Single at 33..why?

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  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
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    Have your standards... and know that they have theirs. it's always been my philosophy to be equally matched. <3
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I am not single...and I have been anxiously waiting for my SO to ask the question. I also recently went through a terrible month of nothing but "baby fever" (which is when I learnt all the joys of vag tearing, 8-10 diaper changes a day, and breast feeding).

    My SO had a good long discussion on kids, as I have always flipped back and forth between having them. (Im 24 btw) So of course, because everyone else around us is getting married and having babies - i started to lay down the pressure. It was definitely about keeping up with people around us. Anyway...during this discussion, he had made this amazing comment that changed my perspective on marriage and kids 100%.

    He said "Do you ever notice that once people have kids...their lives almost "stop". They often do not get nicer vehicles, or a nicer house, with a better paying job." I thought for a moment about most of the people I know who have had kids/got married at a younger age...and had to agree. (Not to say this is the case for everyone...just my social circle). I want to be able to pay for my childs college funds, afford to put them into sports, and have a house/mortgage to ourselves (we currently rent). I thought to all of our friends who are married/having kids...none of them are able to do that, and yes their lives are essentially on "hold".

    Along with another 2 hours or so of discussion, this pretty much cured up my baby fever and I was (easily) able to become patient in getting married and having kids. The longer I wait, the more secure our lives will be. The more satisfied I will be with my job and my living environment.

    Then yeah I read about the vag tearing and pretty much turned me off from having kids all together...but anyway, perhaps some of this insight might help add patience to what your going through.

    BTW - My SO is a musician (yup...a drummer!), and trust me...they are not all bad.
  • rudarbe
    rudarbe Posts: 164 Member
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    Don't let being single discourage you. You are gorgeous, the right one will come to you when you least expect it. Could be tomorrow, or it could be in 50 years.
  • Colorfan
    Colorfan Posts: 230 Member
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    Now I dont feel so bad.

    Im 30 and single. No kids or anything.

    I dont really want to be married or anything like that right now, but having a relationship would be nice.
  • LadyConundra
    LadyConundra Posts: 37 Member
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    I don't see what the problem is. I'm 39 will be 40 in a few weeks, Christian, never marry, no kids, can't remember the last time I went on a date or even kissed a guy, and I have a great job and love my life. Last year I spent WAY too much time focusing on 'why God am I not married, You know I want to be married and have kids, whats wrong with me,, etc so forth and so on'. This year I have giving up on that crap and I am loving the single life, I don't have to worry about anyone else but myself and my cat. I'm focusing on other people and not myself, volunteering where I can, and helping out my friends when needed, and working toward doing some medical mission trips. Working on getting out of debt. I will buy a house next year, but myself, thank you very much. I'm traveling and doing fun things that my married with kids friends can't. Even though I know they love being married and where they are at in their lives. All of my friends tell me now that I'm not looking I will 'find my man', Guess what I have been 'not looking' for quite a while now and nothing. I'm good. God has other plans my life than marriage and kids. Your single, so embrace your singleness! :)
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
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    I have no suggestions because I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 29, single, never been married, no kids. Strangely it isn't my mom that's worried about it. It's my grandfather. He was brought up very old school, very traditional. I'm a female so I should be married, in the kitchen, cooking, taking care of my however many children. And because I haven't found someone yet, something must be wrong with me. The only thing I can say that is "wrong with me," is that I find it very hard to get close to people. And...it probably doesn't help that I don't want kids... :-/

    I do have those moments though where I think, "What is SO wrong with me?" So, I understand that. Maybe you could do speed dating? I've never done it, but I've definitely thought about it. That may sound ridiculous, but it may be worth a try.

    I think it's society that doesn't really make it easier.

    There's an expectation that you HAVE to have someone, that your worth is only determined by someone else. I don't think so.

    And there's nothing wrong with you for not wanting kids or being single.
  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
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    Sucks becuase everyone my age in the church are all married with kids. I feel like there's something majorly wrong with me. Any thoughts/comments/suggestions?


    I think if you don't have an HRM, it's ok to go with the estimate for a while and see if it works. If it doesn't work, adjust.
  • bathony
    bathony Posts: 51
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    I have no suggestions because I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 29, single, never been married, no kids. Strangely it isn't my mom that's worried about it. It's my grandfather. He was brought up very old school, very traditional. I'm a female so I should be married, in the kitchen, cooking, taking care of my however many children. And because I haven't found someone yet, something must be wrong with me. The only thing I can say that is "wrong with me," is that I find it very hard to get close to people. And...it probably doesn't help that I don't want kids... :-/

    I do have those moments though where I think, "What is SO wrong with me?" So, I understand that. Maybe you could do speed dating? I've never done it, but I've definitely thought about it. That may sound ridiculous, but it may be worth a try.

    I think it's society that doesn't really make it easier.

    There's an expectation that you HAVE to have someone, that your worth is only determined by someone else. I don't think so.

