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HELP! Should I date three more??

1ConcreteGirl

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day.

Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

Replies

stumblinthrulife

Just encouraging the roll. The gullibility of some people is starting to depress me...

Going4Lean

Chris lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever.. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

This is what i was thinking. Too much of a coincidence he tells you the other one is cheating and he steps in to take his place.

PontonSM

um... he actually sounds really possessive - and two months seems really soon. i'd say if you want to stay with him, do it long distance for a while

Shr3dded

Just bumpin for the gifs

fionat29

You sound pretty shallow to me!! I dated two men and married the second. We are approaching our silver anniversary so I obviously didn't need the three more crap.

EjaneK11

I only dated 3 guys before my husband. He is my best friend. I don't think there is a certain number of people to date.....And it sounds like he doesn't trust you if he is always checking up on you, just saying....

Roxmom66

I just find it suspicious that he was the one who told you that Chris was cheating, THEN you start casually dating soon afterwards. Obviously he liked you. The other part that concerns me is: why does he need to know who you are talking to, why does he phone you numerous times every day? Maybe he will be very, very controlling to the point that you may not have your own life.

You are still young, and very pretty. You need time to get into a good relationship and I am sure there is someone out there that would be really good for you. My gut feeling is it's not this guy.

Good luck

EjaneK11

um... he actually sounds really possessive - and two months seems really soon. i'd say if you want to stay with him, do it long distance for a while

So agree!

1ConcreteGirl

First off in for the gifs.....

But my husband and I have been together for almost 5 years (we have been married for a little over a year and a half) and he was my 5th (I had two cheaters, a guy who moved, and a psychotic stalker) and honestly, I wouldn't trade what we have for the world.

The way your new one is acting, is how my last ex used to act. To a point where mine was abusive (mine would text and call every 5 minutes and alternate between my home phone and cell asking where I was at, what I was doing, who I was with etc, drive by my house and lay on the horn and not leave,hack into my email, facebook, myspace, tell me he would find me no matter what, he also grabbed me at one point, would punch me etc). And let me tell you, after 7 months of it, I ended it. And sadly, he still doesn't get it (he sent an email to the funeral home where my mom was cremated at, he would still follow me around where I used to live at), even though I have moved on, am happily married and have a handsome son :bigsmile:

Red flags all around.

Wow, that's so scary!! Glad things are better for you now. And I would NEVER let someone get physical with me. I know that's not the only kind of abuse out there, but the calling every 5 minutes, yeah that would not be ok with me either.

HotCuppaJo

Just encouraging the roll. The gullibility of some people is starting to depress me...

I'm with ya! :drinker:

NutellaAddict

Come on roll come on roll!!

1ConcreteGirl

You sound pretty shallow to me!! I dated two men and married the second. We are approaching our silver anniversary so I obviously didn't need the three more crap.

Please tell me what is shallow about anything I've said?

NutellaAddict

Just encouraging the roll. The gullibility of some people is starting to depress me...

I'm with ya! :drinker:

Roll!

roeann53

Hmm lets see Chris told you that your boyfriend was cheating on you, and based on his word alone you broke up with your boyfriend. Then he (Chris) and you started dating, now he checks up on you constantly and wants to marry you.

You aren't sure you want to get married but your biological clock is ticking.. and wonder if you should try dating 3 more persons so you meet the average...

Yep this is going to end well... NOT.

Seriously given the info you've provided, I wouldn't trust Chris's behavior or his word without doing a background check ie why did his last girlfriend break up with him (could it have been because of control issues?). But, leaving his behavior aside, ultimately it doesn't sound like you are committed enough to him to marry him - biological clocks are hormonal not intellectual and don't pay attention to such (major) issues as stability and love, things you need to have to provide a child with a good family environment. Just my opinion for what little its worth.

Reinventing_Me

Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

I thought I was the only one who was thinking this. Plus Chris sounds REALLY possessive. REALLY. It will only get worse.

vstraughan

OP what if I told you I had VERY good cause to think Chris is cheating....are you going to now develop trust issues with him??? :huh:

Wait, you do?

What is it?

The fact that his so "interested" in your text & PMing people. If he wanted to know about your day at work or how your family is doing (which he probably don't since they don't like him) that's one thing. Talking about plans together or a new movie coming out, but if he's wanting to know where are you at and what you are doing chances are he's out doing something wrong.

OH, that is so true. I even heard that exact thing on Dr. Phil !!!

I don't think being interested in those things means he is doing something wrong. For instance, I want to know about that stuff and I'm not doing anything wrong. What is the difference, you know?
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So he asks questions and you talk about things openly, because you share and you two are just like that. So when he next asks you who you're talking to on MFP and what the conversation is about, you're going to tell him, aren't you??