Serious Question for MILFS (pics)

I went to take my two sons on a walk. My older (almost 3 years old) wanted to walk. I was holding his hand when my wife stopped me and slapped one of these on them. I also had the other one in a double stroller.



When is it appropriate to harness your child and at what age(s)?

Thanks :flowerforyou:

I hate these things, but when it comes to safety I think sometimes we just have to do what feels safest. My son was a runner when he was a toddler and my refusal to use one of these nearly ended badly - I was pregnant with 2nd child and struggling to walk; my son was almost 2 and decided to do a runner in the mall, straight out the doors toward the carpark. Thank goodness he tripped in the doorway and a passerby noticed I was struggling to catch up to him, so grabbed him for me. I kept him strapped into the stroller after that because he hated the harness.

I was leashed up. I was, as I'm told, not only a runner and bolter, but a hider. Heaven forbid you let go of my hand to pick up a blouse or put food into the cart, because I was leaving. Hiding out in rounders while my mom ran frantically around JCPenny's was, apparently, my single favorite activity and no amount of scolding, grounding, or corner sitting would deter me. My mother was a great mother, but no she couldn't keep her eyes and hands on me all the time and eventually the leash found me.

That said I was the oldest of six and the only one ever harnessed because I was the only one obsessed with the idea of making my mother pull her hair out in frustration. It's not for all kids, but it is for some. If I ever had kids and they take after me, we are going cute harness shopping asap.

or leashes

Keep in mind there are a lot of things we didn't have ourselves growing up, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't have been safer if we'd had them. I remember as a young child, the passenger car door popped open (maybe I'd been playing with it, that part I don't remember, lol) & I started falling out of a moving car. Luckily I only got a scraped elbow because my mom grabbed my arm & pulled me back in. I also remember one of my younger siblings being put into a children's car seat that would be considered horribly unsafe now.... we survived despite some pretty unsafe conditions but we want better for our own children.

I never used leashes (or whatever the politically correct term for them is) on my kids but I can only assume that the parents who do use them, do so out of necessity to keep their kids safe. This is something you should discuss with your wife & come to some agreement about when & where to use so you both feel comfortable with your child's safety.

Aside from the fact that actually reins did exist in the 70s!! I'm a 70s child and I was in reins as soon as I could walk until I was two or three (and able to be trusted to hold my mum's hand without running into the street). Reins go back decades.

I walked everywhere as a kid. One my my earliest memories is walking across the Yorkshire countryside to go to the swimming pool, because we didn't have a car. It was a very long walk but I was used to long walks on the road and in the countryside (we didn't have a car so we walked or got the bus everywhere). We walked a long way, went swimming, then walked home. I walked to school by myself from the age of six, walked a mile and a half to get to school between ages 9 and 12. IMO most kids nowadays don't walk enough. Most adults don't walk enough either.

I used reins on my kids at a similar age, i.e. from when they first learned to walk until they were old enough to hold my hand without running off, i.e. age 14-15 months until age 2.5ish. Though the age you stop using them should be determined by what's safe, not what age other people think is too old to be on reins.

Still none of the harness haters answering the stairgate question? Should your kids just learn not to fall down stairs and should you not just be watching them more carefully?

Why do people fasten their children into strollers? Surely they should not be so lazy, just plonk the child in and hope they don't get out? Or have such strong discipline that their sheer Jedi force will stop the child getting out. Putting a child in a harness/ reins/ whatever is no more dehumanising than putting them in a stroller. It's a lazy mindest that thinks a lead/ leash = 'a dog' and can't quite move beyond that. The vast majority of us Brits, who think reins are normal (and we are not in therapy as a result) must not even understand the funny judgemental looks we get when come to the US with our rather normal and well adjusted kids on reins.

Also, Iron Age people tethered children to stop them wandering off or falling in fires, yet dogs weren't on leashes as a matter of course til the Twentieth Century. So really we're tethering dogs like children, not the other way around.

Actually I'm in the UK and I don't think I have ever met anyone who agrees with reins, ever. That goes from parenting sites I use to friends with kids to meet a mummy groups..and I've only ever seen people use them a handful of times. So would love to know where you got the figures from for that??

& can you stop repeating yourself? Over & over all through this thread trying to get more reactions with your silly comments.

Stair gates for the home is safe. You can't keep an eye on your child constantly in the home, no matter what. Stair gates are to prevent anything bad happening to them whilst you're not in the room, so they can't climb the stairs, so they can't get to the kitchen ect. If you are out with your child you should always have your eye on them, you should never let them out your site. Stairgates are a completely different matter & has nothing at all to do with reins (what the thread is about) so pretty pointless comment really.

I use a pushchair for my son for long distance and he walks part way and for short distance he will just walk. Never once has he ever been close to danger despite being a runner because I've always got my eye on him. Just like all mothers/fathers should do.

If you are out with your child you should always have your eye on them, you should never let them out your site.

Even when you're paying for something at a shop, reaching for something high on a shelf, talking to an acquaintance in the park?

It seems you'd be limiting your situational awareness if you were always 'keeping an eye' on the kid, as well as holding their hand etc.

What exactly IS the issue with them?

We've seen the 'lazy parenting' argument, but from what I can see the argument is that they can be used for lazy parenting, not it means they are being so.

Just as you can use a kitchen knife to kill someone, or prepare your vegtables.