    And there's nothing wrong with you for not wanting kids or being single.
  • bathony
    bathony Posts: 51
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    Don't conform to what you think society expects of you, live your life, be at peace and be happy. The rest will follow x
  • TheKeithEllis
    TheKeithEllis Posts: 155 Member
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    Sometimes you wonder how you could be single and unmarried at 33. It's really depressing, bec I know I am a good perosn, but I can't seem to find a good man. I date the musican types, and they have proven to not make good boyfriends. And my man wants me to meet a good Christian/BA Degree/smart/good job etc. and I told her most of them are married by my age. And all the good men are taken.

    Took me until I was 35 to meet the right lady and now married with two kids. It'll happen, just enjoy life until it does. :)
  • goodasgoldilox165
    goodasgoldilox165 Posts: 333 Member
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    When out looking for your prince... keep in mind that he might at first appear to be a frog!

    ( Just think of all those disgusting new foods that turned out to be delicious after a few trials. )

    The advice I was given was: don't have a type - or a tick-list of essential qualities; be open to falling for someone you wouldn't have considered. Rationalising a relationship is something you do later.

    It worked for me. My husband - of 26 years- is as different from all my previous boyfriends as it is possible to be. He should have been on my frog list or passed over as a strange new dish I wouldn't want to taste. It turns out that I had been mis-defining frogs and choosing the wrong foods all my life!

    Initial attraction (eyes across a crowded room) might not be the best first step. (Jane Austen's 'Pride and Prejudice' is a favourite romantic example of first-impression-failure)
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    The grass isn't always greener lol . I really wish I had stayed single when I was younger. I was in a way to long relationship with someone I knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with. Then met the one soon after. I adore my guy and know it is for life but would of liked to enjoy the single life for a couple years.

    I never got the whole type thing...
    Maybe you could try dating guys that aren't your type and see where that goes.

    Good luck :smile:
  • VeganSurfer
    VeganSurfer Posts: 383 Member
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    Christian dating sites?
  • 5erious
    5erious Posts: 469
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    Maybe you are delusional and aiming too high since you said u have a certain type you go for?
  • SaraBrown12
    SaraBrown12 Posts: 277 Member
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    I am 31 and a single mum of a 9 and 7 yr old. Split of partner of 15 years. Its tuff but i LOVE it. Even tho i have kiddos i finally feel in control of my own life. I am not interested in meeting a new bloke at the moment as i want to get to know me again. I have noticed when your not looking/interested they seem to come out of the woodworks. Stop the search and let him find you!!!
  • Myfitself101
    Myfitself101 Posts: 25 Member
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    Do what you love and you will meet someone who loves what you do.
  • FittyFitFitFit
    FittyFitFitFit Posts: 25
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    This post has made me feel soooo much better thanks everyone! Judging by the number of responses there are heaps of (nice!) people who go through periods of singleness and wonder what on earth is wrong with them. Cliched advice maybe but it is so true that one must just enjoy life. Getting fit and happy is the greatest gift I have given to myself. The realisation that I don't need to be in a relationship to feel happy is just awesome so I do hope the OP can reach a similar sort of happy state. Take yourself out for dinner, buy yourself flowers, get a new haircut, buy some sexy knickers, cook a nice meal... OK, so those are things I like doing but whatever works for you! Just enjoy whatever it is you do and good luck out there. :)
  • Tysonlovesweights
    Tysonlovesweights Posts: 139 Member
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    I just saw another post on how a girl is finally getting attention due to her losing weight. Yeah guys are shallow. So looks like I'm going to be single too.

    Now that I have a bangin body and look like some kind of Viking Warrior chick... I get tons of attention just going to the store when I look like crap.... ZOMG I NEVER SAW THAT COMING AND I HAD NO IDEA THAT WHEN YOU HAD AN AMAZING BODY THAT GUYS NOTICED YOU HOLY CRAP! STOP LOOKING AT ME OR YOU WONT BE ABLE TO TELL IM A NICE PERSON ON THE INSIDE YOU SHALLOW PIECE OF SHT!!!

    i somehow doubt that when you go out with friends looking to meet guys or whatever, that you deliberately avoid the ones who are good looking until you can be sure they have a personality to match. stop kidding yourself, guys want to talk to attractive women and VICE VERSA. who the hell would want to be married to or even date a person who they were not physically attracted to? Why not be complimented by the fact that all your hard work has paid off. you put in all the work to get the "bangin body" why? so you could show it off to the world and be proud of yourself just like everyone else who puts in effort to look better. people notice you now and you don't like it? whatever
  • FittyFitFitFit
    FittyFitFitFit Posts: 25
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    Dear mother of God you have a hot body :laugh:
  • inlikeflynn
    inlikeflynn Posts: 14 Member
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    I'm 40, single, no children and untroubled. My only whisper of anything approaching regret is for my parents who would be wonderful grandparents but they've always assured me that as long as I'm happy, they're happy. And that's great.

    Other people's expectations are just that - theirs. Everyone's journey is different. Cherish your family and friends, be a good person and enjoy your life!! . That's what it's all about.

    If you meet someone, great, but why not enjoy the day to day until you do?

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