My heart is broken...
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I am giving you the advice I wish I had given myself when my boyfriend told me he didn't know what he wanted...WALK AWAY!!
I didn't, and we broke up eventually anyway .... after I had sacrificed my dignity and self respect in the hopes that he would realise that he still loved me and we were meant to be.
It took me a very very long time to move on from the bitterness and anger that this sort of situation creates, and I don't wish it on anyone. I hated myself for being so pathetic, and I loathed him for being the cause, and for seeing me at my weakest.
Don't put your life on hold for him. You deserve someone that KNOWS how they feel about you, and is sure that they want you in their life. Right now, he is not that person!0 -
You deserve someone who knows they want you. My ex and I yo-yo'ed back and forth for a while before we actually started dating because he wasn't sure what he wanted. It was emotional hell. But he was my first love and I thought it was ~meant to be~ and special. No. It was great while it lasted, but I've grown up and can have a real relationship now. Now-a-days I don't have the patience for a half-hearted relationship. If my boyfriend started doubting our relationship I'd be like, "OK, see ya!" -- I want a stable relationship. Someone I can count on to not leave when things aren't perfect. Someone who doesn't feel obligated to be with me but WANTS to be with me...even when life is sh**.
I know you love him dearly and can't imagine life without him, but one day you'll realize that you deserve someone who knows they want you - without a doubt, wants to spend their life with you, wants you. Anything less than that's a waste of time!
Give him space. Ignore his advances. Tell him he has to be all in, or all out. And stick with your decision. You will love again -- believe that much, at least. It's going to suck for a while but it'll be OK eventually...actually, it'll be better than you can fathom right now. Believe it or not -- it's true.
But I don't know why he said he felt obligated, because then I asked him about buying me the dresses he bought me, or the hello kitty doll, and he said he wanted me to be happy. That's not obligation at all.
That's pure feeling. I'm going to do just that. If he doesn't ask for me to come back and apologize and realize he screwed up, then fine. I'll have my answer, and I'll move on. If he does, then he'll have to earn my trust back and bust his *kitten* for a long time. Thank you. 0 -
We're both 21. This is the first time we've broken up. We took a break once because he wanted it, and then the very next day he rushed over to my house apologizing and saying he was stupid and that he couldn't stand to be away and that he loved me....that was all the way back in January. It just hurts so much. How could he want this? I know for a fact he doesn't want anybody else...he said that after me, he doesn't think he'll ever been in another relationship again... After all we've been through together? The memories? We never had big fights, and he was always so kind to me, always holding my hand, hugging me, laughing with me....just a week ago he was doing that, too. I just don't understand how he could want this. I've known him almost two years, he was the first friend I made, the first best friend I made, and my first love. And I'm his first love....how could he want it to end, yet not want it to end? He was hugging me and wouldn't let me go, and I told him it was making it worse, and he told me not to pull away, that hugging me felt nice....what???? And why was he trying to kiss me???
Because he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He wants the perks of a relationship (hugging and kissing and whatever else feels good) without the commitment (taking you out to dinner, buying you things, not being able to do what he wants when he wants, etc.) He's basically only thinking about himself.
This^^
I seriously think he is playing you! I don't doubt he has some kind of feelings for you, but he is not being sincere about the relationship! If he wanted to be with you (and let's assume he is not a total dysfunctional emotional cripple) he would do everything in his power to be with you and make you happy. But he is pushing you away and at the same time trying to keep you close (hence the message on facebook, is not changed status, the pictures). I believe he is doing so to have the good deal of the relationship ( you all know what those are) but the hard part of the relationship he is backing off of.
From past experiences I know men will continue behaving like that if you give them the chance to do so. Let him know how you want the relationship to be, with the troubles and with the hard times, and if he is not willing to commit then go find somebody better. If he is not treating you right then somebody else will!!!0 -
because he was buying off his conscience.But I don't know why he said he felt obligated.0 -
But how many times is he going to have to "break up" with you before you both realize something just isn't right? I'm not trying to be mean, but if this is forming a pattern then you really need to look at what's causing the issue and try to fix that. I'm guessing if he was having these thoughts in January, you found a temporary fix and renewed that puppy love/infatuation of the beginning of the relationship...and it's just now wearing off again. What happens when he feels like this again 3 months from now?
If he wants the freedom to do what he wants to do (ignoring any supposed obligations here), is he really going to WANT to bust his butt trying to earn your trust back? Maybe for a few weeks, when the memory of losing you is fresh, but then -- in most cases -- they fall back into old habits.
Meh, I'm being a downer. Good luck -- I hope it works out. Just realize if it doesn't, you'll still be OK. Hearts are surprisingly resilient.0 -
Slow down, slow down, slow down! Time to STOP letting him call the shots when it comes to your heart, emotions and esteem! Why is he stringing you along? Because he doesn't know what he wants. He thinks the grass in greener on the other side! He wants a nice girl in the wings, after he goes and samples some of the things that are offered out there in bachelor land.
I sound like I don't like men, but I do! It's just they take a WHILE to catch up sometimes with maturity, and waiting around for them to catch up is dangerous to YOU. Don't allow him to string you along, he probably is NOT a bad person, just not making a decision based on what is healthy for YOU. Let him go, if it's meant to be, you will find each other again when you BOTH are ready and focused on EACH OTHER, not with one eye looking around for what's available elsewhere!
Stopping your life to feel badly about what is not happening with this young man is keeping you from blooming into YOU and you won't see the "Mr. Right" who might be right around the corner!
