Getting legally married before a deployment? Opinions?

And like I said, I could care less about the benefits. I have health insurance through work, and I can afford my expenses just fine. I don't need the benefits the military offers. I think I'll be talking to him tonight and going over a lot of the points that people have brought up. Thank you, everyone :flowerforyou:

If it were me, at this point, having read everything posted, I'd plan a wedding for after his return, have him save his pay while deployed for the wedding, and then have a beautiful wedding with all the family you like Best of luck!!!

That's pretty much what he's gonna hear from me tonight :P
No need to rush. We have the rest of our lives

Good luck in your marriage, whenever it happens to be! :flowerforyou:


I think this is a good thing to remember in this situation:

If you're ready for it, go for it. Why ask us for our opinions? Since you are asking, you may not be ready....

(Also note the word "may," not trying to judge, just share advice)

Long-distance in general is NOT an easy relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 15 months now -- for the first 6 months I lived in Florida (he lives in Colorado)...now I live in Utah (he still lives in Colorado). We're able to talk daily for long periods of time (plus texts and emails throughout the day) and we see each other about every other week, and we've been known to take week-long vacations. He is my best friend and I know I'll marry him one day, but there's no rush to be married.

I understand that you really love him, but military long-distance is twice as difficult as living 800 miles from someone. You can't talk all the time, and you won't see him for however long he's deployed. It's not easy on a wife to be home while her husband is overseas.
It sounds like it's a rash decision though, and I would proceed with caution if I were you. You learn A LOT about a person the longer you've been together, and I'm not saying it can't work; but I am saying that first year brings a lot of "blind feelings" along -- meaning, you're more apt to ignore the things you don't really care for.


Only you know what's right for you. Although, coming on a forum and asking for advice probably means you haven't gotten the support you wanted/expected from your friends/family and you're hoping that the people on the forum will have your back and tell you that you should do it. But only you can make that decision. If you have doubt at all, then wait. It's really not a big deal to wait the 6 months while he's gone and then get married when he returns.

I kinda felt like that's how other people would view it. Getting married for the benefits. But that's not it at all. I could care less if there were benefits or not. I was fine with staying in my apartment and just doing my thing. He said he just cares so deeply for me that he wants to take necessary precautions if anything were to happen to him while he's gone.

I'm not infatuated with him. I'm in love. We've both been in long term relationships and are mature enough to know the difference. But I don't know how to explain that to people. They always seem to try to make it seem like it's something it's not.

I understand that ultimately it's our decision. I guess I should have known better than to post something that's contrary to what the majority of society agrees with. Silly me.

I don't dispute that you love him and you genuinely want to marry the guy. But like you just said there ^^^ you would have been happy just being in your apartment with things as they are. Don't get married for the practicalities. I genuinely mean that in the old fashioned soppy way of get married because you love each other and because the time is right, not because circumstances force you into it.

Do what makes you happy. Good luck x

Ok... it sounds like you made a choice, and want us to just agree, and tell you that you are right.....possibly say it in a different voice.

Military life is hard...deployment changes you...SO are forced to change, become single parents, be alone, at the mercy of where the gov't sends them.... this will be an extreeme commitment! Dont make a rushed choice.... talk to a military couple (married at least 10years)

This! I was thinking the exact same thing. Your mind is already made up and you're looking for confirmation from us.

In my opinion, it is too soon. You are still in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. You are on a high right now and totally in love... I get that, but it wears out over time. My parents rushed into the same situation. They are still married (but it has been super tough for them). They saw all the benefits (the housing, the extra pay, the medical... etc). Just be patient. Wait until he gets back. See where the relationship goes. Best of luck to you!

My boyfriend was in the Army. He was married before he met me. They had a son together who passed away two weeks after he was born. She cheated on him while he was deployed and got pregnant with another man's child. He was in Iraq dealing with his grief over the loss of his son with no one to talk to and also had to deal with the demise of a marriage. We met after he got back from his second deployment to Iraq and I can definitely tell that he has changed. He has night terrors, gets really bad anxiety, and talks a lot about how no one will understand unless they've been there. If you're not a patient person, this is tough to see and it is so hard to know what to say and what to do.

I will probably marry that boy some day, but it will be on my own timeline. Nothing rushed by the government.

You only get married once, if all you want is the justice of the peace then go for it. But take it from another military wife, you only get one shot at it.

You know what? If you can't decide in 6 months whether you want to marry a person or not, you never will be sure. It's mostly a willingness to commit and fortitude to remain committed long-term than the magic right person. Assuming that person isn't an addict, abuser or otherwise broken.

It sounds like you're making the right decision by waiting until after deployment. I'm a military wife and have met many, many people who have rushed into getting married before a deployment for the benefits and not a single one of them are still together. Seriously, they all got divorced shortly after returning from deployment for various reasons. It's sad to see that happen, especially to good people. My husband and I lived together and waited 6 years (yeah it's a long time but we were both young) before getting married and we went through 4 deployments at that point. He's in the Navy, so it might be slightly different than the Air Force, but I was still able to be notified about on-goings with his ship, and of course, he kept in constant contact with me so I got a lot of information that way.

Hope the deployment goes by quickly for you both and he returns safely. The first one is always the hardest to get through.

ETA: Regarding BHA, you don't have to live on base. If he is already receiving housing allowance, why don't you guys find a place together off base? Depending on what area you live in, you can find housing off base that is cheaper and still have BHA cover all of your rent and still have some extra money left over from it. That's what we did.

Sounds like he's a responsible man who loves you. If you can see yourself growing old, being there to help change his diaper and can put up with his male tendencies, or him being there to wipe the drool from your face and change your diaper then why not?

^^^ this. People get married for all kinds of reasons, anyway. Make the right decision for you. I moved in with my bf after only being together for a month or so, and I just knew that we'll get married. This is coming from someone who dated someone for 5+ years before getting married and divorced, and subsequently dated a few others semi-longterm without having that feeling. Time isn't always the tell-all. Sometimes, I really believe you just know.