Problems with future brother-in-law

I'm from Detroit Michigan where people are CRAZY about their cars and this happens a lot. I'd say the best thing your husband can do is GO "Nissan 350z" .

The more crap this guy talk's the more your man should go "Nissan 350z" T shirts, Hats, key chains ect.. In-fact maybe your husband should give him a Nissan 350z mug as a gift. Every gift you ever give him should have the Nissan 350z logo on it. Let it be known that just because he don't like it doesn't mean it's gonna change your mind.

Hmmm...i would suggest letting your sister initiate the next gathering, especially if her future hubby is going to be so inulting to his hosts. if you don't want to open that can of worms with her (she may be blind to his faults against others since you said he's good with her) then maybe politely decline a get-together when you know he will be present. or, at the very least, your husband could simply give him the cold shoulder. any time he comes over to talk, all your mister needs to do is get up and walk away. enough of that and either BIL will stop trying to initiate conversation, or he can be confronted (politely) about how his abrasive behavior is not appreciated, and will therefore be avoided.

I think you should start calling him out on his comments, but in a light hearted way. Then you can tell if he is really a jerk or is just clueless. I actually like the "what exactly do you have against my car?" question. For the restaurant situation, I would have said, "well, when you're paying, we'll let you choose" or "I see it hasn't stopped you from enjoying the free food." Otherwise, the situation between him and your husband is just going to get worse. The man needs to know his snarkiness will not be tolerated.

Another approach would be to get very serious and ask him "why would you bring that up when you know my parents are trying to honor you?" And "why do you continue to insult my car when you know it is my pride and joy?"

Either way, he needs to be confronted while you remain cool and calm about it.

Not necessarily this, but I feel you must do something. Brushing it under the carpet and laughing it off is just going to let things fester. He may or may not realise the impact of what he is saying - that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he is causing offence and sooner or later the situation will explode uncontrollably.

Your husband could try talking to him to find a bridge - I guess he may not want to do that.

However, I think you should make it clear to your sister that there is a problem. Make it clear that you feel you are stuck in the middle, and make it clear that you don't want to ever have to choose between her and your husband. Then the pressure is on your sister to keep him in check and you are not stuck in the middle. It should be reasonably easy to get a quiet moment for you to get some time alone with your sister so that you can make your point calmly and politely, avoiding a stand up row.

The reaction that you get should tell you what your sister thinks of his behaviour, and any change in his behaviour will give a good indication of the other guy's intent.

Highlighting when the guy is being rude as suggested above will remind and re-enforce the point. If it doesn't improve you may have to choose between your husband and your sister. I bet I know where that choice will go, and you had warned your sister.

Good luck - it's not an easy situation

Just break up.

No, seriously, just break up. Anytime someone is still a "future" in law, it is your chance to use the emergency exit before it's too late. Get out while you can. Cut your losses, don't even try to take your TV, just get out.

Um... how, exactly, is she supposed to "break up" with her sister's fiance?

Your husband does sound oversensitive. I applaud you, OP, for realizing that this guy may be a d!ck, but what he says shouldn't get to you. Because it doesn't matter.

I totally agree with other people who have said to call him out on his rude behavior, but only for things like criticizing a restaurant where he's getting a free meal. I would do that to anyone, even if they were normally a nice person, let alone someone with a reputation for asshattery.

Your hubby may not like this guy -- and there's nothing that says he has to -- but unfortunately he's just gonna have to suck it up and deal, unless this guy turns out to be a real creep after the marriage and starts being mean to your sister as well. Keep a close eye on her and make sure the communication about her relationship with this guy stays open.

Depending on how rude he is, this could be a major red flag. I don't have a clue what you could do about it though. My best friend started dating a guy in 1996 who was an absolute *kitten*. The very first time me met her parents was at a family reunion. I was invited because we'd been best friends since college. Anyway, someone made a political statement that boyfriend disagreed with, and he immediately jumped up, started pounding his fists on the table, shouting profanity, calling the person who'd said it "stupid", etc. He totally lost it. He was so angry there were veins throbbing in his temples, his face was beet red, and flecks of spit were flying out of his mouth and hitting the other person in the face. Totally out of control. Anyway, this guy is ALWAYS like this. Hasn't changed a damn bit. Screams at my friend, their daughter, anyone and everyone who doesn't totally agree with him. NOONE could tell my friend anything. I asked her point blank years ago about his abusive behavior and she was really defensive. Now, of course, she's had her fill and she's miserable, but doesn't really want to get a divorce, etc. I just think that when a love interest disrespects a person's family right in front of them, that's a major sign that they aren't marriage material. I just don't know how to get that through to your sister. I am sorry you are in this situation.

Hmm... as someone who dated and eventually married (but don't worry, eventually divorced as well) an a-hole that clearly nobody liked, I have to say the worst thing you can do is NOT tell your sister how you, your husband, and anyone else feel about his behavior. She needs to hear it...
ETA: possibly multiple times.

Has she always had pretty good self-esteem? Does she have a track record of dating decent, up-standing guys? Or is it the other way around?

Eww. I have a "brother-in-law" who sounds a lot like this...very critical of EVERYTHING. Has an opinion on EVERYTHING. I was sharing how I was buying a new Jeep and I just knew this guy was going to say something negative about the jeep wrangler...and sure enough, he spoke up right away about how "small" they are.

The guy is a total jerk, newly divorced (not surprised)...i was actually shocked that someone would even marry the guy and put up with his crap. I see guys like this to be totally insecure. You and your husband should start talking to him about HIS car...does he even have one?

some people are just idiots... you are going to have to find away to just ignore his insults and move on... I happen to love the choice in car your husband has as i own a 350z as well and love it.... funny story my boyfriends uncle was going to buy my car cause i need a truck more then a car but he didnt end up buying it and bought a BMW to this day when we pull up next to his car my car looks wayyyy nicer then his and we always laugh about how stupid his uncle was for not buying my car and getting the BMW LOL I think your husband needs to just realize he made a good choice and he loves his car and this other guy has no idea what hes talking about. Be proud of the choices you make and dont let what others think bother you.