My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

My ex-husband used to call me a b!tch, tell me how awful I was...etc. After 10 years of that, I believed him.

If you allow him to talk to you like that without addressing it with him, you will believe it in yourself. Speak to him about what he said, how you feel about it and how it has affected you.

Don't allow him to talk to you that way again. This comes from over 12 years of trying to prove to myself that I am not a horrible person.

Starving yourself is not a good thing to do. Standing up for yourself is

I am so sorry for your pain. What your husband said is unacceptable but I agree that you need to tell him how badly he hurt you and that you won't tolerate it. If you don't address it now, you're going to do irreparable damage to yourself and your self esteem. I was with my husband for six years and while he never said anything that blatantly mean, his little comments eventually made me feel really badly about myself and in the end, he left me because he said I wasn't confident anymore which made me in attractive. As for not wanting him to see you naked, I don't blame you!! He doesn't DESERVE to! I wish I had some good advice for what to do, but all i can say is that if you decide that losing weight is the answer, then make sure you're doing it because that's what YOU want. If you lose weight for him, he'll just find something else to criticize.

I have been married to the same guy for 30 years. My word we have had some really big knock down drag out fights. No one who has been married that long has had a walk in the park with a marriage. But I can honestly say my Husband has never not once called me an ugly name. I would not tolerate it. I think I would throw something at his head. (Not telling you to do so) He has the problem NOT YOU! If you put up with that type of emotional and verbal abuse I have to wonder what will be next, a fist? Stop the abuse now before it gets worst.

OK...he is young. He was angry. He said hurtful, unforgivable things. What should you do?

First, EAT. I know you don't feel like it, but your body needs nutrition. Feed it some good healthy fruits and vegetables and whole grains.

Second, use this as incentive to change. Not for him, but for your own self-esteem and piece of mind. And whenever you slip or things get tough and you want to give up, remember why you are on this journey to change.

Third, go for a walk or a run or a swim, or whatever form of activity YOU enjoy. Release those endorphins! Feel better!

Fourth, forgive. Talk to your husband when things have smoothed over. Explain to him how his hurtful words made you feel. Let him know that he better never speak to you like that again, no matter how angry he is. You are his wife, not his doormat.

*HUGS!*

This is long, but PLEASE take the time to read it... I think it can help.

You've gotten tons of responses but in cases like these, more words of encouragement NEVER hurt.

I have been in your exact situation, only I had only gained about 20 lbs, and my fiance was very turned off... He didn't even want to kiss me as often, much less have sex.

Here's the thing, though...

Change can't happen for someone else. Comments & realizations cant be catalysts, but they won't keep you motivated, nor will they help you to reach what should be your ultimate goal: self love, acceptance, & healthfulness.

I definitely recommend working on making healthier decisions, not only for yourself, but for your marriage. I know a lot of people will probably want to blast your husband for his comments, and while I agree that he went about things the WRONG way, he was trying (poorly) to express something that was important to him.

It IS okay for that to be important to your significant other, but I think it would be prudent of you to have a calm discussion with him telling him that you understand his concerns, but that you wish he had approached the subject in a more sensitive way. Not saying he has to be some sappy romantic girl version of your perfect mate, just saying he should take care of the words he uses and be mindful that sometimes they can have the opposite effect of what's intended.

Now... for you...

LOVE YOURSELF. Accept that you have made some poor decisions regarding your health & seek to change those habits FOR YOUR BENEFIT. The comments he made have caused you to feel insecure (which is why you don't feel comfortable having sex with him, etc) but the only person in control of your emotions is you. That's a tough pill to swallow, I know from experience, but it is true. Don't let his comments dictate your self worth. You can accept your mistakes (and his) and still love yourself, so go find some kind of distraction or hobby or exercise that makes you feel good about yourself (try zumba, it burns A TON of calories & makes me feel like I've accomplished so much every time I finish a session--even if it's only 25 minutes instead of an hour).

In the meantime. Love your husband. Forgive him whether he asks for it or not (again, this is for YOUR benefit), and focus on all the reasons you chose to marry him in the first place. Focus on those positives & use positive reinforcement for your own insecurities and I promise, making love will become enjoyable and desirable again in no time.

Feel free to message me ANY time for support or advice or even just to vent. I hope this helps.

The original post was from January. Hopefully this person has either moved on from this guy or the worked it out and he grew up....

She's the one who revived it today out of the blue, picking up where it left off 3 months ago, like nothing's changed. Weird.
Missing the attention perhaps?

Although the argument happened it is no excuse for causing such pain, they can be done in a manner in which insults and name calling are left out. That being said, forgiveness is a powerful thing and it sounds like you can show that kind of grace. My experience with cleansing is that it needs some food, fruits and veggies have tons of vitamins, minerals and fiber and will make you feel better and increase the energy. Go online and look up cleansing and you will find many options. I am sure you will find one that works for you.
Try talking to you husband when heads are cooler and let him know how much his words hurt. He may be feeling as bad as you are for saying such things. Also, you are able to be beautiful no matter what your size, so be sure you are willing and truly wanting to change and that you are not just reacting to his words. Reactionary weight loss may only lead to a yo-yo effect on your weight. Trust me, I KNOW! God Bless and I will pray for you and your husband as you confront these challenges together.

My guess is he said it more because he knew it would hurt you, not necessarily that he thinks that.

My husband called me fat once, this was about 1.5 years ago (yes that long ago and I still remember it) and it was in the middle of an argument, and he said it because he was in the wrong (about what we were fighting about) and a jab he could take that he KNEW would hurt me was about my weight.

We've discussed it a few times since it happened and it really had NOTHING to do with my weight, he had to do with him sinking to the lowest form of fighting and just reaching for anything he knew he could throw at me, because he knew it bugged me, not that it bugged him.

Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.

You honestly shouldn't explain yourself to any of these ignorant women. You came on here for uplifting advice not to be questioned about your profile status. They should mind their own business! I hope everything is okay with you being that you posted this in January.

Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.

You honestly shouldn't explain yourself to any of these ignorant women. You came on here for uplifting advice not to be questioned about your profile status. They should mind their own business! I hope everything is okay with you being that you posted this in January.

You're not serious are you?? She comes on here and vents about something that happen to her and people need to mind their own business? It would be a very empty thread then...

But yeah, I also hope that OP made good decisions for herself.

I am sorry that this is happening to you but you should not deal with verbal abuse. I would see a counselor with him and if it does not improve leave. I know thats not what you want in a new relationship but verbal abuse is still abuse. No one should ever make you feel that way. Feel free to message me add me whatever Im good at listening

I would not stayed with anybody who will talk to me like that ; You need to think about what is next because it sounds to me he's not really matured ! I agreed with this comment also .