HELP! Should I date three more??

kellyemb · May 2013

I think that if you need to ask about this then you either need more time to get to know Chris because if you truly loved him you wouldn't be questioning the relationship.. ( because you're obviously second guessing the relationship) or you just need to be by yourself and figure out what you really need... hooking up with 3 more guys isn't going to make you magically love Chris or Simon any more or make you realize who you should be with. You need to just figure out what you're looking for and I would do some more research to find out if Simon really did cheat on you... Sounds like Chris got what he wanted and did the sneaky way!! I think he's the player and what may seem all concern and "checking in on you" but sounds more controlling to me. And this whole "12" business is bull... you will know...met my hubby 12 years ago and he was number 5!!

angelaanhela · May 2013

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I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

Yes, but the number who also do have that kind of experience is astronomically high. Your odds are not good unless you use your scientific mind a bit more.

Looking at this forum there are A LOT of people who have had similar experiences and are seeing the same red flags and are trying to warn you. Which they are red flags.

firstsip · May 2013

OP, I'm really sorry people are being so rude to you. Here you are, colorblind, and they just keep telling you about red flags.

RCMPWannaBe · May 2013

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This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

Thank God not everyone has the same experience I had, but he follows all of the same patterns. The type of men that are controlling and manipulative all start out the same and it seems cute and sweet. But from what you seem to be saying is that you are not in fact scientific in the least. You are thinking with your emotions, because all of those here who are warning you, you are pushing off to the side, flippantly thanking them for their advice but then saying, "oh, but this feels so right it can't be wrong" kind of thing. Any woman who has been abused or controlled by a man knows the warning signs and spots them a mile away. I believe those of us that have been through it are indebted to other women to warn them, shake them out of their happy little bubble.

I am not a man hater, all men are not verbally, physically or otherwise abusive. I have a wonderful man by my side that I never would have thought I was worthy of. But I can tell you that all of that "checking up" and "protectiveness" will get very very old if you are independent and a logical thinker. Step outside your bubble and look at the facts. Read some stories from women who have been in bad relationships and take a deep look at the warning signs that they point out. Then compare that to your own situation. Make a scientific experiment out of it, follow the scientific process. Let him move and see how much he changes or wants you to change. There are such things as long distance relationships. If he makes you feel like your relationship will not survive unless you move with him, the relationship is not strong enough to survive period.

AGREE TOTALLY!

This. So hard. This.
Take the advice of the tens of us that have either had the crap beaten out of us, or so mentally abused we thought it was love, and that no body else would love us because of all these horrible things he will put into your head.
Mark my words. After a while, you decide to stay with him, because as cruel as he is, you will feel he "loves" you.

pyrowill · May 2013

He and I.

Not me and him.

Take an English class instead of Science, then maybe you'll find someone that will accept you.

Wow, what a horrible thing to say.

groundhawg · May 2013

Aside from the fact that I think Simon sounds creepy... here is the truth

If you feel that you have to have 12 relationships before you settle down, you've already doomed each one to fail, because you mentally set the block that "until its twelve, none of these will be right for me."

Love is deciding every single morning to love the person you are with, it takes conscious decisions and actions, and a hell of a lot of sacrifice for BOTH people.

The fact that you posted this, and reading through you responses, says to me that you are not ready. Maybe you should listen to your support group, just ebcause it isnt what you WANT to hear, it ight be what you NEED to hear.

PlayerHatinDogooder · May 2013

I don't know who's who in this little drama of yours but frankly you all sound like you have multiple personality disorder.

In which case you've probably dated about 30 different personalities.

Therefore concluding that you're ready for marriage.

And just for the record it's INTELLIGENCE.

NOT INTELIGENCE.

I doubt it was a typo.

NutellaAddict · May 2013

JohnnyCashMoney · May 2013

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I think it's a bit creepy, this Chris told you that your bf may be cheating. You break up with him, he moves in when you are vunerable and don't take the wanting to see your messages ect as sweet...he has jealousy and trust issues. It will only get worse as he alienates you from family and friends and I think he started with Simon.

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

He did not move in! We still live in separate apartments.

They didn't mean move in as in live with you. They meant "move in on" or "made their move."

pyrowill · May 2013

I don't know who's who in this little drama of yours but frankly you all sound like you have multiple personality disorder.

In which case you've probably dated about 30 different personalities.

Therefore concluding that you're ready for marriage.

And just for the record it's INTELLIGENCE.

NOT INTELIGENCE.

I doubt it was a typo.

And another douche in the mix.

JenAndSome · May 2013

So let me get this straight. Chris insubstantially tells you that Simon is cheating and without any other proof or gut feelings you break up with Simon. Chris "checks up on you" by asking who you're talking to all the time and being jealous of random online flirting. Chris, after two months, wants you to move away from your home and marry him. Right?

From my experience it sounds like Chris may be a little controlling and it sounds like he may be trying to isolate you. I certainly hope this is not the case, but if I were you I would definitely proceed with caution. Please don't jump into moving away and definitely don't jump into marriage. Get to know the guy a little better and see where it leads.

There is no magic number of people you should date before you get married. The magic comes from finding the right one.

ETA: If your family and/or friends don't like the guy, there is probably a reason.

junejadesky · May 2013

So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....