Feel your feelings. Cry for a while. Give yourself a reasonable time table to wallow. Then dust yourself off, hold your head up and go spend times with friends that have YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART. Have fun! Don't dwell! :flowerforyou:0 -
Cynical but realistic head on....
Been together a year.
Not had sex.
Got hotel room.
Just cuddled.
Distant in the morning.
Left on road trip without you.
Needed to talk on return.
Cried and said he's stringing you along.
He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.
Harsh but he's a man end of.0 -
...What's so confusing is that he says that he feels like he's stringing me along, but he still wants to be with me, and he kept trying to hug me and cuddle with me and kiss me. I'm so confused, he acted like he had to break up with me even though he didn't want to...
He's stringing you along. When you really want someone you know it and you don't do what he's doing. He's just one of those "nice" guys who doesn't want to be the bad guy. He cares about you, and doesn't want to hurt you, but he feels stuck because you're not the one. Do both of you a favor and break it off FOR him. It's gonna hurt at first but in time you'll be glad and when the right one comes along, you will BOTH know it. You deserve better.
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Get over him, move on....DO NOT look back...thats my guys take on all this!0
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I feel he is gay. He loves you but he's confused.0
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Cynical but realistic head on....
Been together a year.
Not had sex.
Got hotel room.
Just cuddled.
Distant in the morning.
Left on road trip without you.
Needed to talk on return.
Cried and said he's stringing you along.
He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.
Harsh but he's a man end of.
Couldn't have said it better myself unfortunately...0 -
I can't even imagine how hard that is to take or how badly you are feeling right now. What I do know, though, is that there are millions of amazing men out there, and more than a thousand of them are just perfect for you. That probably isn't what you want to hear right now but I hope that you do believe this when you have healed a little more. ((Hugs))
This.
Just reading this made me so sad.I cant even begin to imagine what you're going through right now.All i can add here is what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.You need to love yourself right now not him0 -
he sounds like an emotional cripple.
my advice? you can't save people and you can't fix them.
if you decide to walk away then you'll at least keep your self respect.
after that it hurts, it sucks, then it gets better.
^^THIS!0 -
I agree with all the listed advice.
You need to give him space and BELIEVE me I know how hard it can be! Girls are so renown for checking our phones, facebook, email and ANY other available communication channel just to get ONE word from them and they are going on about their lives as if nothing happened!
Unfortunately it sounds like he definitely wants you, but then doesn't etc but doesn't want anyone else to have you. Sweety you are being emotionally manipulated. He is controlling your every thought, emotion etc and most likely getting off on it. Humans have the capability of emotionally manipulating ANYONE<--- Note I said humans not gender specific (ooo yeah
)
You are a gorgeous girl and you need to show and prove to him that you are not going to settle with someone that is not 100% about you (you are only 21 so...) I suggest you find a vice and you fixate on THAT only. Leave your phone at home, deactive your facebook and utilise WHATEVER coping mechanism you have and give it 100% You are talking to someone that went through this for 3 years (yup flog bag) and I only got fitter as I went insane with gym (how appropriate). If that is your preference use that! Also give yourself an ego boost, flirt with guys that you wouldn't normally flirt with. Human beings gravitate towards affection and emotions and ATTENTION. You will appreciate it trust me
Good luck and hopefully that outcome that is meant to be is reached quickly and with as little heartache as possible!0 -
he's obviously the kind who isn't clingy... Nothing to worry about, but to be honest, guys need it! I used to have all my free time given to my girlfriend (2 years 5 months) and yes I enjoyed it, but I felt there was no time for 'just the guys' .. its a very important thing to us..
He's not bored of you, he still cares about you.. He just wants self time to do what he wants as well, without being restricted
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I feel he is gay. He loves you but he's confused.
If every girl were to listen to you, there'd be no hope.
I was considered 'gay' by my girlfriend's friends and ensured that I was gay, well, you couldn't be more wrong.. It'd just be your loss.0 -
Cynical but realistic head on....
Been together a year.
Not had sex.
Got hotel room.
Just cuddled.
Distant in the morning.
Left on road trip without you.
Needed to talk on return.
Cried and said he's stringing you along.
He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.
Harsh but he's a man end of.
ohhhhh
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I feel he is gay. He loves you but he's confused.
If every girl were to listen to you, there'd be no hope.
I was considered 'gay' by my girlfriend's friends and ensured that I was gay, well, you couldn't be more wrong.. It'd just be your loss.
hahaha sorry but this is really funny!0 -
Cynical but realistic head on....
Been together a year.
Not had sex.
Got hotel room.
Just cuddled.
Distant in the morning.
Left on road trip without you.
Needed to talk on return.
Cried and said he's stringing you along.
He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.
Harsh but he's a man end of.
Dead on best reply yet! Tack this up on your bedroom wall!0 -
Wow I feel like crying reading all of this..
But it does seem like.. he DOES love you, but he's doing a bit of a "mind over heart" decision, and he's doing it now, rather than later down the track. I went through something similar, but we ended it before we got too emotionally involved - so its veryyy different to your situation in that sense.
I think he is just being realistic. He know he won't be with you forever, (otherwise he'd stay). He does want to make you happy, and still be with you... but he's young, probably a little confused, and knows that ending it is the right thing to do, since it will probably end eventually.
He LOVES you, he WANTS you.. but can't.
The little bit of comfort I can give is - at least this isn't a self-esteem diminishing break up. Like, he isn't leaving you for someone else, its not like he doesn't care or that he doesn't love you ect
But I know that doesn't make it thaat much easier for you. This is heart-breaking.
I would love to see some input from MALES on this, maybe they can see what he's thinking!
Remember, time does heal heart-break :flowerforyou:0
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