HELP! Should I date three more??
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Troll level 10/10. Should change her name to Dr. James Russels.
I don't understand this. Who is that?0 -
Sounds like you shouild learn to love yourself a little before you expect someone else to love you. Biological clocks are no excuse for marriage. I also second the comments on Chris being a bit controlling, what he is doing is being jealous and controlling,
You are very young and have many more years of dating to do.
Good Luck0 -
Don't get wrapped up in stupid magazine rules, I've never read whatever magazine you're going on about but I imagine it being something along the lines of cosmo and their stupid relationship rules. If you feel like you need to go date 3 more dudes to make sure you wana marry this guy then you're obviously not ready.
ALSO I think the new bf lied to you to break you and the old bf up.
Wow. Wired is like Cosmo? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Wired is a magazine about science and technology.0 -
I personally don't believe in the "Date 12 people" theory. You said you are 26 and your biological clock is ticking....yup for 9-10 more years your eggs are still good, even then the expiration date isn't stamped on them to expire the next year...you have time to be a mom..
First off, You broke it off with dude #1 because dude #2 told you something that was unfounded....what makes you think he didn't sabotage yours a dude #1's relationship?
Second, if he gets jealous and asks about PM's and texts, yada yada....he's got insecurity issues. He's afraid someone will swoop in and grab you like he did....huge red flag.
Third, You have trust issues. I do believe you posted that. Dude #2 is continuing your trust issues because he swooped in and made you trust him because he saved you from dude #2....but now he doesn't trust any other male connections you have ergo, he will force you to implicitly trust him and he will screw you over...continuing the trust issues down the rabbit hole...
Fourth, You said you have a scientific mind. Science has nothing to do with you decisions about relationships. Allow me to explain: If you approach all situations with a theoretical mind, how can the theory become reality? or are you more experimental? I would venture to guess you are more theoretical in your approaches, because if you were experimental....this post would not exist. I digress....I think you are over-analyzing the approach to relationships. Relationships are complicated. It is also trial and error. Don't buy into the hype of 12 relationships BS....if you've had 9 relationships....you already have an idea of what you want and what traits and qualities that mate possesses.
Don't let your brain control your heart or your heart control your brain. Allow them to be used together....you will know.
But I will say this....you have doubts about Dude #2....you and I both know it.0 -
Aw, that wasn't very nice.... :frown:
Says the woman who attacked someone yesterday for having miscarriages.
Please stay out of my thread if youare just going to pick a bone with someone else.0 -
He did not move in! We still live in separate apartments.
Well, there is your problem. How can you really know someone without moving in with them? I think that moving away with him is a wonderful idea. He'll be your only social life, in a new place, and hopefully sharing a home. You probably won't even have a job at first, so you'll have plenty of time together. It's the perfect way to really get to know each other!
Ignore the haters, everyone is different. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Have a great adventure!0 -
didn't read anything past page 1
Chris probably lied to you and if you left someone over what other people were saying without sitting down and talking to the person..well ehh.
2 months and planning on moving?
No offense but the quota , breaking up with other's over potentially nothing, moving after 2 months.
I think you need to grow up a little before making a huge commitment to anyone!
If the new city has a job for you and you can move into YOUR OWN apartment and still date this guy then potentially but if you move in with this guy you won't be able to leave the house without a chaperone.0 -
LMAO!0 -
Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.
I wish you nothing but success on your journey.
HAHAHA.... soooo this!!!!!!!!!0 -
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Aw, that wasn't very nice.... :frown:
Says the woman who attacked someone yesterday for having miscarriages.
Whaaa? What happened?0 -
Aw, that wasn't very nice.... :frown:
Says the woman who attacked someone yesterday for having miscarriages.
yeah... I think you need to go back and reread that thread... I was there yesterday too
The posts were deleted by the mods...0 -
I'm so sick of all these people saying "relationships are hard work and you have to put in sweat equity everyday and it takes sacrifices by both parties blah blah blah".
Frankly, no they aren't. The more compromise and work you have to put into a relationship increases the likelihood that you probably picked the wrong person. Some people can make a relationship last by putting in effort everyday, but I just don't have the patience or endurance to fight daily for something to work out. My wife and I have an almost effortless relationship. It's seriously the easiest relationship we have ever been in because we don't have to struggle to make 2 unmatching pieces fit together. My parents have told me the same thing. If you are working hard to keep a relationship together, the relationship wasn't right to being with.
THIS THIS THIS. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we've never had to "work" for our relationship. It's pretty much effortless. Now I'm sure we may eventually have struggles, as most couples do, but most people I know are in relationships where every day is a struggle or a compromise, but it's fine because they're "in love" - I think that's just plain wrong.
Also, the more I read the original post the more I'm convinced this is a troll. Well played, OP.0 -
I think you've all been had.
I had that same thought, but it's like a train wreck, I can't stop watching.
This! Oh so very much. Someone please pry this out of my hands now!0 -
Will he take you to Denny's?
THAT is the real test..0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
I don't insist on being with him. That's the purpose of this thread. To get opinions from people who actually are trying to be helpful and who I appreciate. I'm just weighing my options, but of COURSE I am upset that people are assuming the worst about Chris. Frankly, I think I'm doing a good job of being reasonable here because so many people are saying he's going to abuse me, and I'm not seeing that. I could fly off the handle and get mad about that but I am ignoring the negative responses because I am actually looking for help. Not just trying to pick a fight.
