My heart is broken...

Options
1…456810

Replies

  • Madmadz77
    Madmadz77 Posts: 129 Member
    Options
    Cynical but realistic head on....

    Been together a year.
    Not had sex.
    Got hotel room.
    Just cuddled.
    Distant in the morning.
    Left on road trip without you.
    Needed to talk on return.
    Cried and said he's stringing you along.

    He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.



    Hmmm..


    Did you guys have conversations about sex?

    Yes, all the time. We both wanted to wait for a special time, and I told him I wasn't ready, and he was perfectly okay with that and said we'd do it when I was ready, then he cuddled me and went to sleep. He'd never cheat on me. He actually told me that if we had had sex he would have felt even worse, and he's glad we didn't.

    I'm sorry in advance because this is going to come across as really harsh but.....

    Hahhahahaahahahahahhahahahaahahahahhaah on what planet???????

    Eau de cologne de Napoleon! Respect!!!
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    Cynical but realistic head on....

    Been together a year.
    Not had sex.
    Got hotel room.
    Just cuddled.
    Distant in the morning.
    Left on road trip without you.
    Needed to talk on return.
    Cried and said he's stringing you along.

    He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.



    Hmmm..


    Did you guys have conversations about sex?

    Yes, all the time. We both wanted to wait for a special time, and I told him I wasn't ready, and he was perfectly okay with that and said we'd do it when I was ready, then he cuddled me and went to sleep. He'd never cheat on me. He actually told me that if we had had sex he would have felt even worse, and he's glad we didn't.

    I'm sorry in advance because this is going to come across as really harsh but.....

    Hahhahahaahahahahahhahahahaahahahahhaah on what planet???????

    Eau de cologne de Napoleon! Respect!!!

    special time = BK bathroom in my experience...
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    We've done a lot of physical things, just not the actual deed. I'm not religious, and neither is he. I'm going to give him some space.

    I'm not sure what "lots of physical things" means, but if it involves an orgasm or genitals, then you've already done the deed.

    Waiting a year seems just seems off. While everyone has their own timetable to become comfortable, a year seems too much. In my experience, people who wait that long are either religiously principled, or have some deeper problem interfering with the entirely normal and healthy sex, that can't be diagnosed over the internet. I hope I'm wrong though.

    Please define these "things" so we can better assess the situation ...
  • mufliha
    mufliha Posts: 2
    Options
    no words :(
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Options
    no words :(
    Excellent first post! Welcome to the community.
  • Ashshell
    Ashshell Posts: 185
    Options
    no words :(
    Excellent first post! Welcome to the community.

    Hahahahahahaahah! That is awesome.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Options
    Sounds like he's very confused... how old is he? Had you broken up and gotten back together before?

    I don't really know what to say because I don't know you, or how things were with your boyfriend... but I do can tell you this: He might seem like he's everything to you, that your world is falling apart and you won't be able to pick up the pieces... but he's not, it won't always be and you will. You're so young, don't make your life about him, make it about you! Take your time to do things you really like and have left behind, or discover some new; keep your mind busy. Things get better, even if you don't think they will.

    Now... he might want you back sometime... will you let him? Make sure he's not playing with you, or dragging you into an unhealthy relationship in which you break up, get back together, break up and so on... It's so unhealthy and unstable. Nobody deserves to live like that.

    I hope I could help, even if it was just a bit *hug*

    this times a million.

    give him so space. enjoy your me time to figure out what u want and enjoy doing things on your own. your happiness should never rely on someone else.

    its fresh so it will hurt for a while. but give it time and give him space.
  • raegan1215
    raegan1215 Posts: 89
    Options

    I'm not sure what "lots of physical things" means, but if it involves an orgasm or genitals, then you've already done the deed.

    WHAT?!!!?? ummm.....no.
  • gusandlucysmom
    gusandlucysmom Posts: 4
    Options
    He is a boy. That is why he still wants to cuddle, hug etc. Sorry to be harsh, but you are too good for this one. It will hurt for awhile, but you are worth so much more than what this young man has to offer. Cry for awhile, then wash your face, go out with your girlfriends, invest in your own life. Learn, play, work and give whenever and wherever you can. You will meet someone who is worthy of you and who wants to spend time with you. Whatever you do, don't settle for someone who is immature and needy. Hang in there, you have most of your life ahead of you and we all want it to be great! Good Luck!
  • kevinjb1
    kevinjb1 Posts: 233 Member
    Options
    The fact that you have done everthing "but" with him is great and all, but at the end of the day guys want sex and it's never going to be enough for him until that happens.

    But it sounds like you have never trusted him completely and without that you can't be truly intimate with him and that's why you've never consented. I have no idea if that because of your own feeling or his actions, but not trusting him is a really big deal that goes way farther than just sex.

    Guys don't normally blow up emotionally without some sort of good reason. Maybe the hotel thing was huge deal for him. He thought that night was THE night, and it bothered him the whole time he was away. I would also venture to guess something happened while he was on his road trip. Maybe he didn't cheat on you maybe he did, but something happened.

    I've strung an ex along before because I did truly care about her, but I knew that the relationship wasn't going to last. I stayed with her longer than I should have becuase I didn't want to hurt her, but I ended up hurting her more in the end and I regret that.

