Can men and women be "just friends"?

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Replies

  • askeates
    askeates Posts: 1,490 Member
    I have many guy friends... every now and again one will try to muddy the waters, but I am pretty set in my ways, and try to put them in their place if that happens.

    In all honesty, I have found men are less complicated then women :wink:
  • caterpillardreams
    caterpillardreams Posts: 476 Member
    My experience no. It has always been one person liking the other usually the guy, it sucks cause I have lost Great friends because of it. Now I am married I have the male best friend I've always wanted. and more
  • super_J73
    super_J73 Posts: 257 Member
    I love my guy friends. I couldn't imagine not having guys as friends. :-)
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    Yes. But you can't apply this kind of blanket logic to everyone's situation. If your SO is the jealous/insecure type, you kinda have to weigh your options.
  • gazerofthestars
    gazerofthestars Posts: 255 Member
    2 out of 4 of my best friends in life were of the opposite gender. In fact I am more comfortable being friends with people of the opposite gender. My current best friend is also female.

    I think you have to have such a mutual unsaid understanding where both people realize what the boundaries of the relationship are. and I also agree with whoever said: "Often when deep feelings become involved the relationship changes..."

    (yes I've had 4 "best friends" during different life phases- so sue me)
  • MissKais0912
    MissKais0912 Posts: 88
    yes of course! my best friend is a man, and weve been friends for 5 years
  • itsmyvwbeetle
    itsmyvwbeetle Posts: 272 Member
    I have never been friends with a guy that didnt want to have sex with me. If I was interested then he would become a friend I had sex with, if I wasnt then he was just a friend...
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
    I'm not allowed to be friends with anyone that's more attractive than my wife. She insists that all my lady friends be ugly or overweight. That makes life easy for me I guess.

    Awesome
  • BananaFaceFace
    BananaFaceFace Posts: 70 Member
    One of my best friends is a man, we have been friends for 10 years now and we have never been romantically involved or ever wished to be. He has a girlfriend and im single so there's definitely no hidden attraction on his part and none whatsoever on mine. Its definitely possible for men and women to be just friends. :)
  • du4u02
    du4u02 Posts: 42
    Here is where I get confused. I've heard many women say that they want their man to be their best friend. So for those ladies out there who have a male best friend that they're physically attracted to, why the heck aren't you jumping his bones?
  • pennydreadful270
    pennydreadful270 Posts: 266 Member
    Of course.

    I don't even understand why people ask this question so much.


    I mean, even if you find your friend attractive that doesn't mean anything. If you found them boring, ugly and mean they wouldn't be your friend. Of course you pick people you like. As long as you don't act on it. Stuff in your head doesn't count, otherwise we'd all be in big trouble!!
  • zazielascaux
    zazielascaux Posts: 35 Member
    No.

    In my teens and twenties I would have said yes. I had loads of guy friends in my teens, twenties and early thirties. More male friends than female.

    Then from my mid-twenties a pattern emerged. With all my guy friends. Ranged from the declaration of undying love to the drunken pass. People who had been friends from 3 or 4 months to over a decade, but one by one it all cropped up. One guy friend even said to me he couldn't be friends with a girl he wasn't at least a little bit attracted to,

    So now that I'm married I tend not to have guy friends.

    And the guy I married didn't try to be friends with me first. We both went to a business thing, he came over, he sat next to me, he gave me his card, we emailed a bit, he asked me to lunch on a business pretext, then at the end of that he asked me out. From meeting to date it took a few weeks. I don;t really trust the whole "be friends first" thing. If you like someone a lot, ask them out.
  • bekinator
    bekinator Posts: 103
    Definitely. But I do think it's more of a class / maturity issue than a genetic one. In my naive growing-up years, I've been burned before by guys with alterior motives who turned out to have more respect for their man parts than for me. Classy people who respect the other person can develop a great friendship & keep their thoughts intact. Were the option to arise to date the other person, they may consider moving the friendship to another level, or not, for whatever reasons. It would be hard not to be attracted to your best friend, imho, but with class & respect for the friendship, you can keep those hormones in check. When things get truly intimate, I think we're prone to get intimate at other levels... again, unless we keep our boundaries & have a leash on our thoughts.

    .....I'm not too much one to talk tho, as I did end up marrying my best friend after we knew each other 5yrs, but we kept safe distances until we eventually realized we couldn't get enough of each other & trying to date other people kept turning out to be just silly for both of us all along.
  • Salt_Sand_Sun
    Salt_Sand_Sun Posts: 415 Member
    Sure. I have quite a few guy friends and my husband has a few women friends. Neither of us have any intimate feelings about our opposite sex friends. I think it can be more challenging...but yes, men/women can be JUST friends!!
  • Katrioustu
    Katrioustu Posts: 2,461 Member
    Absolutely.
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
    Sure! I get along better with men than I ever did with women. Men are very cut and dry, no guessing which I really like.
    Women are too insecure for the most part. I do have two women that are my besties, but men, they are awesome.


