finishes everyone else's plates...

    COOK FRICKING LESS FOR EVERYONE! That way there's no real excuse there :devil:
  • mackemom
    mackemom Posts: 277 Member
    There's nothing you can do. Sorry, but that's the truth. :ohwell:
  • nmensen18
    nmensen18 Posts: 39
    there really isn't an easy answer for that. lead by example once he sees the results of your weight loss and feeling really good and energetic he might decide to jump into eating less with you. a lot of times that is the only thing that can make him see and not nag.

    I agree with this! My husband supports my weight loss, but isnt all that serious about his own. All I can do is cook healthy meals (for the most part) so at least what he eats extra of won't hurt him much. Good luck!
  • joleenl
    joleenl Posts: 739 Member
    promise him a BJ for every pound he loses.... i bet he'll drop weight like nobody's business.

    sorted

    LOL this would totally work for my hubby.

    Or just cook less and cook lower calorie items. Stop buying the junk foor. If it isn't there he can't eat it. Also try a heart to heart talk with him. At the end of the day you can only do so much to help him and if he doesn't want it, you can't force him to take it.
  • mdraper60
    mdraper60 Posts: 101 Member
    For the longest time my husband wouldn't eat healthier and exercise with me. I told him that his health concerned me and that I wanted him to be healthy and around for a long time but he still wouldn't make the change. As hard as it was, I had to accept the fact that I cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I do all the shopping and cooking because it is just easier that way with his job so I have control over what is coming into the house. I only cook enough for the two of us, I dish up mine and whatever is left is his. Now that I have lost some weight, he is starting to see my results and wanting the same things. He has since asked me to set him up with a MFP account that he uses solely for tracking, and is constantly asking for help with what things he can eat and how much. He has even started to workout with me. We go for a walk every night regardless of the weather outside. He hasn't seen big results yet as he just started but he is looking forward to them.

    Maybe try talking to him about your concerns? Make it clear that you aren't trying to force anything on him, you just want to tell him how you feel.
  • joleenl
    joleenl Posts: 739 Member
    Lose weight.

    Have an affair.

    That'll motivate him.

    ^^ the affair part is bad advice. lose wieght and show him how it's done. Model a good example.
  • 2FatToRun
    2FatToRun Posts: 810 Member
    That sounds like a really whiny topic title, doesn't it?
    Let me explain, I don't want to force my husband to diet with me. I believe in wifely submission, it's not my job to tell him what to do, or make him feel guilty. But it seems like since I've been eating less he's started eating more. He's gotten in the habit of just eating whatever's left after I dish out mine and the kid's plates. But with me eating less there's more left, but he still just piles it all on to his plate. The other night I had a scoop of ice cream and I asked him what he wanted and he say asked for 2 scoops with cool whip and hot fudge, he would normally just have the 2 scoops. It's like he's going out of his way to fatten himself up. He already weighs 370 and I'm pretty worried about his health. How do I get him to see how bad his choices are without nagging?

    How about brutal honesty? If that doesnt work call your lawyer and make sure you have up to date life insurance and will signed and ready. Obviously he doesnt care he is fat and by what you said he isnt interested in changing it. Submission is archaic, you are an individual (atleast you were before you married him and gave up those rights) start acting like one. No one has the right to take that away from you and you shouldnt so willingly hand it over. Tell his fat *kitten* to get his own damn ice cream and quit contributing to his issues. Maybe he will get the hint and if not at least you will be an individual again (divorce)
  • rekite2000
    rekite2000 Posts: 218 Member
    I always put extras away before we eat so my husband knows what is left is his. We eat leftovers for lunch. I also prepare the plates so he gets all of his veggies :-). He feels special that I 'serve' his food. Also- don't offer to get him snacks. If I don't, my husband either just forgets about it or get his own. He knows fully what I am doing- I am honest about it. If he wants to slowly kill himself with food, that is his choice, but I refuse to help him. My father died in his 60s because of morbid obesity- I have some issues with that topic :-). That being said- I don't make him diet. If he wants a pizza, he will order one.
  • TygerTwoTails
    TygerTwoTails Posts: 108 Member
    I agree, there really isn't much you can do if he doesn't want to change, he's not going to. I think that you should keep doing what you are doing and take care of yourself. I understand the concern because my husband was basically in the same place, although he finally came around when I started lifting and decided he wanted to lift and now magically cares more about his diet too. This is all a recent development, but he had to come to the decision on his own, no amount of my nagging or begging or suggesting accomplished anything. The best thing you can do is let him know your honest feelings on the situation and at the very least, hopefully, it will plant a seed.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    He doesn't have to diet with you either.


