My heart is broken...

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  • vidasana87
    vidasana87 Posts: 75
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    Great advice :)
    Why did he kiss you and say all those things felt nice? Because they do feel nice. And he probably does love you and doesn't want to hurt you. But.....

    Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are meant to spend the rest of your lives together. I have many ex-boyfriends I still love, but they are also still exes.

    He may be trying to let you down gently, but that never works. It's either on or it's off. Being distant and seeing you less will just make you feel desperate and needy for him. If it's over, you can get on with your life. He made need a few days to sort out in his head whether he wants to be with you or not. Give him that time and space. After that time, then if it's over:

    Take comfort in the fact that you had a fabulous first boyfriend and although the memories will make you sad now, eventually you will remember them happily. Take comfort in the fact that you are young and there is plenty of living to do still. By yourself and with someone else eventually too.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,691 Member
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    It seems he is confused about what he really wants, and most likely doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It isn't easy to do but it would be best for both of you to back away and give him some space to figure out what is best for him, and you should do the same thing. You deserve to be happy.
  • JessicaPasieka
    JessicaPasieka Posts: 149 Member
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    Also, I can't speak on behalf of other posters in this thread, but in my experience and in the experiences of people I know, None of them are with their first loves. Don't settle.
  • HardcoreP0rk
    HardcoreP0rk Posts: 936 Member
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    Is there any chance he's a latent homosexual?
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    Is there any chance he's a latent homosexual?

    was the giveaway the night in the hotel room with no sexual move/attempt made...???
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    just be patient right one will come your way
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
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    Why did he kiss you and say all those things felt nice? Because they do feel nice. And he probably does love you and doesn't want to hurt you. But.....

    Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are meant to spend the rest of your lives together. I have many ex-boyfriends I still love, but they are also still exes.

    He may be trying to let you down gently, but that never works. It's either on or it's off. Being distant and seeing you less will just make you feel desperate and needy for him. If it's over, you can get on with your life. He made need a few days to sort out in his head whether he wants to be with you or not. Give him that time and space. After that time, then if it's over:

    Take comfort in the fact that you had a fabulous first boyfriend and although the memories will make you sad now, eventually you will remember them happily. Take comfort in the fact that you are young and there is plenty of living to do still. By yourself and with someone else eventually too.

    I agree. :)
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    all I will say in addition is that you are young, welcome to the real world where disappoint rains and fairy tales never turn out like the some movie or lifetime special ....sad but true...

    be prepared to be disappointed...regularly
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    Is there any chance he's a latent homosexual?

    I wondered this too, and not at all in a mean way. Maybe there is some underlying issue that he is dealing with that is causing him to pull away. It sounds to me like he really does love and care about you, and is just trying to keep you from being hurt for some reason. I would take some time for both of you to breathe and calm down then, try to talk to him and get some answers.
  • winchestervol63
    winchestervol63 Posts: 47 Member
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    Is there any chance he's a latent homosexual?

    was the giveaway the night in the hotel room with no sexual move/attempt made...???

    Read some more posts from OP above - sounds like there were many and varied attempts made in the hotel -

    (this is a fairly ridiculous sounding comment (from me)! Think maybe my time in this thread is done..lol)
  • mytime1986
    mytime1986 Posts: 117
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    I was there with my ex boyfriend... It sucks but I gave him space for about a week and now he wanting try and he is wanting work on things. But I cried like you I couldnt move or functio I hurt so much. But you WILL get through this I promise and maybe he will get his head on and come back for you. I know this is hard to hear I didnt like it either I was petrified he wouldnt call or come over that week was the worse not knowing. I am hear if you want to talk.
  • AnJulNZ
    AnJulNZ Posts: 186 Member
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    And you know what? I deleted his number, donated everything he gave me, and as much as I wanted to beg him to stay with me, I knew I wouldn't respect myself if I did. It totally sucked and I cried for months, but he didn't get to see any of it. And now I am free! It takes a LONG time to get over someone you love, but it's not going to happen anytime soon if you're in this middle ground.

    And as far as the mixed signals? Sounds like he wants physical intimacy and emotional closeness without the commitment. You deserve better.
    ^^ This.
    We're both 21.
    This is the first time we've broken up.
    my first love.
    And I'm his first love
    ^^ And these right here, are the reasons that it is so damned hard.
    I'm not saying that being in love or breaking up gets any easier when you're older, but you do have a lot more life experience behind you to help get you through.
  • arellolson
    arellolson Posts: 129 Member
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    He does not want to be with you. He wants his freedom. And he may already be seeing someone else. He has told you that he is done with you and this is the truth. When a guy tells you the truth, you should listen and not try to rationalize any of it. Take it for what it truly is. It does not really matter what else he tells you. Let him go. Why waste your precious time trying to get someone back who does not want that? Let him go and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea, bigger and better. You are young and you will meet so many guys. You have your whole life ahead of you and you are such a pretty girl. You are going to be just fine! I have been in your place (more than once) and it really hurts, but the bottom line is that you need to move on and have a great life without this guy. I am so serious. You probably won't listen to me. I never listened to anyone. Sigh. Good luck!
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    he's everything to me

    Whatever happens to this relationship or any you may have in the future, don't do this again. Please don't read this as snarky or sarcastic, because I'm being completely serious. When you make someone else your everything, when they leave, you're left with nothing, barely equipped to get through the breakup like a normal person.

    You're both young and he sounds like he's about to drag you through the ringer while he sorts himself out. I hope that you learn from what you have and are about to experience. It is draining. I would offer you advice to not do this with him, but I know you will do it anyway. So I stress that in the meantime, please focus on building yourself up. You are every bit as special as he is.

    The best way to handle this situation is to not call at all, and don't answer his calls if he does call you. He needs to know what life is like without you.
  • bannedword
    bannedword Posts: 299 Member
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    Also, I can't speak on behalf of other posters in this thread, but in my experience and in the experiences of people I know, None of them are with their first loves. Don't settle.

    I married my first love. 30 years later.

    There was a lot of in between in between all of that.
  • AAllin38
    AAllin38 Posts: 20
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    youre not a victim. he's just an idiot.

    move on.
  • arellolson
    arellolson Posts: 129 Member
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    You're young and pretty and haven't gotten knocked up by him so there are no ties. Dump his *kitten*, play the field, have fun with your girl friends and by yourself and find someone who'll treat you the way you want to be treated. Life is too short to put up with some bozo's issues.

    What he said...
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    Eh. Why be with someone who doesn't want you?

    A lot of women try to hold onto men who don't want them. That's a recipe for insecurity.
  • Sav_Sky
    Sav_Sky Posts: 82
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    I tell you what my dad tells me, if he is not completely crazy about you then say goodbye! He is not worth your time! Lifes too short to be with someone who does not totally care! Bye the looks of you, there will be others who are.
  • Sav_Sky
    Sav_Sky Posts: 82
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    YEP, AGREED!!

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