When I'm paying for something my son is in front of me so in front of my tummy between the till, it's just natural for me because I've always done it that way. A park is a secured area so sure I can have a conversation whilst watching mine or their kid. I'm still aware of what is going on around me, I'm watching the road when I drive but can still see signs traffic and such with a quick glance and not putting anyone into danger.

I don't agree with them because I don't see the use for them, yes of course I can understand it is safety but why use it when you can watch your kid? I said previously, if you have a pushchair and a toddler I can see why you would use one but for ONE kid with ONE parent (or more) it's ridiculous. Why rely on reins to keep them safe when you can do it yourself, whilst giving them the freedom that kids crave and adore so much? Why restrict them? A child isn't gonna run into a road if your watching them and are aware of what they are are doing.

I think is it cruel to look at, I really do. But it's each to there own. No parent can know it all and we all parent differently. Myself as a person just thinks it's wrong to use them.

Agreed. Children are not dogs. If you leash your children like a dog, do you also cage them at home?

Never. They're kids, not dogs.

That is uncalled for. I used reins and it kept them safe.

I was walking along the road the other day and to my utter horror a woman coming towards me suddenly shot towards the busy main road, it was then I realized that her little boy had darted away from her. When she grabbed hold of him, he was on the give-way lines and just about to cross into the traffic.

This is exactly the point, they are kids and kids can run about and they may not be road traffic-wise.

Agreed. Children are not dogs. If you leash your children like a dog, do you also cage them at home?

Never. They're kids, not dogs.

That is uncalled for. I used reins and it kept them safe.

I was walking along the road the other day and to my utter horror a woman coming towards me suddenly shot towards the busy main road, it was then I realized that her little boy had darted away from her. When she grabbed hold of him, he was on the give-way lines and just about to cross into the traffic.

This is exactly the point, they are kids and kids can run about and they may not be road traffic-wise.

People use playpens all the time to keep their kids safe in the home so yes you can say thats a form of cage.
I wish I had a leash for our oldest. He would bolt into the street by ripping his hand away from mine and just take off like a shot. Once when I was pregnant with our 2nd child the oldest was 3 he ripped away from me and ran into the street. I had a hard time running after him being 8 months pregnant. I made sure after that he stayed in a stroller. So would you say a stroller is a form of restraint? Sure it is. Its a safe way to get around with your children. Why not use a leash on your child if they are a runner. I see nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't judge another parent for using one. They know their child better then I would. Use is if you need it to keep your child safe. Wish I had one way back when.

I was leashed up. I was, as I'm told, not only a runner and bolter, but a hider. Heaven forbid you let go of my hand to pick up a blouse or put food into the cart, because I was leaving. Hiding out in rounders while my mom ran frantically around JCPenny's was, apparently, my single favorite activity and no amount of scolding, grounding, or corner sitting would deter me. My mother was a great mother, but no she couldn't keep her eyes and hands on me all the time and eventually the leash found me.

That said I was the oldest of six and the only one ever harnessed because I was the only one obsessed with the idea of making my mother pull her hair out in frustration. It's not for all kids, but it is for some. If I ever had kids and they take after me, we are going cute harness shopping asap.

You sound like our oldest. He would take off and hide under clothing wracks. I can't tell you how many times I had to search for that boy in the stores. It just got to where I would't take him anymore. I had to find a sitter just to go shopping. I didn't know about harnesses back then. Wish I did I would have gotten one. He bolted many times when I was pregnant. None of the other kids did this. It was just him. I could strap that boy into the shopping cart and the minute I would reach for something on the shelves he would unlatch the strap and climb right out. Its one thing when they climb out of the crib in the home but to climb out of a shopping cart and run off and hide its very upsetting. He thought it was funny and would laugh when we found him.

The only thing people seem to have against them is that they look like dog leads. So it's all about appearances. I just think that is pretty shallow and people should get over that and stop sneering at those of us who decided to use what in the end are a simple safety tool, not some form of torture. No-one is making you use one, just asking you to stop judging people who do. I just find the 'dehumanising' argument completely incomprehensible and over the top given that little that we do in modern childrearing is naturally human eg putting babies to bed in a different room from the parents/ travelling in cars/ putting kids in strollers etc

Has any person really looked back on childhood pics and said to their parents 'I felt really dehumanised when you made me wear that harness'?

The only thing people seem to have against them is that they look like dog leads. So it's all about appearances. I just think that is pretty shallow and people should get over that and stop sneering at those of us who decided to use what in the end are a simple safety tool, not some form of torture. No-one is making you use one, just asking you to stop judging people who do. I just find the 'dehumanising' argument completely incomprehensible and over the top given that little that we do in modern childrearing is naturally human eg putting babies to bed in a different room from the parents/ travelling in cars/ putting kids in strollers etc

Has any person really looked back on childhood pics and said to their parents 'I felt really dehumanised when you made me wear that harness'?

Why can't you hold your childs hand? Or watch where they are going? Tell them off if they run off? Why use a rein?
You will not get very far in life or haven't if you can't handle other opinions on things. It's no different to breast feeding vs formula, dummy vs no dummy, co sleeping, controlled crying, walkers, feeding before 6 months ect. You need to stop taking things to heart and stop being so convinced you've got it right.
You wouldn't be so touchy on this subject if you felt you was doing the right thing. You'd just state your opinion and move along like everybody else.