HELP! Should I date three more??
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You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
Clearly you do not know what "Novella" means since you think it's racist.
Definition:
a work of fiction intermediate in length and complexity between a short story and a novel
Has NOTHING to do with your race. It's an Italian word for a literary type of fiction.0 -
1. I wouldn't trust Chris. He probably did lie that your ex was cheating on you. (since it couldn't be proven) ... because he wanted to hook up with you. This plan seemed to work.
2. the constant checking up on you and reading your private messages/texts/whatever... says "stalker" not "cute"
3. 2 months is not long enough to get married and move to another city/state away from all your current friends and family (presumably).... again... I would think "possessive stalker" that was trying to isolate you from people
4. "my biological clock"... don't marry some guy just to have a baby.
This times a million. Plus, if you had said 36 and worried about the biological clock that is one thig....but 26??? Oooof for me I consider that too young for babies! (Of course many people have babies younger than that and are great parents but I mean ideally I'd prefer to have fun/ build a career in my 20s without those responsibilities.)0 -
Are you serious? WTF ...0
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I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.
I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:
This is a complete twisting of my words.
I didn't ever say Simon was cheating. I said I was suspicious and I couldn't be sure either way, but I personally could not get past the doubts. It's unfair to someone be with them if you're always doubting them.0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
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I don't insist on being with him. That's the purpose of this thread. To get opinions from people who actually are trying to be helpful and who I appreciate. I'm just weighing my options, but of COURSE I am upset that people are assuming the worst about Chris. Frankly, I think I'm doing a good job of being reasonable here because so many people are saying he's going to abuse me, and I'm not seeing that. I could fly off the handle and get mad about that but I am ignoring the negative responses because I am actually looking for help. Not just trying to pick a fight.
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Lmao0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.
I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:
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This is a complete twisting of my words.
I didn't ever say Simon was cheating. I said I was suspicious and I couldn't be sure either way, but I personally could not get past the doubts. It's unfair to someone be with them if you're always doubting them.
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Take your own advice. Break up with Chris.0 -
I agree with many of these replies (not the snide ones). He set you up to ditch your boyfriend. Your family doesn't like him. His checking up on you constantly is probably more because he doesn't trust you more so than him just being interested in what you are doing. You have doubts. Definately do not marry him just because he is moving away. You are still young, enjoy your life and yourself. When the right man comes along you won't have any doubts! Best of luck to you
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Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.
2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.
We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.
I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.
Wow, this is a beautiful story :flowerforyou:
Do you really know he was your soul mate though? That's my worry.:ohwell:
Personally I don't believe in soul mates, I think you have to work to make a relationship. If you love someone and are willing to put in the work then it can be a beautiful thing. I met my dh when I was 15, married when I was 17 and we are still together 43 years later. It has not always been easy, and I have to say there were times when I wanted to call it quits..... but we didn't. When you work to fix what is wrong in a relationship, you usually come out better on the other side.
That being said, you should know without a doubt that this is the person you want to be with, not just going because of your biological clock, or to get away from an old boyfriend. If you are not sure about him, then you are not ready.0 -
You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
Didn't you say yourself that you are part Mexican? Novelas are Spanish language soap operas aren't they? My hispanic ex wife watched novalas all the time, but had no idea what the term "soap opera" meant so I was trying to clarify. That part was meant as a joke anyway because this is a crazy love triangle situation. So please don't jump straight to pulling out the racism card on me just because I'm pale.
While there are a lot of snarky comments on here (yes including mine) There's a lot of good advice on here too. Like anything on the internet you've got to browse through the crap to get to the good stuff. Listen to the people who are being truly empathetic and giving solid advice. The rest of us are just making jokes.0 -
You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
Clearly you do not know what "Novella" means since you think it's racist.
Definition:
a work of fiction intermediate in length and complexity between a short story and a novel
Has NOTHING to do with your race. It's an Italian word for a literary type of fiction.
You said a novela "you've been watching," which means you weren't referring to a written work.
I'm not looking to pick a fight, and I accept that you weren't trying to be racist.0 -
ETA: If your family and/or friends don't like the guy, there is probably a reason.
that's not true.
My family and friends hate my guy and there's no reason.
they insist over and over again that my constant bruises have to come from somewhere and they don't believe me when I insist that he's just showering me with love....
and well...love.....love hurts.
It hurts him more than you.
OMG that's exactly what he said!!!
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Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships
EXTREME JEALOUSY
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.
Check - But it's so adorable - it means he CARES for me!
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.
Check - but it means he cares and loves me!
QUICK INVOLVEMENT
The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.
Check - move away with me and let's get married. Who cares if it's only been 2 months?
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”. They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”.
Not enough info from OP, but I suspect you can check this one off the list also.
ISOLATION
The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school.
Check - move away with me, away from your family, friends, job, etc
This. Do not walk away. Run.0 -
I think if you have to ask yourself and others if you want to move away/ marry this guy, then it's not a good idea to do it. If your heart is not 100% in it then you shouldn't. You are still young and you have plenty of time to date other guys and when you find "the one" you will have not doubts about it and you will not have to ask anyone's advice. Also, the fact that your family and friends do not like this guy is already a bad sign. That's trouble in its self. Anyway, best of luck to you. Hope you do what makes you happy.0
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If he is the right guy for you, you will know. It's not a 'maybe' type of feeling.. The fact that you are asking questions likely means that he isn't your 'soul mate'. Took me 38 years to meet mine. I was married to a nice enough guy but I could take him or leave him. I was just like you but 28..I thank the powers that be every day that I didn't end up getting pregnant and having a baby (he wanted me to)
I met my current partner, love of my life, soul mate out of the blue and within a few weeks I knew he was 'different' than anyone I had ever dated - and I dated a lot in my younger days. The thought of being without him makes me panic. I hate when he has to go away for work and I miss him every day until he's back. We text constantly, and he is very interested in my day, who I talk to etc but not to the pint that he will go out of his way to question me either.
Trust me..you KNOW if he is the right guy for you. In your case I'd say that having a little time apart will definitely tell. You're still young - even f you don't think you are. Take your time. Find out who YOU are and get comfortable with that. The rest will attend to itself when the time is right.0 -
Well, I'm going to try and by supportive. You'll know that you know that you know when you're ready to settle down. There isn't any magic number. I've seen guys settle down after being with 100s of women and my own parents were each other's first, married at 18, and have been happily married for 37 years. It's UP TO YOU! Make yourself happy. Make sure you're happy with your own self then you can be happy with someone else.
I don't think going out and hooking up with 3 more people will fix the situation. If anything, it will lower your self esteem and worsen the problem.0 -
Date 3 more at least. Chris is not the one...0
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I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.
I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:
This is a complete twisting of my words.
I didn't ever say Simon was cheating. I said I was suspicious and I couldn't be sure either way, but I personally could not get past the doubts. It's unfair to someone be with them if you're always doubting them.
Take your own advice. Break up with Chris.
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Now this I understand. Because I am doubting him by making this thread, right? Ok, I get this. This makes logical sense to me. Definitely putting this in my "cons" list for Chris.0 -
You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
I can be supportive . . . like a pair of panties or a bra . . .0 -
I've found cauliflower really helps my dating prospects! Try that! Good luck on your journey!
agreed.0 -
Can I be # 4?0
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