    Lead by example. When he wants to, he will.
  • LittleMissDover
    LittleMissDover Posts: 820 Member
    Simple solution to the point where you mentioned he finishes everyone else's plates...

    COOK FRICKING LESS FOR EVERYONE! That way there's no real excuse there :devil:

    ^This^ if it's not there, he can't eat it.

    Wifely submission? Are we still in the dark ages? A relationship should be about equality.
  • roadmapmaker
    roadmapmaker Posts: 120 Member
    Men may need more calories but with 370# sounds like he has a few calories to spare. Don't wait till he slumps out of his chair clutching his chest .. and then if your lucky and he survives don't tell him 'I told you so'.

    Seriuosly, get rid of the junk food and make smaller portions. Have the kids set an example or encouragement - unless of course they are really young. But they still need to have a Dad around. Drive the point that he has responsibilities to his kids.

    Sometimes people have cravings and increased appetites, but there has to be some limits.. Best of Luck!
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    You can't make him do anything. I'm almost two years into this sort of lifestyle and my husband is just now, on his own, on board with me. I never once said a single word to him about anything he ate or did, just like he never said anything to me when I was heavy. People either get it for themselves or they don't get it at all. Just focus on you. I understand being worried about his weight, because I worry about my husband's relationship with stupid sugar sometimes..... but it's not my body, not my choice.
  • LauraJo08
    LauraJo08 Posts: 219 Member
    That sounds like a really whiny topic title, doesn't it?
    Let me explain, I don't want to force my husband to diet with me. I believe in wifely submission, it's not my job to tell him what to do, or make him feel guilty. But it seems like since I've been eating less he's started eating more. He's gotten in the habit of just eating whatever's left after I dish out mine and the kid's plates. But with me eating less there's more left, but he still just piles it all on to his plate. The other night I had a scoop of ice cream and I asked him what he wanted and he say asked for 2 scoops with cool whip and hot fudge, he would normally just have the 2 scoops. It's like he's going out of his way to fatten himself up. He already weighs 370 and I'm pretty worried about his health. How do I get him to see how bad his choices are without nagging?

    What the heck is wifely submission?
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    When he takes that extra scoop of ice cream smack him on the side of the head (fairly hard) and say something like "are you f*cking kidding me". Next time he goes for the extra scoop he will remember that smack and your b!tchy words. This will also lay down a great relationship dynamic.
  • jaymesjourney
    jaymesjourney Posts: 85
    You need to stop putting foods like ice cream, syrup, and whip cream avaliable in the house. You are both examples for your children and they are going to develop bad habits. Also cook less food. Only cook what you know you will eat that way there wont be any leftovers for him...
  • Jinkeys
    Jinkeys Posts: 26
    My husband wasn't ready for a change when I was either. I didn't push him, because I don't want him to make the decision to change based on what I want.
    For about a week after I started following my plan, he was "rebelling" and having a good time teasing me with his treats. Soon he realised that he wasn't getting a rise out of me, since I felt so good about my decision. :)
    After I lost nearly ten pounds in two weeks, he began to get on board. He asked me to help him to be more prepared, which is easy, since I'm already making mine.
    I'm excited that he's going on this journey with me, and that it's what he wants. We shall see if he can keep up with me.
    Maybe your hubs will come around, just try not to let his lifestyle get in way of your vision for your own.
  • sportzmom23
    sportzmom23 Posts: 103 Member
    promise him a BJ for every pound he loses.... i bet he'll drop weight like nobody's business.

    sorted

    would put mine on board :bigsmile:

    When I started back into a daily routine, and the weight started coming off, my husband sat on the couch, eating whatever. Complaining he hadnt gottenback in shape after a hip replacement. Never said a negative word about it. Slowly he started coming to the basement when I was on the dreadmill, sitting on the couch eating. Then he stopped eating. Then he cleared off the weight bench and his bike. The more consistent I was, the more he moved. The more compliments I have gotten, the more he has moved. Now that it is nicer, he is outside, doing more there.

    never once did I comment, positive or negative. If I had a friend ask what I was doing food wise, would show them TDEE and BMR basics, based on his numbers, just to put the idea in his mind. Slowly he has come around to the point where he was, under his terms, not mine. I didn't work out when he was prior to his surgery, he never pushed or prodded me when I wasnt ready...when I was ready, I did it. When he was ready, he did it. Granted, if it had taken any longer for him to get ready I might have thrown something at him the next time he whined about beig out of shape :grumble:
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