My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

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  • SCSmalley
    SCSmalley Posts: 18
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    This above post is awful!!! If this person really thinks that what your husband did is okay, she needs serious therapy (in my opinion, of course.) Please do NOT listen to this person!!!
  • watchhillgirl
    watchhillgirl Posts: 597 Member
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    The original post was from January. Hopefully this person has either moved on from this guy or the worked it out and he grew up....
  • seanezekiel
    seanezekiel Posts: 228 Member
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    Sounds like you need to lose some weight. Whatever he weighs is the number you need to lose.
  • watchhillgirl
    watchhillgirl Posts: 597 Member
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    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!

    This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Verbal abuse is as bad, and in some cases worse than physical abuse in my opinion. I have been married many years, and never has my husband called me an ugly name. He might have THOUGHT it, but never said it. And to be honest...he was probably right. You might allow your spouse to speak to you that way, and if you want to be a door mat, than go for it. But I certainly wouldn't suggest it for anyone I knew...or in case didn't know.
    Hopefully the OP has resolved the issue, since the original post was back in January.
  • Mimisam45
    Mimisam45 Posts: 132 Member
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    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.


    AMEN!
  • chellec23
    chellec23 Posts: 147 Member
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    Are his balls still attached? Because if my husband or boyfriend talked to me like that, they wouldn't be.

    There is NO excuse for him speaking to you that way. You're married? Were part of your vows "for better or for worse", etc? He needs to grow the f up and learn some respect for the woman he supposedly loves.

    Do NOT starve yourself for that *kitten*. He is not worth your tears or pain. If he can't treat you like you need to be treated, then treat YOURSELF the way you need to be. Respect yourself, love yourself. Clearly he isn't mature enough to do it... also he sounds pretty damn selfish. Kick his *kitten* and hold your head high. You're a goddess, he's a pissant.
  • Viveyp21
    Viveyp21 Posts: 65 Member
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    I am sorry that this is happening to you but you should not deal with verbal abuse. I would see a counselor with him and if it does not improve leave. I know thats not what you want in a new relationship but verbal abuse is still abuse. No one should ever make you feel that way. Feel free to message me add me whatever Im good at listening
  • pammee44
    pammee44 Posts: 49 Member
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    As previous posters have stated, this behavior is unacceptable and even moreso after only 4 months of marriage. WOW!

    I've been in a verbally abusive relationship before and it's no fun and no way to live life. I wish you luck with counseling and I hope it helps you decide what to do with your life and your husband.

    Instead of not eating and detoxing, go exercise, take it out on the gym equipment, get that negative energy out, don't let it fester.

    Good luck and Hugs to you!
  • futuresize8
    futuresize8 Posts: 476 Member
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    What seanezekiel said!

    No, but actually, I am not equipped to give anyone advice on marriage, but I do know a lot about self esteem.

    I was once married to someone who would say these kinds of things to me on a regular basis, as well as many other disturbing, destructive comments.

    I don't know if this is the first time your spouse has talked to you like this, but it should be the last.

    You deserve to be cherished. I am now married to the man of my dreams. I am so happy I didn't settle for the nightmare.

    I hope you can work it out, but more importantly, I hope you'll take care of you and those pretty little girls in your profile pic...I hope they don't someone talking to their mother like that.
  • hartenelli
    hartenelli Posts: 2
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    dear darling, SHAME ON HIM !!!!! I don't care if it was in anger. right now, say to yourself, I LOVE ME. please do not fast, you will throw your body into starvation mode, which will cause a weigh gain when you do eat something. a juice fast would be better, but just forgive yourself for whatever it is you are disappointed about and NEVER give up trying. good luck and remember GOD loves you no matter what!
  • jackiethrongard
    jackiethrongard Posts: 2
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    My husband has never called me a fat @ZZ but we have had the uncomfortable talk about my weight going up 100 lbs since we met (I had serious back problems for over a year and got super depressed and ate my feelings). I felt humiliated and ashamed and went through the same feeling of hiding (not wanting to be looked at naked or touched) but that only made things worse. I have since taken off around 40 lbs but I am stalling now since the first of the year. ug. You should know that just because you have put on weight does not mean that he loves you any less (and if he does well f him in the a). I decided to get healthy for me and for our future together.

