HELP! Should I date three more??
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Just have a MMMF fourway.
no no no no....someone has to be the Square peg for the round hole...or is that the round peg for the square holes?
it's MmmF
or Mmmf...
or mmmF
here...in case it's TL;DR
someone's gotta bottom.
I am scared to ask what any of this means! but i am assuming is nothing good.. haha0 -
If it's right, it's right, so only you can decide if this is the right guy for you. Not knowing all the details, I don't know if Chris ratted out the ex just so he can be with you. That's for you to decide. One possible red flag - I know you see it as "adorable" that he checks up on you and gets jealous. And maybe it is that innocent. But sometimes jealousy that appears all innocent and loving turns very quickly into something potentially unhealthy. You need to be very careful, especially if you are thinking of uprooting yourself and leaving any support system that you have. The first step in an abusive relationship is someone who tries to control who you talk to and who you hang out with and someone who is jealous of innocent interactions with the opposite sex.
Good luck.0 -
This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.
Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.
I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.
They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?
What you said here just looks like you were asking random strangers to tell you, "How wonderful you met this Chris guy and he wants to marry you too?! OMGZ!!W34234!! DO IT."
EXACTLY! She wants only the fluffy answers. Not the harsh reality. *eye roll*
I've said numerous times that the whole REASON I made this thread was because I am not decided on the situation. SO no, there's not a specific thing I am asking people to tell me. but thanks for judging me and not offering any helpful contributions. :drinker:
I offered some of the same sentiments about 80% of the people are telling you a number of pages back.
You have resisted everyone telling you a "this is what happened to me in a similar situation". It's like you have a bubble around you that keeps you safe from them. Perhaps it's the 1001 cutsie emoticons you put in most posts.
One question I haven't seen... Do you still live with your parents and/or family now?
Yes, I do. I am finishing a graduate program and I moved back in to save money. Does that matter?0 -
You are so dumb.
My IQ is probably higher than yours.
I might not be the best at relationships, but I'm not dumb.
If you're throwing out the IQ argument, then chances are you aren't...
she beat me once in Words with Friends. High IQ confirmed...0 -
On a very serious note the new guy sounds very controlling and jealous. You may want to rethink that.0
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This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.
Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.
I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.
They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?
What you said here just looks like you were asking random strangers to tell you, "How wonderful you met this Chris guy and he wants to marry you too?! OMGZ!!W34234!! DO IT."
EXACTLY! She wants only the fluffy answers. Not the harsh reality. *eye roll*
I've said numerous times that the whole REASON I made this thread was because I am not decided on the situation. SO no, there's not a specific thing I am asking people to tell me. but thanks for judging me and not offering any helpful contributions. :drinker:
I offered some of the same sentiments about 80% of the people are telling you a number of pages back.
You have resisted everyone telling you a "this is what happened to me in a similar situation". It's like you have a bubble around you that keeps you safe from them. Perhaps it's the 1001 cutsie emoticons you put in most posts.
One question I haven't seen... Do you still live with your parents and/or family now?
Yes, I do. I am finishing a graduate program and I moved back in to save money. Does that matter?
Keep an eye on the news...Powerball is up to 475Million this Saturday...maybe make the winner number 11? or 12?0 -
First of all the fact that you listened to your boyfriend’s friend when he said he thought Simon was cheating and y’all just happen to hook up after you broke up with Simon (for no real reason since you yourself said you had no proof) is totally strange to me. It sounds like he was trying to get to you all along.
Second the fact that he has to ask who you are PMing or on the phone with is NOT always caring. In my experience men who are questioning you are either controlling or have something to hide themselves. He clearly went after you while you were with Simon so obviously relationships have little or no value to him.
Third you’ve been with this guy 2 months and you want to relocate for him…that’s crazy. You can’t really know someone in just 2 months. Also the fact that your family prefers Simon is also a HUGE red flag!! Your family loves you & wants what is best for you. (I know I was there back in my early 20’s my mom hated the guy I was seeing and actually got engaged too) but everything my mom & family said about him ALL came true & then some!! You have rose colored glasses on because this Chris guy is of course trying to make himself look good.