Beastmode454 · May 2013

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

Don't over think anything.. Its either there or its not there. I knew i wanted to marry my wife because i found myself thinking " this is the voice i want my children growing up too" so you heart will give you hints. If you ex was cheating well hey you left but if he wasn't and you do have problems with trust how do you know it wont end up the same way with Chris? I know people that have had only one date and they are together for 30+ years and i know people that just never find anyone.. no matter what a article says. i would say don't ever make a emotional move.. its best to do on a sound mind.

jlapey · May 2013

The simple fact that you had to ask tells me this Chris guy is probably not the one, or at least not yet. When the time is right and the guy is worthy, you'll know. And it will help if your family and friends like him.

Also, just from the OP as I didn't read ALL the pages, did you ever discuss the cheating issue with the ex or did you just assume Chris was telling the truth. He (Chris) sounds manipulative to me, possibly sabotaging your relationship because he wanted you for himself. Trust is a tricky thing. I wouldn't certainly not uproot my entire life for him just yet.

JDBLY11 · May 2013

Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

I agree. I don't trust Chris. It is weird that he hooked up with you after he said that about your boyfriend.

1ConcreteGirl · May 2013

wow...some of the s*** that ppl post on here...and some of the answers....

I don't know if this was directed at me, but I know the Internet is full of crazies and I just try not to take the things they say too seriously.:happy:

Beastmode454 · May 2013

So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....

I agree.. that is what i thought also.

fit_librarian · May 2013

What studies say this? It seems like that came from a women's magazine from Cosmo. Trust your heart and your instincts. Remember everyone's different. Some people only need to date one person; some people date 50--and that's ok!

1ConcreteGirl · May 2013

Aside from the fact that I think Simon sounds creepy... here is the truth

If you feel that you have to have 12 relationships before you settle down, you've already doomed each one to fail, because you mentally set the block that "until its twelve, none of these will be right for me."

Love is deciding every single morning to love the person you are with, it takes conscious decisions and actions, and a hell of a lot of sacrifice for BOTH people.

The fact that you posted this, and reading through you responses, says to me that you are not ready. Maybe you should listen to your support group, just ebcause it isnt what you WANT to hear, it ight be what you NEED to hear.

WOW.

Oh my god. you should be a therapist, I'm serious. This one thing was like... amazing help. "you've already doomed each one to fail" is scary and real! This is amazingly helpful. I know you're kind of bein snarky here, but it worked.

MiloBloom83 · May 2013

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Just have a MMMF fourway.

no no no no....someone has to be the Square peg for the round hole...or is that the round peg for the square holes?

it's MmmF

or Mmmf...

or mmmF

here...in case it's TL;DR

someone's gotta bottom.

DP and one in the piehole

I love you...

vixtris · May 2013

why dont you move with him and see how it is in the new area. Dont have to get married just yet, but it works out all good, then settle down with him. you might lose him if you chose to go date 3 more guys, then turn out those guys are lame and if you want him back he might not take you back.

58cayo · May 2013

If you are being scientific about this (and the "study" was in any way accurate, and reported accurately) then you must know that that is probably a statistical average. What is the standard deviation? What is the error? The range? The median? How many people did they interview? What was their methodology? How did they determine if those people truly found their "soul mate", and not end up divorced a few years after the study? Was the scientific definition of "soul mate" presented?

You need to go to the primary literature!

Just finished a class in Statistics, you forgot the 2-way charts, the histograms, Prado Charts, is it bi-modal, skewed to the right/left.................................

craigmandu · May 2013

I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it

In reference to the marriage part....this seems to me like you are "settling" for something.

If you are truly in love with someone (even after 2 months)...there should be no doubt in your mind as to whether or not you want to marry them. Your "clock" shouldn't even be in this picture.

58cayo · May 2013

This entire post could be the start of a new sitcom.........................

KristysLosing · May 2013

OP, I'm really sorry people are being so rude to you. Here you are, colorblind, and they just keep telling you about red flags.

:laugh: :flowerforyou:

mrdexter1 · May 2013

I think chris deserves you ....

wouldnt want you upsetting any more men being as you re waiting for a twelth to mug off...

homerjspartan · May 2013

This entire post could be the start of a new sitcom.........................

I agree.

You could take the good or take the bad. Or we could take them both. What would we have?

1ConcreteGirl · May 2013

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So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....

I agree.. that is what i thought also.

This is really unkind to assume about someone.

I haven't mentioned my ex contacting me to him, obviously, because that would be awkward, but you really are looking for the worst in people.

kevinjb1 · May 2013

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You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.

I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.

may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.

THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.

You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.

Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?

deksgrl · May 2013

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So you are with the guy who suggested that your boyfriend was cheating and he is always wanting to know who you are talking to?? It's because he KNOWS your ex wants you back and is contacting you... he probably made the whole thing up....

I agree.. that is what i thought also.

This is really unkind to assume about someone.

I haven't mentioned my ex contacting me to him, obviously, because that would be awkward, but you really are looking for the worst in people.

Are they still on speaking terms, or did this break their friendship? Does Simon know you left because of what Chris said? Does Simon know you have been dating Chris?

HELP! Should I date three more??

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