    No one deserves to be strung and along.
  • TitaniaEcks
    TitaniaEcks Posts: 351 Member
    Options
    Begging him not to leave is the worst thing you could have done. Desperation repulses men and makes them feel pity for you, not love or desire. We've all felt this way, but the successful ones cry to themselves, close friends and family members, not the guy they're desperate for. What you should have done is cop a very cool, calm "I'm sorry you feel that way, but thank you for telling me and not wasting more of our time. I need to either be with someone who wants me, or with no one at all. I wish you the best." And then you walk out of his house and don't answer or respond to any of his calls or messages until he's been blowing up your phone for a couple of weeks. Or, if he doesn't do that, just force yourself to move on.
    I've strung an ex along before because I did truly care about her, but I knew that the relationship wasn't going to last. I stayed with her longer than I should have becuase I didn't want to hurt her, but I ended up hurting her more in the end
    Exactly. You can't make someone love you. You can't convince them to want you the same way you want them. In *rare* occasions you can make yourself seem so pathetic that they agree to date you out of pity, and then they're inwardly grossed out by you and will resent you and take it out on you in painful ways... and quickly cheat or leave you for someone they actually want. Ask me how I know.

    All you can do now is summon ALL YOUR DIGNITY and back off of the guy. Your dignity is the greatest and most important asset you will ever own.
  • b7bbs
    b7bbs Posts: 158 Member
    Options
    With all do respect because I've been in similar situations, but guys know eactly what they are doing. I don't know him so I can only go by what i've been through, but he knows what he is doing. To want to kiss you and hold you, but not want to be committed and do what he wants. Guys do that, not all of them, but guys can be like that. He wants you to be there for him emotional and physically but not commit to you. I honestly would feel disrespected. You're not a peice of meat. You're a beautiful woman.

    Do not settle just to make him happy becasue you would be letting him string you along. Give him space and and at some point, you two should discuss what kind of relationship you both want. If you two end up realizing that you two are not on the same page about what type of relationship you want, and you don't feel comforttable with what he wants, it may be a healthy step to not be together.

    For all I know, it could work out. But trust me, if it doesn't, you will get over him if need be. With my first love/first lover, when we broke up I thought I would never find someone else and I would never be able to get over him. But I did get over him and I don't think about him anymore.

    You seem like such a sweetheart who deserves better than someone who is making you this confused and hurt. He needs to know soon exactly what he wants.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options

    I'm not sure what "lots of physical things" means, but if it involves an orgasm or genitals, then you've already done the deed.

    WHAT?!!!?? ummm.....no.

    that was a little strange..you can for sure have an orgasm and not have "done the deed" ....
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    was "cuddle time" "special time" ????
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    Is there any chance he's a latent homosexual?

    I wondered this too, and not at all in a mean way. Maybe there is some underlying issue that he is dealing with that is causing him to pull away. It sounds to me like he really does love and care about you, and is just trying to keep you from being hurt for some reason. I would take some time for both of you to breathe and calm down then, try to talk to him and get some answers.

    Thats where my head would be at. Young, confused, no fully developed sexual identity, a full year with no sex...

    no sex for a year...shudders...
  • TitaniaEcks
    TitaniaEcks Posts: 351 Member
    Options
    you can for sure have an orgasm and not have "done the deed" ....

    That's for sure. One time my ex was kissing me on the neck very erotically for a few minutes, and I was so aroused I came in my pants.
  • TitaniaEcks
    TitaniaEcks Posts: 351 Member
    Options
    Maybe there is some underlying issue that he is dealing with that is causing him to pull away. It sounds to me like he really does love and care about you, and is just trying to keep you from being hurt for some reason.

    Fat chance. You shouldn't be getting her hopes up like that. It's just gonna prolong the healing process. He said outright he doesn't love her the way she loves him.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Options
    you can for sure have an orgasm and not have "done the deed" ....

    That's for sure. One time my ex was kissing me on the neck very erotically for a few minutes, and I was so aroused I came in my pants.

    please message me for "special time"....
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
    Options
    Ever see the How I Met you Mother with Katy Perry as Honey. She's a sweet, naive girl that keeps telling stories and everyone's response is "Oh, Honey, No." That is my reaction to this. You sound so sweet and heartbroken over your first love. Unfortunately, as a cynic, my reaction is to move on. Please don't waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn't do the same for you. I haven't read all of the comments, but you seem to be defending him in most responses and don't seem confident in what you want.

    At your age, my advice is to concentrate on you. Don't let your happiness be dictated by this. Find out what makes you happy in life and do it. You are so young and unfortunately, most of the responses you have received are correct. They may make us sound bitter, but that's only because we have more experience and unfortunately life has thrown us curve balls and we have had to grow up and be stronger too.

    Do you have close girlfriends? Are you in school? What do you have to help get you past this so you don't keep running back to him?
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
    Options
    I've known him almost two years, he was the first friend I made, the first best friend I made, and my first love. And I'm his first love..

    I wanted to be able to trust him before I give him my everything.

    What do you not trust about him? Or is it that you don't trust yourself? This is your self described best friend, first love that you have known for almost 2 years. What's not to trust? And if you can't trust him in all this time, why do you "love" him and want to be with him?

Categories