    I agree women have drama and nonsense all the time and talk about you behind your back and on and on, as long as the guy isn't attracted to you then you can be friends, if he is attracted to you its prob not going to go well if the feeling is not mutual.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    OF COURSE men and women can be "just friends". I have male friends whom I love and care about, and I feel the same about their wives. I enjoy interacting with and talking to my male friends. There is no sexual attraction whatever either way, we just like each others' company. I've NEVER understood the idea that every man looks at every woman through a lens of "would bang"...how stupid. I've never seen that in real life.
  • kdaxon
    kdaxon Posts: 340 Member
    I have really close guy friends.....that I am not sexually attracted to whatsoever. So thats how that works. haha.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Yes...

    I have guys that are friends...honestly chemistry and all that doesn't get in the way if you know from the get-go that you're just friends.

    Plus I already have someone in my life I'm crazy about.

    I think it's more dicey when the two people are single...but again, if you don't have in your mind that you're hoping for it to turn into something more, you can definitely be friends with the opposite sex.
  • WhitneySheree88
    WhitneySheree88 Posts: 222 Member
    I'd like to say yes but I think it really just depends on the people.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    This topic amuses me, particularly with how emphatically some people say "no" while ignoring other users who say "yes." If the question is whether it's possible then the answer is obviously "yes" because some people do. If you yourself cannot be friends with people of the opposite sex then perhaps there is something wrong with you and you either have some growing up to do, or you are hanging around the wrong people. In any event, it is your issue to solve.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    I don't think it is a good idea when you are married. Marriage is really hard and your wife/husband should be your main focus. I think if someone from the opposite sex is meeting your needs, for example, recreational or affection, that isn't good for the marriage. It only takes a few minutes to develop a crush. Not very respectful to your partner.

    ...that must be joyful relationship to be in. What works for you works for YOU but definitely not everyone feels the need to shun an entire gender as friends because they got married :huh:

    One of my best friends is a guy, who I was introduced to by my fiance. I am not even a little bit interested in him, and if he's crushing on me which is extremely unlikely (because I get the feeling if he was crushing on either of us...it'd be my fiance) it's really not my problem. It's not disrespectful to my fiance at all. What would be disrespectful is telling him he is not allowed to have friends that are females.
  • schaapj2
    schaapj2 Posts: 320 Member
    not generally...but there are always exceptions. One or both generally has secret feelings or at the very least some sort of attraction-animal magnetism...generally physical, but it can be emotional. Unless the guy or girl is gay. That's about the only time firends of opposite genders are "just firends." Granted, you can still have a heterosexual girl and guy be friends, but one is likely keeping those feelings in check.
  • wanderlustlover
    wanderlustlover Posts: 84 Member
    I have life long both guy and girl best friends, and I've lived with my male best friend for three years. Absolutely no feelings going on, but a whole lot of living-with-your-best-friend awesome?
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
    I'm not allowed to be friends with anyone that's more attractive than my wife. She insists that all my lady friends be ugly or overweight. That makes life easy for me I guess.


    If this is true, sound very controlling and very insecure to me
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
    Totally!

    I "Bro-Down" with my guy friends all the time and do active things.

    However; there's usually always a level of attraction. As long as it's never acted on, you will have bros for life.
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
    yeah. I'm friends with lots of women. I get along better with them. My wife says women are always crushing on me though, i just never know...cause.. i'm still a guy. :)
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
    YES!

    I have 4 guy friends to prove it.
  • Alisha_countrymama
    Alisha_countrymama Posts: 821 Member
    yes, but it depends on
    *how much time you spend together
    *how close you are
    because if you spend to much time together, and get to close, I would say 90% of the time, one of the two will start to develop feelings for the other. Sometimes both do. But if just one does then they can end up with a broken heart when the other doesn't reciprocate.
    And you may say, I would never develop feelings for "so-n-so" and then next thing you know you do. It can come on quickly, or gradually, and you don't even realize it.
  • rosellasweet
    rosellasweet Posts: 163 Member
    My best friend used to be a male, but he married someone who thought every girl in a two foot radius wanted him. Didn't really help that we lived together. He was the best man at my wedding (my best man, not my husband's) and he even got ordained to marry us. When it came time for him to marry the jealousy monster, he said I couldn't be in the wedding party. Pardon me? So I knew it was pretty much done. I have a best friend who's a girl who would and has sacrificed lots for me.

    Men and women can be great friends, just avoid the crazy ones...if you can.

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