    On a different note. My first husband called me a fat @zz and told me he was embarrassed to be scene with me, but he married me when I was fat so the logic was flawed. I felt so horrible about myself that I went and had a lap-band surgery done (which he screamed at me because I wasn't worth the money). When I woke up from surgery the first thing that I said to my surgeon was "as soon as I can lift anything heavier then a milk jug I am leaving him" I realized that I had done this surgery to make someone love me. He should have loved me and encouraged me and not been that guy that your girlfriends look at like "pig" (or other bad word).

    So overall with the two very different experiences I have had, Love yourself and work on the things that you don't like about all aspects of you. If you spend time making yourself happy and healthy then things will fall into place. Don't be afraid to admit that it hurt your feelings and to discuss the changes that you want to make. Your a team in all things.
  • SewersofCasaBonita
    SewersofCasaBonita Posts: 24
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    Fuck that guy in his fucking face. He might be younger and you may think he could get anyone he wants, but there's no way any woman in her right mind would stick around with a dude that resorted to name-calling during a fight. What a child.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    I just don't understand why you would post something like this, and then expect people not to bash your husband, or you, for that matter for tolerating that kind of treatment...SMH...
  • backpacker44
    backpacker44 Posts: 160 Member
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    Just break up.

    Don't give marriage advice if you don't know their situation. Having a "give up" attitude is why 60% of marriages end in divorce. Marriage is not something to take lightly.
  • Armyantzzz
    Armyantzzz Posts: 214 Member
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    Guess what ? You're still the same person he met before you got married. Don't let your relationship become superficial. You can knock the weight off in time!! Your treatment of each other should rise above that!! Don't let it deter you from your goal. As far as fasting, your body may react differently when you go into "starvation" mode. Just try to burn enough calories each day so that you are under your calorie count. And watch your diet. It'll take some time, but you'll be glad you took the time when you reach your goal! Keep your head up.... you're on a mission!:smile:
  • sunnyhlw77
    sunnyhlw77 Posts: 204 Member
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    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

    I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.


    I agree with both statements. My husband and I are both overweight but when we're in a heated discussion, weight never comes up, its not fair to use it. And quite frankly despite everything, you did marry for better or worse, sicker or poorer whether those were your vows or not. A marriage is only successful if there is mutual respect, love and support. Good luck. I hope you can work through this. Forgiveness, especially in a case like this, is something hard to do. Hopefully your husband realizes his mistake.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
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    thats bs
    not eating will harm u though
    slap him in th e face and dont cook for him
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
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    Oh, my heart breaks for you. This is so not right. I suggest counseling. Getting angry or upset with your partner happens, but there needs to be boundaries. Name calling or belittling only adds to the fire.Not a good way to argue. So don't excuse his behavior away.
    And you aren't secure in his love for you (no wonder!) Again, counseling.
  • lmckillo
    lmckillo Posts: 127 Member
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    From you picture you are a beautiful lady and NOBODY needs to be treated like that. Best advice, keep on trying, keep on trying, keep on trying...it will work. Best of luck and remember you don't have to take it...
  • LlisaRrox
    LlisaRrox Posts: 5
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    Absolutely correct! I agree with this post one hundred percent! There is a book's worth of psychology in what transpired between you and your husband. I can't even begin to write what I want because I am "working"...but counseling is a great place to start. And, while words are hurtful and can't be taken back, and trust can be shattered in the blink of an eye, my mother always told me, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!" I think that means that physically you are okay...be strong and remember that others don't dictate your strength and value as a person!

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