Fourth Science and love DO NOT go together!!! I actually only date 3 guess seriously (one engaged to but we didn’t marry) before I met & married my husband, that would make him #4 but he’s #1 to me!! We’ve been together over 18 years and will celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary in September. So the whole number thing is just absurd!
And last if this Chris guy was really your soul mate the one you are meant to be with you shouldn’t have to come on a public forum and ask strangers. Also I am a firm believer if things are meant to be they will always happen, so if Chris does move away and you stay with him long distance it may just work out & your love for him grow stronger so that when you make the move to San Diego you can do so with complete confidence that’s what you really need to do.I personally don't believe in the "Date 12 people" theory. You said you are 26 and your biological clock is ticking....yup for 9-10 more years your eggs are still good, even then the expiration date isn't stamped on them to expire the next year...you have time to be a mom..
First off, You broke it off with dude #1 because dude #2 told you something that was unfounded....what makes you think he didn't sabotage yours a dude #1's relationship?
Second, if he gets jealous and asks about PM's and texts, yada yada....he's got insecurity issues. He's afraid someone will swoop in and grab you like he did....huge red flag.
Third, You have trust issues. I do believe you posted that. Dude #2 is continuing your trust issues because he swooped in and made you trust him because he saved you from dude #2....but now he doesn't trust any other male connections you have ergo, he will force you to implicitly trust him and he will screw you over...continuing the trust issues down the rabbit hole...
Fourth, You said you have a scientific mind. Science has nothing to do with you decisions about relationships. Allow me to explain: If you approach all situations with a theoretical mind, how can the theory become reality? or are you more experimental? I would venture to guess you are more theoretical in your approaches, because if you were experimental....this post would not exist. I digress....I think you are over-analyzing the approach to relationships. Relationships are complicated. It is also trial and error. Don't buy into the hype of 12 relationships BS....if you've had 9 relationships....you already have an idea of what you want and what traits and qualities that mate possesses.
Don't let your brain control your heart or your heart control your brain. Allow them to be used together....you will know.
But I will say this....you have doubts about Dude #2....you and I both know it.
PLEASE NOTE ^^^^^
2 totally different quotes from 2 people who have no connection to each other AND they are about 6 pages apart...HOWEVER they are same basically the SAME THING!!!
Yet the OP keeps making "excuses" for why Chris might be better than Simon who she left because SHE had trust issues.
OP what if I told you I had VERY good cause to think Chris is cheating....are you going to now develop trust issues with him??? :huh:
Wait, you do?
What is it?
The fact that his so "interested" in your text & PMing people. If he wanted to know about your day at work or how your family is doing (which he probably don't since they don't like him) that's one thing. Talking about plans together or a new movie coming out, but if he's wanting to know where are you at and what you are doing chances are he's out doing something wrong.0 -
So.......Chris tells you Simon is cheating, and you automatically break up with him. And, amazingly enough, start dating Chris (who is totally throwing up red flags everywhere)...???? And it never occurred to you that perhaps Chris was lying to get you to break up with Simon, so he could have you? Do not marry this man. Do not marry anyone, perhaps seek the help of a professional therapist. A guy calling you numerous times throughout the day to check on your every move is not cute....it's sketchy and stalkerish.
No one would ever do that...
Right?
....
!!!
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My thought would be don't rush and run off just because he's moving. Stay put, you're grown, you don't need to run away from the ex, you're forcing the issue. If in fact this is meant to be it will be, you're pushing too hard for situations. Let go and Let God.0
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He seems a little shady since suddenly you were together after he tipped you off that your boyfriend was cheating, of which there was no proof. You didn't even say he was acting weird or anything. Chris just got you to doubt him.
Date someone else, and if Chris acts like a nut, you'll know you should have at least held out for the next number.0 -
This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.
Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.
I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.
They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?
What you said here just looks like you were asking random strangers to tell you, "How wonderful you met this Chris guy and he wants to marry you too?! OMGZ!!W34234!! DO IT."