Denial and acquiescence are "must-haves" in an abusive realtionship.
1) This thread is not my relationship.
2) Picking fights is good? Please, tell me more.
I'm ignoring the rude people and talking to people who are giving real information and advice. Pretty sure that's how you exchange ideas effectively in polite society.0 -
Will he take you to Denny's?
THAT is the real test..
For me, it's Steak and Shake, but that's neither here nor there.....
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Will he take you to Denny's?
THAT is the real test..
For me, it's Steak and Shake, but that's neither here nor there.....
For me, it's just steak.
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You said that your family liked Simon but does not like Chris. What exactly are they saying/seeing in regards to Chris? Obviously, if you told them that Simon was most likely cheating on you, they would have (had they believed it to be true) shoved Simon as far away from you as absolutely possible.0
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I'm ignoring the rude people and talking to people who are giving real information and advice. Pretty sure that's how you exchange ideas effectively in polite society.
I gave you real information and advice, as did many others in this thread that you didn't respond to. Those of us telling you that this relationship sounds seriously dangerous and wrong are not being rude, we are genuinely concerned. Many people here speak from personal experience, others from research. What most of us seem to agree on is that this relationship is NOT healthy, you could be in danger, and even if you weren't you're not mature enough to get married right now anyway.
But as you stated before, you're basically just looking for people to agree with you that you should stay with Chris... maybe next time don't post a topic asking for advice if you're just going to ignore the advice you don't want to hear.0 -
No, Popular Science is a magazine about science and technology. Wired is science-ish and technology-ish magazine half-full of ads...Wired is a magazine about science and technology.0 -
You said that your family liked Simon but does not like Chris. What exactly are they saying/seeing in regards to Chris? Obviously, if you told them that Simon was most likely cheating on you, they would have (had they believed it to be true) shoved Simon as far away from you as absolutely possible.
Yeah, honestly, I could not tell them that because I didn't know if it was true or not.
Like I have said here already, I just couldn't stay with someone I kept doubting, whether or not they had cheated. It wouldn't be fair to him. :brokenheart:0 -
Also I don't know why I keep responding to this thread, I'm still 99% sure it's a troll lol.
It's just a little to coincidental that you apparently broke up with your boyfriend with NO proof that he was cheating, just on Chris's word, and now you're magically dating Chris, who happens to be controlling, but you see nothing wrong with this. lol.0 -
Okay so, genuine question: where do you draw the line? If someone is interested in all the details about your life, how do you know if that's good or bad? Obviously if someone shows no interest, that's not good, but where's that divider?
It's about how they re-act when you don't give them all the information immediately.. If someone texts does he immediately ask "who was that"? if someone calls does he immediately ask "who was that?" or "what did they want"? If you reply with "a friend" does he dig for more? "girl?/ guy?" or does he just accept the answer you give?
It's possible also that he just might be unsure about you and your feelings for him and he just wants to be sure you are into him. I've seen that happen - I've done it actually. Normally after a couple months it should calm down a bit though, also you could try ASKING him why he feels the need to know all this stuff. If it's gotten worse or more insistent that you are expected to report to him at all times it's likely a bad sign. If you two can't have an honest discussion about this behaviour that is another sign that you should not proceed with the relationship.0 -
Maybe you should just try being single for awhile until you know what you want. If you really wanted to be with Chris I don't think you would be having these doubts - and if you are jumping from one relationship straight into another you are just dating to be with someone rather than being with someone you want to be with.0
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You need to quit thinking about guys and start worrying about how you are ever going to be able to eat 1200 calories a day.
Oops, snarky. Sorry.0 -
If you only heard from Chris, is the cheating true? Chris seems to have to have control, wanting to know all the time what you are doing, who you are with, etc. Are you ready to loose your freedom in this relationship. There is a difference from sharing your life with someone to have to account for your time with someone. If Chris were the one, you wouldn't be asking these questions. When your forever mate comes along, you will know without questions. We will be happily married this Sept for 40 years and never from the beginning did I doubt that he was the one.0
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I'm ignoring the rude people and talking to people who are giving real information and advice. Pretty sure that's how you exchange ideas effectively in polite society.
I gave you real information and advice, as did many others in this thread that you didn't respond to. Those of us telling you that this relationship sounds seriously dangerous and wrong are not being rude, we are genuinely concerned. Many people here speak from personal experience, others from research. What most of us seem to agree on is that this relationship is NOT healthy, you could be in danger, and even if you weren't you're not mature enough to get married right now anyway.
But as you stated before, you're basically just looking for people to agree with you that you should stay with Chris... maybe next time don't post a topic asking for advice if you're just going to ignore the advice you don't want to hear.
First, I've gotten lots of advice from LOTS of people. Forgive me for not answering absolutely everything, but this thread is moving really fast, and I'm just trying to keep up. I never said those who offer negative opinions were rude. There were plenty of rude responses and I know the difference between straight up rudeness and just a difference of opinion.
Second, I appreciate everyone's advice and I'm planning to come back and pick through everything again later with a pro-con list.
Last, I never said I think I should stay with Chris. That's the reason I made this thread. So maybe outsiders could give me some perspective.0 -
Sounds like you are not serious about chris! If you were you wouldn't be talking to your ex. That means you have doubts which means you are not ready for any settling down. Simple solution don't settle down. Your internal clock has plenty of time, make sure you wanna be with the person before making that decision0
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When you find the right person, you know it. Doesn't matter if you've dated 1 or 20.0
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