EXACTLY! She wants only the fluffy answers. Not the harsh reality. *eye roll*
I've said numerous times that the whole REASON I made this thread was because I am not decided on the situation. SO no, there's not a specific thing I am asking people to tell me. but thanks for judging me and not offering any helpful contributions. :drinker:
I offered some of the same sentiments about 80% of the people are telling you a number of pages back.
You have resisted everyone telling you a "this is what happened to me in a similar situation". It's like you have a bubble around you that keeps you safe from them. Perhaps it's the 1001 cutsie emoticons you put in most posts.
One question I haven't seen... Do you still live with your parents and/or family now?
Yes, I do. I am finishing a graduate program and I moved back in to save money. Does that matter?
Keep an eye on the news...Powerball is up to 475Million this Saturday...maybe make the winner number 11? or 12?
HAHA! I know you are joking, but I like the way you think!:bigsmile:0 -
If you have to ask these questions, then clearly you don't know what you want. So say no to Chris and move on with life. And stop being so tied up in numbers.
YES!! I was just about to say that.0 -
First of all the fact that you listened to your boyfriend’s friend when he said he thought Simon was cheating and y’all just happen to hook up after you broke up with Simon (for no real reason since you yourself said you had no proof) is totally strange to me. It sounds like he was trying to get to you all along.
Second the fact that he has to ask who you are PMing or on the phone with is NOT always caring. In my experience men who are questioning you are either controlling or have something to hide themselves. He clearly went after you while you were with Simon so obviously relationships have little or no value to him.
Third you’ve been with this guy 2 months and you want to relocate for him…that’s crazy. You can’t really know someone in just 2 months. Also the fact that your family prefers Simon is also a HUGE red flag!! Your family loves you & wants what is best for you. (I know I was there back in my early 20’s my mom hated the guy I was seeing and actually got engaged too) but everything my mom & family said about him ALL came true & then some!! You have rose colored glasses on because this Chris guy is of course trying to make himself look good.
Fourth Science and love DO NOT go together!!! I actually only date 3 guess seriously (one engaged to but we didn’t marry) before I met & married my husband, that would make him #4 but he’s #1 to me!! We’ve been together over 18 years and will celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary in September. So the whole number thing is just absurd!
And last if this Chris guy was really your soul mate the one you are meant to be with you shouldn’t have to come on a public forum and ask strangers. Also I am a firm believer if things are meant to be they will always happen, so if Chris does move away and you stay with him long distance it may just work out & your love for him grow stronger so that when you make the move to San Diego you can do so with complete confidence that’s what you really need to do.I personally don't believe in the "Date 12 people" theory. You said you are 26 and your biological clock is ticking....yup for 9-10 more years your eggs are still good, even then the expiration date isn't stamped on them to expire the next year...you have time to be a mom..
First off, You broke it off with dude #1 because dude #2 told you something that was unfounded....what makes you think he didn't sabotage yours a dude #1's relationship?
Second, if he gets jealous and asks about PM's and texts, yada yada....he's got insecurity issues. He's afraid someone will swoop in and grab you like he did....huge red flag.
Third, You have trust issues. I do believe you posted that. Dude #2 is continuing your trust issues because he swooped in and made you trust him because he saved you from dude #2....but now he doesn't trust any other male connections you have ergo, he will force you to implicitly trust him and he will screw you over...continuing the trust issues down the rabbit hole...
Fourth, You said you have a scientific mind. Science has nothing to do with you decisions about relationships. Allow me to explain: If you approach all situations with a theoretical mind, how can the theory become reality? or are you more experimental? I would venture to guess you are more theoretical in your approaches, because if you were experimental....this post would not exist. I digress....I think you are over-analyzing the approach to relationships. Relationships are complicated. It is also trial and error. Don't buy into the hype of 12 relationships BS....if you've had 9 relationships....you already have an idea of what you want and what traits and qualities that mate possesses.
Don't let your brain control your heart or your heart control your brain. Allow them to be used together....you will know.
But I will say this....you have doubts about Dude #2....you and I both know it.
PLEASE NOTE ^^^^^
2 totally different quotes from 2 people who have no connection to each other AND they are about 6 pages apart...HOWEVER they are same basically the SAME THING!!!
Yet the OP keeps making "excuses" for why Chris might be better than Simon who she left because SHE had trust issues.
OP what if I told you I had VERY good cause to think Chris is cheating....are you going to now develop trust issues with him??? :huh:
Wait, you do?
What is it?
The fact that his so "interested" in your text & PMing people. If he wanted to know about your day at work or how your family is doing (which he probably don't since they don't like him) that's one thing. Talking about plans together or a new movie coming out, but if he's wanting to know where are you at and what you are doing chances are he's out doing something wrong.
OH, that is so true. I even heard that exact thing on Dr. Phil !!!0 -
This thread is still going? I'm impressed.
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If you have to ask these questions, then clearly you don't know what you want. So say no to Chris and move on with life. And stop being so tied up in numbers.
YES!! I was just about to say that.
Thank you! I have decided from hearing everyone's stories that numbers don't matter that much. The other questions are still things I need to resolve.
People are pointing things out that could be "red flags," and I am not just ignoring those things. I'm making notes of what they say and I plan to spend a good amount of time thinking about them because I don't want to just ignore things in front of me.0 -
First off in for the gifs.....
But my husband and I have been together for almost 5 years (we have been married for a little over a year and a half) and he was my 5th (I had two cheaters, a guy who moved, and a psychotic stalker) and honestly, I wouldn't trade what we have for the world.
The way your new one is acting, is how my last ex used to act. To a point where mine was abusive (mine would text and call every 5 minutes and alternate between my home phone and cell asking where I was at, what I was doing, who I was with etc, drive by my house and lay on the horn and not leave,hack into my email, facebook, myspace, tell me he would find me no matter what, he also grabbed me at one point, would punch me etc). And let me tell you, after 7 months of it, I ended it. And sadly, he still doesn't get it (he sent an email to the funeral home where my mom was cremated at, he would still follow me around where I used to live at), even though I have moved on, am happily married and have a handsome son :bigsmile:
Red flags all around.0 -
Well, the "you are so dumb" comments are a bit much, but you are a young beautiful girl with your whole life ahead of you. You clearly have doubts, and because of these doubts you should not make a life changing decision based on a two month relationship. Maybe the best thing for you to do is let Chris move out to San Diego by himself and give it some time. You always move there later if everything works out. If it doesn't, then yes, date 3 more men, date 30 more men. You've got time to find the right guy before the alarm on your biological clock rings.0
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Plus controlling & manipulating people DON’T appear to be like that at first. They are all nice & sweet and it seems cute that they text you 20 times in one hour. I’m not saying this guy is going to beat the snot out of you just that I don’t know of any woman who are in abusive relations rather it’s physical, emotional or mental who say, “He started out being such an *kitten*”0
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OP what if I told you I had VERY good cause to think Chris is cheating....are you going to now develop trust issues with him??? :huh:
Wait, you do?
What is it?
The fact that his so "interested" in your text & PMing people. If he wanted to know about your day at work or how your family is doing (which he probably don't since they don't like him) that's one thing. Talking about plans together or a new movie coming out, but if he's wanting to know where are you at and what you are doing chances are he's out doing something wrong.
OH, that is so true. I even heard that exact thing on Dr. Phil !!!
[/quote]
I don't think being interested in those things means he is doing something wrong. For instance, I want to know about that stuff and I'm not doing anything wrong. What is the difference, you know?0 -
Let Chris move without you and see if you still feel the same way about him (the distance will give you a chance to put your relationship in perspective) and perhaps he won't feel the need to check up on you every five minutes if you are living in different areas (what would he do if he couldn't reach you?!?)
Also, think (and, I do mean think) about this:
If you need help with the decision to move then you have doubts and that means that the answer is a big: No! Don't do it...
Just be free...date...get to know yourself...love yourself, first
And by no means drag a baby into any situation that you are unsure of...and never have a baby just because you feel pressured by family or partners...you must be ready or your child will suffer...
The End.
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